Losing Eva (The Eva Series Book 2) (21 page)

He pulled up through the gates of the home where Noah had been staying since he was three. He was dreading telling him about Ellie, and he wasn’t sure if Ellie ever told him about Brynn. He needed to see for himself. This was James Harper’s family, and he needed to make sure that everything was taken care of as though it were his own. He owed James that much and more.

“Noah Harper,” he said to the front desk clerk as he entered the building. John had turned into a very no-nonsense type of person, drastically different from the young man that James had mentored in his earlier years. James straightened his wire-rimmed glasses on his face, and pulled the collar out on his nicely pressed linen shirt. He didn’t know how Noah was going to react to the news of his mother and it made him nervous.

He was relieved to see that Kelly, the pretty attendant that Noah liked so much, accompanied Noah to greet John. Kelly’s grandparents had founded the home, and Kelly worked there because she wanted to, not because she had to. She was a caregiver by nature, and John trusted her completely with Noah.

“Hi, John,” Noah said smiling broadly as he ran up to John and gave him a bear hug. He liked John. John always brought him candy and army men, and today was no different as John handed him a bag full of lots of goodies. “Thanks, John! You’re the best!”

“You’re welcome, Noah.” John said smiling at him. He’s gotten big. Really tall. What a sweet kid! He followed Kelly to a common area where John sat down next to Noah and watched him play with his new army men.

“John, do you know where my mommy is? I haven’t seen her in a very long time,” Noah asked after a few minutes of making shooting and bombing sounds as he pretended his army men were at war with each other.

Kelly looked at John, her face full of concern. John had called and had prepared her for the worst.

“Well, Noah. Your mommy won’t be coming to visit you anymore,” John said slowly. “She died last week, and she won’t be able to come here now.”

Noah sat and played with his army men as he had been when they sat down, and John wasn’t sure if he heard him. “Noah, did you hear me?”

“Yes, John. Mommy died. She won’t be here anymore.”

“Do you understand what that means, Sweetie?” Kelly asked Noah putting her hand on his shoulder.

“Yes!” Noah’s voice was starting to show signs of irritation. “I’m not stupid! I know what it means when you die.”

“Well, um, how do you feel about it?” Kelly asked tentatively.

“I’m fine,” Noah said quickly pretending to blow up the plastic tank that sat on the table in front of him, shooting it across the room.

Kelly and John looked at each other carefully.

“If you want to talk about anything, we can do that,” Kelly said patiently.

“No. I know what happens when you die. They take your sheets off your bed, and then you don’t sleep there anymore. That’s what happens here all the time to my friends, and you don’t get to see them anymore,”
Noah was tired of feeling like they thought he was an idiot, he just wanted to see his mommy.

“Well, I have a new friend now. I don’t need Mommy anymore,” Noah announced, busying himself with his toys.

“Oh, do you now?” John asked amused at Noah’s independence. He thought back to visits when Noah wouldn’t leave Ellie’s side, not even to let her use the restroom. It was nice to see him more independent now.

“Yes!” Noah was agitated, and John thought that it was best to let him express himself. He had prepared himself for the worst, and he was still holding his breath and waiting for it to happen. “Do you want to meet her?”

“Uh, sure,” John said hesitating. “There’s something else I have to tell you, Noah.”

“I know. Mommy’s dead. She’s not coming back. I won’t see her again. I know,” Noah’s voice was rising, and his face was getting red as he concentrated on his army men.

“No, that’s not it,” John cleared his throat. “Noah, you have a sister.”

Noah stopped playing with his army men.
He had always wanted a sister or a brother. He had begged Mommy for one lot of times, but she just ignored him and said she didn’t want any more kids. It always made him sad.

“A sister?” John could tell that Noah was very interested, even though Noah still refused to look at him.

“Yes. Her name is Brynn. She was El- your mommy’s daughter before you. She’s older,” John said trying to keep it simple.

“Is she nice?” Noah asked quietly, keeping his head down.

“Um… yes, she’s nice,” John said carefully.

They sat in silence for a while, Noah looking at his army men while John and Kelly watched him, waiting for more of a reaction.

Noah jumped up suddenly, “Do you want to meet my friend?”

“Sure,” John said standing up.
How am I going to get Brynn here to meet Noah? Or should I bring Noah to Brynn?

Noah led John and Kelly through the grounds of the home. They walked for a long time. John kept looking at his watch. It’s a long drive back, and I want to be home for dinner.

Suddenly Noah stopped. “There she is!”

John looked over at the woman sitting in the wheelchair. Something struck him. God, I know her!

As they approached, the woman looked up at them, a sweet smile coming across her face as she saw Noah. She reached out her hand for him, and he took it.

John felt his face getting hot as he broke out into a cold sweat. “It can’t be…” He whispered to himself as he slowed his gait.

Kelly looked at him, concern written all over her face. “Are you okay?”

John stepped backward, nearly falling over his own feet. The woman looked up at him puzzled.

“W-w-what’s your name?” John asked, trying to make his voice sound as normal as possible.

“Carly,” the woman answered scowling at him. She didn’t like how he was looking at her, and it made her uncomfortable. She tried not to shift in her seat but she couldn’t help it, her eyes looking around at everything but the strange man who wouldn’t take his eyes off of her.

“Are you sure?” John asked trying not to sound as though he didn’t believe her.

“No. But that’s what they’ve been calling me.”

“Who?” John asked, curious.

“The people here. My friends, my husband.” Carly said, annoyed with all of the questions that the strange man was asking her.

“Your
husband
?” John felt his heart beating wildly in his chest. “Who is your husband?”

“I think he’s my husband… I get confused,” Carly said rubbing her head. “Petey… his name is Petey. He’s my husband.”

John was silent for a moment. It was all too much. He looked at Noah and looked at Carly, and the resemblance was uncanny. He looked at Kelly and could tell from the look on her face that she saw it, too.

“Why are you looking at me that way?” Carly asked John, her voice tight and angry.

“Because I know you,” John said looking her right in the eyes. “I know you very well.”

“How?” Carly asked, her voice slightly quivering. Her expression told John that she didn’t want to believe him.

“I know you, and I know your husband. Only your husband’s name isn’t Petey.”

“Who am I then?” Carly asked, quietly. This man looked at her and spoke to her as though he really know her, and she was intrigued.

“You’re Amy. Amy Harper, and your husband is James Harper.”

NICK WAS DREADING
the plane ride home.

He didn’t want to leave Brynn. Spending time with her was the first time that he had felt alive and happy in years. He sat on the plane and thought about what it was like to hold her in his arms. He thought about how she smelled clean, like soap—and how her skin tasted, salty and sweet at the same time.

He sat back in the seat and closed his eyes. I wish the flight were longer, I need some time to regroup.

The week hadn’t been nearly long enough, and he wished he had more time with Brynn. He knew that she was special from the moment he met her. He just hadn’t realized how special she was. He had met a lot of women over the years on his trips, trying to forget, trying to ease the pain of his life. But none had affected him like Brynn. None of them had taken away the loneliness and despair like Brynn.

What am I doing? What have I done? What is wrong with me?
Nick felt his heart racing in his chest, and he gestured for the flight attendant to bring him some water.

“Are you okay, sir?” she asked leaning over him and putting her hand on his shoulder.

“I’m fine,” Nick said, taking a big drink of his water. “I’ll be okay.”

The flight attendant walked away, giving him a backward glance. He smiled weakly.

There is a special place in Hell for someone like me.
Nick thought wryly.

He hadn’t lied, completely. He had merely reshaped the truth a bit, though he knew that Brynn would never see it that way. But he knew that if he told her everything that she would never have agreed to spend time with him. Especially now, after everything that he knew about her.

She can never find out what I’ve done. She can never know that I didn’t tell her everything.

Nick thought back to the last few years of his life and how miserable they had been. He had been a coward though, and hadn’t been honest with himself.

I need to be honest with myself. I need to start over clean, for myself. For Brynn. I need to figure out what I’m doing and just do it.

They were safely in the air, and Nick turned his phone back on. It vibrated immediately with a text:

Are you in the air? Are you safe? I can’t wait to see you! XO

Nick slammed his head back against the seat.
Shit!

He spent the rest of the flight with his eyes closed, picturing Brynn in his mind. Her long dark hair flowing down her naked back, her big brown eyes staring up at him, wanting him. Her voice telling him about her sadness and her horror making him want to hold her forever.

Nick brushed back his dark hair and thought about her hands touching him.

It was clear that he wasn’t going to be able to stop thinking about her easily.

Nick felt his chest squeezing tight as the plane started to descend. He didn’t know how he was going to get through the next couple of days.

Take deep breaths, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.

Nick smoothed out his shirt and ran his hands through his hair again. He was actually nervous!

He grabbed his carry on and pulled it down, letting everyone pass in front of him. He wanted to be the last one off the plane.

He walked off the plane slowly. He didn’t have any luggage, and he walked to the gate, dragging his feet. He was dreading what was going to happen when he got to the other side of the gate.

Oh, shit!
He thought, quickly reaching into this duffel bag and rummaging around. There! He pulled out the cool piece of metal that had been buried in the bottom of his bag for the entire week. He slipped it on his finger, immediately squirming. It felt like a noose around his finger, choking the life out of it.

He glanced at his hand one last time and walked slowly to the gate entrance.

“There you are!” he heard a familiar voice say, excitedly.

He felt his stomach flip as he turned around. There she was, standing in front of him, small, blonde, and frail as ever. He couldn’t remember the last time that he looked at her and felt any love or passion.

“Hi,” Nick said bending down and hugging her stiffly, feeling her bones through her shirt.

“I missed you,” she said trying to kiss him, but only getting his cheek.

“It’s good to see you,” Nick mumbled, kissing her quickly on the forehead.

“Is that all you took with you?” the woman said pointing to his bag.

“Yeah. It wasn’t supposed to be a long trip, but it just ended up being that way,” Nick said absently as he looked away. “So, did you eat while I was away?”

The woman looked at him, annoyance crossing her face. “You just got back. Why are you asking me if I ate?”

“I just want to know if you ate. It doesn’t look like you ate, that’s all.” Nick said defensively.

“Yes, I ate. I ate every day, at least once. Sometimes twice.” The woman said stubbornly.

They walked in silence. “Do you need to stop somewhere before we go home? Did you eat?”

“No. I just want to go home and go to sleep. I’m really tired,” Nick said avoiding her eyes. He didn’t want her to pick him up from the airport. He had asked her not to pick him up, but he knew that she probably would anyway.

Even though he had told her that he wanted a divorce before he left on his trip, she did what she always did and ignored him.

“Okay. Well that’s good. I can drive home then,” the woman said grabbing his arm.

Nick pulled away, more violently than he meant to. She looked hurt and he felt terrible.

“Mel, please,” he said trying to make his voice gentle as though he were talking to a wounded animal.

“Nicky, you don’t want to divorce me. You were just upset when you left. But I’m eating now, and I’m taking my medicine. I’m not drinking much at all. I’ll be good, I promise!” Melanie was crying, her tiny frame shaking uncontrollably.

Nick looked around and saw people looking at him in disgust, assuming, as always, that he was the one to blame. “Melanie, please stop. Don’t do this here.” Nick felt like an animal. He shouldn’t have told her like he did. He shouldn’t have told her right before his trip. Melanie’s doctor had told him to be careful, but Nick didn’t listen.

Melanie was drunk when he left. She was drunk more than she was sober, and Nick was disgusted by her.

He told her that he was getting a lawyer, and then he left, just like that. He hoped that she would believe him this time. He had come so close to doing it before, he had warned her before. But she never accepted it. He shouldn’t have expected anything different this time.

“Melanie, please. Just sit.” Nick walked her over to the black lobby chairs. “We aren’t the same. Don’t you get that? You’re a freaking train wreck. You’re an addict and an alcoholic. I just can’t do this with you anymore, Mel! You’re destroying yourself, and you’re taking me with you. ”