Letters Home (34 page)

Arriving home in record time, I went straight the computer. After trying every twenty minutes for the next two hours, my eyes were getting heavy. I kept reminding myself that the power had gone out, and they probably hadn’t gotten it reconnected yet, but it didn’t calm my thoughts much. My phone was almost dead from checking it all day but I’d wanted to keep it close in case I got a message. Exhausted, I decided to take a quick nap—I could try again in a little bit. Lying down in bed, my eyes quickly shut, and I drifted off into a restless sleep.

What seemed like only five minutes later, there was knocking at the front door. I picked my phone up from the nightstand to check the time, but the battery had died. It was still dark out so I figured it was probably Marissa, coming to check on me since I hadn’t called her when I got home from work. Walking up to the door, out of habit, I checked through the peephole.

No.

No. No. No.

Taking a step back, I ran to the safety of my room, nearly tripping over my own feet. The last time I’d opened the door to Chaplain Hayes, my world had been turned upside-down.

He couldn’t be here again.

He couldn’t.

But he was.

I struggled to draw breath. Sitting in the chair in the corner of the room, I pulled my knees to my chest and let the grief overtake me. I
knew
something had happened, the minute that call disconnected.

The feeling of my heart breaking when Nate died was nothing compared to the crushing pain in my chest I felt the second time around. It was like someone squeezing my heart with a vise. The knocking on the door continued, which only made me sob harder. It wouldn’t take them long to find Marissa or Liam and get them over here to unlock the door, and until then I wanted to drown in my sorrows. I lay my head on my knees and cried for everything I’d lost.

Again.

The aching in my throat indicated just how many tears I’d shed over the past few hours, my body shuddering as I tried to inhale. I tried closing my eyes, but all I could see was Tanner’s smiling face the night I’d showed up at his place and told him I loved him. Nothing mattered anymore. I would never feel the strength of Tanner’s arms around me. This was not something I could survive. The pain and grief would eventually win. I knew that as much as I knew I couldn’t hear them speak those three words again, so I ignored the continuous banging from the living room. Even my nose wasn’t immune to the memories as Tanner’s scent enveloped me.

Warm hands wrapped around my shoulders.

Liam was here, and he would pick up the pieces…again.

“Danielle!”

“Make them go away,” I sobbed. “I can’t listen to him tell me that Tanner is dead.”

“
Dead?
Danielle, look at me,” he said, giving my shoulders a slight shake.

Raising my head slowly, I became almost dizzy with happiness at the sight before me. Tanner was kneeling in front of me. He lifted his hands to cup my face and wiped my tears with his thumbs.

“But I—I thought…” I stuttered.

“I’m not dead. Why would you think that?”

I took a shuddering breath. “I saw Chaplain Hayes at the door and I just…I love you so much.” Leaning forward I covered his lips with mine, enjoying the realization that there were still many more kisses to be had between the two of us.

He pulled away from the kiss to stroke the side of my face with the back of his hand. “I’m so sorry. I never meant for you to think that. Our communications were knocked out by an accident. We left a few hours later, and when I got a chance I tried calling your cell, but it went straight to voicemail. I figured your phone was probably dead, so I called Chaplain Hayes to come and tell you what had happened, and that I’d be home soon.”

“As soon as I saw him through the peephole I ran in here, hoping that if I didn’t hear it, it wasn’t true.” I started to cry again, just thinking about it.

He wrapped his arms around me and cradled my head to his chest. “Oh God, I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m fine. Everyone’s fine.” And I knew he meant Colin and Greg. “Liam and Marissa tried to get in, but you’d used the top lock and they didn’t have a key for that. They kept knocking, hoping you’d come to the door since you hadn’t turned on your cell. I love you so much Danielle.”

“I’m so glad you’re home. I couldn’t have survived that again. I love you so much, Tanner.”

He stood, taking me with him, and closed his mouth over mine. I opened for the sweet swipe of his tongue and let him devour me. Step by step, he backed us up, only stopping when the backs of my legs hit the bed.

I tore my mouth away from his. “Where is everyone? They’re not still here, are they?”

“No. I sent them home once I got here. Told them I wanted some alone time with you.”

“Okay then,” I said, grabbing him by the collar and pulling his face to mine. He lowered me to the bed, gently caressing the curve of my hip and down to the top of my thigh. The feel of his hands sweeping across to the front of my jeans caused a fire to race through my bloodstream. Not seeing or feeling Tanner for three months was entirely too long. I needed him to touch me. Everywhere.

With my lips still connected to his I reached up to the top button of his shirt, slowly freeing each one until the T-shirt beneath was exposed. Tanner’s hands continued their exploration up to my rib cage, where he lightly traced his fingers across the exposed area of skin between my shirt and waistband. The desire to feel his warm skin against mine had me pushing his shirt off of his shoulders and down his arms until it hit the floor. Immediately, I grabbed the hem to yank it over his head. This was the first time we’d broken our kiss since his lips touched mine. All of the exposed skin in front of me was irresistible. Leaning up I flicked my tongue over his nipples, causing a soft moan to slip from his hips

As I ran my lips all over his sun-kissed chest, he let his hands continue their exploration until they had pushed my shirt up and over my head, forcing me to pull back. For a moment he just stared down at me.

“You are so incredibly beautiful. I want you so much,” he growled, before once again devouring my lips.

He used his hands and mouth to help me reach new levels of desire, to the point that I was almost unaware that he’d removed my bra, leaving us lying there chest to chest, skin on skin. And it felt amazing.

Tanner kissed his way down my neck stopping to suck in all of the right places. My hips arched off the bed when he reached my collarbone, the need for him becoming overwhelming. I reached for the buttons on his pants, trying to find the fastest way to get them off of him as possible and, apparently, Tanner shared my thoughts because he pulled out of the kiss to jump up and remove his pants and boots at record speed. But he wasn’t done. It wasn’t long before my jeans and underwear had joined his on the floor.

When he returned his lips to my body, the feelings he stirred in me by lightly sucking on my breasts were indescribable. It felt as if I was being electrocuted, the current rushing all the way to my toes, but that was nothing compared to the way it felt when his tongue licked down my stomach and flicked out against my clit.

“Oh God, Tanner.” I was practically screaming, my body vibrating with so much tension I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.

The wicked flicks of his tongue continued as his finger slowly eased into me. The tempo between his finger and tongue brought me to a swift and mind-numbing climax, my body trembling in aftershocks so forceful I wasn’t sure they would stop. At least, that was until I felt the warm heat of him gently push into me, calling my body back from exhaustion.

“I missed you so much,” he panted, lowering his mouth to capture mine.

The quick rhythmic thrusts caused me to raise my hips to meet every stroke, reveling in the pleasure he provided. When he pulled his lips away, but continued to watch me, I noticed the parting of his lips and the dazed, glassy look of his eyes. Tanner wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer. Even though I wanted these feelings to last forever, I knew it wouldn’t be long before I was unable to hold back anymore.

Tanner began to groan, and his thrusts became quicker, more erratic. We both continued to climb higher and higher until our bodies reached the peak, crashing over the edge into oblivion.

Out of pure exhaustion Tanner collapsed on top of me, forcing out what little breath I had from my lungs.

“I can’t breathe.”

He pushed his body to the side, resting his head on his hand. The fingers of his other hand came up to swipe the hair from my brow.

“Danielle, please know that I would never intentionally cause you harm. If I’d have known how you would have reacted to seeing the chaplain at the door I would never have sent him.”

I lay my hand across his cheek. “I know, but thinking I’d lost you just about killed me. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions and didn’t listen to what he had to say.”

“Please don’t be sorry, I can understand why you did. Just know that I love you with all of my heart and I’m so glad to have you in my arms.”

“I love you too, Tanner.” Placing a kiss on his lips, I lay there a few more minutes enjoying the feel of his body against mine. I made a move to adjust my position when Tanner’s arms tightened around me.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Nowhere. I was just trying to get comfortable.”

“Good, because like I told you the other night, I’m keeping us here in this bed for the next forty-eight hours.”

“Mmm…I like the sound of that.”

And just like he said, we stayed in that bed for the next two days.

A month later…

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I was trying to find something to do, so I didn’t count the hours until Tanner got home. We’d been supposed to do something together but he’d been called away. “An emergency team meeting,” he’d said.

Since he’d been back from Afghanistan, we’d spent every moment we could together, just as we had before he left. He still hadn’t mentioned what he wanted to talk about the night of our last Skype call, and the longer he waited, the more worried I got. My biggest fear was that he was being transferred to another city. It would be odd for someone in his unit to be transferred, but the army had done stranger things. Sitting on the edge of my bed I looked at the two photos on the nightstand. First was a picture of me and Tanner at the army ball. It was a beautiful picture, and I was so thankful that night hadn’t been the end of everything for us. Turning to the second photo, I looked at Nate and I in our prom dresses. There was a time when that photo was a reminder of when life was easy. Now it had an entirely different meaning. It showed me that it was okay to love two different people. Nate would always be a part of me and Tanner understood that. But Tanner was my future, and I was going to make sure I did everything I could to make sure things stayed that way.

After sitting there for a few more minutes, I got up to get ready. I’d convinced Liam to hang out with me for the day. I wasn’t in the mood for a lot, maybe a movie, but I was more than ready to get out of the house. I threw on a green sundress with a pair of brown boots and, hearing the sound of a horn outside, I met him at his car. As we drove to the mall I talked about the fact that Tanner was yet to tell me what he’d tried to say that night.

“Come on, he’ll tell you when he’s ready,” Liam said when I finished telling him how nervous I’d become.

“I know, but that doesn’t make the waiting any easier.”

I was worried about all of it up until then, I hadn’t notice that Liam seemed off today. He might have been fine at my apartment and all of my ranting wasn’t helping.

We pulled into the lot and Liam reached behind his seat, and his hand came out holding one of those plastic pinwheels.

“I have a game for you to play.”

“A game?”

“Yes, a game. Just follow the directions on each pinwheel and there’s a surprise at the end.”

“Um…okay. That’s all you’re going to give me.”

“Yep.” He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “Now go,” he ordered giving me a little shove.

Stepping out of the car, I looked down and read the first clue.
“Head to the playground for your next clue.”

The playground was about ten feet away, with a smile I walked over and picked up the next pinwheel.
“Walk to the benches near the water.”