Linda Goodman's Sun Signs (63 page)

There is one peculiar and notable exception to the rule. Like the Uranus man, the Uranian female will remember the first true and honest love for a lifetime. Only the first, however. Are you wondering whether that Aquarius girl you once knew still remembers you? The answer lies in her definition of love. It could have something to do with the first boy who gave her a bunch of sweet peas when she was nine—the boy who walked her through the park in the rain—or the one with the funny ears, who knew the clown at the circus, and used to feed her peanuts.

Uranus women involved in extra-marital affairs are rare. They can be tempted in exceptional situations, but a dishonest relationship goes against their chemistry. It won't be long until an undercover romance is broken off for good. Yet, there are many Aquarian divorcees. There's a reason. If a situation becomes intolerable, the Uranian nature turns cold suddenly. They can disappear overnight, and never look back. They don't seek or enjoy divorce, but it isn't the shock to them it is to their more sentimental sisters. Uranus rules change, you know. Since she's such an individualist, with a list of friends several miles long, the Aquarian female never hesitates to make her way alone if the need arises.

Expect her to probe into your heart until you haven't a secret left, or a dream that hasn't been analyzed. But don't try to dissect her private thoughts. That's not the way the game is played with Aquarians. She'll keep her motives hidden, and sometimes take a perverse pleasure in deliberately confusing you. She'll usually be truthful to a fault, but remember, with an Aquarian, telling a lie is one thing. Refraining from telling the whole story is another.

It's comforting to know that an Aquarian female is pretty cagey with a buck. That is, it's comforting to know unless you're planning to hit her for a loan. She might say yes a time or two, but if you let your credit rating slip, she can be colder than the guy at the bank when you skip your car payment. On the rare occasions when she accepts a small loan herself, you'll get back every penny with no stalling, excuses or feminine wiles, if she's a typical Uranus female. As for every man's nightmare of charge accounts, you'll have little worry on that score. Aquarian women are uncomfortable about owing money. Bad debts don't fit in with the Uranus code.

Her appearance is puzzling. Most Aquarian women are lovely, with a haunting, wistful beauty, But they're changeable. They can give an impression of smooth whipped cream, then suddenly switch to salty pizza, as quickly as a bright, blue, zigzag bolt of Uranian electricity. Next to Librans, Aquarian females are often the most beautiful women in the zodiac. At the very least, they're interesting-looking. The Aquarian manner of dressing can stop you dead in your tracks. There are a few of them who could grace the cover of a fashion magazine, but the average Aquarian woman is anything but conventional about her wardrobe. She can wear some outfits a gypsy would envy, and her naked individuality can produce some mighty unique combinations. She'll usually be the first to wear a new fad, no matter how zany it is, yet she can also stick to Grandma's styles—even great-grandma's styles. With typical Aquarian indifference, she'll mix yesterday's lace snood with today's metallic jump suit, and the effect can be a little startling. She'll wear her lace nightgown to a formal banquet, ostrich feathers to the supermarket, bell bottom slacks to the opera, sneakers to the theatre, diamonds when she visits the zoo—and top it all off with a faded Mother Hubbard she picked up in a thrift shop.

Your Aquarian will probably have an unusual way of wearing her hair. Her tresses are as unpredictable as her personality. They can be worn braided, pig-tailed, pinned in a bun, flowing down like a waterfall, short as a marine's, in Mary Pickford curls or as straight as a poker. One thing you can depend on. Her hair won't look like the hair of any other female on this planet.

A conversation with her can be remarkable, to say the least. She has charming manners, and usually behaves in a timid, almost reserved way. Then comes one of those sudden Uranus urges, and out will pop a remark with absolutely no relation to what anyone is saying. You'll be talking about the fluctuations of the stock market, and she'll interrupt out of nowhere with: “Did you know that Woodrow Wilson, Jack Kennedy, Herbert Hoover, Harry Truman, Calvin Coolidge, Benjamin Harrison, Franklin and Theodore Roosevelt and William McKinley all have double letters in their names?” There's only one way to answer a question like that. Tell her she missed Millard Fillmore, Ulysses Grant and Thomas Jefferson. Then gently, but firmly, lead the discussion back to the stock market. Other minds may progress in fairly logical steps, but hers zigs into tomorrow, then zags back into today with no more sense of direction than a flash of lightning. Now and then she'll toss off an unexpectedly poignant phrase. You'll ask her what she thinks of space travel and she'll answer, “When I was a little girl, I thought the stars were holes in the floor of heaven where the light shone through.” If she's in a different mood, you'll say that melted snowmen make you sad, and she'll counter with: “A melted snowman is just a pile of slush, Charlie.” First misty—then practical. First timid—then rowdy. Aquarian women will rudely ridicule flying saucers, then tell you a story about a polka-dotted elf on a windowsill. Never talk down to an Aquarian female. She'll resent not being considered your equal, and an unsympathetic attitude will cause her to retreat and become unapproachable.

Since Uranus rules the future, you might imagine that these women would be natural mothers. Children do, after all, belong to the future. But the average Aquarian woman may be bewildered by motherhood in the beginning. She has to adjust to devoting all her attention and energy exclusively to one human being for a period of time, when she's used to spreading herself far and wide, and this can take some practice. Her natural aloofness may make it difficult for her to demonstrate warm affection outwardly. The typical Aquarian mother is devoted to her offspring, but also somewhat detached toward them. But she'll probably be the most willing PTA worker in the neighborhood. She'll talk happily for hours with their small friends on their own level without patronizing them, and she'll give up her afternoons to work for a school project. The children will learn the lessons of brotherhood and humanity from her by observation. Aquarian mothers are never fiercely protective of their children. They take a tolerant view of the most startling confession. A Uranus woman will seldom punish a child for telling the truth, no matter what he's done. With her unprejudiced viewpoint, she'll gain the complete confidence of her little ones. She's great at reassuring young minds about everything from monsters hiding under the bed to the pain of being ignored in the playground. She can turn their tears to laughter in minutes. Your children will find her jolly fun, a little helter-skelter, relaxed about housework, helpful with homework and gentle when they're ill. She won't smother them with affection, and she'll seldom nag. Maybe Tommy didn't wash his hands the third time he was told, but she's more interested in what he learned in science class.

We may be a little ahead of ourselves. Even though Uranus likes to reverse the existing orders of things, before your Aquarian becomes a mother, she has to become a wife. And before she becomes your wife, you'll have to convince her that marriage isn't synonymous with Alcatraz. She won't exactly rush into matrimony. She's in no hurry to take your name until she's weighed you, sorted you, tested you, and found out what makes you tick. The opinions of her friends and family will mean nothing, though she may ask them what they think out of curiosity. She has her own yardstick for measuring you. Assuming you pass her test, marriage to an Aquarian female can be confusing. She'll listen pleasantly when you give her advice, but there's something in the Uranian make-up that prevents her from following directions explicitly. She can't stick to the recipe when she bakes one of her angel fool cakes anymore than she can park the car exactly where you suggested. There's some kind of a snag in her thinking that causes her to believe just a little twist will improve anything. But she'll smile agreeably as she goes on her own, sweet way. There's a constant urge to experiment with a different way to make the coffee, fill her pen, fasten her ice skates or cross the street. She'll wear a sweater backwards, mix her brandy with milk, arrange flowers in a fish bowl, rinse her hair in shaving lotion or make a rock garden on your desk. But don't ask her why. She doesn't know herself. The unique and unusual is her wave-length, that's all.

Because her nature is so impersonal, expressions of deep feeling won't come easily. Except for those sudden remarks that sound like a combination of Robert Frost and Yogi Berra, she has few words with which to express her love, and her pattern of physical passion is woven closely with threads connected to the mind and soul. Although the unique Uranus outlook leads some Aquarian women into peculiar attachments, once they find the right mate, their marriages are usually models of happiness.

Your Aquarian woman can float through her days and nights with all the grace of a proud swan, but she may behave like a clumsy bear in romantic situations. The line between friendship and love is often all but invisible to Aquarius. Love songs about people who only have eyes for each other strike her as silly. There are so many miracles in the world for eyes to behold, it seems to her a terrible waste for two pairs of them to do nothing but gaze into each other's depths. She'll be glad to let you take her hand and walk beside her as she looks with happy delight on the sunrise, an antique car, the policman's horse, a yellow garbage pail, a stuffed owl or a red balloon caught in a church steeple. But don't distract her with too much togetherness. Let her wander through her wonderland alone when she chooses, and she'll never question your pinochle games with the boys.

The quickest ways to lose her are to show jealousy, possessiveness or prejudice; to be critical, stuffy or ultra-conservative. You'll also have to like her friends, who will come in odd, assorted sizes and shapes.

She's susceptible to sudden flashes of inspiration, and her intuition is remarkable. Her judgment may not seem sound or practical at first, because she sees months and years ahead. The Aquarian woman lives in tomorrow, and you can only visit there through her. What she says will come true, perhaps after many delays and troubles, but it will come true. I suppose, after all, that's the most special thing about your February woman. She's a little bit magic.

According to Mother Goose, if your offspring is dressed in blue, he's made of snips and snails and puppy-dog tails. If baby is wearing pink, she's made of sugar and spice, and everything nice. But if he or she was born in February, dress him in an aquamarine cap and electric blue booties and forget that old rhyme. This infant is made of the raw material of Uranus, and he's going to make you chase him into tomorrow.

He's a quivering, sensitive, stubborn, independent mass of invention and electrical impulses. Even if he has a slow and careful Taurus ascendant, his mental processes will be as fast as Uranian lightning. His thoughts will vibrate like high frequency radio beams, and as he grows up, you may feel like sending out an S.O.S yourself.

Every mother and father think their child is special—different and unique, compared to other youngsters. But this one is just ridiculous. Lots of parents of a young Aquarian puzzle whether to send him out on the farm, where he won't frighten neighbors, or let the word casually get around that he may win the Pulitzer prize someday. Which route should you take? You have a problem. Yes, you do. The Pulitzer is possible, but my advice would be to try the farm for a few summers and watch. Observe. Wait. He's liable to invent a new plow, or just eat them out of house and home. It depends. There's never a cut and dried rule with Aquarians.

I know one New York mother who just called her Uranian son “the Bronx Wonder” and let it go at that. At least her relatives and neighbors were as mystified as she was. Nobody knew if the nickname meant he had three heads or he was headed for the Hall of Fame. As it turned out, he was a pretty good basketball player, and most folks thought that's why he had the tag. But they shouldn't have been so hasty. The story's not over yet. He's presently rotating between composing the score for a musical which may go on Broadway or in the wastebasket, playing bit parts in detective films, and making himself available for TV commercials. (The kind that require men in oversized caricature costumes to sell life insurance.) He's also working on an invention in his bedroom (between watching the Mets play and eating pickle sandwiches), but since he won't tell anyone what it is, I can't give you any clues. He has a kind of thing about clocks and watches, so it may have something to do with a time machine (a common Aquarian obsession). Well, we'll see. There's no rush. Lots of Aquarians don't break loose and shower electric sparks of genius on a waiting world until they're a young fifty. It makes it all a little nerve-wracking, waiting around like that. Of course, there are quite a few Aquarian child prodigies, but we're tangled up enough trying to figure out your average Aquarian youngster (and I use the term average loosely).

He may end up working for the FBI or a private eye outfit (he loves to figure out mysteries), and become an ordinary, sensible, conservative citizen. (Don't hold your breath, but it's a possibility). We'd better concentrate on his tender years. That way, you'll have a fighting chance to guide this Uranus rocket in some kind of direction.

Until maturity has mellowed Uranian influences, and society has molded more conventional attitudes, an Aquarian youngster can be strongly negative. The immediate reaction to a command (or even a pleasant suggestion) is often an emphatic no. But let him think about it, mull it over, and it's surprising how many times his final reaction will be sensible—the answer he found by himself correct and acceptable.