Letters Home (32 page)

“Oh God, Tanner, please touch me.”

I let my finger slide around her but never fully touching until I let one slip inside. The wet, soft feel of her was almost my undoing. Knowing how quickly this was likely to be over, I wanted her to come first, so as my finger glided in and out of her warm body, I used my thumb to flick against her clit in a way that had her body writhing beneath me.

“Tanner…please…oh God!” she screamed, her back coming off of the bed as her muscles tightened and her body clamped around my finger.

When I felt her body starting to relax again, I knelt between her thighs and pushed her knees apart, letting my dick glide through her moist heat before pushing forward. She felt better than I could have ever imagined, her tight passage giving just the right pressure as I began to move.

“You feel so good,” I said clenching my teeth, trying to prolong the pleasure coursing through me.

“Shut up and kiss me,” she ordered, to which I quickly complied. The speed of my thrusts increased, becoming somewhat erratic the closer I came to what was likely to be an earth shattering climax. Two more thrusts and I was sent to an oblivion that I wasn’t sure existed. Lights exploded before my eyes as I surged into her.

“Oh, Dani!” I cried out.

I was panting and collapsed on the bed taking her with me. When we’d both gotten our breathing under control I ducked out to the bathroom to get rid of the condom, and when I came back to her I noticed the moisture in her eyes.

“Oh, baby, did I do something wrong?” I asked wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her to me.

She shook her head and opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Clearing her throat she tried again, her voice not much more than a croak as she said, “No one’s called me Dani in a long time.”

I knew without her having to say it that Nate must have been the one to call her Dani. Why else would she be so upset. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m not even sure where it came from.”

She laid her hand against my cheek. “It’s okay. It caught me off guard but I think it’s fitting, don’t you?”

And right there, any doubts I may have still held about this relationship vanished. Danielle was done living in the past, ready to move on to her future. The fact that her future included me was indescribable. I kissed her forehead. “We still have two things to take care of.”

“What are they?”

“First, if you get caught here overnight we’re all in trouble, so let’s go back to your place so that I can sleep with you in my arms.”

She smiled. “Okay, what’s the second problem?”

“Who in the hell taught you how to do an arm bar?”

“Nate. And you better watch out the next time you make me mad because I know many more of those types of moves,” she said with a smirk.

“Oh, I bet you do.”

Beginning that night, I spent every night I could sleeping next to her. The only time I didn’t see her was when we were on overnight training missions. The difference in our relationship was like night and day. Where before she’d kept so much to herself, Danielle became open about everything—from the times when I would piss her off, to moments when she would seduce me. During nights out with our friends, Danielle and I were always attached in some way, whether it was holding hands or my arms wrapped around her waist. It was nice for the world to finally know she was mine. On other, more sedate nights, we spent time at home on the couch, watching movies and eating popcorn. We were like a normal couple. No. We were a normal couple.

Apart from one thing.

The more time that past, the larger the elephant in the room got. Danielle didn’t bring up the subject of my deployment and, coward that I was, I didn’t bring it up either, mainly because I wasn’t sure how she was going to handle it and I didn’t want to upset her.

Unfortunately, my time ran out.

We received notice that we’d ship out in a week. There was no choice—we had to talk about it. And that’s what had me pacing a hole in the floor, waiting for Danielle to get home. The minute she walked in the door, she took one look at my face and she knew.

“When?” she asked, setting her bag down by the door.

“A week.”

She swallowed hard. “Okay, so we’ll spend as much time together as possible.”

I knew the fear she was fighting and I was so proud of her. It couldn’t be easy to face that again. But Liam and I had talked a lot about it over the last few weeks and he was going to do everything he possibly could to keep her busy when she wasn’t working, and I was going to use every bit of phone time I had to call her. I’d already spoken to my parents and they understood that my calls to them would be limited this time. My father had just laughed and said that it had to happen sometime, adding that they were happy I’d found someone I loved as much as Danielle.

The other thing Liam and I absolutely agreed on was not making Danielle show up at the sendoff ceremony. Neither of us thought it would be good for her. Instead, I was planning on taking her out the day before. We were required to stay on base the night before deployment so I wouldn’t be able to spend the night at her place. The weather was supposed to be nice so I’d take her to the park where we could talk and say our goodbyes there.

“Of course we will,” I said, wrapping her in my arms. When she didn’t say anything else, I pulled back to look at her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Not really, but I’m trying to be.”

“We’ll be okay. Everything will be okay,” I said into her hair. She squeezed me tighter, and it felt like she was trying to imprint herself on me.

Over the next week, I tried to keep things normal. I wanted her to feel like things were the same. If she could get through this deployment, I felt like the rest would be a little easier for her. She’d always be afraid when I left, but hopefully it wouldn’t be that all-consuming fear that she was trying to hide from me.

It wasn’t until the day before that I did something different. Liam arranged with the law office for her to have the day off and so after she’d fallen asleep, I’d turned off her alarm, planning to surprise her with breakfast in bed.

Unlike Danielle, after so many years of getting up early for PT I had a very hard time sleeping in, and so when I woke up I just lay there, watching her sleep, knowing it would be a few months before I’d get to do that again. She looked angelic. Her brown curls were spread across her pillow, and her long eyelashes fanned across her face. Checking the clock, I realized that I didn’t have much time before she woke up and noticed that her alarm hadn’t gone off. I jumped in the shower and quickly got dressed. Since I wasn’t the best cook, I decided that the simpler the better—opting for cut up fresh fruit and homemade muffins I picked up at the bakery the day before. Carefully, I loaded everything onto the tray, including a glass of orange juice, and carried it into the bedroom.

I set the tray on the dresser and woke her up in my own special way. Crawling back in bed, I placed a kiss on her forehead, her nose, and finally her lips. I knew she was awake when I felt her lips turn up in a smile.

“Good morning,” I whispered.

“Morning. What time is it?” she asked around a yawn.

“It’s time for you to relax and let me take care of you.”

She leaned back and closed her eyes. “Mmm, that sounds lovely. If only I didn’t have to go to work today.”

“Ah, but you don’t”

One eye cracked open. “What do you mean? Of course I have to go to work today.”

“Nope,” I said getting up and bringing the tray over to her. “Liam made arrangements with Tina. You have the day off to spend time with me.”

“I like the sound of that.” She smiled. “But what about tomorrow? Don’t I need to be there for the send-off?”

The way she flinched every time she said it was the main reason I didn’t want to force her to be there. Taking her hand in mine, I rubbed circles on her palm with my thumb. “I know how much the thought of being there stresses you out, so I figured we could have a day all to ourselves, and say our goodbyes in private tonight.”

“You’re okay with me not going tomorrow?”

“If it makes you feel better about all of this, then yes. Anything to see you smile.”

She looked so relieved I almost laughed. But instead, I picked up her fork and handed it to her. “Now, come on and eat so we can get out of here.”

Overall, the day was perfect. We spent time fooling around in bed before Danielle was able to get up, and even when she finally made it to the shower, I decided to join her for the fun. First up, we headed to the aquarium to feed the fish, then over to the lunch box museum because I figured we could both use a laugh. Afterward, I took her to a late lunch at
Wasabi
. We ended the day on the Riverwalk. About halfway through she stopped and turned to me.

“Do you have one of those good-bye letters?”

This was a conversation I was not prepared for. “I do. Why?”

She shrugged her shoulders and had a hard time meeting my gaze. “Just curious.”

“It’s more than curiosity. Tell me why you want to know.” I was watching every move she made, looking for a clue.

“It just that…I don’t think I could handle getting another one.”

I took her hand and wrapped her in my arms. “I wish there was some way for me to take this fear away from you. It’s killing me to watch you struggle with this. If you want me to take out the letter for you I will.”

“I’d like that. It was one thing when I didn’t know they existed. Now, the thought makes me a little sick to my stomach.”

“Consider it gone.”

We finished the rest of the walk in peace. It was like she’d had to rid herself of that demon because the rest of the afternoon she was fine. At least, until it was time for me to drop her off and head back to my apartment. The drive to the apartment was excruciating, the silence in the car pricking at every one of my nerves. I knew without looking that Danielle was doing everything in her power to hold herself together. There were no words I had to comfort her, so I said nothing, waiting for the moment when I would have no choice but to cause her pain with my goodbye. Hurting Danielle was the last thing I wanted. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a choice. Her eyes began to water before we’d even pulled into the space and as we got out of the car and I walked her up the pathway to her door, my heart began to race. The air was cool and as Danielle put her key in the lock she shivered, but I knew it had nothing to do with the temperature. Once we were inside, I led her over to the sofa and sat down beside her.

“Dani, I know this isn’t easy for you. Just know I love you, and I will miss you more than you could possibly know.”

She bit her lip to stop it from quivering and wrapped her arms around my neck. “I love you too. It won’t be the same here without you.”

“Hey, I’ll be back before you know it, and I promise to call as soon as we’re settled.”

I cupped her face in my hands and tilted it upward. Tenderly, I placed my lips upon hers and savored this last kiss. With a sweep of her tongue across my bottom lip she asked me to open, and I welcomed the taste of her as it burst through me. The kiss seemed to last forever, but it came to a point where I had to end it for fear of never wanting to leave. The tears in her eyes as I stood up to walk to the door broke something inside of me, something that wouldn’t be fixed until she was back in my arms again. “I love you and I’ll talk to you soon.”

She followed me to the door and gave me another quick kiss on the lips. “I love you too.”

Leaving was hard, but I had a job to do. To save the lives of the soldiers that needed me, I had to be at the top of my game.

But no matter where I was, or what I was doing, Danielle would never be far from my mind.