Authors: Tim Tingle
Immersed in thought, he quickly found himself in front of his hotel. Up in his room, he found his Mom and Drew dead to the world. They had been watching British TV when fatigue overtook them. He turned off the TV, brushed his teeth, and went to bed himself.
A
s Sunday evening was winding down in London, 5 time zones to the west, in Alabama, the Lees went to evening services at the First Thessalonians Missionary Baptist Church, near Laurel Grove. They didn’t always go to Sunday night prayer meetings, but this evening after church, they were having their final rehearsals for the play that the kids would put on Wednesday night. So everyone associated with the play was there that evening.
The play would highlight the Miracles of Jesus. They would portray the changing of the water into wine, feeding the multitudes with two fish and three loaves of bread, and then the raising of Lazarus from the dead, which was where the casket would come in. Chris Lee would be the bandaged up ‘Lazarus’. The final miracle of the play would be the Resurrection of Christ.
Joey’s friend, Cory, had borrowed his dad’s old truck to haul the casket from the Lee’s garage, to the church, so it would be there for Wednesday night. They had lugged it into one of the back Sunday School rooms until Wednesday. Cory was the one who was going to play the part of Jesus in the play. His dad was the funeral director at the Arlington Gardens Funeral Home. As they were hauling the Lee casket into the church, Joey asked him a question.
“Now tell me one more time, Cory, why couldn’t we use one of your Dad’s caskets from the funeral home?”
“I told you! All the caskets he has there are already sold! Hey, I did good to be able to borrow the truck! The least you can do is contribute the casket! Besides, your dad wasn’t using it. It was just collecting dust.”
“I told you what my dad said, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, yeah! We can use it as long as we don’t scratch it! No problemo! What could possibly happen to it?”
“I wish I could go to that camp-out that the Presbyterians are putting on, down at the river! It sounds a lot better than this stupid play we’re putting on!”
“Tell me about it! Roasting hot dogs and telling ghost stories sounds better than a stupid play, any day! But we’ll have fun
after
the play!”
The Presbyterian Camp-Out they were referring to was an annual event put on by the big Presbyterian Church in Arlington, and was open to kids from all local churches, regardless of denomination. It was a sort of, summer ending event, they put on every year, right before the kids went back to school. Kids from all over the county were bused down to the big Presbyterian Church Retreat on the Cahaba River, where they roasted hot dogs and marshmallows, then built up a big bonfire and the youth directors from different churches took turns telling ghost stories until late in the night. Then the kids divided up into a boy’s camp, and a girl’s camp, and they rolled out their sleeping bags and spent the night on the river. There was very little sleep that night, however, because for most kids, this was the only time all year that they would get to camp out in the great outdoors. Most were too excited, or too scared to sleep. They would be fed a huge breakfast the next morning, then bused back home. It was one of the biggest events of the year, for kids in Arlington County.
But then, the old folks at
their
church had messed that up this year! Without even consulting to see if it would conflict with anything else, the Deacons had voted to have their annual kid’s play on this coming Wednesday evening, The
very
same
evening
of the big Presbyterian Church Camp-Out. When they realized this conflict in scheduling, the plans were already set, and the Deacons were reluctant to change it. The kids putting on the play were really disappointed, but their parents insisted that they go ahead with it. They were told that they could to the Camp-Out after the play, but that would be 9 PM or later. They would miss out on most of the fun.
So, Cory had come up with an alternative plan, and Joey thought it was a good one. Instead of going to the river to hear ghost stories, (which they were getting a little old for), they were going to stir up a little fright themselves! At sixteen, they had access to a truck, and a casket! Stir in imagination, and they had the recipe for a wild night! Instead of going to that childishly chaperoned Presbyterian Retreat, they were going to have some
real
fun! As Cory put it, with a grin, “We are going to be
hell
on
wheels
!”
* * *
Thirty miles away from Laurel Grove, in Kellerman, Miranda was still laboring over what to do with those two body parts which she had failed to bury under her pool. There were
millions
of options, as to what to do with the things, but when it came right down to deciding on what to do, every option seemed to have its flaws. The burial of the rest of the body went flawlessly, and it was only her own negligence that caused this present dilemma. She didn’t want to screw it all up, by doing something foolish and without thought. She could probably shove it down in her garbage can, and watch the garbage truck pick it up and compact it, like she had disposed of the chainsaw. The only problem with that was,
if
it happened to be found, it would be among
her
trash! Probably right beside a piece of junk mail, with her name and address on it! That would be as foolish as a bank robber writing a hold-up note on one of his canceled checks, and handing it to the teller. Believe it or not, that
had
happened before.
Where was Travis, and his imagination when she needed him? His ideas always sounded better than hers. The parts were safe in her freezer, but for how long? She had to do something decisive soon, but what?
The phone rang. The I.D. said it was Leonard Kellerman, again. Why couldn’t he give her phone a rest? He was always calling her! She realized that he was a lonely boy trapped in an aging man’s body, and though she knew that he was no threat to her, she was repulsed by him. He was not handsome. He was not smart. He was not stylish. He seldom bathed. He was dumb as a rock. No, really. He
really
was
as dumb as a rock! But he was always courteous and nice to her. Still, she did not feel like talking to him this evening. She just wasn’t in the mood to be nice. If she answered that phone, it was almost assured that she was going to say something ugly to him, something that she would later regret. So it was best to let him think that she was not home.
The
poor
fellow,
she thought.
Everyone
shuns
him,
because
he
is
different.
Because
he
is
inferior
to
them!
Even
me!
I
pity
him,
like
he
is
a
stupid
bug!
He
can’t
help
the
way
he
is,
he
was
born
that
way.
He
is
so
nice!
He
will
do
anything
I
ask
him
to
do!
That caused her a moment of pause.
Would
he
really?
Would
he
be
willing
to
help
me
with
my
little
problem?
No, no! It was
her
problem, not his. Besides, he would probably screw it all up, because he was such a gossip that he would tell somebody! No, she couldn’t trust her secret to someone who was dumb as a rock. That just made no sense!
The phone continued to ring. She went ahead and answered it.
“Hello, Lennie!”
“Hi, Miranda! I don’t know how you knew it was me, but I’m glad you’re at home.”
“Do you need something, Lennie?”
“Uh, yes I do, but I hate to ask you.”
“You’ve called me, and I answered, so what is it?”
“I know you stay busy and all, and you’re getting a pool put in, but I don’t know who else to ask, and it’s such a long way!”
“What is such a long way, Lennie?”
“Well, I think it’s a long way. I never been there before. I’m not really sure where it is.”
“Where
what
is, Lennie?”
“Hold on, I got it wrote down somewhere. Let me find it.” She heard the receiver bump as he laid it down.
“Wait a minute, Lennie!” Too late, he was gone looking for his paper. She was starting to get impatient with him. No, she already
was
impatient! She knew she shouldn’t have picked up the phone! She sighed, and was about to hang up, when he heard another bump, and Lennie was back, and out of breath.
“I found it! I must’a carried it to the kitchen with me, an’ didn’t remember doing it! I do stupid things like that all the time! I think I put things somewhere, but later I find out they’re not there! Of course only stupid people like me do things like that! I know you’ve never done it!”
She opened her mouth to say ‘
yes
I
have’,
but nothing came out. She was too struck with the profound truth this stupid moron had just uttered.
Yes,
she
was
just
as
stupid
as
a
mentally
retarded
person!
She
had
stupidly
not
put
a
bag
of
something
where
she
thought
she
had,
and
now
she
was
stuck
with
it!
“Miranda? Are you still there?”
“Yes, I’m here, Lennie! What do you have wrote down there?”
“My doctor over in town wrote it for me. He said the insurance and Medicare would cover it, as long as he referred me to it.”
“What did he refer you to?”
“Some kind of specialized doctor. I can’t even start to pronounce his name. It starts with an ‘X’. Have you ever known anybody that their name started with an ‘X’?”
“Are you sure it doesn’t say x-ray, Lennie?”
“No . . . no it don’t say x-ray! I can pronounce that. No, this is the name of a doctor at the ‘C.R. Center, at UAB Hospital’. That’s in Birmingham. That’s why I don’t know if you want to take me that far. You’re probably too busy to take me all the way to Birmingham. I could call a taxi, but they are real expensive when they take me that far!”
“Birmingham is almost 40 miles, Lennie.”
“I can afford it, but my check don’t come in until Thursday, and this appointment is Monday. Think the taxi will let me charge it?”
“No, they won’t do that.”
“Well, maybe you could loan me some money for a taxi then? I really hate to ask, but I really, really need to go see this special doctor, my regular doctor said. He said it could kill me, if I don’t go see him!”
“Gracious! Is it that serious?”
“I don’t know. I don’t feel sick, but he says I am. It’s not the kind of sickness that anybody else can catch. It’s just something that he says I was born with. I guess it’s some kind of ‘stupid sickness’.
“So it’s like, a psychiatrist you’re going to see?”
“I don’t know. I guess.”
“Do you know what a psychiatrist is?”
“No.”
“And you don’t have any cousins or nephews or nieces that could come take you to the doctor?”
“Nope! I don’t have no family. At least nobody that wants to claim me.”
“Well, if something happened to you, who would get your house and property?”
“I guess whoever wants it.”
“You don’t have a will, or anything like that, to tell who you want to get the house?”
“Not that I know of. I don’t know who would want it. Do you want it? I mean after I die? I’ve got to have it while I’m still alive.”
“No, Lennie! I don’t want your house!”
“I know it ain’t much, and it’s kind’a run down, but it’s all I got. I take care of it best I can.”
“Oh, it’s a
fine
house, Lennie! You take good care of it! I didn’t mean there was anything wrong with it, I just meant that I already have a house! I don’t know what I would do with another one! It needs to stay in your family. Surely there is someone who will live there after you are gone. But you may live another 50 years!”
“Not accordin’ to my doctor.”
“I’ll tell you what, Lennie. I don’t have anything to do tomorrow. I will take you to the doctor. What time do you have to be there?”
“Ten A.M., that’s in the morning, I think.”
“Do you have an address of how to get there?”
“Yeah, it’s wrote down right here. Want me to read it to you?”
“No, just don’t lose it. Bring it with you. Be ready to leave at 9 in the morning, and I will come by to pick you up.”
“That’s awfully nice of you, Miranda. I really do appreciate it! I’ll buy you lunch, while we’re out, as long as it ain’t over ten dollars!”
“No, save your money, Lennie. I’ll buy lunch, anywhere you want to eat.”
“I’ll go take a bath right now!”
“Yes, you do that! You want to be clean all over, when the doctor examines you. Especially your head. Bye now. Be ready to go at 9.”