Lies Beneath the Surface (Buried Secrets #2) (2 page)

“I wanna hold her.” I whisper,
not able to look away from her. The doctor steps away, but his void is filled with the presence of a nurse.

“Mr. Weston,
follow me and you can get scrubbed up so you can meet your daughter.” A short nurse in pink scrubs tells me and I only reply with a nod. I follow her into a small room filled with supplies and a couple sinks. She tells me to scrub my hands and forearms up to my elbows and not to touch anything. After she has me covered in a blue gown, complete with a stiff blue hat, a mask and gloves, she takes me to a small room. Bouncin’ nervously back and forth on the balls of my feet, I try to suppress the anxiety that fills my chest as I wait to meet my daughter. The nurse returns a few minutes later, pushin’ a small bassinette into the room. When my eyes fall upon my sweet baby girl, my knees nearly defy my weight. I grip on to the rockin’ chair that is behind me, and sit down quickly. The nurse carries my daughter over and reaches her to me. I look up at her with fear in my eyes.

“You’re new to this, huh Dad?
” A heavy sigh falls from my lips. “No worries. Just hold her close to your chest, wrapped safely in both of your arms. Don’t be scared, she’ll sense that. You’re all she has left now, so you gotta be strong for your daughter.” She says, laying my daughter down gently in my arms.

On
e touch, is all that it took for this little girl to win over my heart. I rub my finger down her chubby cheeks and I swear she smiles. Pullin’ the receivin’ blanket back, I count her ten tiny toes, and tiny little fingers. She is perfect, absolutely breathtakin’ and my chest swells triple in size with pride. I’m so mesmerized by this beautiful baby that I don’t even realize that my emotions have released until I feel a gentle pat on my shoulder.

“It’s okay, Dad. You’ve had an emotional day, just let it out. Sit here, and spend some time with baby girl, and I’ll check in on ya in a few, yeah?” Yeah, that sure as hell got my attention.

“Wait, what? You can’t leave her with me, I ain’t gotta damn clue what to do with her besides hold her.”

“That’s all ya need to do. She’ll let ya know if she needs something. I’ll be back shortly. Get to know your daughter. Holler if you need anything, Mr. Weston.”

And with that, she turns on her heels with a bright smile on her face. I’m sure she is laughin’ deep inside at the jackass scared shitless, holdin’ a baby right now…yeah, that would be me. I keep my body straight, terrified to make any sudden moves. This little girl is so fragile and tiny. What if I drop her? What if I can’t take care of her? Emotions flood through me and I don’t know if I’m happy that I’m a dad, happy that I have this perfect little angel that will forever hold my heart. Should I be mad, because Kari left me behind to fend for myself and this baby? I hold her tight in my arms, and trace my finger over the palm of her hand. She wraps her tiny hand around my finger, and in that instant, all doubt washes away and joy replaces it. I look down at her small wrist, and read the name on the bracelet.

Baby Girl White

January 21, 2007

She needs a name. Kari had a name picked out, but we never settled on anythin
g particular. Guilt consumes me because Kari never got to hold her daughter. She never got to feel just how perfect this moment is. Tears well up in my eyes as I think about how I’ve lost so much over these last six months. But with all that is lost, I’ve been given the greatest gift of them all. I’d do it all over again just to hold this perfect little angel in my arms forever.

“No, baby girl. Heidi Jo Weston, that’s who you are. Daddy’s little princ
ess. I’ll always hold you close and protect you forever, baby girl.” I whisper, then kiss her forehead.

I brush her hair back softly, restin’ my fingers against her forehead for just a minute to check to see if she has a fever. She startles in her sleep and looks up at me behind heavy eyes.

“What are you doing here?”

“Worried about you, darlin’? Been callin’ ya all damn evenin’ and you wasn’t answerin’ your phone. So I came to check on ya.”

“How’d you get in?”

“You left the door unlocked. Momma made you some chicken noodle soup. Do you feel like tryin’ to eat?” I ask her, poppin’ the top off of the container of homemade chicken noodle soup Momma whipped up for her. Carly Jo springs from the bed and rushes into the bathroom, slammin’ the door behind her quickly. Damn, the puke’s flyin’ now. Shit.

I sit on the edge of the bed, waitin’ for her to come out of the bathroom. Minutes pass,
before I hear a thud so I jump up to check on her. Pullin’ the bathroom door open, I see Carly Jo slumped to the floor, wrack sobbin’ cries consumin’ her small body. I pull her into my lap kissin’ her forehead then whisper in her ear that I’ll take care of her. Damn, I hate seein’ her sick. I know she has to be scared all alone in this big house and feelin’ as bad as she does. Her sobs thicken with each promise I make to her. I reach for her hand to bring to my lips for a kiss, but she rips it away quickly. It’s then that I realize she is grippin’ somethin’ in her palm. When I try to pull the object from her hand, she pulls away, tryin’ to hide it from me. But I’m too strong for her fight. I strip the object from her hand and look down at it, blinkin’ rapidly as I stare at the small piece of plastic. Damn, I sure as hell wasn’t prepared for this.

“What the hell?” I mumble, and thank God that my ass is already firmly planted on the floor, or
I’d hit that bitch hard. The world around me stills, as I stare down in awe, and disbelief. Memories of Heidi Jo’s birth flash through my mind; the fear, the anxiety, the excitement. With everything that has happened between Carly Jo and I since she came home, her bein’ pregnant is the last thing that I expected to happen. But I didn’t wrap my junk up either.

Carly Jo’s cries pull me from my trance. Lookin’ down at her body, shakin’ uncontrollably in my arms
, my heart constricts because I know she doesn’t want this. She doesn’t want me, a baby, or the happily ever after that we both need and deserve. I’ve been in love with this woman for as long as my mind can remember. She’s all there’s ever been for me. I know that she loves me, but she keeps puttin’ these damn walls up and lockin’ me out. The harder I fight for her, the farther she falls away from me.

Wrappin’ my arms around her
I pick her up and carry her back to the bed. Slidin’ in behind her I pull her tight to my chest, then cover her with the blanket. She continues to cry, and I let her. I don’t know what words, if any, can comfort her right now. We don’t say a word to each other. She cries, and I fight back the tears that I refuse to let fall. She cries for so long, that even when she falls asleep, tired from the emotions that consume her, I still hear her cries. They are permanently embedded into my brain because for the last six months, it seems that is all that I make Carly Jo do, is cry.

Reality sets in
layin’ here in the bed, holdin’ the woman that I love. We are havin’ a baby. A small life that we created. I think about holdin’ Heidi Jo for the first time. The feelin’ that all was right in the world as long as I had her eyes to look into. It’s funny how a small, innocent baby can bring you to your knees and make you feel so perfect with just one tiny touch.

Then, my mind flashes to the night that Carly Jo told me that she was pregnant with my child, the one she lost.
I know in this second that she has to have those same thoughts runnin’ through her mind, fear gnawin’ at her heart strings. Maybe that’s the fear that she’s holdin’ onto, and why she’s so scared right now.

I’m wagin’ a battle that I don’t know how to win. I want all of this so damn
bad. It’s within my reach, yet so far away. I ain’t give up hope on us yet, and I ain’t about to now. I pull Carly Jo closer to my side kissin’ her neck I whisper, “I love you darlin’, it’s all gonna be alright.”

I close my eyes to go to sleep, and eve
n though her voice is faint, I still hear her whisper, “I love you too, Colton.”

And that’s the hope that I hold onto.

The alarm sounds, ear piercin’ beeps shrillin’ across the room. I reach over the night stand to shut it off. Rubbin’ the sleep from my eyes, I see that Carly Jo’s not in the bed any longer. Worried that she may be sick, I spring from the bed and go look for her. She ain’t in any of the bathrooms upstairs, so I take the stairs two at a time to find her. When I hit the middle of the steps I hear her, and her faint sobs stop me dead in my tracks. I stand on the steps and listen to her cryin’, and the inaudible prayers I know she’s whisperin’. I continue down the steps and take a seat on the far end of the couch, tryin’ to give her some space.

“Ya alright?” I ask her, terrified of her answer. She doesn’t answer right
away. She takes a couple deep breaths, tryin’ to find her voice that I’m sure is lodged in her chest.

“I don’t know.”

“Wanna talk about it? Ya can’t run from it ya know. Might as well face it head on.”

“I know. I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.” She shrugs.

“Just what are ya sorry for, darlin’?” Why the hell did I ask that? She glares at me, chewin’ on the bottom of her quiverin’ lip.

“I’
m scared.” She whispers before the cries start again. I scoot her over to me, and place her in my lap. Kissin’ her softly on the cheek, I wrap my arms around her tightly, tryin’ to make her feel safe. I don’t want her to feel scared.

“Baby, you ain’t gott
a be scared. I’m gonna be here with every step, holdin’ your hand. I promise ya, we’ll get through it, together.”

“You ain’t scared, Colton?”

“Fear is to be expected, darlin’. It’s a big change, and you just have a lot of worries with all of the changes that have already happened. But I promise ya, everything will be fine. You do need to realize that pushin’ me away is only gonna make all of this harder on ya. That little baby you’re carryin’ is as much a part of me as it is you. I love you. I know I’ve screwed up, but we gotta work together. I’m gonna make ya happy if it’s the last damn thing I do.”

“After everything we’ve been th
rough together, how do you still hold on?”

“Cause I got faith in our love, baby. Don’t you remember readin’
the card I gave you on Christmas?” I tip her chin up to see her sunflower irises. I know she does, ‘cause the infinity loop necklace I gave her hangs around her neck. She shies away briefly, but nods. “Ain’t nothin’ comin’ between us again. Startin’ now, we’re puttin’ it all behind us and movin’ forward. Together, hand in hand. I’ll be your strength when you’re too weak to stand, and you will be the reason for my next breath.”

“You aren’t going anywhere are you?”

“Did you really expect me to?” I laugh then kiss her forehead.

“Not really. I’ll admit, part of me wanted you too, just so I
could shut you out of my world. But I need you.”

“
I’m here and ya ain’t gettin’ rid of me. It’s behind us now.” I brace her face in my hands and pull her into a slow, sweet kiss, before settin’ her beside me.

“Colton, I know you are excited, but I really think we need
to keep this between us. For now at least.” Yeah, I don’t like the sound of that, but I know she’s scared and she’s tryin’ to let me in so I’ll give her her way.

“
I gotta get ready for work. You need to stay home and rest. Might be a good idea to get a doctor’s appointment. Call me at the mines later to let me know how you’re feelin’, ‘kay?”

She follows behind
me to the door, and kisses me goodbye before I leave.

On the drive home, I can’t
wipe the smile from my face. We’re havin’ a baby. Our little family is comin’ together, and we’re finally gettin’ the happiness and love we both deserve. But even clutchin’ hope tightly in the palm of my hand, doubt still rears its frickin’ ugly head in. I try to push it back and ignore it, but I realize Carly Jo’s emotions resolved too quickly, too easily. Refusin’ to let the glory fade away, I focus on the drive and remind myself to keep fightin’.

I’m pregnant. I want so badly to jump up and down, shout to the heavens and cry tears of happiness. And I could do all of that if I was one hundred percent certain that this little baby I’m carrying belongs to Colton.
But there are no certainties. I should have never trusted my broken, drunken heart to a sexy and comforting Luke Ashton.

But I did.

And to make matters worse, Luke carries a broken heart and tattered soul of his own. He has enough to deal with in his own life.  Yet here this little hiccup rises, and threatens to turn three innocent lives upside down. It isn’t fair to Colton or Luke. But me, I deserve every last ounce of despair that bitch Karma throws at me.

I have to laugh at the
situation, really. I fought so hard to protect my heart from Colton, even when I knew I was battling the impossible. My heart, my soul, every ounce of my living, breathing form belongs to him. I’m sick of fighting, and I just want our happily ever after. But now I’m faced with the possibility that this baby may be Luke’s, and if it is, Colton will never be able to forgive me.

Hell, I’ll never be able to forgive me.

I should have never left him that night in the hospital. Colton’s accident wasn’t entirely his fault. He was trying to do what any good Superintendent does, and handle the situation on his own, leaving me to deal with less menial issues. But I did leave him. Mad,
no
, pissed and stubborn, I walked out and left him. He was injured, and in misery from the bolts and pins placed in his arm after the accident. But I guess that’s the kind of cold hearted bitch I am. I simply didn’t care in the moment. Blind fury, I think they call it. I didn’t take time to look at the big picture. I let my anger and emotions control me, and I was blind to what really was before me.

But now, my heart is bleeding
and I don’t have any idea what to do to right my wrong. Hell, there may be no fixing it. And I can’t even fathom the idea of losing Colton forever. If I thought my life had shattered before, spiraling down around me, I was wrong. Because in this moment, the eye of the tornado is heading right for me on a path of destruction and despair.

I deserve every ounce of what I get.