Losing Eva (The Eva Series Book 2) (11 page)

Adam looked at Brynn and sat her down on the couch.

“Brynn, are you listening?” Adam said gently, but firmly. “I need you to listen to what I am going to tell you.”

Brynn felt like a small child. She nodded, unable to speak.

“Brynn.”

Brynn nodded.

“Sophie suffered a stroke and almost died. She’s not doing well. Brynn… we have to say good-bye to Sophie. We have to let her go.”

Brynn looked at Adam blankly, tears streaming down her face.

“We have to say good-bye to our baby.”

ELLIE WALKED UP THE STEPS
of the big house she had lived in with her parents. She hadn’t been there in over ten years, and everything looked old, worn, cracked. Nothing like it had looked when they all lived in it. She tried to remember what her parents looked like, what they sounded like. It had been so long since she thought of them.

Ellie sniffed. The house smelled. But looking at it made her feel… sad. And now here she was with Dylan and her infant son. She wanted to make it work with Dylan. The infatuation had worn away, but she still really liked him, and he took care of the baby.

Dylan had stood by her, taking care of her, even when she gave birth, even knowing their son might not be his but may have belonged to Jonas. And even now that they knew that the child was… different. Dylan said he would always be there for Ellie, and as they walked into the big house, Ellie tried to believe that he would.

John Palmer had come through and taken care of everything. He had been able to get her back into house, and to get her the money that was rightfully hers. He had done everything she had asked him to do.
He and Tricia had even let them live in their home even though that stupid cow hates me,
Ellie thought bitterly.

Stupid Mother of the Year, Little Miss know-it-all, Fake bitch.
Ellie hated Tricia and tried not to let it show too much, but Ellie was never good at being fake. She loathed how domesticated and subservient Tricia was to her husband.
She disgusts me.

John had taken care of it all, which Ellie found extremely appealing. She knew now why Daddy had made him his successor. Ellie owed everything to John, and made it a point to tell him so every chance she got. She even offered to show him how grateful he was, but after that, he made it a point to avoid her like the plague. Ellie pouted, but then got over it. After all, Dylan may not be all that bright, but he was pretty.

Ellie thought that her baby boy was going to be her redemption. “Noah will make everything right—for me, for this family.”

But when he wasn’t developing the way he should, the tests showed that there was something wrong with his brain.

“This can’t be!” Ellie raged at Dylan. “You gave me a retarded son!”

“Hey, I don’t even know if he’s mine.” Dylan said defensively. Dylan didn’t know the first thing about kids, but for some reason, this baby tugged at him.

“Maybe it was all of the drugs that you did when you were pregnant,” Dylan said angrily. Dylan had fallen hard for Ellie, and he knew that he could make it work with her if she would just let him. If only she would stop pushing at him.

He thought how lucky he was to find her, and the fact that she had all of the money now was just an added bonus.

But the kid was special. Not just mentally special, but special in a way that Dylan didn’t understand.

“I didn’t grow up with a dad, so I’m not gonna leave this kid ever,” Dylan said to Ellie. He didn’t understand why Ellie was acting so indifferently to her son. Dylan was thankful for the nannies that Ellie had hired, because when the baby cried, the nannies took care of him. They were even teaching Dylan how to bathe, change, feed, and take care of him. And as Noah got older, they taught Dylan how to adjust to his changing needs.

Ellie was happy to settle into the house, replacing all of the old furniture with new. She had the house repainted and cleaned from top to bottom. She even had her old room made into a suite for Dylan and the baby. “Sometimes I just need to be alone, so we are going to have separate rooms,” she explained to him. Dylan didn’t care, as long as he got to be near her, and close to Noah.

The nannies adored Dylan. They thought he was such a good daddy, and couldn’t understand what he saw in Ellie. Nanny Lisa was tiny, blonde, and pretty. She enjoyed teaching Dylan about his baby. She loved Noah from the moment she set her eyes on him, and knew that he would need special attention. Nanny Lisa was glad that Dylan was so committed to his son, and thought about both of them long after she went home for the evening.

John Palmer stopped by every so often to check on them, but Ellie was over him almost as quickly as she became infatuated with him. She only cared that the money kept coming in. John told her that as long as Noah was with her, she would continue to be taken care of. She knew that it didn’t matter if she loved her son, it only mattered that they lived under the same roof. When she saw how much Dylan truly loved him, she knew that she could be free to live as she wanted, keeping Dylan captive under her own roof.

Noah had beautiful green eyes, but his features were growing to be slightly asymmetrical. Ellie was embarrassed when she took him out in public and people stared. She tried to hide him in hats, but people still stared. He made weird noises and didn’t respond when she talked to him. He only seemed to respond to Dylan and after a while, Ellie stopped taking him out altogether. “You can take him out from now on,” Ellie said to Dylan angrily. “It’s embarrassing. Everyone stares, he drools and it’s disgusting. I hate it.”

Dylan didn’t understand Ellie, but he never said anything. But when Noah was three, he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Ellie, he’s your son! He’s beautiful!” Dylan said exasperated. “How can you be such a bitch about your own child?”

Ellie narrowed her dark eyes and glared at him. “I can say whatever I want about him, because he is my son. And you live in my house, so you have no right to judge me.”

“What if I didn’t live in your house any longer?” Dylan said angrily. He had been thinking about leaving for quite some time. He didn’t love Ellie, and she never even let him touch her anymore. He couldn’t stand watching how Noah tried to communicate with Ellie, and how Ellie shunned him time after time. He had special needs, but Ellie didn’t want to take care of even one of them.

Ellie froze. “What do you mean, Dylan? Do you want to move out?”

Dylan was silent. “I dunno. But I don’t want to be with you any longer. I’m not happy.”

Ellie smiled. “Fine, then go. But Noah doesn’t go with you. Noah stays with me. And you’ll never see him again.” She watched him flinch. She knew how much he loved Noah.

“You can’t do that! I love him!” Dylan knew he shouldn’t be surprised by anything she did, but he didn’t think she would use Noah to trap him.

“I can, and I will,” Ellie said looking deep into his eyes. She tried to remember what she found so appealing about him in the first place. She missed Jonas as she often did, and she wished that she had thought things through more clearly.

Dylan was such a disappointment.

“I’ll stay,” Dylan said, defeated, looking at the floor. In the old days he would have cut and run. He was always the one in control, and now Ellie clearly had all the power. Ellie was the one who called the shots, and they both knew it. Dylan hated himself for giving in so quickly.

“Good,” Ellie said patting him on the chest. She felt his muscles through his shirt, and she found herself remembering what she liked so much about him. She pulled him close and breathed him in like she used to. She closed her eyes and thought about how he tried to take care of her, and how she tried to let him. She paused with her hands splayed out on his chest and felt him catch his breath.

She pulled away from him quickly.

“Okay, good,” She said turning away from him.

The next morning she woke up and the house felt unusually quiet.

She went to the suite and found that Dylan and Noah were both gone.

ADAM KNEW
that the moment was coming, and he knew that it would be up to him to convince Brynn.

“I can’t! I can’t say good-bye! I’m not giving up on Sophie.” Brynn said angrily, refusing to look at him.

“Brynn, she’s suffering. She’s not breathing on her own and her brain has too much damage. We need to do what’s right and let her go.” Adam’s voice was deep and hoarse. He was in pain, more than any pain he had ever experienced before. He knew that he was going to have to talk to Brynn. He knew that she could never let Sophie go on her own.
I wish that just for once Brynn could see things for what they are, and not what she wants them to be! If she could only see this is the right thing to do.

“I can’t leave her to die. I can’t just let her go. I can’t! How can you ask me to let my child die? How dare you?”

“Your child? How about my child? Brynn, she’s ours!” Adam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She’s doing what she always does, making it about her and not about us, or about me. Adam was trying not to get frustrated. The marriage Counselor had warned them that they had to remain united, and that they couldn’t think independently all of the time, or else they wouldn’t make it.

“She needs a chance. She needs a chance to live. She can live,” Brynn was desperately pleading her case.

“She’s already dead, Brynn. She’s brain dead. Her brain went too long without oxygen. We have to let her go,” Adam’s tone was final.

Brynn dropped to her knees. This was worse than anything she had ever experienced, or imagined in her worst nightmares. It was worse than when Adam left her. It was worse than the ferocious beatings, and it was worse than wondering what was so wrong with her that her parents just discarded her like garbage. This… this was far worse.

She thought of Sophie’s tiny body growing inside of her own. And then she pictured her struggling, fighting for every breath, ever since she was born.
How can this be? How is this fair? I can’t say good-bye to her, I’ve barely even gotten to meet her. I haven’t even held her. How can I let her go?
Brynn felt her throat closing in. Something was squeezing her so tight she was gasping for air.

“Breathe, Brynn. Just breathe. Slowly, in and out. Breathe,” Adam said, his voice full of concern, but something else that Brynn couldn’t put her finger on. “Please, sweetheart…”

“Adam, I need to hold her,” Brynn said looking at him, terrified that he would say “no.”

“The doctor said we could hold her. We can spend as much time with her as we need to. But then it’s only right to let her go. She can’t go on like this. It’s just too hard, and it’s not right to put her through it.” Adam was amazed at how little Brynn heard, almost as though she wasn’t even in the room.

Brynn nodded slowly.
I need to call Jane. I can’t call Jane! I can’t ruin her honeymoon. I have no one else to call. There is only Jane.
For a brief moment, she thought about Ellie. But she knew that she would never confide in Ellie, or go to her for anything. Brynn felt very alone.

Adam wanted desperately to call his parents, but they were overseas on a mission trip with their church, and there was no way to get a hold of them. He watched Brynn carefully trying to gauge her reaction, but as usual, he couldn’t read her.

He just didn’t know which way she was going to go with the news, and he wanted desperately to be there for her, but he didn’t think she would let him. They had made so much progress over the past few months, but Adam felt as though he was instantaneously watching them slide backwards.

Brynn already felt like she was slipping away.

“Sweetheart,” he said gently. “What do you want to do? Do you want to go in?”

Brynn was still sitting on the floor, her chin resting on her knees, her arms encircling them. She looked like a child, and Adam felt strangely annoyed with her. He wanted her to make him feel better. He needed her to make him feel better.

Almost as though she read Adam’s mind, she suddenly stood up and wrapped her arms around him tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Brynn whispered. “I got lost for a moment, and I’m sorry.”

Adam kissed the top of her head. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” This is the Brynn I want and need. He paused. “What do we do? Do we want to say ‘good-bye’ now?”

Brynn’s heart sunk. She nodded. She wanted to shake her head and run away, but she nodded instead, her heart feeling as though it were being stabbed with a thousand jagged knives.

They walked slowly, hand in hand, down the long corridor into the locked maternity ward. They stood outside and waited to be let in. As they walked to their room, they knew that the nurses knew, everyone knew, what they were about to do. The nurses all looked at them with sad, teary eyes. Brynn hid her face in Adam’s shoulder so that she wouldn’t have to look at them.

They paused at the doorway of the room and looked at each other silently. Brynn knew that he was waiting for her to let him know she was ready. She took a deep breath and stepped into the room.

The room was different. Quiet. There was only one machine on, the one keeping Sophie breathing, the one keeping her alive. But all of the other machines were gone. They looked around the room and realized that her plastic enclosure was missing too. The only thing left in the room was a standard hospital bassinet. The nurses had dressed Sophie in a pretty pink onesie, and Brynn stared down at her daughter and sighed.

“She’s beautiful,” she breathed. Brynn was caught off guard by how beautiful her baby was, how amazingly small and beautiful and perfect. And Brynn was horrified by what she was there to do, her heart caught in her throat, unable to utter another word.

A nurse appeared out of nowhere. “Would you like to hold her?”

Brynn looked at Adam, her eyes frantic with fear, but he was lost in his own grief. She hadn’t gotten to hold her yet, and now that she could, she wasn’t sure if she would be able to let her go when the time came.