CHAPTER 29
VANE
I
keep waiting for Solana to leave—or at least say
something
. But she doesn’t. She just stands there twisting the gold cuff with our initials on it. Over and over and over until I’m sure the skin
underneath is raw.
It probably says something that she
still
hasn’t taken off the link, but I don’t have the energy to think about what that means.
I should walk away and leave her with all of her complicated, girlie emotions. But this is
my
room.
Plus . . . I feel bad.
I know I didn’t
actually
do anything wrong. The Gales made the promise to her—not me. And I’ve made it very clear that I’m not interested.
But still. It had to suck finding out that way.
“Hey,” I mumble when I can’t stand the silence anymore
.
“I . . . I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just didn’t feel like I could say anything until Audra was back.”
She closes her eyes and takes a slow, deep breath. “So did you guys just . . . ? Or were you before . . . ?”
I’m not great at deciphering vague girl-talk. But I
think
she’s asking how long Audra and I have been bonded. “We, uh . . . made it official about a month ago.”
She nods like that doesn’t surprise her, then turns her back on me and walks to the window. “So there was never a chance,” she whispers.
I sigh. “The thing is—Audra and I have always had a connection. Even when we were kids. I don’t know how to explain it, but it goes back way before you and I were supposed to . . . you know.”
“And yet, she still left,” she says, turning back to face me. “That doesn’t bother you?”
“Well, I missed her if that’s what you mean.”
“What about the pain?”
My hand automatically darts to my chest, but the burning ache is gone, replaced with the heat of Audra’s touch—like every spark that shot between us filled the empty space that used to be there.
“It was brutal, wasn’t it?” Solana asks quietly. “That’s why you were such a mess the night the Gales called me to help you sleep, isn’t it?”
Actually, it was because I thought Audra had ended things with me—but I have a feeling telling her that is only going to make this worse. “I was fine.”
She doesn’t look convinced. “One of my guardians was separated from her husband—and every day she stayed away, every mile she put between them, the more their bond tore her apart inside. There were days she could barely breathe. I used to watch it and wonder how she could bear it. And I worried for her husband, suffering every day and knowing she could spare them both the agony if she just went home.”
“I guess when you love someone, you don’t mind making sacrifices,” I say, making sure to emphasize the word “love.”
I have a feeling she’s talking about Gus’s family—and his mom had pretty darn good reasons for needing her space.
Just like Audra did.
“You
really
love her?” Solana whispers.
I can hear the plea in her voice, but I can’t give her what she wants. “I do.”
Her eyes well with tears and she turns away, spinning the gold cuff on her wrist again.
Why won’t she just take it off?
Probably the same reason I wouldn’t even consider the betrothal.
I wish there was something I could say to make it better. But all I have is the same lame thing I’ve already said. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you did. I doubt you have any idea how much.” She reaches up and starts tracing lines on the window with her finger. “Do you know what this is?”
It looks kinda like a trippy clover, with the four leaves made out of four spirals.
“No.”
“It’s the Southwell crest. The mark for my family that was woven into the gates of Brezengarde. Or it was, before Raiden invaded the capital and replaced the symbol with his storm clouds. I’ve been dreaming of the day I would see it restored. The Gales have a huge celebration planned, so our whole world can see that things have been set right. And now I’ll get to stand there on the sidelines at the coronation, watching my family’s legacy be handed over to someone else.”
My insides get all tangly.
All the times the Gales have talked about making me their king—I never thought about the fact that I’d be taking that role from someone else. No wonder they decided it would be simpler for me to just marry Solana.
“Look, Solana. I don’t even want to be king. I’d be more than happy to hand it all back.”
“They won’t let you.” She reaches up and smears away the squiggles on the glass, leaving a big, blank streak. “You’re the last Westerly. The one everyone’s been waiting for. I’m just the girl you didn’t want.”
Her voice cracks on the last word, and then her shoulders are shaking and . . . crap—I can’t just stand here and let her cry.
I move to her side, wondering what I’m supposed to do. A hug seems super-inappropriate given the mountain of complications between us. But how else do you comfort someone who’s crying?
I finally settle for putting my hand on her back. She doesn’t flinch at my touch, but she doesn’t stop crying, either, and it feels wrong just leaving my hand there, like this stupid dead weight. So I sweep her hair out of the way and rub her shoulders. It’s what my mom used to do when she was trying to calm me, and I figure she’s probably way better at this than I am.
“I really am sorry, Solana. If I could change anything, I would. I’ll even talk to the Gales, see if there’s something they can do. I don’t know if there is, but it’s worth a try.”
Movement near the doorway catches my eye, and I jerk away from Solana when I find Audra standing there in my favorite Batman shirt.
In
only
my favorite Batman shirt.
I know I should probably be wondering how long she’d been there or if she was bothered by seeing me rub Solana’s back—but all I can think about is how much I love having her in my shirt, in my room, like this is exactly where she belongs.
“How’s your wound?” I ask when my voice is working again.
“Better now.”Her hand darts to her side, rubbing where the bandage must be—which makes the shirt hike even farther up her legs.
I forgot how long they were. And smooth. And . . .
Audra must notice where I’m looking, because she blushes. “Your mom’s washing my clothes, so she gave me this to wear in the meantime. She gave me some of her pants, too, but they slid off my hips. I hope you don’t mind.”
Mind?
The only thing I mind is that Solana’s still standing there, refusing to leave us alone so Audra and I can get started on all the making-up-for-lost-time-by-making-out that I’ve been planning.
“I brought you some ice for those bruises,” my mom announces as she comes back into my bedroom. I notice her double take when she sees what Audra’s wearing, but she doesn’t say anything. Probably because Solana’s dress is way shorter. “And I set up some blankets for Audra on the couch.”
“Audra’s not sleeping on the couch, Mom.”
“Oh, really? Then where
is
she sleeping? Because she’s not sleeping
here
, Vane.”
“We’ll play by your rules—one of us on top of the covers and we’ll keep the door open.”
“That’s not good enough.”
“Why not? It was good enough for Solana.”
“Yes, but you aren’t dating
Solana
.”
“Dating,” Solana mumbles. “They’re a little past that now.”
My mom’s eyes narrow. “What does she mean?”
“Nothing,” I say quickly, but Solana won’t let it go.
“You’re not going to tell her?” she asks me.
“Tell me
what
?”
I can only imagine what kind of crazy theories my mom’s coming up with, but I have a feeling the truth is going to be just as bad.
Still, I can’t think of a lie to fix this, so I take Audra’s hand, focusing on my feet as I say, “Audra and I are bonded.”
The room falls painfully silent, and I swear all the air disappears, because I can’t breathe anymore. My mom must not be breathing either, because her voice sounds superstrained when she asks, “What does ‘bonded’ mean?”
“It means that we’re connected to each other now,” Audra explains when I don’t answer. “Kissing is different for sylphs than it is for humans. It forms a connection between us. A physical bond.”
“And it’s
permanent
?”
I close my eyes as I nod, wishing I could fast-forward through the epic freak-out that I know is coming—but sadly I can only control the wind, which is feeling like a pretty useless power right now.
“How could you do that?” my mom asks, her voice so highpitched I’m surprised it doesn’t shatter glass.
My palm turns sweaty and I feel like I’m shaking—but then I realize it’s Audra’s hand shaking, not mine. I glance at her, hating the hurt I can see in her eyes.
“How could I do
what
?” I snap.
“Vane,” my mom says, squeezing the ice packs so tight they crackle. “I know you think you’re in love with her—and maybe you are. But you’re
seventeen
. Do you really think that the things you want now are the things you’re going to want
forever
?”
“Yes.”
My mom shakes her head. “She’s your first girlfriend, Vane. You haven’t even considered . . .”
She doesn’t finish the sentence, but her eyes are focused on Solana.
I’ll give Solana credit, she looks
almost
as uncomfortable with my mom’s insinuation as I feel. But she also looks a tiny bit hopeful, like part of her is wondering if I’m realizing I made a mistake.
I tighten my grip on Audra. “I know this is going to be hard to believe, Mom, but I
know
I will always love Audra.”
“You say that now—”
“No—you don’t get it. I’ve loved Audra for as long as I can remember. I never told you because, well, that would’ve been weird. Especially since I didn’t know if she was real. But yeah, Audra’s always been the one—and she always will be. You know me—you know I would
never
say that if I wasn’t sure. I’m
sure
.”
“I . . . don’t know what to say.”
“Say you trust me. I chose the right girl—I promise.”
“Excuse me,” Solana says, pushing past us and practically running out of the room.
“Well, I guess that settles that,” my mom says, watching her disappear down the hall.
I can’t tell if the regret in her tone is because Solana looked hurt or because Solana’s
gone
. Either way, I can’t take it anymore.
“Look,” I say, pressing on my forehead, trying to shove back my headache. “I have a
lot
going on right now and I just . . . I need you to trust me—please? I need someone on my side or . . .”
My voice cracks and I look away.
I shouldn’t be this upset, but I need my parents to be okay with this. I can’t take on them
and
the Gales
and
Solana
and
Raiden
and
. . .
“Hey,” my mom says, stepping forward and wrapping me in a hug. Somehow she manages to avoid all my bruises and not touch me with the ice packs as she whispers, “Okay, Vane. I’ll trust you.”
“Thank you,” I whisper back.
I soak up the hug long enough for us to both take a deep breath. Then she lets me go and turns to Audra.
“I . . . guess I should be saying, welcome to the family!”
I smile as she gives Audra the most awkward hug of all awkward hugs—complete with an uncomfortable back pat.
“We’re not
married
, Mom. Not . . .” I stop myself, deciding not to say “not yet.” That should be Audra’s decision.
My mom lets Audra go and turns to me. “Well then, as long as she’s
not
your wife, I’m going to hold to my one-of-you-sleeps-onthe-couch policy. I’ll let you guys decide who gets the bed.”
“Come on—we’re not going to do anything with you and Dad down the hall. And I thought you said you trust me.”
My mom sighs—one of the dramatic kind that shakes her shoulders. “Fine. But you
will
keep the door open and I
will
be checking on you guys all night.”
I can’t believe she caved. And I can’t help laughing as I tell her. “Sounds awesome—and not creepy at all.”
A tiny smile cracks her lips as she glances at Audra. “See what you’ve gotten yourself into?”
“I know,” Audra says quietly. “I guess it’s a good thing I love him.”
It’s the first time she’s used the
L
word since she’s been back, and I swear my heart skips a beat. My mom’s eyes get a little watery, and her voice sounds thick as she reminds us that we’re not
really
alone. Then she tosses the ice packs onto my bed, pushes my door as wide open as it can go, and tells us to get some sleep.
“So . . . that was interesting,” I say after a few seconds of silence.
“Yeah,” Audra mumbles.
I can see dozens of questions swimming in her eyes—and I kiss her before she can ask any of them.
I meant it as a slow kiss, just to reassure her that everything’s going to be okay. But as she presses closer and I feel her bare legs against mine, the kiss deepens until I’m gasping for breath and her fingers are digging into my back and my hands are sliding—
“I said go to
sleep
,” my mom snaps, and we break away—both of us blushing but neither of us looking particularly sorry.
My mom stomps off, and I can’t help laughing as I sit on the bed, feeling a little weak in the knees. Audra hesitates a second before she lies down next to me, automatically taking the side I don’t sleep on.
“Do you want to be on top or bottom?” I ask, earning myself raised eyebrows. “I meant the blankets.”
“Oh. Top.”
I was hoping she’d say that. Now I can stare at her legs.
I slip under the sheets, and Audra covers my bruises with the ice—I hate myself for yelping, but it’s freaking
cold
—and I switch off the light.
“Are you comfortable?” I whisper as she shifts a few times.
“Not really.” She scoots closer, nudging her head into the space between my neck and nonfrozen shoulder. “Better.”
I grin. Who would’ve thought Audra was a snuggler?
Her heat races through me and I realize there might be a flaw to this sharing-a-bed-with-Audra plan. How am I
ever
going to sleep?
I’m not even sure if I should, in case Raiden sends any more creepy winds. But then Audra whispers the call for a few nearby Easterlies and weaves them into a whirl of soft lullabies, like she used to send me every night. The peaceful calm of their song always kept me safe, and I sink into the feeling, relieved that everything is finally back to the way it used to be.
Audra’s face rushes into my dreams, letting me stare into her eyes. Her dark hair blows wild, tickling my skin as she leans in and whispers that everything will be okay. She sings a song of love and peace, but the words turn sadder, fading into an apology. A promise that she will never leave me again.
I want to tell her that I believe her, but then a dark shape passes over her, stealing her songs and her smile. She turns away from me and screams—a horrible, bone-chilling scream that makes my body thrash as I pull myself upright.