Authors: Heidi Hutchinson
“
Yeah,”
Duke nodded. “It’s gonna be better.”
He had spent a great
deal of his life loving her, knowing the whole while that he wasn’t
going to be the one to experience her love returned. She was capable
of passion like an avalanche, God save the man who would be on the
receiving end of it.
***
When Lenny got on
the plane and she knew in her heart that Duke was going to be
okay...and she would be too, eventually. She was pretty sure that
they both knew, without saying, that it was unlikely Lenny would be
returning in two weeks. Alaska had a wildness about her that matched
a lot of Lenny’s insides. She would stay among the danger and
adventure as long as it took to heal her. Neither of them knew how
long that would be.
Lenny pulled out her
notebook. She hadn’t written in it since she first started
falling for Luke. But it was time to start chronicling her heart’s
journey again. She knew more about herself than before. Now, she
knew she was capable of love. And she knew it was real. And she
knew that if she wasn’t careful, it could wreck her completely.
She had thought
about getting a new one. Her old one had notes and marks in it from
Luke and she thought it might be too hard to have to look at that.
But, in the end, she decided to keep it. Luke was a part of who she
was becoming and she didn’t want to ignore that. After all, he
was the first man she had ever loved. She wanted to remember that
experience as honestly as possible. And honestly, it had been the
best thing that had ever happened to her.
***
Luke got home and
immediately called a realtor. He decided he hated his house and
wanted to sell it. He unpacked his luggage next to the trashcan in
the garage. He threw out most of his clothes instead of laundering
them. He kept a few irreplaceable things but for the for the most
part, it went to the trash. He didn’t want anything around
that reminded him of her.
Luke was going
through the last suitcase of clothes when Mike walked into the
garage. Luke had been so focused on his task he hadn’t noticed
Mike’s SUV pull up and park outside.
“
Hey,”
Mike greeted casually. He leaned his long body against the bed of
Luke’s pickup and stuck his sunglasses in the collar of his
shirt.
“
What
are you doing here?” Luke knew he wasn’t being friendly
but he really wasn’t in the mood for more bullshit.
“
Hadn’t
talked to you in a few days…” Mike watched Luke throw
more clothes in the trash. “I came by the other day, you
weren’t here.”
“
Yeah,
I was stuck in Ohio. But I’m back now,” Luke barked.
“
You
change your mind?” Mike asked, unfazed by Luke’s
demeanor.
“
No,
Mike.
She
did.”
Luke looked up at Mike, his face hot with anger. “
I’m
not
the one who left. Remember?”
“
So
that’s it then?” Mike’s tone was flat.
“
What
do you want me to do?” Luke growled. “What, Mike! Tell
me!”
“
Have
you tried calling her?” Mike asked pointedly.
Luke sighed heavily.
“She’s the one who left. If she wants to talk to me, she
can call me.”
“
Wow,
that’s not childish at all,” Mike said sarcastically.
“
Maybe
you should keep your opinions to yourself,” Luke warned darkly.
“
Maybe
you should nut up!” Mike snapped.
“
You
know what?” Luke felt his pulse pound in his neck. “I'm
tired of constantly having to rescue people around me! I'm tired of
trying to convince you lot to stick around! It's bullshit!”
“
Maybe
if you didn't have such a hero complex, you'd see that
you're
the one who needs to be rescued! From your own arrogant, asinine
behavior!”
Luke narrowed his
eyes at his friend. He'd never wanted to punch someone so bad in his
life.
“
Stop
being a dick! Stop making yourself a victim and look at reality!
What did you expect when you got home? She would hang around, like
some sort of friggin'
groupie
?
She's so much better than that and she
deserves
better than that!”
Mike shook his head in disgust. “Nah, man. You’re
gonna have to put forth a little effort to get her back. If you want
her, go and get her.”
Luke grit his teeth
together. He didn’t respond to Mike. Instead, he threw more
clothes in the trash. He finally reached the bottom of the suitcase
and paused.
It was one of
Lenny’s shirts. It must’ve gotten mixed up in the rush
to pack when they were leaving Europe. Luke touched it hesitantly.
“
I
can’t make her come back,” he said quietly.
***
“
Here’s
a random question.” Mike was annoyed at how stubborn Luke was
being. “Did you even tell her you loved her?”
Luke looked up at
Mike, brow furrowed.
Mike barked out a
laugh of frustration and paced a short distance across the garage and
turned back to Luke.
“
Wow,
you’re really thick, you know that?” Mike let his hands
slap against his sides in exasperation. “And you can’t
figure out why she left? Hello?! You never gave her a reason! You
didn’t even tell her you loved her, dumbass!”
Luke swallowed hard,
“I didn’t have to say it. She knew.”
“
What
happened to not giving up on people we care about, huh?” Mike
shouted. “What happened to doing everything we could to keep
the family together? She's a part of our family now! Why isn't she
here, Luke?” Mike waved an arm around the garage, amplifying
his point.
“
You
do
love
her, don't you?”
“
Yes!
I love her! But she
left
,
Mike!” Luke's face was crimson and the veins in his neck were
starting to pulse.
“
So
did I once, but you never gave up on me!” Mike reminded him.
“And I did a hell of a lot more shitty things to you than Lenny
did. What the hell are you thinking?”
Luke's posture was
rigid but Mike knew him better than that. He was the most broken and
defeated he'd ever been. Why was he being so stiff-necked about
this?
“
I
know how you feel.” Mike tried to bring his voice to a
reasonable decibel despite his frustration. “She's the first
woman who ever looked at you and saw past the rock star persona and
straight to your soul. You revealed things to her you never would to
anyone else. She sees more than the black and white description on
Wikipedia and knows every color, shape and flaw that makes up your
entire matter. She's still the only think you think about, dream
about and want.”
Mike's voice choked
off and he swallowed hard. Luke stared at him, confused and shocked.
His face began to pinch as he tried to push down the rising ache
that permeated his whole existence. Mike could see it, because he'd
been there. Because he was still there.
“
You
feel betrayed because when she left you got sucker punched. Any
other girl and I'd tell you to get over it. But she's not any other
girl, is she? She's the only one who makes you feel alive. She's
the one who stands next to you and makes you feel like this world
might not be so bad after all. She's your song, she's your
home!
”
Mike was about to
say more when Luke cut him off.
“
No,
we’re done here. You can let yourself out.” He grabbed
the empty suitcase and went into the house, locking the door behind
him.
Mike rolled his eyes
and went back out to his truck. Whatever then. He had tried. If
Luke wanted to play the blame game and not fight for the girl of his
dreams that was his prerogative.
Mike and the guys
were still gonna be friends with Lenny and if that made Luke
uncomfortable then so be it. Conceited, narcissistic jackass.
***
Luke threw the
suitcase across the kitchen floor and stalked into his bedroom. He
sat down on the bed and looked at the shirt still in his hands. He
picked it up and slowly pressed it to his face. He inhaled her scent
deeply. It was the scent that had been haunting his dreams since she
had left. He felt a lump rising in his chest and he pushed it down.
His eyes began to burn and he closed them.
For a moment, she
was there with him. Her hair falling on her shoulders and her laugh
lighting up his day. Her eyes, so blue they could have been taken
straight from the ocean’s depths, looking at him with love and
adoration. Her hands tangled in his, her lips the perfect distance
away for a kiss…
He sighed and
dropped his head with regret.
“
I
don’t know how to make you come back,” Luke whispered to
no one.
Mike’s
words rang through his head
.
But what if she still said no? Luke didn't know if he could handle
that kind of kick in the teeth. No, it would take some time apart.
He would get over her in a while. She wasn’t any different
than any other girl he’d been with. He held on to that lie,
hoping that it would eventually be true.
***
Lenny was in Seattle
for her two hour layover before the three hour flight to Anchorage.
She had already perused all the little booths and shops in the
airport near her gate. She was considering getting a coffee, but
wanted to avoid having to use the lavatory on the plane. The airport
was packed with travelers and Lenny welcomed the distraction from her
thoughts.
“
Lenny?
Lenny Evans?” A male voice came from behind her.
Lenny turned in her
chair and stood when she recognized Ben Calloway, a guy she used to
snowboard with back in the day.
“
Ben!”
Lenny greeted happily.
Lenny hadn’t
seen Ben in years. They were the same age and competed in a lot of
the same events growing up. His parents moved to San Diego during
high school and they didn’t see much of each other after that.
Ben was immensely talented and Lenny had kept up on his achievements
over the years.
The last time she
saw him, he was a gangly, disproportionate eighteen year old with
some serious height in the half-pipe. He had most definitely filled
out, Lenny observed. He was at least a whole head taller, wide
shoulders and muscles that were apparent through his coat. He had
the west coast, surfer boy look going, full tan and shaggy hair.
“
What
are you doing here?” He asked her eagerly.
“
Headed
to Valdez for a couple weeks with Federa and them.”
“
No
shit! Me too!”
“
Really?
I thought I was gonna be the last to arrive. Nick didn’t
mention you were coming.” Lenny was excited, she hadn’t
ridden with Calloway in a long time.
“
Yeah,
I had to wrap up some stuff at home before I could leave. It’s
so rad that you’re coming.”
“
Do
you know who else is gonna be there?” Lenny questioned.
“
Yeah.
Besides Federa and Serge, me, you, Smitty, Shelby Lynn, Travis
Jenkins, Shane Brookings and Jimmy Trucker.”