Linda Goodman's Sun Signs (64 page)

These boys and girls can be calm and sweetly docile on the surface, but the north wind can turn them suddenly topsy turvy. (Except that, with an Aquarian, it could be turvy topsy. You can expect anything.) Unpredictable in their behavior, but lovable and often amusing, the February child can be quite a spinning propeller to contend with. I used that analogy because Aquarians and Uranus rule air flight, planes and Charles Lindbergh and things like that. Yet, these youngsters are so full of contradictions, instead of taking to flight naturally, many of them have a strange, unreasonable fear of planes and elevators—even electricity (also ruled by Uranus). It isn't easy to direct them or channel them. They have no idea where they're going, but they have definite ideas about how to get there.

Raising and teaching these “wonders” can be a big responsibility. Their minds combine fixed practicality with uncanny perception and sharp, probing logic. Mix it all up and it can be acutely embarrassing, like when your little Aquarian asks your best friend why she got her face lifted (she did)—or asks your Uncle Elmer why he cheated on his income tax in front of the Internal Revenue man (he did).

They love to do favors for friends. Buy your little Aquarian boy a brand new pair of boots, and he's likely to wear them out the first day—smoothing down the snow to make it slick so the neighborhood kids can use their sleds.

Expect your February child to have a dream and hold it fast—until he gets another one. With a girl, it's likely to be a projection of herself as a prima ballerina, with a pure dedication to her art that would put Pavlova to shame, a thirst to be the first woman president or a hunger to follow in the footsteps of Madame Curie. With the boys, it could be an oceanographer, ichthyologist, archaeologist, anthropologist, an exterminator or a tree surgeon. Normal career choices like nurses, secretaries, clerks, salesmen, teachers, bankers and brokers are too mundane for the average Aquarian child's fantasies. He may have to settle for one eventually, but the original dream will be tucked under his left ear and not forgotten. It's eerie, but Aquarians can sometimes cause a thing to happen by simply concentrating on it and waiting.

You'll never know quite what to expect from day to day. This is a child who may not want to stay indoors when it rains. He'll be out with your best sterling silver tablespoon, digging a drain so the hill in back of the house won't wash away.

Remember the old verse you heard as a child that went, “The bear went over the mountain—the bear went over the mountain—the bear went over the mountain—to see what he could see. The other side of the mountain—the other side of the mountain—the other side of the mountain—was all that he could see.” Your Aquarius youngster will have better luck. He'll find something there. Maybe it will be a pot of gold or just a new species of woodpecker, but none of his exploratory journeys will ever result in a dead end or a total loss.

I skipped over the infant stage because these children are never infants. They are born middle-aged. However, many of them do go through the toddler stage, and during that precarious period you might be wise to consider buying a seeing-eye dog. Keep the dog until your little Uranian is at least ten. He may have trouble navigating the block without an incident. Off on his own private cloud, he'll lope down the street in a fog, and ram right into a telephone pole or a mailbox. Aquarian absent-mindedness brings on twisted ankles, broken bones and the wrath of teachers. You may be torn between pride, when the school reports he or she is a budding genius—and shame, when you receive a note saying, “Oliver simply won't pay attention in class. He stares out the window all day and plays with his two-way wrist watch.” Or “Gertrude refuses to concentrate. Instead of studying, she just sits there and flexes her arches in those silly ballet slippers.” A lecture to Oliver and Gertrude will result in a shrug of bored impatience. What's all the fuss about? He was trying to figure the effect of the summer solstice on Greenwich Mean Time, and she was wondering what makes a worm turn into a butterfly. To their minds, that's perfectly logical. Gee! What a square school. Granted, they are on the right track. But this may not be the century to prove it.

Teachers often complain that the Aquarian child refuses to explain, step by step, how he arrived at his remarkable answer to a complicated math problem before she finished writing it on the blackboard. There's a good, sensible reason. His Uranian intuition, that works by some kind of unseen radio waves, forced his mind through those steps so quickly, he just can't remember. Almost all Aquarian children were behind the delivery-room door when memory was passed out. Forgetting their address is frequent, forgetting their last name is uncomfortably possible, and forgetting what time to come home is par-for-the-course. Your brilliant—and he most likely is—Uranus youngster must be taught that his aim should encompass more than being a human computer. He needs to learn the importance of organizing his thoughts in logical order. Otherwise, a potential genius, philosopher, engineer, scientist, doctor, lawyer—gardener or cab driver (the last two if you're lucky) can turn into an eccentric adult, headed in several directions at once, and end up going around in interesting, but not very profitable, circles.

Encourage him to participate in physical activity or a harmful inertia can take over, and he'll daydream the hours away. It often takes an emergency to spur Aquarian children to physical action, though they can have a great love for sports. Mentally, they're speed demons. But the body may be a bit slower, at least around the house. They may have an empathy for birds, trees, nature and the seashore. They'll always prefer their own, independent discovery to organized activity. You'll have to watch for a tendency to say “I can't” to rationalize the urge to avoid responsibility. The Aquarian child may take the path of least resistance, if you let him. Teach him that he's only fooling himself. Let him make his own decisions, but encourage him to act on them.

Unspoken tension can deeply disturb him. These youngsters can almost see into the souls of others, and hear thoughts which haven't even been audibly expressed, which can disturb them and leave lasting feelings of unhappiness. Better encourage tranquility and harmony, concentration and memory, if you don't want an eccentric, nervous, absent-minded bachelor or spinster with unfulfilled dreams on your hands in thirty years or so.

Be careful what you say and how you say it with Aquarian youngsters. Suggestions planted in these fertile, remarkably acute Uranian minds in childhood, can take firm root and form fixed adult opinions. Undue emphasis on clean hands, repeated warnings, ‘Don't drink out of my glass, it's dirty,” can cause the Aquarian youngster to grow up with exaggerated fears and carry his own goblet in his pocket when he goes visiting. Being so accident prone, you can imagine what will happen if he sits down suddenly with that goblet there. And he does do almost everything suddenly.

Aquarian boys and girls have multitudes of friends. They make at least ten new ones per day, from the street cleaner to the truant officer and the ex-parachutist who runs the candy store. He might even bring home a little friend named Rockefeller for lunch someday, too, but don't let it shake you. You're not raising a social snob. He won't know him from the dog catcher. He's just another “pal.”

Adolescent problems of romance may never bother you. In fact, the Aquarian child may have to be reminded which sex is which. Few of these youngsters are boy crazy or girl crazy. Just plain crazy is more of a possibility, especially when they start wearing those weird clothes and parting their hair in such an odd way. This may be about the time his hidden love of poetry emerges, which should be encouraged. Your little Uranian has frogs in his pockets and stars in his eyes, but he's very special. He's a humanitarian. He loves people. Do you know how rare that is? As society moves into the Aquarian age, his unprejudiced wisdom is leading us. Aquarian boys and girls have been chosen by destiny to fulfill the promise of tomorrow—frogs and stars, pickle sandwiches and all. Just nickname him the “Twentieth Century Wonder,” and let the neighbors guess why.

First of all, check again. Are you sure her birthday is late January or early February? Are you absolutely positive your boss is an Aquarian? Uranus-ruled executives are as rare as albino pandas. If you have one for a boss, you can't very well sell her to a zoo, but consider her a collector's item, anyway. Someday, she may be extremely valuable.

Seriously, the typical Aquarian would just about prefer starvation to the usual nine-to-five office routine. Most Aquarians dislike making decisions, they are uncomfortable giving orders, they have no particular desire to direct others and they're totally incompatible with stuffy board meetings, let alone stuffy vice presidents. This doesn't mean Aquarians are not competent bosses. Uranus is full of surprises, and the totally unqualified Aquarian boss who turns out to be absolutely indispensable is one of them.

When an occasional Aquarian wanders into an executive position, burdened by all the above negative qualifications, she simply pulls a couple of new tricks out of her bag. She may be absentminded and forgetful, eccentric and unpredictable, by turns shy and then bold, but she also has a mind like a bear trap hidden behind those strange, vague eyes and that detached, distant attitude. Add to that a highly tuned, perceptive intuitiveness which makes you think she has a crystal ball tucked in a pocket. Throw in her uncanny ability to analyze, dissect and weigh the facts with insight as keen as a razor blade—and for good measure—her sure instinct in making a warm friend of everyone from the water delivery man to the firm's biggest customer. Back it up with the broad, liberal Uranus philosophy which sees miles into tomorrow, and catches the big picture in all its scope while others are floundering over details—and you see what I mean by surprises. Unfitted as the average Aquarian is for an executive role, she tosses off the job as casually as if she had been born to it, which he definitely was not.

There's the other side of the coin, too. She may possibly refer to you as “My assistant, Miss … ah … ah … Miss … uh … what was your name again?” She can be maddening when she plans complicated programs behind your back and springs them on you at the last minute. And I'm sure you've chafed under her frustrating habit of giving you a completely new and unexpected job to do, blithely neglecting to explain the reason behind the change. But confess now, under it all she really is rather a lovable dear, isn't she? Most Aquarians are, once you get used to their peculiar ways, sudden changes and unexpected surprises. Also, I might add, their fixed opinions when they've made up their mind.

If I were you, I wouldn't try to borrow money from an Aquarian boss. If she's a typical Aquarian, she doesn't approve of people living beyond their income. Some Aquarians, of course, live in comfortable luxurious surroundings—but most of them are quite capable of living in one shabby room, while they spend twenty hours a day promoting better housing for the poor. She won't be impulsive about giving raises, but then, she won't be stingy either. You'll get just about what you deserve with your Aquarian boss. No more and no less. She can be most generous when she thinks someone has done a top job beyond the call of duty. Make no mistake. She'll expect your best—your very best. Anything less brings the danger of being politely and kindly, but firmly dropped. Kerplunk—like that. An Aquarian has no use for people who goof off or give half a day's work for a full day's pay. To her, that's a form of dishonesty, and she hates dishonesty in approximately the same degree that a cat hates the water.

When it comes to your personal life, the Aquarian boss hasn't the slightest desire either to judge you or advise you. She does have a desire to know about it, however, and you may find it hard to escape that probing Uranus curiosity when it comes to your private affairs. But you can tell her anything at all without worrying that she'll be shocked. Nothing shocks her. She's the best student of human nature in the zodiac, and she'll never look down on you (anymore than she'll look up to you). Both your vices and your virtues blend into an interesting and colorful pattern, as far as she's concerned. She takes it all in stride, and it doesn't make a ripple in her opinion of you. The town drunk and the silly, giggling teenager are as much her friends and as close to her as the president of the local university and the state senator. You'll find literally no prejudice or discrimination if she's a true Aquarian. In other words, you're in danger of being fired if she catches you stealing stamps or hiding an unfinished report in your desk—but if she discovers you're a bigamist, that your father served two terms in prison, your son smokes pot or your wife practices yoga on the back porch in her birthday suit, she'll just shrug, figure it's your life and probably defend you to your critics. The Aquarian boss won't be bothered one whit if you're a conservative politically and you paste a picture of George Bush next to her painting of Franklin Roosevelt. She won't bat an eye at the news that you had to be poured into a taxi after the last office party. Just don't cheat her, lie to her or—heaven forbid—break your word to her. Promises and ethics and such are where she falls into the narrow-minded category.

Unlike the Aries or Leo boss, she won't exert energy trying to convince you that you're making a mistake in voting for that man, dating that girl or wearing that color tie. And, unlike the Cancer, Capricorn or Libra boss, she won't hint and use persuasive strategy to change your viewpoint. Live your life the way you choose and more power to you for being an individualist is her creed. On the other hand, don't ever attempt to dictate her personal code to him, either. She won't show any anger, or probably even feel any. She may even smile and nod thoughtfully, with that faraway look in her eyes, but you might as well talk to the wall. She'll listen to almost anybody. Listen. That's all.