Linda Ford (21 page)

“Claude is a farmer?”

“No. He just wants to own his own land and be independent.”

It was too sharp a reminder of George’s quest. If he hadn’t died before he could claim a piece of land she wondered if he would have survived the first winter.

Bonnie looked about. “This is nice.”

“It’s a solid house.” Thanks to Roper. Again, pain grabbed her breath. She missed him. She missed his company, their conversations, his understanding—

Stop!
There was no point in wishing for things that couldn’t be.

Claude and Bonnie stayed a few more days before they moved on.

Cassie missed them but she told herself she enjoyed the daily work. Told herself she was content. But she could not persuade herself she was happy.

At the end of the week she took her earnings over to Macpherson as payment on her bill.

“You’re making quite a dent in your account,” the storekeeper said. “What with your baked goods and the money from the meals you serve.” As he spoke he checked the mail. “Something came for you in the latest mail bag.”

Her heart skipped a beat. A letter from home? She took it, saw the return address bore Mrs. Ellertson’s name and with a hurried “thank you” headed back to her house to read it in private. Her fingers shook as she opened the envelope.

Dear Mrs. Godfrey,

It’s a surprise to think of you as a married woman and now a widow. I was some surprised to hear from you, I can say. I recall, I do, how you and your mother scurried about getting your things at the market. Always so quiet and cautious as if ye thought we’d bite. I’ve since put it all together and realize it’s your grandfather you’s afraid of. He’s a hard man but I guess you already know that. You ask if I’ve had any contact with your mother. I’m pleased to be able to say she still comes to the market and I took the opportunity to mention your letter to her. She was some surprised, I could tell, and teared right up. She says to tell you she is fine. Just fine. Your grandfather has suffered a mild stroke. She didn’t say anything more about that but I can guess it likely hasn’t improved the man’s state of mind but perhaps he’s weaker so she finds it easier to put up with him. Your mother said to say she would write if she got a chance and please take care of yourself and be happy. It’s all that matters to her. I hope this message has cheered you. I will be glad to receive another letter with news to pass to your mother.

Your servant,

Mrs. Ellertson

Cassie read the letter twice trying to picture the changes. Was Grandfather confined to bed? If so she didn’t want to think how cantankerous it would make him, but if he was, at least her mother would be able to escape his constant supervision.

Take care of yourself and be happy.

She was doing the first reasonably well. The other? Perhaps happiness was too much to expect or hope for.

Except as she read the Psalms she got the impression God wanted His people to be happy with life.

She folded the letter and slipped it into the Bible for safekeeping.
Thank you, God, that my mother is alive and well.

A knock startled her and she went to answer the door. “Linette. Come in.” She reached out to grab her friend and drag her inside, then thought how desperate it made her look. She hadn’t realized until now that she was that eager for a friendly face. The men she fed were friendly but it wasn’t at all the same.

“Eddie and Grady are still at the store but I couldn’t wait.” She waved an envelope. “I got a letter from Grady’s father.” She closed the door and ripped open the letter, then read it quickly. “He says the child looks like his side of the family. Thanks me for caring for the boy.”

Cassie waved Linette to the table.

“Not a word about coming for Grady. Not even an inquiry about how his son is doing.” She shook the pages in disgust.

Cassie shook her head in disbelief. “How can some men be so unfeeling?”

“He just needs to get to know Grady but how will he if he never sees him? There must be a way to get him to come out West.” Linette mused about what she could do as Cassie made and served tea.

Finally she gave a heavy sigh. “About all I can do is keep writing him and pray God will change his mind.” She gave a short laugh. “Sorry to rattle on so. How are you?”

Finally Cassie could ask the questions burning her tongue. “How are the children? How is their uncle Jack?” But she didn’t voice the most pressing question. How is Roper?

“Jack is improving but still weak. He does his best to spend time with the children but admitted to me that he’s happy they are able to amuse themselves. Grady is really enjoying having some children to play with. The children are so lovable.” She launched into an accounting of everything the children did and said.

Cassie took it all in but wished for some news on Roper.

Linette pushed her empty teacup away and looked about. “Your place looks nice. How are you doing?” She rested her gaze on Cassie, waiting for her to answer.

“My business is going well. Macpherson is pleased with how quickly I’m paying off my bill at the store.”

“And Lane?”

“Lane? What about him?” She couldn’t understand how he deserved mention.

Linette studied her and Cassie met her look openly.

“Roper told me that Lane was courting you. Figured he’d be asking for your hand any day.”

Cassie gave a short, mirthless laugh. “Lane thought the same thing but I told him I wasn’t interested. Haven’t seen him since.”

“So you aren’t encouraging his attention?”

“No and I never have.”

“Ahh, I see.”

“There is nothing to see.”

Linette took her time answering as if considering her choice of words. “Roper seemed to think otherwise. He’s been morose since he came back. I think he misses you.”

“He’s worried about the children. So am I.”

“Strange. He seems at peace about the children but the minute your name comes up, he clams up tight.”

Cassie assessed this information, trying to think what it meant.

“Cassie, he’s lonely and hurting, and I think you’re the only one who can fix it.”

Hope hummed through her veins. Did this mean he cared about her? Reality set in. “He never mentioned anything but continuing our business arrangement.”

“He’s afraid you’ll reject him because he has nothing to offer.”

“He said that?”

Linette waggled her hands. “Not in so many words but I’m good at reading between the lines.”

So it was only Linette’s opinion. Linette, the eternal optimist, the dreamer.

She reached out for the post from Mrs. Ellertson. “I got a letter, too.” She read it aloud to Linette.

“Isn’t that good news?” Linette asked when she’d finished.

Cassie nodded.

“God answers prayer.”

“Not always.”

“He gives what’s best.” Her eyes resting on Cassie, she added, “I’m going to pray that you and Roper get together.”

Cassie laughed. “Don’t we have anything to say about it?”

“I’m expecting you will both come to your senses. It’s plain as the nose on your face that you’re lonely and missing him. It’s equally plain that Roper is lonely, too, and missing you.”

“Seems to me you’re reading a lot into innocent expressions on a person’s face.”

Linette only smiled and nodded as if she had a secret.

Cassie decided it was time to change the subject. “What brings you to town?”

“Oh, I almost forgot. Eddie is arranging a meeting to discuss starting a church. Everyone is invited to the ranch next Saturday for it. You should come.”

Before Cassie could reply, Eddie came to the door. “Sorry to rush your visit but we have several other stops to make before we go home.”

Linette hurried to his side, pausing to thank Cassie and to press her point. “Come to the meeting about the church.”

“I have no transportation.”

“I’m sure Macpherson will be coming. You can accompany him.”

She murmured something noncommittal and hugged her friend goodbye.

The room echoed with emptiness as the wagon drove away.

Why did Roper think he had nothing to offer her? If he thought she wanted a big house and fancy clothes, he hadn’t learned much about her.

Had she misinterpreted his offer of a marriage based on business interests?
An obligation to love.
Why did those words again blare through her head? What did they mean? Where had she heard or read them? Would she find the answers to her confusion in the Bible? She’d learned it offered comfort and she opened the pages seeking something but not knowing what it was or where to find it. Then her eyes lighted on Romans 13:8. “Owe no man anything, but to love one another.”

She sat back. The words that mocked her were from the Bible. How could love be a debt? Or was that what it meant? Slowly another thought worked its way into her mind. Perhaps loving wasn’t a debt or obligation, perhaps it was a gift. She recalled where she had heard the words. At a sermon in her grandfather’s church. It had been an admonition to put people ahead of possessions. Ahead of duty or profit. To give and accept love. She had rejected the words at the time because her grandfather was exactly the opposite.

Was she becoming like him? Putting work and obligation and money and her own interests ahead of all else? And in doing so denying her own needs? She finally admitted she wasn’t joyful even though she had achieved her goal.

She did not want to end up unhappy and mean-spirited like her grandfather.

What did she really want? She knew the answer but wondered if it was possible.

She wanted to love and be loved. And she wanted it all with Roper.

She fell on her knees.
Dear God, I have been driven by the wrong motives. Forgive me. And help me plan my next move.

* * *

Roper saw Linette headed across the yard to him. She and Eddie had been driving around the country announcing the meeting about starting a church. He knew they had gone to Edendale. No doubt they’d visited Cassie. Likely Linette was on her way to tell Roper that Lane and Cassie were growing more and more fond of each other.

He veered away to avoid her.

“Roper, hold up,” she called.

He thought of ignoring her but she was the boss’s wife. And he liked his job enough not to give Eddie cause to dismiss him so he ground to a halt and waited for her. “Howdy. What can I do for you?”

“I don’t want anything except to tell you I saw Cassie. Thought you’d like to know she told Lane not to bother coming anymore.”

His heart clawed up his throat and stuck there. She had dismissed Lane? After kissing him? Had they argued? Or had she finally realized how controlling he was, how he was not her kind of man at all?

He knew what sort of man she needed.

His heart settled into place with a thud. At least Lane had provided some company. “She’ll be a mite lonely, I ’spect.”

“Maybe so but the trouble is, she has eyes for no one but you.”

He wondered how words had the power to make him suck in his breath like he’d been punched. “She said that, did she?”

“Not in so many words but I’m good at reading between the lines.” She waved and headed back toward the house.

He stared after her, his boots rooted to the ground. Eyes for him? Oh, he missed her. With every beat of his heart, with every breath he drew, with every move he made. If only she had accepted his offer to continue their plans.

But he didn’t want a business arrangement.

He loved her and wanted a real marriage.

He wanted to protect her, help her, comfort her, be at her side every step of her future. But what did he have to offer her?

Only love with no strings attached.

He’d never spoken words of love because he didn’t think he had the right to offer his heart. He was nobody.

Nobody but a man in love with her.

Was it enough?

Chapter Sixteen

C
assie heard a wagon approach and went to the door to see who had come. “Claude and Bonnie, how nice to see you. Come in and visit.” She studied the pair as they climbed down. Both looked healthy enough but sent quick little looks from one to the other.

She waited until they were seated at the table enjoying tea and cake before she asked the question begging to be asked. “Is something wrong?”

Another secretive glance passed between them. Then Claude spoke. “We’ve been talking.”

Bonnie edged forward on her chair. “Remember I said neither of us knows anything about farming?”

“I remember.”

“Then perhaps you also remember that I said we only wanted to own our own little piece of land.”

Cassie’s curiosity grew as the pair continued to dart looks at each other.

“We have something we want to discuss with you.” Claude swallowed nervously. “Don’t answer right away. Hear us out, and then think about it.”

“And pray about it,” Bonnie half begged.

“Okay.”

Claude sucked in air. “We thought about how alone you are here. We could see you missed your former partner and the children.” He held up a hand to stop Cassie’s protests. “You keep awfully busy and all. Our idea is we could become your partners.” The last words rushed out.

Cassie couldn’t believe her ears. “But this is mine. I’ve worked hard for it.”

Claude deflated. “I thought you might say that but we thought we had to try.”

“Won’t you at least think about it overnight?” Bonnie asked. “We need to plan what we want to do next. Maybe we could rent the little shack again. Spend the night.”

Cassie nodded. “You’re welcome to its use.”

The pair beamed at each other. Then Bonnie spoke again. “We’ll help with the chores as payment.”

Cassie couldn’t refuse. The afternoon sped past as the pair regaled her with stories of the people they’d met, the places they’d seen and a particularly entertaining tale of encountering an old man in a tiny shack up in the hills.

“At first he ordered us off the place, then he changed his mind and insisted we sit down. Hard to refuse when he aimed his rifle at us.” Claude chuckled. “I think he was lonely for someone to talk to. Said he had moved out there three years ago to get away from people. By the end of our visit he confessed he was getting a little weary of no one but himself to talk to. Then he laughed loud and long, and showed us that his gun wasn’t even loaded. Said he’d never hurt anyone.”

“Poor man,” Bonnie said. “So lonesome. I told him he should leave his isolated cabin and move closer to people. He got all serious and said he didn’t trust people.” She sighed again. “I tried to tell him there were more good people in the world than bad. You just have to be ready to take the risk of meeting both but he isn’t ready to believe it.”

Travelers began to arrive then, and the conversation ended. But Cassie kept thinking of what Bonnie said.
You just have to be ready to take the risk.
It seemed the words could apply to Cassie’s life, too. She had to believe not everyone was like her grandfather. She had to be willing to take a risk.

The words still circled her brain hours later after she’d bid good-night to Claude and Bonnie and retired to her room.

Some risks were worth taking. Like starting her own business. Like Linette coming from England expecting Eddie to marry her.

Was letting herself admit she loved Roper an acceptable risk? Her heart jolted with hot fear.

Fear of being controlled. Fear of disappointment. Fear of the unknown.

She examined each fear. Would Roper try and control her if they married? A smile tugged her lips. If so, he’d soon learn she wouldn’t accept having his will imposed on her.

Would he disappoint her? She didn’t even have to think about that answer. Never. Because she would be happy simply to have him sharing her life.

The unknown remained scary simply because it was exactly that. She couldn’t control it. But reading the Psalms had filled her soul with deep conviction. God held the future. She could trust Him.

That left her one question to answer.

Did she have the courage to confront her fears?

* * *

Roper watched the buggies and horses drive in for the meeting about getting a church. He figured Linette and Eddie must have visited everyone within forty miles, judging by the number of people arriving. Seems only a year ago that there was no one but a few scattered ranchers and the people working there.

Guess it was inevitable that things would change.

He leaned against the corner post of the corral fence and watched. No doubt Cassie would come. He’d told himself he’d speak to her. He’d even practiced a countless number of speeches but he still had no idea what he would say. Only that he must tell her how he felt and see if he had a chance.

It scared him to think of confessing his love but anything was better than this endless misery of wishing, hoping, telling himself not to hope and going straight back to wishing.

The Mountie rode up to the house and dismounted. Roper hadn’t expected him to attend the meeting but then he hadn’t thought about much except Cassie.

Macpherson’s wagon rumbled up and Roper pushed away from the post, unable to breathe. The man jumped down but rather than reach up to help a lady down, he headed straight for the house.

Roper stared. Where was Cassie? Was she ill? What else would keep her from attending?

He intended to find out. He jogged toward the barn as fast as his bowed legs and riding boots allowed. In minutes he had a horse saddled and raced from the yard.

If something had happened to Cassie—

He should have never left her there alone. It was his stupid pride that had made him walk away.

The horse was doing all the work but Roper sweated like he did the running.

Down the road came a tail of dust indicating another wagon headed for the ranch. Whoever it was should slow down. The meeting wasn’t important enough to risk an upset.

He reined the horse off the trail to let it pass, caught a twinkle of a dark blue dress and a surprised expression as it flashed by. He blinked. Cassie? Why was she driving like that? The wagon rattled to a halt.

Cassie stood up looking as surprised as he felt. “Roper, what are you doing out here?”

He edged closer. “I could ask you the same thing.” He saw what appeared to be all her worldly goods piled in the back. She was going somewhere? In a hurry? Without a word to anyone? Not even him? His heart threatened to leak out the bottom of his boots. “You planning on leaving the country?” Or had she changed her mind and was headed to join her life with Lane Brownley? He grabbed the top of his boots and tugged in a vain attempt to stop the way his insides sank.

“Not leaving. Going back.” She watched him closely as if her words should mean something special to him.

How far back did she mean? “Back to Montreal?” His words were cautious. Maybe she was going back to England.

Her smile seemed a little crooked. “No, back to the ranch.”

Her answer made no sense. “Eden Valley?”

She nodded.

What reason did she have to go to the ranch? “What’s back there?”

She lifted one shoulder. “I thought you were.”

The words wound their way through his head with maddening slowness. He couldn’t grasp her meaning. “Me?”

She nodded, her gaze watchful, intent.

Understanding crept closer. “You were coming to see me?” He squeaked like a twelve-year-old boy. “Why?”

She looked away. “Maybe I missed you.”

A visit? But the wagon was full. He swallowed hard. “How much did you miss me?”

“Enough to sell half my business to a young couple who are prepared to run it for me. Enough to pack all my belongings in a borrowed wagon. Enough—”

He leaped from his horse into the wagon, sending it rocking, and grabbed Cassie’s shoulders. “Are you saying—”

“Roper, I’m not saying anything more. I think it’s up to you now.”

He squinted his eyes at the goods in the wagon box. “Just exactly what did you have in mind?” It tickled him to think she might have planned to ride up to the ranch and propose to him.

She looked away. “I knew Linette would always welcome me. I could work for her.”

He choked back his disappointment. Where did he fit into the picture?

Then she smiled at him, tipping his world sideways with her blinding intensity. Was it only his hoping that made him think he saw love and acceptance?

“Did you—” His tongue couldn’t seem to find the right shape for the words he wanted to say and he tried again. “Did you see me in your plans?”

“I guess that’s up to you.”

It was all the encouragement he needed and yet his mouth was so dry he couldn’t speak. He couldn’t make his brain work. He could only stare at a face full of hope and promise. A face he saw in his thoughts day and night. A face he’d missed beyond measure. “But I have no name.”

“Roper Jones is a very nice name.”

“I have no past.”

She smiled and touched his cheek with fingers that soothed him like cool water. “Sometimes the past is best forgotten.”

“I don’t know who my family is. Maybe they’re idiots or insane.”

“Or maybe they’re kings and scholars.”

He chuckled at that. “What happened to being independent?”

“I think love doesn’t mean owning, but honoring.”

She’d thought of everything. So had he. He took her hands and studied her face, cherishing each feature. “Cassie Godfrey, I love you and if you’ll have a nobody cowboy, I’d like to marry you.” His lungs locked up tight and he couldn’t continue. Maybe he’d misunderstood her. His heart ticked out the seconds as he waited for her answer.

She lifted their joined hands and smiled. “It would be my honor to marry you and share your life. I love you, Roper Jones.”

His heart blasted into action, sending relief humming through his veins. It was beyond belief that she could love him but he wasn’t about to argue and he pulled her into his arms and hugged her, wanting to keep her next to his heart forever. But he wanted even more than that.

He lowered his head and kissed her, his love flooding his heart until he had to step back and whoop his joy. The horses both snorted a protest but Cassie laughed.

He kissed her again, love pouring from his heart in a gushing waterfall.

A little later, she sighed. “I meant to attend the meeting.”

“We can still go. Might be a bit late, though.” He tied his horse to the back of the wagon and they returned to the ranch.

As they stepped into the big room at the ranch house, Linette glanced toward them. Her eyes grew wide and she started to grin.

The others in the room followed her gaze and saw Roper with his arm around Cassie.

“About time you two came to your senses,” Eddie said.

“Now we really need to get the church built so we can have a wedding.” Linette would have it all planned out in a minute.

Roper murmured to Cassie. “Not sure I want to wait until they build a church and find a preacher.”

“Me, either.”

But they said nothing and slipped into two chairs at the back of the room.

* * *

Cassie had a hard time concentrating on the meeting. She could not think past the joy of the moment. Roper loved her and she loved him. Together they would create a new family. She would not let herself think of the four children she had grown to love. They’d been a family, but now the children had a new family of their own.

The meeting ended and Linette insisted Roper and Cassie come to the house. Cassie needed no persuasion. The children and their uncle had remained there, and she was anxious to see them again.

The children saw them coming and screamed her name as they raced down the hill. Only Roper’s protective arm about her kept her on her feet as the children flung themselves into her embrace. She hugged and kissed them all and lifted Pansy to her arms. The little girl patted Cassie’s cheeks and gave a watery smile.

“Oh, I’ve missed you all,” Cassie said.

Daisy tucked her arm through Cassie’s. “We’ve missed you.”

“How is your uncle?”

The three older children all answered at once. From what Cassie could make out Jack was feeling better but wasn’t strong.

Cassie stopped and drew them all close. “Roper and I are going to get married.” Her heart overflowed, and she hugged them all close. Roper wrapped his arms around them as best he could, trying to include them all.

“I wish—” Billy started but Daisy’s jab cut him short.

Me, too,
Cassie agreed, feeling exactly as Billy. She reached for Roper’s hand and strength, seeing in his expression the same regret none of them voiced.

They reached the house and Linette drew them into the family sitting room where Jack sat so he could see out the window.

Cassie hurried to greet him. “You look much better than last time I saw you.”

He gave a wry smile. “I’m feeling much better, thank you.” He eyed her and Roper. “Seems you two have finally allowed yourself to see what the rest of us saw from the beginning.”

Cassie laughed. She didn’t mind knowing others had seen their love before they did...or at least before either of them willingly admitted it.

“Children,” Jack said, “would you run and play for a few minutes? I want to talk to Roper and Cassie in private.”

Billy complained he hardly got a chance to see Cassie but Daisy shushed him and pulled him out of the room.

Jack seemed to consider his words before he began to speak. “I’m glad to see the two of you together. It makes it possible for me to make a rather large request of you.” He stopped for a moment.

Cassie darted a glance at Roper. What was this all about? But Roper quirked an eyebrow, letting her know he didn’t know.

“I love the children and would be glad to give them a home but I’ve discovered I am not strong enough. I guess I knew it before I even left Toronto but I wasn’t about to let my sister’s children be put in a home. Or given to begrudging people. But with you—”

Cassie held her breath not daring to believe he meant what she thought. What she hoped.