Live In Position (46 page)

It took me three hours to get it put together the way each publishing house required their submissions. However, when I finally had them all put together I submitted some electronically and the others I bundled up to mail.

Stepping off the last step is when I realized what was off in the driveway. My eyes widened at my realization and I ran to the front door. Throwing it open I froze on the front porch.

Where the hell was my jeep?! He wouldn't, would he? I pulled out my cell phone and dialed his number. When I got voicemail and hung up.

I'm going to kill him.

Chapter Twenty Three

It felt like it had been hours since I started pacing my room. Victoria was in bed, fast asleep, and Dr. Bishop still had not gotten home. I tried to call him one more time, but still got voicemail. Thinking a shower may help to settle me down, I made the attempt.

Ten minutes into my shower the screech of the shower curtain surprised me. I spun, a small gasp falling from my lips. The moment my eyes locked onto his emeralds my face hardened. Forgetting about being naked with soapy bubbles on my body, I stepped toward him and poked his chest.

"What gives you the right to get rid of my car?"

"I know you're angry, but that piece of scrap metal with wheels was not safe for –"

"You don't get to decide for me." I hissed.

He backed away. I stepped from the shower, following him.

"It's my vehicle, not yours. I'm not a child and you have no right to just decide it needed to go." The venom in my words was thick. I could see both anger and regret battling on his face.

"I only did it for your safety. I don't want you driving that
thing
." His argument was weak and the predator in me sensed it. I pounced.

"What right do you have to make that decision?" I shouted.

"I have a right," he argued loudly and pressed forward until we were almost bare chest to white dress shirt.

"NO, you have no right!" I poked his chest again.

"When the woman my daughter and I love unnecessarily risks her life, I have a right."

My eyes narrowed, crossing my arms over my chest. Not an easy thing to do when your body is soapy.

"Don't you dare bring Victoria into this!"

"Why not? I'm right!"

"No, you aren't Collin!" A groan of frustration fell escaped. "It was my car, it belonged to me and I can make decisions for myself."

His brow knitted together in anger and he opened his mouth to argue, but I stopped him.

"Just, get out. I need to rinse off and I want to be alone." It was clear he wasn't getting it and probably wouldn't understand where I was coming from.

"Sophia –" I put my hand up. He didn't finish.

Turning and climbing back into the shower, I roughly jerked the curtain shut. Silence filled the bathroom and I assumed he had gone. He had, but he hadn't gone far.

Stepping from the bathroom in my pajamas, Collin sat on the edge of my bed. He straightened when I stepped forward with my arms over my chest.

"I apologize." He spoke quickly.

"For what?" Wanting to know if he really understood.

"For getting rid of your jeep." He looked at me in annoyance.

"And for..?" He looked confused and unsure. "Christ Collin. You don't get it. Don't treat me like a child or someone you can just order around."

"I don't." He stood defensively.

"By just getting rid of my truck without my permission, you do. You don't own me Collin. I may work for you, but you don't dictate my personal life."

"I never said I owned you." The hurt expression on his face began to chip away at the anger I held on to all afternoon.

"Can't you try to understand what I'm saying, where I'm coming from?"

"I just, Sophia, I was trying to keep you safe." He collapsed back to a seated position.

That single look and move pushed my compassionate side to emerge from the boiling anger. With two steps I was before him with my hands on each side of his face.

"I know, but in the same token, you are being controlling. Please don't try to control the things in my life."

His hands found my hips and squeezed.

"Will you at least listen to me if I talk to you about it?" He looked up at me.

"Of course," I quickly answered, but then thought better to clarify my response. "As long as you realize it doesn't mean you'll get your way."

Tension formed in his shoulders, but quickly dissipated. He pulled me against him tightly.

"Please don't leave." His words were mumbled against my abdomen.

"What?" I whispered. "I never said I was –"

"I don't like fighting with you."

I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Then don't piss me off." I giggled. His shoulders shook in silent laughter.

We slept in my bed.

The next morning was different. Collin was very…hell, unusual is the only way I could describe it. He seemed to be everywhere I was, quietly lurking. When I went to get Victoria out of bed and ready for breakfast, I noticed him pass her door twice. Downstairs he appeared in the kitchen while I fixed breakfast and Victoria ate. He didn't say anything other than good morning and have a good day to Victoria, but he sat there with coffee and the newspaper. Like I said, it was unusual. Victoria even noticed.

"Is my daddy okay?" Her voice was barely audible and her hands were nervously twisting in her lap.

"Yes, as far as I know." There was a long silent pause. "He was kind of strange this morning though."

Her head popped up from her lap.

"That's what I was thinking. He's never sat with me at breakfast before. I was worried I was in trouble."

"Why in the world would you be in trouble?" I glanced to her briefly before returning my eyes back to the wet blacktop.

"I don't know. It was just weird."

"I couldn't agree with you more." I sighed out.

We reached St. Johns. I walked her to the steps today, instead of letting her go it alone. I'm not sure why, but it felt like we both needed it.

When I turned back and looked at the curb of similar cars, nannies, and identically dressed children, I thought back to the first time I experienced this. It felt outer-worldly, like the Twilight Zone, but now it was familiar and comforting. For a split moment I worried I was getting lost in this life.

By the time I reached the car, I had shaken off my thoughts. With a couple of errands to run, I kept my mind focused on those. The dry cleaners, grocery store, and needing to stop at my local cell phone shop for a new battery were just a few things requiring my attention.

Pulling into the driveway I first noticed the empty spot my car used to sit. There was a pang of anger before I calmed myself down. Then I saw Collin was still home. I thought he was at the hospital again today. I dropped the dry cleaning off over the banister and continued to the kitchen with the groceries.

I felt him there before I saw him sitting at the kitchen table. His eyes followed everything I did and it was unnerving.

"Okay, what is it?" I hadn't meant for my words to be so rough sounding, but I just couldn't take it anymore.

"What?" He asked confused.

"You know what. Something is going on, what is it?" The roughness of my words was gone.

"The lawyer called this morning." His eyes dropped to a folder in front of him. I stiffened and panic swallowed my heart. The panic must have been evident on my face.

"Grace will not have the rights to visitations, unless she comes to the house under our supervision."

The tension slackened.

"Well, that's not bad. You made it sound like there was something wrong." When his demeanor didn't change the panic swarmed inside me furiously. "Something is wrong, isn't it?" I choked out.

He sighed deeply. "She has evidence of our personal relationship and when the social worker talks to Victoria I can't ask her to lie." My arms wrapped around me in an attempt to keep my chest from exploding. "They could request I release you from your position and may possibly request a social worker visit and inspect the home."

Large hot tears streamed over my cheeks. My legs weakened and I felt as if I would fall over at any moment. The swarming panic stung at my insides like angry hornets. The screech of his chair on the tile floor brought me back from my pain. He was in front of me in a matter of seconds.

"You aren't going anywhere." The green blaze in his eyes almost burned.

"But…" the sobs began to slip out. "You can't do that to Victoria and I won't –"

His hands clamped around my upper arms and he pulled me into his chest.

"You aren't leaving. I will figure something out and things will be fine." His hold tightened on me and my chest jerked from the sobs being held back.

"If you just…" I swallowed the lump in my throat, "get another nanny then you won't have to worry about figuring anything out."

Collin pulled back and held me at arm’s length with green fire blazing in those eyes.

"Do you think that's what Victoria wants?" He spat. I tried to open my mouth to speak but he covered it with his hand. "You should damn well know I don't want another person taking care of Victoria. She has never looked at any other woman like a child looks at their mother, until you."

The held back sobs no longer could be controlled. I sobbed and he held me back to his chest. After choking out my last cry, I quieted my hiccups, and he spoke again.

"I love you, Victoria loves you, and when I meet with my lawyers tomorrow I will figure out what needs to be done."

We stood in the middle of the kitchen in silence. Both of us knew there wasn't really any miraculous answer to this situation. We couldn't even be sure what the judge was going to say or how he would react for sure. Everything was up in the air.

Picking Victoria up from school was difficult. I knew she could sense my mood and it was hard not to break down at the sight of her. The thought of not seeing her
every day, not taking care of her was eating away at my insides. Collin and I needed to further discuss me stepping away from being her nanny. It was the best solution, no matter how much it hurt.

Our conversation was pretty generic, talking about her school day, what she wanted for dinner, and if she had any homework to complete after her lesson.

"Sophia, are you okay?"

Turning from the sizzling chicken in front of me I looked into her face. I smiled. It wasn't forced, but it wasn't whole heartedly either.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"You look sad?"

"I do?" I turned back to the chicken and rolled my eyes at myself. She wasn't stupid. She could tell something was off.

"Are you still mad at daddy about your car?"

I spun around, surprised she even knew about the truck.

"No, of course not."

"Then why are you sad?" Her small brow furrowed. "Are you leaving?" She wouldn't look at me. Her eyes were tightly clenched shut. My heart cracked at the sight.

It took me four long strides to round the bar and put my arms around her.

"No. I'm not leaving."

Tension melted from her body and her arms wrapped around my waist. We stayed that way for awhile. The smell of burning food ended our embrace.

"I think the chicken is burnt." I chuckled out.

She giggled and pulled her face from my shirt. Cold dampness spread on my chest. I hadn't even realized she had been crying. I bent down so we were face to face.

"Pizza?"

She smiled and nodded excitedly. I turned off the chicken and went for the phone.

Two more days passed and it was early Sunday afternoon. Having decided the night before I needed to get Victoria out of the house and into fresh air, I made plans for a picnic at the park and playground time. She was surprised and excited when I told her our plans.

We were placing the picnic basket, blankets, and other things by the door when Collin emerged from his office and decided he would join us. His mood had become better and his lingering was less. Though, he had made breakfast with Victoria a regular event. It thrilled Victoria, which thrilled me.

The minute the blanket was on the ground Victoria was begging for the playground. I pretended to debate if she was allowed or not, before giving in to her pout face. Collin and I followed her to the bright colored bars and black rubber swings.

I was a little surprised when his hand slipped into mine. We walked hand in hand, publicly, finding a bench to sit and watch Victoria. It took me awhile to get comfortable with his attention, especially in front of the other families in the park. Just when comfort set in and I leaned back into his chest one of his acquaintances stepped in front of us. I stiffened.