Authors: Heidi Hutchinson
“
Shit!”
He said, startled, his smile gone. He stepped past her and
continued on.
Ashton looked
annoyed at being blown off and ran to catch up to him.
“
I
need to talk to you, Luke.” She tried to get his attention.
“
No
you don’t, Ashton.” Luke frowned straight ahead.
“
I’m
sorry for what I did to Lenny and I want to make it up to you.”
Luke kept marching
forward without pause.
Ashton’s voice
was getting desperate as they neared the stage.
“
I
know that she’s your friend and you’re really mad at me
but I want to make things better so we can go back to what we had.”
They had made it to the stage area and everyone was watching as
Ashton nervously spit her words out. Her voice was getting shriller
and she was starting to cause a scene. “We need to fix this,
baby! You’re just not your best self without me!”
Luke stopped in his
tracks and turned his scowl on her. “I’m going to be as
clear with you as possible, Ashton.” His voice was low and
gravelly. “We,” he pointed to her and himself. “No
longer exist. That ended a long time ago and never should've
happened in the first place.”
“
We
had a fight, Luke! That’s what couples do, but we can still
make it work.”
“
No,
Ashton! We are not a couple.” Luke’s voice was growing
in volume.
“
But,
baby-!”
“
You
have to listen to me! I don’t
like
you!” Luke’s voice was sharp.
The arena was dead
quiet and Luke felt all eyes on the commotion at center stage.
Ashton wasn’t
giving up that easy. She tried to reach for Luke’s hand but he
stepped back, away from her.
“
I
know you still have feelings for me!” Ashton shouted, she was
forcing the issue. In the past, when Ashton wanted her way she
threatened to make a public spectacle, knowing it made Luke
uncomfortable and he would give in to get her to shut up. “That
song you sing for encore every night, I know that you’re
singing it to me!”
“
Ashton,
you wanna know the truth? Okay, here it is. I
never
had feelings for you. Never. I was lonely and you were
convenient
.
I feel bad about that, I really do, but I’m a different person
now. You’re the
same
person. You’re shallow, vapid and cruel. You’re mean to
me and my friends and your own employees. The song I sing every
night is for someone who is the exact opposite of you. She’s
amazing and sweet and I’m crazy in love with her.”
Ashton’s mouth
fell open. The guitar techs nodded their approval. Ashton reached
for Luke again and again he pulled away and shook his head at her.
She turned in a huff and left the stage. The onlookers broke in to
applause.
***
Lenny’s
stomach felt like she had just gone over a hill. Her head was a
little foggy, maybe she misheard. Maybe Luke hadn’t actually
just announced that he loved her to the entire band and crew. She
took a breath and focused on trying to stop her hands from shaking.
Okay,
she
thought reasonably,
he
didn’t actually say my name. No one else knows he’s
talking about me.
That only offered a few seconds of comfort because the next thought
was
Luke
just said he was in love with me.
She decided to not
overreact. She could handle this. Obviously, there was going to be
a rational explanation and Luke would tell her later. She went about
the rest of her night trying to behave as normally as possible.
Ashton’s set
was a blur, Double Blind Study was outstanding. Luke took his seat
during the encore and sang his song to Lenny, the one he had written
for her. He sounded almost desperate, urgent. She couldn’t
tell because she wasn’t looking at him. She wanted to, it was
just that the lights seemed particularly bright from her seat.
After the set
finished, she headed back to the bus and turned on the TV, looking
for anything to distract her and get her brain working properly
again.
Mike and Luke
entered the bus, joking and laughing, acting like everything was
normal. Lenny did her best to participate in the conversation. She
knew they were talking to her but she wasn't paying attention to what
they were saying. She was answering mechanically. After an hour or
so, Mike excused himself to bed and Lenny and Luke were alone.
He moved over to sit
next to her on the couch and she stiffened. He gave her a gentle
smile and reached over to hold her hand. She didn’t pull away
but she did flinch a little.
“
Hey,”
Luke’s voice was a soothing balm on Lenny’s frayed
nerves. “I only said that to get Ashton off my back.”
Lenny let out her
breath like a deflated balloon.
“
I
know.” She lied, still trying to appear fine.
Luke chuckled, “No
you didn’t, you were totally freaked out.”
She smiled then,
“Was it that obvious?”
“
Yes.”
Luke confirmed. “But don’t worry, I’m not saying
that yet.”
“
I
don’t know how I feel and-”
“
Neither
do I.” Luke cut her off. “Really, it was just to make a
point to Ashton.” His eyes were pleading with Lenny to believe
him.
She folded into his
arms and he held her close. Weirdly, she felt better believing that
he wasn't actually in love with her. She loved the feel of his
strong embrace and smell of his aftershave as she leaned against him.
The anxiety she had been feeling all night had completely disappeared
in his arms. She didn’t know what that meant, and she refused
to try to define it or examine it.
***
Luke and Lenny spent
every spare moment together. They joked around with the familiarity
of old friends and when no one else was around they were kissing.
Lenny started to go through Chap Stick a lot faster and it made her
smile to know she had a secret reason for that. What she wasn’t
thinking about was all the things she was putting off. She used her
secret ‘fling’ with Luke as an excuse to not fulfill her
promise to Cody to call Duke. She didn’t want to have that
conversation.
They had just
wrapped up the last show on this leg of the tour and the bus got
stuck in a snowstorm on its way back to Chicago. They had made it to
a truck stop but the drivers announced that it would be too dangerous
to continue, they would have to wait for the roads to clear. It was
fortunate that it happened that way and they didn’t have to
cancel or postpone any shows.
The band members
gathered in the Blue Bus and were playing various games and having a
few laughs. They toasted to a successful tour, they toasted to no
one killing Ashton and they toasted to the promise of a successful
overseas tour after the break.
“
Are
you coming with us?” Blake asked Lenny in regards to the
overseas tour starting at the end of January.
“
I
don’t see why not.” Lenny raised her eyebrows, “Unless
you don’t want me around anymore?”
“
No,
we voted last night. It was unanimous, you have to come with us.”
Harrison said from the back of the bus, joining them.
Lenny
nodded, knowingly. She smiled at the rag tag group of dudes who had
become her family over the past couple of months. She couldn’t
picture
not
being with them.
“
Are
you going home for Christmas?” Sway asked.
“
I
think I should, yeah.” Lenny admitted. It was strange how
things had changed so much for her and how different she felt. When
this tour had started she had expected to end up in a different town
with a different life. But now she was thinking that maybe she
should salvage the life she already had. If she still could.
“
What
about you guys, where do you go for the holidays?” Lenny
asked.
“
We’ll
all head home to Boston.” Mike explained, “It’s
where our families live.” He nodded fractionally at Luke who
looked down and rubbed his brow line casually.
Lenny knew so much
more was said between them in that moment than she would ever
understand. What must it be like to not have a family to go home to?
But to have a friend so close that you know you belong in their
family events without the verbal invitation? Lenny's heart hurt at
the thought of Luke being alone for the holidays. And she suddenly
felt very selfish for having avoided her own for so long.
“
Except
Blake,” Sway interrupted her thoughts, pulling her back to the
conversation. “He goes home with Harrison.”
Lenny frowned,
waiting for the explanation.
“
I'm
not from Boston.” Blake glared at Sway.
“
Can
we still come with you to the X-Games?” Harrison asked
suddenly, changing the subject.
“
Of
course,” Lenny said, a little confused by the question. “Wasn’t
that the plan?”
Harrison
breathed a sigh of relief, “I was afraid you were going to
change your mind. You can get pretty elusive when it comes to you
other
life.”
Lenny chuckled,
“That’s true, I suppose.”
She thought about it
for a minute and realized that the guys would be totally out of their
element in Aspen. They were used to being the rock stars, she
wondered how they would fair being regular civilians. It was true,
they would be recognized and some people would probably ask for
autographs but she knew that there was a whole other reason for the
crowds.
“
It
could get weird for you guys, you know.” She thought she might
try to prepare them.
“
Oh,
we know.” Mike grinned. “The roles will have flipped:
we’ll be
your
assistants.”
Lenny felt a tinge
of apprehension. It must have showed on her face because Luke rested
his hand reassuringly on her thigh. She looked at him and his
expression quieted her mind instantaneously. She loved how just
looking at him had such a powerful effect on her.
“
You
guys gonna be okay during break, being separated and all?”
Sway addressed Lenny and Luke. The room laughed at their startled
expressions.
“
What
do you mean?” Luke tried to play it off and be cool.
“
Seriously?”
Sway raised his eyebrows at where Luke’s hand was resting
familiarly on Lenny’s thigh.
“
Yeah,
it’s the worst kept secret around, guys.” Blake prodded.
Lenny blushed and
looked down.
“
I
don’t know what you’re talking about.” Luke
obviously knew he was caught but kept trying to signal the guys to
drop it. “We’re friends, what?”
“
Yeah,
okay.” Sway said sarcastically, deliberately ignoring Luke’s
attempt to deflect the truth.
Luke looked to Mike
for help but he just shrugged.
“
It’s
really okay, guys.” Blake said. “We’ve known for
a while.”
“
Known
what for a while?” Luke continued to play dumb. Lenny smiled
at how he was trying and she knew it was just to make her
comfortable.
“
Yes,”
Lenny finally said. “We are a little bit closer than just
friends but we’re not labeling it right now.”