Let's Be Crazy (Oh Captain, My Captain Book 4) (15 page)

“Hi, Reed.”

He looks up, and his bottom lip is quivering. My heart feels like it’s being stomped on. “Hi,” he squeaks out.

“I bought chicken nuggets. Can Sadie and I come in and eat them with you?” I hold up the bag, showing that I’m telling the truth. He shrugs. I set the bag down on the edge of the bed and lift Sadie up to sit next to Reed. I open the bag and lay out the chicken nuggets and the ketchup.

“Now, I want to know what happened today.” I hand them each a piece of food.

“Sadie doesn’t want to be my friend.” A tear rolls down his face.

“Why, Sadie?”

“Because you hate Mr. Ashton, and I don’t want you to cry anymore.” She sniffs.

I can feel my heart pounding. She must be hearing me cry at night. “Okay, first off, I don’t hate Mr. Ashton.”

“But, my mom said that you did, and my dad loves you.” Reed’s hazel eyes are wide.

I try to rein in my gasp. These kids really hear everything. “I was very upset with Mr. Ashton, but I never hated him. Your dad is so kind and sweet. I could never hate him.”

“Do you love him?” Sadie asks.

I swallow back my emotions. “I care a lot for him. Like I said, Mr. Ashton is a wonderful person. But, none of this is a reason for you two to stop being friends.”

“Why are crying all the time, Mommy?”

“Because,” I pause trying to figure out how to explain this. “Sometimes Mommy cries. It happens. You cry sometimes, right?”

“When I fall down or get hurt.”

“Well, Mommy cries for different reasons.” Because I’m a fool and I don’t know how to tell Ashton the truth. “But Reed is your best friend, and you two need to stay friends. No matter what is going on with the grownups.”

They both nod.

“Can you both promise me that you will always be friends?”

“Yes,” they say together. They both start to eat their nuggets, and I feel a little at ease.

“My dad doesn’t usually let me eat in his bed.” Reed takes another nugget.

“It’s okay this time.”

I whip my head to see Brooke and Ashton standing in the doorway. Brooke has a small smile on her face, but Ashton still looks mad at the world.

Crap.

Ashton

There is no worse feeling in the world than seeing Brooke frantic and knowing before she speaks a word, that something is wrong with our child. I’ve never seen Reed so upset, so heartbroken before. My kid was an absolute wreck all because Sadie didn’t want to be his friend anymore because of Lexie. I was furious.

I
am
furious.

All Lex had to do was stay instead of walking away. I don’t think if I had gone after her, to change her mind, it would have made much of a difference. Not this time. I want to hate her so much for indirectly making Reed cry like he did, but part of me blames myself. As soon as I found out that she was Sadie’s mom, maybe I should have left things alone so something like this wouldn’t have the chance to happen.

I don’t even want to be in my own house because she’s here. Turning away as Sadie and Reed mumble sorrys to each other over chicken nuggets, I need air, Lexie-free air. The nipping air outside doesn’t help as much, so I walk out to my truck and lean against the passenger door. I can’t get the sight or sound of Reed from earlier out of my head. That doesn’t even include how he puked all over me. Squeezing my eyes, I try to shake the thoughts away.

My eyes open at the sound of my door opening. Damn it, Lexie is walking towards me. Dealing with her right now isn’t even on my list of things to do. I don’t say a word as she stands across from me. I only stare at her.

“May we talk for a moment?”

“You can talk, sure.”

“Ashton, I’m sorry about what happened today. I never wanted the kids to be part of any of this. I really mean that.” The sincerity in her voice is overwhelming.

“I know, but I’m not the one who needs the apology.”

“I apologized to Reed and Brooke, but I thought you should hear it too. I don’t have a lot of regrets in my life,” she swallows hard and continues, “but I'm beginning to wonder about one of them.”

“Lex,” I sigh her name. “I don’t want to do this today. As long as Reed is happy, I honestly don’t care about anything else right now. I don’t want to deal with anything else.”

“Ashton, I know you don’t want to deal with this, but just listen,” she pleads. “When I met you, you were full of life and love. In the matter of two months, I’ve been able to turn you into this bitter person. I’ve caused my daughter to be as miserable as I am. Tiff won’t even speak to me, and all I can do is think about where I went wrong. I wasn’t always like this. I was fun and carefree. I just don’t know how to get there again without feeling guilty that I’m leaving my past behind.” She watches me for a moment. “I thought you should know that.”

I stare at her, mulling over her words. “You want to know where you went wrong?”

She nods.

“You walked away. You walked away before me or Tiffany or anyone else could help you through the guilt. That’s where you went wrong.” I push off the side of my truck and walk past her back into the house.

The first thing I hear is the carefree laughter of Reed and Sadie. I can’t help my smile when I see them on the couch, watching cartoons on TV with Brooke. They don’t notice me at first, but Brooke does. Her face is full of questions, but I just shake my head.

“Sadie, are you ready to go?” Lexie suddenly appears next to me.

“Can’t I stay longer, Mommy? Please?”

“Yeah, please,” Reed begins to beg her as well.

“I’ll take her home,” Brooke offers. “If you don’t mind her staying.”

The kids give Lexie their best hopeful expressions before she nods. Sadie hops up to hug and kiss her and then she’s gone. Once she’s back on the couch next to Reed, he turns to me.

“So, what are we doing?”

“What are you talking about?” I ask him.

“What are we going to do? Can we go get ice cream?”

“No,” Brooke and I answer.

“We aren’t going anywhere,” I add. “Cartoons and the toys in your room is as good as it gets today.”

Reed nods, smiling before turning back to Sadie. “C’mon, Sadie. I just remembered that Uncle Jax sent me a new toy. He even sent you something.” He makes his best gross face. “It’s pink. I’ll show you.”

They run full speed to his room, Brooke yelling after them about not running in the house. I sit on the couch, leaning back, and sinking into the cushions, wanting nothing more than to relax for ten seconds.

“Well?” Brooke questions.

“Well, what?” I know exactly what she wants to know, but that doesn’t mean I want to tell her.

“What happened outside?”

“What do you think happened?”

“Obviously not a reunion.”

Turning to look at her, I still don’t give her anything. “We don’t need to talk about this. We apparently aren’t as discreet as we think we are.”

She laughs. “Then text me.”

“You’re crazy. I don’t have that much time.”

Brooke glares at me, but leaves it alone. Not for long, unfortunately. “At least tell me if you think things between you two will get resolved.”

“I’m going to tell you what I told her.” She perks up. “I don’t want to deal with it today.”

She slaps my shoulder. “I thought you were going to tell me something better than that.”

I laugh. “I know.”

~ ~ ~

“I hear you and your lady friend broke up.”

I roll my eyes. “You need to stop talking to Brooke, Jax. And why are you calling her a ‘lady friend’?”

“Because I can. I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me this yourself.”

“Well, get over it.” I pause, a thought hitting me for the first time. “How often do you talk to Brooke?”

“Every time Reed calls me, pretty much. She fills me in, tells me stuff I don’t really want to hear half the time.” He laughs. “She just likes to gossip. That’s how I know everything about you. Are you going to this birthday party I keep hearing about?”

“Reed and I are about to go shopping for a birthday present.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” he points out.

I sigh. “I don’t know yet. What are you planning for your and Avery’s anniversary? That’s coming up, right?”

Jax is quiet for a heartbeat too long. “I’m not sure yet.” Now, he sighs. “We’ve been having issues. I don’t really know what’s going on, but something isn’t right with us anymore.”

“Is that why she didn’t come up to the cabin?”

“I don’t know why she didn’t come. She said she couldn't make it. Look, I don’t want to get into it, and you’re about to go shopping.”

I pull into Brooke’s driveway, wondering if I should give this up as easily as he appears to want me to. “Yeah, I just got to Brooke’s, so I gotta go. If you change your mind about talking, call me.”

He doesn’t say anything, only hangs up. As Reed and I drive to the store, I start wondering what I’m going to do. The party is less than a week away now. I could go. There’s nothing in my schedule to stop me, though I may be a little late. The damn woman from that clothing line is insisting that I meet with her and on that day. She’s a convincing girl, I’ll give her that, because I have no idea how I agreed to it.

Reed seriously considers everything we pass, going back and forth with whether or not Sadie may like it. After an hour, he still hasn’t picked anything out. Right now, he has two different Hello Kitty products in his hands. He looks up at me seriously.

“Which one do you think she’ll love? Not like,” he clarifies. “She’s my best friend, remember? I want to give her something she’ll love. I kind of think this one.” He lifts up his left hand. “But she might love this one too.”

“Why don’t we get both? I’ll give her one and you can give her one.”

“Does this mean you’re coming? You told you Sadie you weren’t sure.”

I crouch down to be eye level with him. “I have a meeting before the party, but I should be able to make it. I might be late, though.”

He frowns. “You can’t be late to Sadie’s party, Dad.”

“I’m hoping I won’t be, but I’m letting you know, just in case I am. So,” I take the possible gifts from him. “Are these the perfect presents for Sadie?”

Reed stares at them, then at the toys on the shelves, and back to what I’m holding. “Yes,” he nods firmly.

“Then let’s check out. We’ll go get some grub before I have to take you home.”

“Yes! Grub. Let’s get some grub, Dad.”

So we do.

There’s a home game, then an away game, and another home game. If I can get through those and that meeting, then maybe I can go to Sadie’s party. My heart skips a beat in excitement and pain at seeing Lexie again. With the Reed-Sadie crisis over, I’m back to missing her, only twice as much as before. She said she regrets something, possibly the end of us.

What if there is still hope for us?

She walked away, but I haven’t really considered the possibility of her coming back. Do I wait for that?

Who am I kidding?

I’m Ashton Campbell. I go after what I want.

There’s only one thing I want more than anything else.

Lexie.

My patience just needs to last until Sadie’s party.

Lexie

I double-check the cake. It’s perfectly pink and shaped like Hello Kitty. My house is pink, and there’s glitter everywhere. At this point, I think I agree with Reed: it’s a bit much.

My daughter comes bouncing around the corner. She has on bright pink tennis shoes, black and pink striped tights that match her black and pink tutu skirt. Not to forget the fact she has on a black shirt with a Hello Kitty picture on it. Tiff accessorized her with several fake pink pearl necklaces and a pink tiara.

“How do I look, Mommy?” she twirls.

“You are the most beautiful seven-year-old in the world.” I kiss her cheek.

The doorbell rings, and Sadie races to it. She squeals in delight as Tony’s parents come inside. If anyone ever wondered where Tiff and Tony got their good looks, it’s from their mom. Sadie got that part of her DNA from them. They both are in their mid-fifties and have recently retired to Arizona. They both said their bodies couldn’t handle Utah winters anymore. But, they would never miss Sadie’s birthday.

“Hello, sweetheart,” Mrs. Allen hugs me. She always smells like she just stepped out of a fresh citrus garden.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” She releases me, and Sadie hugs her hips. “Now, who is this beautiful little girl?

Sadie laughs. “It’s me, Grandma.”

“No, no, no,” Mrs. Allen shakes her head. “My granddaughter can’t be this tall.”

As Sadie continues to laugh, there’s a knock on the door, I leave them to coo over Sadie, and my parents arrive, and I see Brooke and Reed pulling into the driveway.

But no Ashton.

I didn’t think he would come, but I was hoping. I did want to at least talk to him some more. I want us to be friends, at least. Everyone is talking at once, and the kids are running around playing. It’s nice to having everyone around. I want desperately to ask Brooke if Ashton is coming, but I refrain.

The adults and I all sit around the kitchen table and enjoy conversation between each other. Although, Tiff still isn’t talking to me, and I’m not sure about my relationship with Brooke anymore. I’ve dropped Sadie off at her house several times since the incident with Reed, but I’ve not stayed. I feel like I’m making everyone miserable and unhappy because I’m feeling that way.

I announce that it’s time for cake, and everyone gathers around and sings to Sadie. She’s loving the attention and very proudly blows out her candles. Of course, she wants to open her gifts first and loves every one of them.

I slice the cake, handing a piece to everyone, but I feel
off
. There’s not enough air in the room, and I need to step outside. I don’t even put on a coat. I take deep breaths, and I can see the puffs of air leaving me. My shaking finally subsides, and I close my eyes.

I miss Ashton.

He’s the only piece of this crazy puzzle that makes me whole again. I want to be at his house again. I want him to kidnap me. I want to feel him.

“Lexie.” I turn, seeing Mr. Allen come out on the back porch to me. He hands me my coat. “You do realize that it’s sixty degrees out here.”

I smile, slipping it on.

“You know, Sadie is growing into a beautiful little girl.”

“She gets her good looks from Mrs. Allen.”

“That is one thing I can’t argue with.” He chuckles. “But, she’s you. Through and through.”

I shake my head. “She’s Tony. She has his brave and wonderful personality. That’s not me.”

“Oh, Lexie. I’ve known you since you were fourteen. That’s your mini-me.”

I laugh. “Well, thank you.”

“You know, Tiff was telling us that you met someone.”

I nod. I’m not surprised that she told them. “I did, but not anymore.”

“Why?”

“I’m an idiot,” I tell him truthfully.

“I don’t believe that.”

“It’s true. I walked away from him because of Sadie.”

“Was he mean to you or Sadie?”

I shake my head. “No, he’s wonderful.”

“Then explain it to me.”

I take a deep breath. “I need to keep my focus on Sadie. I don’t want her to think that someone is taking Tony’s place. I don’t want her to forget that Tony’s her dad. On top of that, I felt guilty. I mean, when I was at the gravesite, looking at his headstone, I just remembered everything about our time together, and,” I can’t finish my thought, and tears begin to fall.

“You felt like you were cheating?”

I nod.

“Lexie, I think of you as my own daughter. You and Sadie mean as much to me as Tiff and Tony, but you can’t let your life pass you by. I know my son wouldn’t want that.” I keep hearing that same sentence over and over again. “You know, my wife and I are about to celebrate thirty-two years together, and if I died tomorrow, I wouldn’t want her to be sitting at home doing nothing. I want her out, living life.”

I hang my head.

“You’re so young, Lexie. Sadie isn’t going to forget that Tony is her dad. She’s still young, and as she gets older, it will all make more sense to her. But you can’t sit here being miserable. Where did that fiery redhead that loved life go?”

“I think she died with Tony.” I sniffle.

“Liar. She’s still there. You need her back and need to fight for what you want. Stop walking away from everyone. Stop keeping yourself at a distance. Be the Alexis Allen that we all fell in love with.” He wraps me in a hug as the tears fall again.

I’m wrong again. For the past several years, I have been hiding. I was pushing everyone away. I had lost everything about myself.

Until Ashton.

He had brought me back to myself, even if it was briefly. I didn’t hide with him. I let myself be me.

“Will you watch Sadie for a moment? I need to run an errand.”

He chuckles. “Don’t go down without a fight.” He winks at me, and I spin on my heels, running to the front of the house.

Crap.

Tiff’s car is blocking me in.

“Need these?” I turn to the jingling of keys, and Tiff smiling back at me.

I hug her tightly. “I’m so sorry.”

“Well, you are a dumbass at times, and sometimes you need a swift kick in the head to remember that we all love you no matter what.” She hugs me back.

“You’re the best, Tiff.”

She pulls back. “I know that already, but will you please go make up with Ashton so we can get back to normal?” Tiff puts the keys in my hand.

I run to her car, and even though I want to race to Ashton’s house, I need to remember that there’s snow on the ground. I feel like I’m driving to a whole new life. It’s a new beginning for me. I want this. I don’t want to walk away. I want to be crazy, and I want to do it with Ashton.

I pull up to the stop sign, and his house is in my view, but there’s a strange SUV in the driveway. I’ve never seen it before. Ashton’s front door opens, and a beautiful blonde comes out, and he’s behind her. Her blonde hair is in a high ponytail and is quite puffy. She’s somewhat pear-shaped, from what I can tell through her black trench coat. Ashton throws his head back in laughter, and she’s touching his arm.

I shake my head.

Crap.

Instead of driving straight to his house, I make the right turn to leave.

I’m too late. He’s already found someone else. I should have known better. He’s a great guy, and he’s not going to sit around waiting for me. The crazy one. The tears come faster when I pull back into my driveway. This time, they make me realize that I’ve lost my second chance on life.

I’ve lost Ashton.