Jake couldn’t decide which outfit to wear - the Valentino shirt with the John Varvatos suit, the lace-up Burberry shoes, and the Movado watch, or the Prada shirt, the Brioni suit, different Burberrys, and the Baume & Mercier watch. He modeled both outfits for half an hour and finally decided on the first one because he thought it made him look the sexiest. After doing some last-minute forehead tweezing, he splashed on more Acqua di Parma cologne all over his body, including his balls, and he was ready to rock ‘n’ roll.
At eight o’clock, he peeked out of the guest room window and saw the limo waiting, with the driver standing next to it. The reporters and fans had finally taken off, so he’d be able to make a clean break. It would be great to get away for a while, to take a break from being Mr Happy Fiance, and to let some of the old Jake Thomas loose.
He tiptoed down the stairs, hearing his parents talking in the kitchen - perfect. He slipped out the front door and went down the steps toward the limo.
The driver, holding the back door open for him, said, ‘Good evening, Mr Thomas.’
‘How’s it going?’ Jake said. ‘Can we just get the hell out of here?’
As the limo pulled away, Jake opened the bar and fixed himself a Grey Goose on the rocks, thinking about his prospects for an orgy. Earlier, when he’d called Patti, he’d thought his chances were slim to none when she mentioned that three of her five stewardess roommates were out of town this weekend.
‘Do you think you might be able to get some other friends to come by?’ Jake asked.
‘Why?’ Patti said.
‘Just to, you know, hang out. I love meeting new people.’
‘That’s so cool. Okay, well, I’ll see if anybody’s around.’
‘Just make sure they’re as pretty as you are.’
‘What?’
‘I’m just kidding. I’m sure all your friends are beautiful.’
Jake was confident that Patti would come through. She was a player, so her friends were probably players too, and he knew if he got at least five players in the room everything else would take care of itself.
Jake’s cell rang - ROBBY flashing.
‘Yeah,’ Jake said.
‘I’ve got one word for you,’ his publicist said. ‘Actually, two letters -
GQ.’
‘I got the cover?’
‘You got the cover.’
‘Baby!’
The limo driver was looking back at Jake in the rearview. Jake, sick of drivers listening in on his conversations, shut the partition.
‘Just got the call,’ Robert said. ‘They were on the fence between you and Ben, and I talked them into you. I told them, “Ben Affleck is so two years ago. Jake Thomas is the future. You gotta go with J.T.’”
‘Way to go,’ Jake said. ‘Now if you score me cover stories in
Time, Newsweek,
and
People
you can keep your job.’ He let the silence linger, then said, ‘Kidding, kidding.’
‘I knew that,’ Robert said.
‘Seriously, you don’t have to worry. As long as you get me on
Oprah, Biography,
and
60 Minutes
you’ll keep your job.’ Jake paused again, then said, ‘It’s a joke. Come on, bro.’
‘I’m also still getting a lot of calls about you and Christina,’ Robert said. ‘Who knows? If I could set up a sit-down for you two with this Kathleen Graham at
People,
maybe they
would
put you on the cover.’
‘Still too early,’ Jake said. ‘Let’s see how the next few days play out and we’ll make a decision about that next week.’
‘If you don’t mind my asking, what exactly are you trying to accomplish by trickling out information about the wedding?’
‘Actually, I do mind you asking. Remember, if you don’t want to do your job. it’s not like I can’t find a hundred other PR guys who’d love to have it.’
Several seconds of silence went by, then Robert said, ‘You’re kidding, right?’
‘Wrong,’ Jake said, and flipped the phone shut.
Kicking back, sipping his drink, Jake was confident everything would continue to go his way. News about the wedding would keep leaking out, and rumors would start flying about where the wedding would take place, how much it would cost, and which celebrities would attend. And then the
GQ
cover story would hit the stands, giving Jake more awesome PR. Jake remembered telling the
GQ
reporter that he loved getting involved with the community and interacting with the Pittsburgh fans, and a lot of other stuff guaranteed to make him sound like a saint.
The limo went along the Belt Parkway, making the big loop around Brooklyn. After passing Bensonhurst and the Verrazano Bridge, Jake finally saw part of the downtown Manhattan skyline.
Manhattan. Ah, Manhattan. Beautiful fucking Manhattan. Until now, Jake didn’t realize how much of his energy Brooklyn had sapped. Brooklyn was such a wasteland, such a downer, such a total buzz kill. That was why there were so many people in the world
from
Brooklyn - because anybody with half a brain got the hell out as fast as they could, or at least moved to the Slope or the Heights, which were really parts of the city.
The city.
That was what they called Manhattan, because Manhattan
was
New York. Brooklyn was bullshit.
Patti lived all the way up on the Upper East Side, near Harlem. Bumper-to-bumper traffic in the East Fifties slowed them down awhile, and it was about nine thirty when the limo pulled into the circular drive of Patti’s apartment complex on Ninety-fifth Street. Jake instructed the driver to pick him up in two hours sharp and then got out and strutted toward the building’s entrance, noticing people noticing him.
The black guy swinging the revolving doors gave Jake the usual J.T. double take. It went like this - guy looked at Jake like he was a nobody, guy looked away; guy realized that the nobody looked like J.T.; guy looked at the nobody again; guy realized that the nobody
was
J.T.; guy’s eyes widened like he just stuck his finger in an electric socket.
Jake went to the concierge’s desk and told the Puerto Rican girl to ring Patti’s apartment.
‘Your name?’
Jake got this a lot too - people who obviously recognized him but pretended to be one of those I’m-so-cool-because-I-don’t-like-to-intrude-on-celebrities’-space types.
“J-T.”
The girl called upstairs and said, ‘JTVs here to see you,’ her face turning pink. Then she said to Jake, ‘Go right up.’
Jake took the elevator up to the twenty-sixth floor. After putting a breath strip on his tongue and adjusting his balls a few times, he rang the bell.
A plain blond girl opened the door and said, ‘Hey.’
‘Hey,’ Jake said, looking past her into the dingy apartment. ‘Is Patti here?’
‘I am Patti.’
Jake squinted. Out of the stewardess outfit, with less makeup, she looked a lot different. He remembered a low-budg Cameron Diaz, but she was just an okay-looking blonde. But then he looked her up and down - she was in jeans and a pink scoop-neck thing -glad to see that her body was still as Cameron Diaz-like as he remembered.
‘I was just messing with you,’ he said. ‘How’s it goin’, baby?’
As he gave her a tight hug hello - happy to feel that she was very thin and tone - he looked over her shoulder, through the pass-through kitchen into the tiny living room area. He was bummed to see only two girls there, and one guy. He hoped there were more girls in another room or something.
‘Hey, so I see you have a few friends here.’
‘Yeah,’ Patti said, ‘lemme introduce you.’
Jake followed her into the living room area and found out why the place was such a dungeon. A wall had been put up in the middle of the original living room, probably to make another bedroom, so the new living room had no windows. The two girls in the room were sitting on a cheap purple couch - probably from IKEA - and the guy was sitting on one of the three chrome stools at the breakfast bar. One girl - the dark-haired Italian- or Greek-looking one in black boots, a short black skirt, and a black top -was definitely hot. She was smiling at Jake in an I-want-you-so-190 bad way, and Jake knew he had her in the bag. The other girl -with curly red hair and designer glasses, in a plain gray pin-striped business suit - was eye-fucking him too. She wasn’t Jake’s type -too conservative-looking, hips a little too wide, a double chin -but she’d do for an orgy.
The guy - squat, receding hairline, in a wrinkled navy suit, probably from fucking Sears - got up from the stool and rushed over to Jake, sticking a hand out to shake.
‘Wow, it’s really great to meet you. I’m Mark. Mark Gottlieb.’
Jake shook Mark’s sweaty hand, getting germ vibes. He wished he’d brought some Purell.
‘This is like a dream come true for me, man,’ Mark went on. ‘I’m a big, big fan of yours.’
Jake knew he was just kissing up.
‘Yeah?’ Jake said. ‘You like the Pirates?’
‘No. I mean, I’m a Yankees fan, but I’ve always been a big baseball fan, and I’ve been following your career since you started out. I have the first All-Star Game you played in on videotape.’
‘Great,’ Jake said, ‘that’s really flattering.’ Then he said to the girls, ‘And who are these lovely ladies?’
He enjoyed watching the girls blush.
‘Diane,’ the hot, dark one said.
‘Little ditty about Jake and Diane,’ Jake said smiling. Everybody laughed.
‘Great to meet you, Diane.’ Jake shook her hand, holding it for a couple of seconds longer than necessary. Then he looked at the redhead and said, ‘And you are . . . ?’
‘Susan.’
She had a raspy, sexy voice that moved her up a few notches in Jake’s mind.
‘Great to meet you, Susan.’
He held her hand for a few seconds, looking intensely into her light brown eyes.
‘Sorry we don’t have a lot of places to sit,’ Patti said to Jake. ‘Why don’t you sit on the couch?’
‘Thanks,’ Jake said, and he sat between Susan and Diane, smiling at both of them. He noticed that Susan was wearing a wedding ring, but he didn’t care.
‘You want something to drink?’ Patti asked. ‘A beer, soda?’
‘That’s all right,’ Jake said. ‘So when are the other girls gonna get here?’
‘There aren’t any other girls.’
Shit, this is why he drove an hour and a half into Manhattan -for three girls and a guy?
‘Come on,’ he said, forcing a smile. ‘You can make a few calls, find some friends to invite over, right?’
‘These are my friends.’
‘Don’t you know any other girls in the building or in the neighborhood? I mean, I love meeting people. I mean, people’s friends.’
‘Isn’t he so cool?’ Patti said to the girls. Then she said to Jake, ‘I called everyone I knew, but no one could make it.’
‘What about your roommates?’ Jake asked. ‘I mean, you said three were out of town, so where are the other two?’
‘I live here,’ Diane said.
‘Oh,’ Jake said. ‘So you’re a stewardess too?’
‘Flight attendant.’
‘Cool,’ Jake said, hoping she wasn’t some kind of feminist. ‘Do you know any other flight attendants in the neighborhood?’
‘No, not really,’ Diane said.
Jake didn’t want to press too hard. He didn’t get the right numbers, but he had to look on the bright side - at least he had a great shot of getting into a five-way. He had the three girls, plus him and Mark. Orgies with guys usually weren’t Jake’s thing -they were a little too porno for him - but once in a while he didn’t mind.
‘Well, this is great,’ Jake said. ‘I’m just glad I had the chance to meet all of you.’
‘How long’re you in New York?’ Mark asked.
‘Just the weekend,’ Jake said.
‘I bet you’ve had a blast so far, huh? I read about that party in the newspaper.’
‘Yeah, I’ve had a great time,’ Jake said, smiling at Susan, then at Diane. ‘But I think the best is yet to come.’
Jake winked at Patti, who had sat down on a stool next to Mark, and she smiled. Jake knew he had Patti all locked up. His strategy was to make a move on Diane first, then get Susan to join in. Patti would come right over and get in on the action, and Mark would either take off or stick around to get some himself.
This was going to be easy.
Jake leaned back, spreading his arms over the back of the sofa, around Susan and Diane.
He said to Susan, ‘So are you a stewardess too?’ ‘No, I work in advertising. I’m an account exec for BBDO Worldwide. W e do a lot of work with professional athletes.’
‘Yeah, I think I’ve done some stuff with BBDO.’
‘You have.’
‘Cool,’ Jake said, trying to figure out if she was being bitchy.
‘I work in advertising too,’ Mark said.
‘Creative at Omnicom.’
‘Yeah?’
Jake didn’t care. ‘I can’t believe you’re really here,’ Diane said to Jake, making goo-goo eyes at him.
‘I know, isn’t it, like, so surreal?’ Patti said. ‘It’s cool, man,’ Mark said.
Jake sensed the time was right to get this party rolling. He reached into the inside pocket of his Varvatos jacket and took out his pillbox.
‘E, anybody?’
The girls and Mark exchanged looks, everyone waiting for the first person to say yes so they could too.
‘I’ll have one,’ Diane said.
‘All right,’ Patti said. ‘Why not?’ Mark said. It was obvious he’d never taken a drug in his life, but he didn’t want to seem like a faggot in front of Jake and the girls.
Jake gave them the pills, then offered one to Susan.
‘No, thanks,’ she said.
‘Sure?’ Jake asked. ‘This is great shit. It really helps you kick back.’
‘It’s okay - thank you.’
Jake didn’t want to push it. Susan seemed kind of stuck-up, but maybe it was all a front. He had to hope, anyway.
Jake took a pill himself - swallowing it dry. Then he had to listen as Mark went on about how he’d grown up dreaming of playing in the major leagues and how he once hit three home runs in a game in Little League. Finally, after about ten minutes, Jake felt the E kicking in, and he moved his left arm closer to Diane’s shoulders until he practically had his arm around her. Then he started to gently massage her left shoulder with his fingers, and he could tell she was getting into it because she started leaning into him. Patti seemed ready too, and Jake decided the time was right to make his move. He started kissing Diane’s neck. She pulled back at first, but then she let him continue, and he knew she was into it. Meanwhile he lowered his right arm around Susan’s shoulders. Susan was the key; if she let loose, Jake was home free.