Losing Eva (The Eva Series Book 2) (10 page)

“Ellie,” Tricia said warmly. “Come with me, you look tired, sweetheart. Let’s get you some tea, and then you and your friend can stay here for the night if you’d like.”

John was struck with how warm and wonderful Tricia was, even though she had never liked Ellie.

“We don’t want to impose,” Ellie hesitated, and John realized that her eyes were dry, even after all of the crying.

“We can stay,” Dylan’s deep voice surprised them all. He hadn’t spoken at all, and they had forgotten that he was even there.

Ellie gave him a sharp look, but then smiled sheepishly at Tricia. “Sure,” she said following her slowly down the long hallway toward the kitchen.

When James and Dylan were alone, John gestured toward the great room, and Dylan walked in, slowly looking around as he went.

Money. Money. Money.
Dylan thought, shaking his head.

“Do you want a cigar?” John asked him, pulling one out and cutting it for himself.

“Uh, sure.” Dylan said, surprised by the gesture.

John pulled another one out and cut it, giving it to him slowly.

They smoked their cigars in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

“So, what happened to Eva?” John said finally, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

“I don’t know. It was before me, and she won’t talk about it.” Dylan said hesitantly. Ellie had warned him about what to say. He didn’t want to say something he wasn’t supposed to.

“I’m sure you know,” John was challenging him, and Dylan could tell.
Dammit, Ellie.

“I don’t know. I really don’t.” Dylan was desperately puffing on his cigar, hoping to escape the conversation.

“How can you not know? Did you just meet Ellie? How can you not know what happened to her daughter? Where has she been? God dammit, give me something!” John was frustrated. He couldn’t imagine how this idiot standing in front of him could have no knowledge of Ellie’s child whatsoever.

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” Dylan was looking for somewhere to stub out his cigar. “I don’t know anything. We’ve only been together for a few months. She hasn’t told me anything!”

“I don’t believe you. I can tell you are lying.” John was angry.

“What’s going on?” Ellie’s voice was angry and strong as she entered the room. Dylan looked at her, grateful that she had appeared.

“I want to know what happened to Eva. You don’t understand, there is a lot at stake here,” John said, directing his attention toward her.

“Like what?” Ellie said, curious.

“I can’t tell you that.”

“You’re grilling Dylan about something that he knows nothing about. So what is at stake?” Ellie glared at John angrily, feeling a strange sensation of power coming over her. Shooting Jonas had awakened something in her that she hadn’t realized she possessed. She wasn’t about to let John bully her now. “I have a right to know.”

“Everything, Ellie! Everything is at stake.” John looked at her, searching her face for something honest and real. “Your parents were missing. And when you didn’t appear, and then we couldn’t find you, we had no choice but declare them dead. Your father left control of the company to me and to the shareholders, but he left everything else to Eva. The house, his fortune, everything!”

The room was silent and nobody moved. Ellie couldn’t believe her ears.
How could he have left everything to Eva? What about me? What did he leave for me?

“He left you as guardian of Eva. You benefit as a result of being her mother and having control over his estate,” John said, almost as though he could hear her thoughts. “He wanted it that way on purpose to make sure that you remained her mother. He wanted to make sure that you still took care of her the way that he wanted you to.”

Nobody moved. Ellie hadn’t realized that she wasn’t breathing.

“I’m pregnant.”

Tricia gasped. She had been standing behind Ellie, silently watching the conversation.

“What?” John asked, not believing his ears.

“I’m pregnant,” Ellie repeated. “So what does that mean?”

She looked at John who had turned white, and then she turned and gave Dylan a small smile.

THE NICU REMINDED BRYNN
of a church, quiet and reverent, where healing was happening slowly and silently. She couldn’t wait to have Sophie out of the NICU and onto the regular floor so that she could eventually take her home. Brynn hated being in the NICU. She just wanted to have Sophie to herself in their nursery at home, caring for her there.

“Sophie, its Mommy. I’m here,” Brynn said quietly, her hand grasping the tiny hand in the incubator. “I’m here, baby girl.”

Brynn looked at Sophie’s tiny body covered with tubes and tape, trying to stifle a sob. She had never felt so helpless in all of her life. Even when Thomas was beating her, Brynn knew in her mind that she could escape. She knew that her adopted father would eventually stop, and that she could hide in her room and escape when she would cut herself.
But this—this was torturous and with no apparent end in sight.

“Oh, baby girl, I’m so sorry that this had to happen to you,” Brynn choked back a sob. She didn’t want her tiny baby to hear her cry. She stepped out often to cry in the hallway or in the bathroom, but she refused to let her baby girl hear the sound of her crying.
If there is a small possibility that she can feel my sadness, I won’t allow her to. I will be strong for her.

Brynn marveled at how small her daughter was, her tiny chest moving up and down with the ventilator. Her hair was dark like Brynn’s, but the tape obstructed Sophie’s face, and Brynn couldn’t clearly see the rest of her features.
Does she look like Adam, or does she look like me?

“Baby Sophie. You have to wake up. You have to be strong. I know that you’ve been through a lot, but you can make it. You can do this. I know that you can.” Brynn felt her voice wavering.
No, no, no. I have to sound strong. She has to know that I believe in her.

Brynn sent Adam home to sleep. He had been up for three days straight, and he needed to sleep. Brynn knew that he couldn’t continue on this way. He fought her, but she won. He was too exhausted and he knew that he needed to sleep.

Sophie was silent. She lay motionless in her plastic enclosure, her tiny chest moving up and down with the ventilator that was taped gently to her mouth. Brynn felt the familiar heaviness on her own chest. The heaviness she felt when Adam left her, when she was completely alone. She tried so hard to forget it, but the familiarity of that feeling now terrified her.

I can’t lose you, Sophie. I can’t! You have to pull through this. You have to be able to breathe on your own. You have to!

Brynn knew that Sophie couldn’t hear her well, but the nurses told her to talk to Sophie as much as she could. They said that Brynn’s voice could soothe her. She sat and watched Sophie for hours, marveling at her smallness, at how vulnerable she was.

Jane called on her way to the airport. She and her new husband had delayed their honeymoon until she knew that Brynn was safe and out of the woods. “I’ll stay with you until Sophie is in the clear,” Jane said to her friend. She had always been there when Brynn needed her the most.

“No Jane! No. You deserve your happiness!” Brynn was grateful for Jane. Jane had always been there when she needed her the most, but she couldn’t let her put off her honeymoon. Jane left the restaurant prepared for her absence, putting Lucia in charge. Lucia was an Assistant Manager now, making money while she went to school. Both Brynn and Jane were confident having her in charge.

“Are you okay honey?” Jane asked her voice full of concern. She knew what happened to Brynn when Adam left. She couldn’t imagine how she may react if Sophie didn’t survive.

Brynn was silent. She couldn’t talk. Expressing her sadness was still so difficult for her. The words always wanted to come out, but stopped right before they could come out.

“I… I… don’t know. I don’t know,” was all that Brynn could muster.
I want to tell her that I’m dying inside. I want to tell her that my heart is breaking with every breath. I want to tell her that I don’t know how I will go on if Sophie dies.

Silent tears burned hot down Brynn’s face as she sat silently on the phone.

“Don’t shut down on me, Brynn. I’m here if you need to talk. I’m here for everything. I’ll only be gone for a week, and then I will be back, and you can call me anytime you want. Oh shit, I shouldn’t even go. Brynn…” Jane was battling with herself. She didn’t want to leave her friend. They had been through so much together.

“I’ll be okay. Please go. I couldn’t live with myself if you didn’t enjoy your honeymoon. I don’t think that Andrew would ever forgive me if you put your honeymoon off.” Brynn tried to smile as she spoke because she knew that she would sound stronger to her friend that way. “I have to go now, but I need you to go on your honeymoon. I need you to have the happiness you deserve.”

Jane was quiet. She knew that Andrew would understand, but she couldn’t ask him to put their honeymoon off. It was the only time he was going to have off for the remainder of the year, and with their hectic lives, she doubted they could reschedule it.

“I’ll go, but if something happens you have to call me, and I will be on the first flight back!”

“I will. You are my best friend, and I love you. I’ll call you if I need you.” Brynn was just getting comfortable telling Jane how much she cared about her. She had only ever told three people in her life that she loved them, with Jane being the fourth.

Brynn turned her attention back to Sophie. The nurses bustled in and out, checking monitors, hanging bags of fluid. Brynn hardly noticed them.

She stared at Sophie and willed her to move, to breathe, and to do something that would let Brynn know that she was going to survive. She pictured Sophie bigger, older, with Adam’s blue eyes, and her own brown hair. She pictured Sophie’s small sweet cheeks, and she imagined kissing them, and snuggling her face. She envisioned herself holding her, and singing to her, and doing all of the things that Brynn’s own mother had never done for her—or at least imagined that she had never done for her.

After all, how could she have done all of those things to me and then let me go?
Brynn’s thoughts went to Ellie. She hadn’t seen her since she arrived at the front door of Brynn and Adam’s house. Adam said that he hadn’t seen her since the waiting room, and Brynn wondered briefly where she had gone. What does she want? Why is she even here?

Brynn couldn’t help but feel anger when she thought about Ellie. She was curious and excited, but the anger won out. She couldn’t imagine what Ellie would want with her.

Brynn looked at Sophie and felt a strange sensation of fullness in her heart that she had never known before. “I will never leave you, baby. I will never let anyone hurt you. I will always protect you.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, and then Brynn realized that Sophie’s color had changed. Oh my God, she’s turning blue. Brynn screamed for help, desperately punching the nurses red call button. Suddenly, two nurses flew into the room, and before Brynn knew it, one of them had her on her feet as they pushed her to the door.

“What’s going on?” Brynn demanded, startled. The nurse looked at Brynn, trying to suppress her own panic.

“You’re baby isn’t breathing,” the nurse said, grabbing Brynn’s arm and pulling her to the side as three other people entered the room. They pulled the curtain and Brynn couldn’t see. She could hear the flurry of activity, and felt her heart pounding loudly in her ears. There was bile coming up in her throat, and suddenly she felt faint.

“I have to call Adam! Someone has to call Adam!” Brynn cried desperately.

“We called him, honey. He’s already on the way.” The nurse’s knew to call him immediately if anything happened.

The nurse led Brynn to a well-lit, comfortable looking lounge where Brynn waited. Moments passed slowly, and every minute felt like an hour. She felt like she was dying inside, waiting to hear something as she paced the lounge like a caged animal.

Brynn was anxious for Adam to get there. She couldn’t stand to be alone, not knowing what was going on with her baby. Brynn heard the sound of footsteps running down the hall and saw Adam race into the lounge. He frantically searched the room until he met her gaze, and he rushed toward her, engulfing her in a hug. Only in his arms did she feel safe, as though he could take away all the pain of the world and protect her in his embrace.

“Adam, S-S-S-Sophie…” Brynn couldn’t speak. She had only known her tiny daughter for a day, but already she was so in love with her that she could barely breathe with the thought of losing her.

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” Adam held her close, smoothing her hair and kissing her over and over. Brynn could tell that he had been crying, his beautiful blue eyes rimmed in red, bloodshot from lack of sleep.

They sat in silence, holding onto one another tightly. Minutes turned into an hour, and they sat waiting, their hearts fragile and worn.

They looked up expectantly when Dr. Nguyen walked into the lounge, her expression sober.

“How is Sophie?” Brynn and Adam said in unison, standing together quickly.

“Please sit,” Dr. Nguyen said, motioning them to sit back down. “I’m afraid that the news isn’t good.”

Brynn listened half-heartedly, and could tell that Adam was absorbing everything. She only heard “…the news isn’t good.”

Brynn watched Dr. Nguyen hand Adam something to sign, and he scribbled his name without even looking at the paper. Adam’s eyes filled with tears, and she could feel the tears filling up her own, even though she hadn’t heard a word the doctor had said. She could tell from Adam’s face that whatever she was saying was terrible, and Brynn could hear Thomas’ awful dream voice in her head saying over and over, “I’m killing your baby like you killed me.”

Brynn stared at Dr. Nguyen, but didn’t say a word. It was clear that Brynn wasn’t listening, as the doctor looked at Adam anxiously. Brynn heard Adam talking and saw Dr. Nguyen nodding and attempting a sad smile. Dr. Nguyen squeezed Brynn’s arm and walked out of the room.