Authors: High Country Rebel
Another SEAL had done what he could to patch Zeke up, stop the bleeding and then carried the dog a mile to where they were all picked up by an MH-47 Chinook helo and choppered back to Bagram.
Talon had lost consciousness en route, his last word was his dog’s name on his lips. Zeke had been shipped out to Germany, to a military vet hospital at Landstuhl medical center, where he underwent lifesaving surgery. When Talon woke up two days later after extensive surgery himself, he’d found out Zeke was alive but would never work again for the military. Neither would he.
“You’re both very brave. Both heroes,” Cat told him softly, holding his dark gaze.
Talon said nothing. It wasn’t a place he wanted to go, but Cat’s observation made him feel good. Better to be a hero than a coward. In his case, he was neither. Zeke, on the other hand, had been awarded a Silver Star for his heroism and it was well deserved and earned. But no one outside the SEAL community of those who had rescued him and Hayden would ever know the particulars. It was top secret. Like his life.
“Do you stay in touch with your friends who are SEALs?”
“I try,” Talon admitted, “but they’re so damned busy training constantly or being deployed that it’s tough to keep up communications.”
“It sounds like they were on 24/7/365.”
“You could say that.”
“That’s why Sandy said it was tough for you to find time to get home to visit her.”
“Yes,” he admitted, his voice heavy. “Now, looking back on it, I wish I’d have pushed back with my master chief and demanded the time off. I just never realized what chemo and radiation did to a person.”
Hearing the regret in his voice, Cat reached out, briefly touching his upper arm for a moment. “Sandy understood.”
His skin burned beneath her unexpected touch. Talon told himself it was her paramedic side expressing itself. Not the woman wanting to touch her man. How he wished it was reversed. The sympathy in her expression told the real story. “My mother’s very quick to forgive someone like me.”
Cat laughed quietly. “Well, you
are
her son, after all. She loves you, Talon. Do you think she wouldn’t forgive you?”
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, Cat.”
Ones that will haunt me until the day I die.
“Like you’re the Lone Ranger?” She chuckled and shook her head. “God, I’ve made so many mistakes, too. I don’t see why anyone would like me.”
Talon gave her a dark, assessing look. “That doesn’t diminish who you are, Cat. You care. You’ve saved lives.”
And I’ve taken so many lives I’ve lost count. Big difference between you and me.
She snorted. “I’m talking personally, Talon.” And then, without thinking, she admitted, “I have such lousy taste in men that it’s pitiful.”
His eyes narrowed. And he saw Cat gulp, suddenly realizing what she’d let slip. “What do you mean?”
She took a deep breath. “I choose guys who don’t respect women. I wish I could stop or go back and fix my mistakes.”
Talon digested her comment, seeing how uncomfortable she’d become. “What do you mean, lack of respect?”
“I don’t want you to think less of me,” she blurted. “But the guys in the past were...well...abusive toward me.” She saw his eyes instantly harden. She felt his anger. “I mean, I didn’t stay with them. The moment they laid a hand on me, I was gone.”
His throat tightened and Talon forced his rage into his kill box. Because he wasn’t angry with Cat. There was real shame in her eyes. He could hear it when she talked, as if feeling she had to apologize. “Your father abused you,” he rasped. “That’s all you knew.”
She couldn’t even look at Talon. “Yeah, that’s what Casey Sinclaire said. She’s really smart and my best friend. She’s seen the guys I chose over the last seven years. Not that there were that many.... And she pointed out the pattern. I didn’t even see it but I do now.” She rolled her shoulders and forced herself to look over at Talon. “I’m not about to get tangled up with another guy like that ever again.”
“We all have a pattern,” Talon acknowledged. He kept his tone sympathetic and without incrimination. “If no one showed you growing up that a man was supposed to respect a woman, Cat, you wouldn’t know it. You wouldn’t realize there are men out there that would respect you.”
Talon felt his heart squeeze with pain for her. It made sense that she was so gun-shy of him. She probably wondered if he was capable of abusing her like the other men. Of course, he would never lay a hand on her in anger. For a moment, Talon felt as if trying to reach Cat, get her trust, was hopeless. But one glance into her tender-looking eyes and Talon was resolved to prove to her a man could love her, not hurt her.
She really didn’t know what real love between a man and a woman could be like, Talon realized. And then he gave himself an internal shake. He knew what good sex could be between a man and a woman. He’d studiously avoided love for all the right reasons, being a SEAL. Whatever the feelings he held for Cat, they kept getting stronger every day. Sex was easy. But love? He hadn’t a clue. And he didn’t want to go there, either. His mother was his priority right now, not his personal life.
The horses walked down into the swale, a lower hill in front of them. Cat knew that on the other side of that hill was the boundary fence line with the Triple H. Once Talon’s family ranch. She wondered how he felt about the loss of a ranch that had been in his family for nearly a hundred years. Sandy had had to sell it after she got sick since she wasn’t able to keep it up.
“Well,” she said more grimly, “Casey helped me see the pattern. That’s one mistake I’m never going to make again.” Cat felt the resolve. And glancing quickly at Talon, she saw he was upset. Maybe he thought she was dumb for making the same stupid mistakes. There was some shame involved, Cat realized, and she really did care what Talon thought of her. And somehow, this affected her so deeply she didn’t even have words to express it.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
C
AT
HID
HER
smile as Talon asked the hostess at Mo’s Ice Cream Parlor for the same corner booth they’d sat in before. The place was getting busy with the lunchtime crowd. Cat took her baseball cap off and slid into the booth. They’d left their chaps and gloves back at the Bar H. Miss Gus had come out before they left in the truck and handed them a list of items she needed from the grocery store.
Talon watched as Cat sat down. Her hair was windblown and she moved her fingers through the strands to tame them back into place. The waitress handed them the menus and took their drink order.
“Why are you giving me that look?” he asked, picking up the menu.
“Just smiling about you choosing the same booth again. I guess it’s your SEAL training coming out again?” Her back was mostly toward the restaurant, but Talon had a clear view of all people coming and going.
Nodding, he said, “Some habits will never die and this is one of them.” Heat sheeted down through his body as she smiled. Their serious discussion while riding the fence line earlier had made her tense. Talon wished he knew Casey Sinclaire. She sounded like a good person, someone who knew psychology and who was helping Cat figure her way out of her bleak childhood. He could hardly stand knowing a man had physically hurt Cat. He wanted to kill the bastard.
The waitress came back with their cups of coffee. Talon ordered a half-pound hamburger and Cat ordered a Reuben sandwich. She seemed more relaxed. Getting precious time with her meant a lot to him.
“You’re saving money to buy a house?” he asked, wanting to know more about her dreams.
Cat slid her hands around the heavy mug and nodded. “Yes. I’m tired of seeing my money going out on a yearly lease for a condo.”
“Is that your dream? Owning a house?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“Where do you think you’ll find this house?” Talon knew prices of homes in Jackson Hole were ridiculously high. This place was considered the Palm Desert of the West. Movie stars lived here. So did Fortune 500 CEOs. It was an expensive watering hole for working people.
“I really don’t know,” she said. “I keep hoping as I build my nest-egg down payment, that some small house on the outskirts will be for sale. People who live here tend to stay here until they die. So, not many houses come on the market.”
“They’re building a lot of condos west of Jackson Hole, near the Idaho border. What about one of them?”
“I don’t want a condo, Talon. I hate them. Well,” she amended, “I don’t hate them. I’m tired of hearing footsteps above my ceiling all the time. Or loud music drifting in when I’m trying to sleep before a shift.”
“You’d like to wake up to a rooster crowing at dawn?” He smiled a little, watching her. The light coming in through the large windows of the restaurant emphasized her high cheekbones and flawless blue eyes. His gaze automatically dropped to her soft, luscious mouth. Talon gripped the mug a little tighter.
“I’d love that.” Cat leaned forward, her voice low and animated. “I really want a place where I can have a couple of hens to lay eggs. Maybe a dog. I love animals but I can’t have them at my condo.”
“What else would you like if you could afford it all?”
Cat made a face. “Oh, well, if you’re talking about my dreams instead of reality?” She laughed. “If I could have anything I wanted, I’d love to have a ranch like the Bar H. I love working outdoors and I’d have some cattle, definitely a chicken coop, at least one dog, flowers around the house because I love the wildflowers around here.”
“What else?”
She shook her head. “The rest of what I want isn’t grounded in reality.”
“What are your dreams, Cat?”
“They’re typical and boring, Talon.”
“So, share them with me anyway.”
“Well,” she began, hesitant, “meeting the right guy. Getting married. I love kids and always thought that at some point I’d shift from being a firefighter to remaining a paramedic, instead. Getting pregnant, I couldn’t do firefighting, anyway, nor would I want to.”
“But if you were pregnant, would you continue your work?”
“At a certain point, no,” Cat murmured. “If we’re just talking fantasy here, I’d quit my job and be a full-time mother. I’d have the ranch, so I would want to devote my attention and heart to it, to my family and to my husband.”
Talon could easily see Cat as a mother. His whole lower body went hot with need. He suddenly felt more protective of her than normal. So, what the hell was this reaction? Maybe her softness, that maternal look in her expression, grabbed him.
“How many kids?”
“As many as we could afford. I don’t believe in bringing a child into this world that you can’t take care of, devote your attention to and...well...you know...” Cat looked away, embarrassed.
“You never got that chance growing up,” he said, seeing the pain she was trying to hide. His intuition was highly developed and he knew instantly Cat had made a connection with her own miserable childhood. She had no mother. Just a father who most likely didn’t want her around and beat her when she got in his way. He ached for Cat because she had turned out to be a beautiful, caring person despite her past. The scars she carried ran her life even now. Did that sick bastard father of hers even begin to realize how he’d wounded Cat?
Cat hitched one shoulder up, as if summoning her strength. “Listen, everyone has stories about their growing-up years. It’s not an excuse. It’s common.”
Talon’s mouth thinned. “Abuse is not common, Cat. My parents never laid a hand on me growing up. I know you’d love the hell out of your children, Cat.” Talon knew it, saw it and sensed it. He wanted her to love him with the same kind of female fierceness that burned so brightly within her. Cat might have been abused but, as a woman, she was a warrior just like him. Fighting fires wasn’t something many wanted to do, man or woman. To him, it was another kind of war, only there weren’t bullets being shot. It was fire stalking them, trying to kill those who fought it.
The waitress came with their platters, refilled their cups and left. Talon could see that Cat was upset. He reached over and captured her hand. “Hey, stop being so hard on yourself, will you? You’re a good person, Cat. You do right by others. You didn’t do anything wrong to deserve what happened to you.”
Shocked at his unexpected touch, Cat felt her mouth go dry. She stared at Talon, who had such compassion etched on his face. The low, vibrating warmth of his voice soothed her senses...and made her want him even more. She craved Talon. His touch. His attention. His care. And it was care he was giving her right now. She reluctantly pulled her hand away.
“Sometimes I am too hard on myself,” she admitted. “My friend Casey says the same thing.”
Talon withdrew his hand, forced himself to reach for the ketchup bottle instead. What Cat needed right now was a little care and support. He could offer all those things for her. “Probably because you believed you’re no good inside, Cat. You took your father’s beatings as evidence that you’re unlovable. And that’s why he beat you—because you weren’t worthy of being loved. The truth is, the beatings weren’t about you. They were about your father. You did nothing wrong, Cat. Children are innocent and you need to get that and believe it.” God, how he wanted her to believe it.
“Have you been talking to Casey about me?” she asked curiously.
He laughed. “No. I’ve never met her. But I’d like to. She sounds like a good friend to you.”
Cat picked up half her Reuben. “I’d swear to God you sound just like her. We had a similar conversation once, a long time ago. She said when children were beaten, they carried the silent message inside them that they were no good. Otherwise, why was the parent beating them in the first place. Right?”
Talon cut his burger in half. “Precisely.”
“So, how did you get so smart about psychology?” she challenged, eating.
“You learn it from real life. Observation. I haven’t had any formal training.”
Cat studied him, the silence growing between them. “There’s a lot more to you than you let people realize, Talon.”
He gave her a wry grin. “Yeah, I ’spose that’s true.”
“Is it because of your job as a SEAL? You don’t show who you are?”
“Only to the enemy,” he told her.
“Oh,” she muttered defiantly. “Like you’re an open book to the friendlies?”
He nearly choked on the burger. Wiping his mouth with a napkin, he managed, “Not exactly. When you live in a black ops world, which is all top secret, you tend to play your cards close to your chest as a survival mechanism with everyone. Enemy or friend.”
Cat eyed him. “Do you feel like you’re in survival mode with me?”
How he ached that she sincerely wanted to understand why he was so closed up. “I’m not in survival mode with you, Cat. You saved my life.”
“And that means you’re an open book to me?”
“Not exactly.”
“But I’m being dirt honest with you. Why can’t you do the same toward me, Talon?”
Hearing the frustration in her low voice, he realized the connection between them was serious. And deep. And continuing to develop. Was that what he wanted? Talon had no experience with what was happening between them right now. Cat’s gaze dug into his. Talon felt her care, felt her wanting a helluva lot more from him than he’d ever given another woman.
“Is that what you want from me, Cat? Because I’ve been honest with you at every turn.” Yet, Talon inwardly crumpled, his gut tight, because he never could tell her about his SEAL life. At least, not in details. Maybe in broader terms. He could feel Cat’s frustration. And her need to know him on a more personal level. Most surprising, Talon wanted to give her access to him.
“Yes,” Cat muttered, “I’d like to know you better.” She wanted to add that she loved the kiss they’d shared. Wanted more of him touching her because something in her heart told her Talon would be an incredible lover. And he’d never threaten her. Cat felt safe with him. And she’d never felt safe with any other man before. Most of all, right now, she wanted his kiss. The thought was molten and filled with such promise that Cat felt her lower body simmering close to a boil with hunger. The man absolutely incited an inner riot within her with just that lazy, hooded look as he studied her.
“What do you want to know?”
She searched his turbulent eyes. “Why did you go into the SEALs?”
“Because they’re warriors. And I grew up wanting to be one myself.”
“But joining the military, SEALs or not, made you a warrior, didn’t it?”
He smiled a little. Cat’s ability to lift the layers beneath him made him see her depths. But he already knew that. “I liked the water. I liked the fact SEALs had to be multiskilled in a lot of areas. I liked the idea of fighting behind the scenes. I guess I’m one of those people who doesn’t need fanfare or to have others recognize or know what I do.”
“You’re confident enough in yourself that you don’t need others to tell you that you’re good at what you do?”
Talon held her gaze. The woman had a shovel and was going to dig much deeper into his psyche, no doubt. “Right.”
Cat tilted her head, wondering aloud. “Was that because your parents never hit you? That you kept that part of yourself intact? That you never questioned what you were capable of doing?”
Whoa.
He grinned a little. “You’ve been taking psychology courses at a local college?”
Flustered, Cat muttered, “Well, honestly, I did, but that was because years earlier, I met Casey. I was so screwed up and she started helping me understand myself. And she had a minor in psychology, so it got me interested in why people are the way they are. I took a couple of courses. It was a huge help to me because I wanted to be free of the abuse. I wanted to know who I really was.”
“Well,” he said gently, “you’ve come a long way.” He was proud of her grit, her courage to look at herself, see where changes needed to be made and then make them. Not everyone had that drive or capacity in them and Talon knew it.
Feeling suddenly shy, she wished she could disappear. “Did you take courses in psychology to become a SEAL?”
“No.” Talon picked up a French fry. He saw her flush, her cheeks a bright pink. Cat was easily touched by a sincere compliment. “Life just gave it to me, I guess.”
“Maybe you should be a psychologist instead of a wrangler,” she said wryly. “Because you sure see into me.”
He smiled a little. “I want to understand you, Cat.”
“Why?”
Talon sat up. He wasn’t expecting
that
question. Yet, as he held Cat’s gaze, he saw she wasn’t playing games with him. She was honest, Talon realized, in a way his past experience with women had never been. “Because you interest me, that’s why.”
Interest?
Cat stared hard at him. She remembered their kiss. Was that an “interested” kiss? “What does
that
mean exactly, Talon?
Interested
as in a specimen?” And why was it so important to her? Not that any of her prior relationships had contained meaty conversation.
“
Interest
means I’m very attracted to you, Cat. But I’m the kind of man who wants to understand why.”
“I’m not sure that was a compliment or an insult.”
Talon did grin. “It was a compliment, Cat.”
“And you’re interested because I saved your life? Is this your way of paying me back? Taking me to lunch?”
Kissing me?
She was afraid to go there, didn’t have the guts to ask him that question. Not yet.
Talon wished they were alone, not in a crowded, busy restaurant at noon. He pushed the half-eaten platter of food to one side and folded his hands, holding her confused stare. She’d opened up to him earlier, admitted she had poor relationships in the past with men who had abused her. And he could see her struggling to understand their connection. Was she trying to figure out if he would abuse her, too? Was that where these questions were coming from? Because Talon understood Cat didn’t trust her own senses regarding a man. And, maybe, her questions, blunt as they were, were a way for her to try to get to the heart of why she was attracted to him. This was messy, but he cared enough for her to see it through. Talon didn’t ask himself why.