Learning to Live (The Infinite Love Series Book 1) (26 page)

“This is so cool!” Rose exclaims excitedly as she hops in behind Wesley.

Ms. Nelson turns her head to my father. “A limo? You didn’t have to…”

He shrugs. “It’s nothing, really.”

Ciera and I round up the group, but before we climb in, she stops me. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” I reply.

“Not for this, Topher. For everything these past couple of months. I don’t know what I would have done if I had to go through this all alone. You’ve been my rock.”

I stroke her cheek gently with my finger, and then lean in to press my lips to hers.

“Gross!” I hear Wesley shout from the inside of the car. “We can see you!”

We pull apart and both chuckle before climbing into the limo.

* * *

Disneyworld is an amazing place to experience around Christmas time. They have endless parades, lights everywhere, every Disney character you could imagine, live entertainment, and fireworks. We spend Christmas Eve taking in the outrageous display alongside our family members when I pull Ciera apart from the group.

“You want to go for a walk?” I ask.

She nods, her eyes sparkling.

“We’ll be back,” I toss over my shoulder as we make our way through the crowded area.

“Where are we going?” she asks as we stroll hand in hand.

I shrug my shoulders. “I just wanted some alone time with you.”

She smiles, but her eyes look sad.

“What is it?” I question as we stop walking.

Tears begin welling up in her eyes. “This.” She points around us. “You. It’s perfect.”

I smile slightly, cupping her chin. “Then why are you sad?”

She shies away from my touch. “I wish this feeling could last forever,” she whispers.

My heart squeezes from her statement. “It can.”

She shakes her head slightly, staring at her shoes, and then slowly lifts her eyes up to meet mine. Tears are trailing down her cheeks, but her eyes are full of a different emotion altogether.

“I love you,” she whispers.

I swallow, digesting her words. There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that I love her.

I kiss her quickly, savoring this moment. Memorizing the way she looks under the illuminated park; memorizing the way I feel about her. When I break the kiss off, I press my forehead to hers gently. “You have no idea how much I love you.”

She giggles softly and then a sob escapes her throat.

“Oh, baby,” I murmur, pulling her into me, and wrapping my arms around her body.

She is crying now, each sob raking through her body. My eyes begin to blur as well, but I need to hold it together…for her.

“You are the best thing that ever happened to me,” I whisper into her ear. “I was numb before you. I didn’t care about anyone or anything. And then I saw you at that football game with Madalynne and you lit a match inside me. It burned slowly at first, and I didn’t understand how I could feel anything for a girl like you. But then, I spent more time with you. I got to know the person you are inside, and I realized that no one had ever made me feel alive like you did.”

I pause, taking a step back so I can look into her eyes as I deliver the next bit of my confession. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I’ve hurt a lot of people. But you were the first person who truly made me feel remorse. You were the first person that held me accountable. I do regret the things I put you through, but if I had the chance to go back, I wouldn’t change a thing because they led me to you.”

She inhales deeply, her body shaking. “I used to watch you. I couldn’t understand how someone who had everything could be so ungrateful. You were like a robot, going through the motions…but devoid of any real feelings. I never imagined I would be the one to help bring about a change inside of you.”

I sigh. “After my skiing accident, they prescribed me with Vicodin. The pills were addictive and soon, I found myself taking them solely for the purpose of escaping reality. They made it easier not to care. I was depressed and they gave me a release.”

Her facial expression looks pained. “Are you—“

I cut her off before she can even finish with a simple shake of my head. “Nope. After that day at the party, I dumped them all down the toilet. You maneuvered through life without the help of pills, and it made me realize what a wuss I had been. I envied you. We barely knew one another then, and you were the reason I quit.”

She blushes at my strong confession.

Fireworks begin to explode in the sky, and her eyes shift to witness the display. I walk behind her, wrapping my arms around her body, and resting my chin on her shoulder. I feel her deep intakes of breath as she enjoys the show. It’s times like this I wish I could remain in forever.

Chapter Twenty Six

Ciera

Christmas came and went, taking the New Year along with it. My time is running out, and I feel it every day. While we were in Florida enjoying the amazing gift the Carlson’s got us, I managed to land myself in the hospital not once, but twice from seizures. Rose and Wesley were terrified. I felt so bad. I hate to be a burden. I hate to be a cause for their uneasiness. And I sure as hell hate everyone walking on egg shells around me.

I’m noticing changes that are taking place inside my body, and to my body that are hard to accept. I’m forgetting people’s names, faces, important dates, and more. My short term memory is getting worse, and Topher has been helping me keep a memory journal that he encourages me to read each and every day. My hearing has been going in and out, replaced by a low buzzing, and I’ve been to the emergency room twice in the past week for nausea and vomiting.

Dr. Brown says the tumor is aggressively attacking my body. Much quicker than even he anticipated. I know it’s still my decision on when to take the
Secobarbital I was prescribed
, but I’m not ready. I still haven’t been able to experience everything I want to yet. I’m still too young. Dr. Brown also suggested I don’t sleep on a couch anymore, so Topher and his father have been kind enough to set me up with a room in their house. I feel bad spending time away from my mother and siblings, but they are welcome over anytime.

I stopped going to school a week ago. It was too much for me. It mentally exhausted me to the point I couldn’t get out of bed for nearly twenty hours some days. It just doesn’t make sense continuing to go in, when I’m not even going to make it to graduation. You can say a cynical attitude is what I have adopted. It’s almost as if Topher and I have reversed roles. Depression is taking hold of me, and it’s difficult to see the positives in anything these days. I know this is all caused from the tumor, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Topher is trying to stay strong for me, but I can see through his façade. Some days I awake to find him drenched in sweat, and other days I can hear the screams from the nightmares that claim his mind. I appreciate that he tries to hold it together for me, but some days I long for a pity party where we simply cry all day for the life we know we will never get to experience together.

He has a calendar on his wall, and everyday he marks off a day, I see how much it takes out of him. Some days I feel guilty for coming into his life and giving him something so great that we both know can’t last. And other days I know I wouldn’t be able to make it through this without him.

I glance at the clock on the nightstand.
Topher should be home any minute.

I’ve been near helpless this week, I want to do something special for him. I forced myself to take a shower over an hour ago, and have since managed to do both my hair and put on a little makeup. I race down the stairs to the kitchen area and open the fridge.

Neither Topher nor his father enjoy cooking, so we’ve had takeout six out of the seven days last week. I’m just wanting something a bit healthier. Something that takes effort to make. I open a few of the cupboards along with the freezer to get a good idea of everything I am working with. Shortly after, I have decided on pork chops with brown rice and vegetables. I begin placing the pots and pans on the stove, and beginning the preparations.

Topher strolls through the front door fifteen minutes later. He’s so used to me being in bed, I hear him head directly upstairs. When it’s obvious I’m not in my room, I hear the barreling of footsteps heading back downstairs, and finally toward the kitchen. “There you are,” he says gently as he approaches me.

He is wearing a teal and black plaid button down which brings out his eyes. His hair looks disheveled like he drove in a convertible with the top down. I know this is probably the case as he was raving about the new car he’s been driving around, which I haven’t been in yet.

He comes up from behind me, wrapping his arms around my body, and placing a kiss on the back of my head. “What are you doing?”

I spin around so I am facing him. “Cooking, what does it look like?”

He cracks a smile. “Well, obviously…but why?”

I shrug. “I felt like a home-cooked meal.”

He chuckles. “The take out finally get to you?”

I shake my head dismissively. “Don’t you ever feel empowered to make something yourself?”

He rubs his hand across his face before releasing me, and taking a seat at the island.

“That’s right. I forgot you’re a guy…” I stick my tongue out at him.

“Have you spoken to your mom today?” Topher asks, one of his eyebrows raising suspiciously.

I shake my head no. “Why?”

“She called a few times while I was at school. I figured you were just sleeping. Where’s your phone?”

I look around me and then remember it’s still by my bedside. “Upstairs.”

“You haven’t checked it at all today, have you?” he asks, already standing up. I assume he is going to fetch it for me.

“I’m sorry I’m not married to my phone like you are,” I tease.

“Hey!” Topher exclaims, running toward me.

“Ahhh!” I shriek before dropping the spatula I am holding, and darting out of the room. I can hear his heavy footsteps behind me, but I continue booking it up the stairs.

Before I’ve even laid foot inside my bedroom, I feel Topher’s body colliding with mine and we both fall onto the bed. We’re laughing hysterically, and I am attempting to catch my breath.

He is positioned on his side, his elbow propping him up as he sweeps my hair gently from my face. “My dad has a date with Clarke tonight. He won’t be home until later.”

I know why he is mentioning this. Because we haven’t had the luxury of alone time since I moved in. My heart begins beating ferociously in my chest, and for the first time, it’s because I’m ready. I’ve been ready for a while. I have a little bit of energy today, and I’m not suffering from any headaches.