Letters Home (25 page)

“It’s okay, Tanner. The outcome wasn’t all that bad…was it?” I answered his slight smile with one of my own.

Just like the other day in her room, she fit perfectly against my side. All of this was more than I could have asked for. But there was one thing I was still curious about. “What changed your mind and made you come here?”

“Well, that’s an interesting story. After you left, I went inside trying to figure out what had happened. I needed someone to talk to so I called Marissa and asked if I could come over. There I am, sitting on her couch worried that you wouldn’t want to see me again after what happened, and when I said something about it, a male voice came from the kitchen, saying you’d want to see me.”

Who would have known that I’d want to see her no matter what?

“Who was it?”

“Colin.”

“Colin? Wait…Colin and
Marissa
?” That was an interesting combination.

“Tell me about it. It threw me a little, but I was too worried about coming here and you throwing me off the porch, telling me you never wanted to see me again, to dwell on it.”

“I can promise you there is nothing you could ever do to make me say that.”

I didn’t think it was possible but she snuggled in even closer than before. We talked just like we did every other time we’d spent together. It was probably why neither of us saw what was happening between us until it smacked us in the face. We were already so comfortable with each other and so our relationship wouldn’t be like those first weeks of dating someone new because we already knew all the little things. This was going to be more like starting in the middle. Learning how to cope with each other’s quirks.

About twenty minutes later both of our phones went off at the same time. Mine was buzzing around on the coffee table and Danielle’s came from somewhere in her pocket.

“I have a guess as to who that is,” she laughed.

Knowing that Marissa and Colin were together tonight, it was pretty obvious. She eased out of my arms and dug into her back pocket and I leaned forward to grab mine from the table just as she flipped her screen around to face me.
Marissa
was highlighted on the screen. I looked down at mine to see that it was Colin. Surprise, surprise. Out of pure curiosity I swiped my finger across the screen to read his message.

You’re welcome
were the only words and he was right—I did owe him for getting Danielle to come over here, although, I didn’t think there were enough words to express my gratitude. Every day for the last two months I’d convinced myself that nothing would ever happen between us, and so to have Danielle in my arms, willing to try a relationship with me, was more than I could have hoped for.

Danielle’s giggled drew my attention.

“What’s so funny?”

“Those two are ridiculous. Marissa wants credit for this.”

“Just let her have it otherwise you’re going to end up spending the next hour and a half arguing it out with her when I’d much rather spend that time with you. Besides, we both know what really happened.”

“You’re so right.” Her thumbs flew over the keys, sending Marissa the message, and then she placed the phone in her back pocket and leaned back against me.

We talked for a while longer until, by chance, I caught sight of my watch and realized the time. “Please don’t feel like I’m telling you to leave, but it’s past midnight and I know you have to work tomorrow. What do you want to do?”

“Oh my God! Is it that late? I still need to get my car from Marissa’s. They dropped me off. Do you mind driving me over there?”

“Not in the least,” I said, kissing the top of her head. It felt amazing to be able to do that now. “Can I take you to dinner tomorrow? Well, I guess it’s technically tonight?”

“I like the sound of that, but for now I need to go home and get some sleep. I’m still catching up from the other night.”

My brows drew together. “What happened the other night?”

Her eyes darted away from mine. “I had a lot on my mind Saturday night, plus, I knew something was wrong with you, I just didn’t know what it was. I was worried.”

Saturday night. I wanted to groan in frustration. “I find I keep having to apologize to you lately. I’m sorry I worried you, but now you know what was wrong. I just wasn’t sure what to say to you. The last few weeks it’s been turning me inside out to be around you. The feel of you in my arms that night made me yearn for all that I thought I couldn’t have and after spending the whole week before that so close to you, I just couldn’t handle it anymore. If I’d have known what day it was, I would have put my ridiculous feelings aside and stayed for you.”

“Your feelings aren’t ridiculous. At this moment, I happen to think you have quite good taste.” She smiled. “I should have told you why I was so determined to move on Saturday. I have to say it now makes complete sense why I wanted your opinion on the apartment before I rented it. At the time I didn’t understand it. All I knew was I couldn’t choose without knowing which one you liked better.”

I squeezed her a little tighter. “That makes me feel very important.” Standing up, I reached out my hand to help her up.” Come on, let’s get you home to bed.”

Before we left I sent a message back to Colin, to let him know we were on our way to collect Danielle’s car but as we hopped in my truck my phone vibrated.

Colin: Already at her place. Keys are in her mailbox.

“Damn, that makes life easy,” I said, starting the car.

“What is it?”

“They already dropped your car off at your apartment and put the keys in your mailbox.”

“That was really nice of them.” The interior lights were low but I could still see the smile on her face, the angle of her cheeks bones, the curve of her jaw. Even in the dim lighting she was absolutely stunning and the thought that she was mine was unreal, even as I reached over and ran my hand down her arm, linking her fingers with mine. I wasn’t ready to let her go, but knew we both needed some sleep after the events of the day. I also needed time to process that this was all really happening.

Pulling up at her apartment building, I had a strange sense of déjà vu. This time, however, I planned on walking her to her door and kissing her goodnight instead of driving away in a huff. When she noticed me getting out of the car she tried to stop me.

“You don’t need to walk me to my door. I’m fine.”

“It’s dark and it’s late, plus, I want my good-night kiss.”

“You can have your good-night kiss now.”

“Please let me walk you to your door? It’ll make me feel better.”

Finally she relented and I followed her to the door of her apartment. She used her mailbox key to retrieve her car keys first. Before she had a chance to turn the lock of her front door, I spun her to face me. I opened my mouth over hers in a possessive kiss that robbed us both of our breath. Her mouth responded immediately, our tongues dueling for control. When my body started demanding more, I pulled out of the kiss, lifting my hand, I ran my thumb along her swollen bottom lip.

“Dream about me tonight?”

“Only if you promise to dream about me.”

Truth time. I took her hands in mine. “I dream about you every night.”

Even in the dim light of the porch I could see the flush creep up her cheeks as she leaned forward to place a kiss on my cheek.

“Good-night, Tanner.”

“Good-night, sweetheart. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Once she was safely in her apartment I made my way back to my truck, feeling like things had finally started to turn in my favor. Colin had been right, and if I could have been sure he was home from Marissa’s, I’d have called to tell him that.

Going to bed that night felt a million times better than Saturday. As much as I wanted to forge ahead with every thought that had crossed my mind over the last two months, Danielle needed time to adjust. It would be hard, but for Danielle, I could do slow. Ever since she’d walked into my life—or should I say, I walked into hers—everything I did revolved around her wants and needs. It was possible that I was already half in love with her and, if not, it wouldn’t take long for it to happen. Tonight was the first night that every smile was genuine—the fake smiles, the ones she so frequently flashed to make people believe she was happy, conspicuous in their absence. Instead, she’d been happy, relaxed, and I was going to take credit for it. She made my world spin on its axis.

But her fear that something might happen to me remained, and only time would help her overcome it. I wouldn’t lie to her and say that nothing was ever going to happen to me because that was something I had no control over. I would, however, do my best to put her mind at ease and when we eventually did get deployed again, I would do everything in my power to make it as easy for her as possible. My mind flashed back to her on my doorstep tonight, asking me to kiss her again and as a smile that tested the boundaries of my facial muscles crossed my face I drifted to sleep, remembering the feel of her lips on mine.

Two weeks had passed since Danielle and I had become and official couple. Liam was thrilled to see her happy again, even pulling me aside one night at basketball to thank me for putting a real smile on his sister’s face again—I guess I hadn’t been the only one to notice the fake ones. Things were progressing slowly, a little slower than I’d expected them to at this point, considering we didn’t have to start at the beginning with anything but the intimacy in our relationship. Except, that was the place I felt her holding back the most. We’d gone no farther than the simple kisses of the first night and it wasn’t like I expected her to jump right into bed with me, but on the other hand I did expect her to make some type of move, something to let me know that it was okay to take it further than where we were. As frustrating as it was, I spent many a night under a cold shower. That being said, I knew she needed time and I was more than willing to give it to her, despite the blow to my ego.

The first night she’d come to my apartment was the last night she’d been on base. Most of the time I met her at her apartment. Granted, it wasn’t easy to get on base, but I’d gotten her a pass, which made it almost pain free. The only difference in having a pass to actually living on base was that they’d call me to verify that she was, in fact, coming to see me. She claimed it was easier if I just came to her.

I wasn’t sure if it was guilt, or fear, or something else entirely but the problem was I could feel that she was holding a part of herself back from me, and that was what had me pacing her living room, cracking my knuckles. The army ball was coming up and I wanted her to go as my date. Colin and Greg had convinced me to buy the two tickets, saying that even if Danielle and I weren’t dating that she still would have gone as my friend. Whatever the reason she was holding back didn’t bode well for my chances at getting her to come to a ballroom full of military spouses. The door to her bedroom squeaked and I did my best to calm myself down. I forced myself to sit down so that I would stop pacing. The knuckle cracking would give me away too. Plus, I knew it made Danielle crazy. She appeared in the living room wearing a light blue dress and matching sandals. Walking up to her, I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my nose in her hair, taking in the smell of it.

“You kill me. This dress looks gorgeous on you.”

“Thank you.” She stopped for a moment, her eyes searching mine. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Are you ready to leave?”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Not until you’re honest with me. I know something is wrong because your palms are all sweaty, so you may as well just tell me so we can go to dinner.”

Why did she have to know me so well? I sighed. “I want you to be my date for the ball in two weeks.”

“Really? You want me to go?”

“Of course I want you to go, why wouldn’t I?”

She looked away for a moment. “I thought it was reserved for spouses only.”

“No, we can bring anyone we like. Are you telling me you’ve never been to the ball before?”

She shook her head and looked away from me. “I was away at school for most of them, and the last one happened a couple of days after you guys left for your deployment.”

I felt terrible for bringing it up. This was the second time that I’d forgotten about all of the things she may not have done with Nate. I knew her memories were part of the package and I hoped with time we’d be able to make our own. I hated the fact that mentioning it may have caused her pain. My need to create memories of our own had made me overlook the way she might feel about things. Taking her chin between my thumb and forefinger, I turned her face back to me. “We don’t have to go. Forget I said anything.”