Losing Eva (The Eva Series Book 2) (2 page)

“No. Yes…no.” Brynn wasn’t sure. She was trying to shut the dream out of her mind, but the sobs kept coming, and it was still difficult to breathe.

Adam looked at her cautiously. He had made the mistake once of leaving her behind. He was never going to do that again, but he wondered if they would ever be able to have a normal life. He wanted one, he needed one, but he loved Brynn, and he couldn’t live without her.

“Let’s go to sleep then, sweetheart. We need to rest. You need to rest.” Adam turned off the bedside lamp, and they settled into the soft comfortable sheets. They felt Maxie jump on the end of the bed, and the bed jostled around as though there were an earthquake until he got comfortable. Adam could tell that Brynn was smiling, and he smiled, too. Maxie had been good for both of them.

“I’m sorry, Adam,” Brynn said in the dark, still sniffling.

“Don’t be sorry. You can’t help it,” Adam said sleepily. “It’ll be okay.”

As they were drifting off to sleep, Adam heard Brynn’s voice.

“Adam, he was killing our baby.”

BRYNN WAS EXCITED
for the day.

Jane was finally getting married to a wonderful man, Andrew, and she had asked Brynn to be the Matron of Honor. Brynn had spent the last year dealing with ghosts and trying to put away the past, and Jane’s wedding was the first time she had felt hopeful about anything for a while.

Brynn’s therapist helped her come to terms with her past. Most recently, they were working out her relationship with Rose, and the resentment she continued to feel toward her, even though she was dead. Theirs had been far from the ideal mother/daughter relationship. Brynn was finally beginning to understand, and to feel more at peace with just how much Rose had needed her, even when Brynn was just a child. Brynn missed Rose and loved her, but the memory of how dependent Rose had been on her, and needed her for everything, continued to plague her. It took a year for her to stop expecting the early morning phone calls or the constant text messaging, but Brynn felt herself finally able to relax, and not to feel as though she were “on call” all of the time.

The shrink was also helping her come to terms with being abandoned, but she was still tormented by nightmares about running, hiding, and being terrified in the woods. The nightmares were violent, intense, and brutally real, often leaving their imprint on Brynn for days.

Adam did his best by comforting her through the dreams when they happened, and he was glad when they began to occur less often. For a while, it had stayed that way, but recently, she seemed to be having the dreams more often, almost nightly. The feelings of abandonment were strong, and they weren’t going away
, e
ven though Brynn was trying desperately to push them aside. But with Jane’s wedding and so many new things on the horizon, there was so much to look forward to now.

“Brynn, we have to go soon, sweetheart,” Adam’s voice called up from the bottom of the stairs. He was always the early riser, and Brynn knew that he was already up, dressed, and had breakfast waiting for her. She showered the night before and got up slowly. She was so tired and could use another hour or so of sleep, but she knew that Jane would kill her.

Jane’s husband-to-be was a good man, and Jane credited Brynn with giving her the courage to date again. She wanted Brynn to stand up with them at the altar, and Brynn knew that she couldn’t be late.

As Brynn brushed her long dark hair, she looked at herself in the mirror. The woman looking back at her was finally happier and more at peace than she had been her entire life. Brynn was no longer obsessed with finding answers to the questions that had plagued her all of her life.
Why was I abandoned? Why did Thomas hurt me? Why didn’t Rose stop him?

Brynn’s shrink told her that there was nothing she could do about her past, and she was actually beginning to believe him. Brynn couldn’t remember ever being happy, and it was a strange feeling.

She slowly brushed her thick dark hair in long strokes. It had taken her entire life but Brynn was finally letting it grow. She knew that there was nobody in her life anymore, who would grab it and yank it or use it to hold her captive while he hit her as Thomas had. The fear was diminishing slowly with every passing day. As far as adopted fathers went, Thomas was the worst, but he was dead now, and she didn’t have to be afraid of him any longer.

She sighed contentedly, and smiled into the mirror. Her cheeks were rounder now that she had gained some weight. She looked so much healthier, almost glowing.

The doorbell rang, startling Brynn. She waited to hear Adam answer it, but then it rang again.

Brynn padded down the stairs, moving a little slower than usual, her long cotton nightgown flowing out behind her. When she reached the front door, she hesitated for a moment and felt a shiver run down her spine.

Don’t be silly
, she told herself.
There’s nothing to be afraid of...

When she opened the door, she froze—her big coffee colored eyes opening wide in disbelief.

On the other side of the screen stood an almost exact replica of herself, aged about 15 years. Her hand instinctively went to her belly.

They stared at each other silently.

“Brynn, honey, who is it?” Adam called coming up behind her.

When he got close behind her, he put his hand on her shoulder and stared. Nobody moved.

The woman on the other side stared down at Brynn’s swollen belly and smiled.

She spoke first, her voice husky, sounding eerily like Brynn’s. “Eva? Eva? It’s me. Do you recognize me, sweetheart?” She was petite like Brynn, with the same dark hair and beautiful brown eyes. But as much as she resembled Brynn, Adam could tell there was something different, almost absent, in this other woman.

She looked worn down, her skin thin and dull, and her hair unkempt. But there was more that unsettled him. While Brynn’s eyes were bright and beautiful, this woman’s eyes reflected something different, something darker, and Adam automatically felt anxious. He instinctively moved a step closer to Brynn.

Brynn was quiet. The moment stretched out in front of her in slow motion. She felt a chill run down her spine, and she shivered.

Ellie stared at Brynn with a mixture of curiosity and jealously.

“Eva. Are you okay? You don’t look so good, honey. I’m your Momma. Can you let me in? I’d love to talk to you.”

Brynn didn’t want to let her in. She knew that she should want to, but she didn’t. Against her better judgment, she reached out toward the door to unlock the screen. Brynn suddenly felt dizzy, the woman in front of her was making a strange face.

Brynn could hear Adam’s voice calling her name, and she wondered why he was yelling so loudly when she was standing right in front of him. The last thing that Brynn saw was the distraught look on Adam’s face as she fell to the floor.

BRYNN WOKE UP,
her head aching and heavy. She was in a curtained area. She could hear beeping and the quiet scuffle of feet and voices, but she was alone. Squinting, her eyes tried to adjust to the harsh impersonal lighting fixtures. Brynn looked around and realized she was in the hospital and wearing a gown that was two sizes too big.
Where are my clothes?

The last thing that she remembered was opening the screen door and seeing…what?
What did I see? What made me faint?
Brynn’s head felt fuzzy, and it hurt. A lot. Her tongue felt dry and thick, and too big for her mouth. She desperately wanted water. She reached up and pulled at her long thick hair, trying to make the headache stop.

She instinctively put her hand over her belly. Oh my God, the baby.
Is the baby okay?
Brynn’s heart was starting to race. t
How long have I been here? Is the baby alright? Adam, where are you? Why is this happening now that everything has been going so well? Why?

Brynn still couldn’t believe that she was pregnant. After all this time, she was finally ready to be a mother. Adam was ready to be a parent much sooner than she was, but now she was at peace with her past. And with everything they had been through together—the separation, the distance between them—they were repairing their marriage and their lives. With Rose gone for over a year, Brynn now had faith that she was capable of being a good mother.

She was done being afraid.

Adam said he was never going to leave again, and Brynn somehow believed that it was true. She was finally learning to open up and embrace life with him, and there was a connection between them that was stronger than ever before. She knew that he felt it every time she looked at him, and she could tell that he was happy. They were finally on common ground, and for the first time, she felt as if she were contributing to their relationship as much as he had since they were fifteen years old.

But now, her whole world felt as if it were crashing in, and there was no way to stop it. The baby isn’t moving, oh God! The baby isn’t moving!

She looked around and saw a plastic box by her side.

She pushed the red nurses call button frantically, terrified to be alone, and desperate for answers. I need Adam! I need someone!

“Yes, may I help you?” a distant voice came from nowhere, a subtle clicking sound accompanying it.

“Yes, I need my husband. Where is he? How is my baby?” Brynn said in one breath, talking to the air. She was lost. She needed Adam.

“We’ll be right there,” the voice said.

“Okay,” she said weakly, to no one. She hated to be alone. What happened?

The moment came flooding back to her, almost overtaking her. Brynn remembered, and then her heart started to race. The woman! That woman who was at my front door… the woman who called me
Eva!

The woman looked so much like Brynn—small, petite, with dark, pretty features, and big brown eyes that seemed too big for her face. She could have been Brynn’s sister, only she wasn’t. The woman said she was Brynn’s Momma.

Brynn hadn’t even gotten her name.

Could it really be my Mother? Why would she come into my life now, when I’m finally happy, when I have finally found some peace? Why would she bother to show up now when my life with Adam is starting to be really nice?
Brynn’s head was swimming with questions.
How did my Mother even find me?

It didn’t make sense. And then Brynn realized that the woman must have found her because years earlier, Brynn had put her name in with the adoption agency. She always thought that she wanted to connect with her parents someday, but now that the day had come, she wasn’t as sure.

But why wouldn’t someone have called her to give her some warning? How did this woman just show up at her door? It was the moment that Brynn had always dreamt about, her Mother coming to find her.

She thought back to when she was a little girl, kneeling beside her bed, earnestly folding her hands to pray.
Dear God, please help my real Mommy to find me and take me and my Momma away from Daddy so he can’t hurt me anymore.”
Brynn thought that her real Mommy would rescue her from Thomas’ fist and feet, and protect her from his rage. Tiny brown-eyed Brynn, with her long hair and high-pitched little girl voice, prayed night after night to be saved.

Thomas blamed her for stealing all of Rose’s love so that there was nothing left for him. Young Brynn would pray desperately that her birth Mommy would take her away. But she never came. So why now? Why did she show up now? It didn’t make sense.

Brynn thought about the woman’s face, even though she had only seen it for a fraction of a second. Brynn could tell that she had been beautiful at one time, but the beauty looked like it had slowly been erased. The woman looked like the shadow of someone else, someone that Brynn didn’t know.

The nurse was taking so long, and Brynn was worried about the baby. She saw that she had a strap, with what looked like a monitor of some sort, around her belly. And the machine that the strap was connected to had a nice steady green line on it that ran across the screen at a consistent pace, making the same up and down lines every time it went across. Brynn watched the monitor for a while, and that made her feel better. It was the same type of monitor she use to stare at as she sat by Rose’s bedside for hours.

Brynn heard a noise, and turned from the monitor to see Adam racing into the room. His thick brown hair was disheveled, and his beautiful blue eyes the color of the sea, wide with distress. “Brynn, you’re awake!” he said, his voice full of concern. Brynn never tired of hearing him talk. She loved his voice and everything about him. To think that she nearly lost him forever still gravely chilled her. Living life without him in it for those long months was the worst time of her life. Even thinking about it made her want to cry, so she pushed the memory from her mind. She knew that if she thought about it, she would remain in a dark mood for the rest of the day. And there were too many other things to contend with right now.

Brynn couldn’t blame Adam for leaving. She had inexplicably withdrawn her love, leaving him alone even after he had always taken care of her. She hadn’t left him with much of a choice.

“You’ve abandoned me, Brynn!” Adam would say to her time and again in total frustration. “You won’t even discuss having a family with me! You just wallow! If I had known this is who you would become when I married you…” Adam never finished the sentence, but Brynn knew that he would never have married her in the first place.

They fell in love at fifteen and Adam was the only person to teach Brynn how to live, to laugh, and to smile. Even though Adam knew she had endured more than any one person should have ever had to, he wanted Brynn to want to be happy, with him. And as much as he loved her, he needed her to love him, too.

Adam needed her to let him love her, but Brynn refused, and so he left.

Those months without him were hell.

Now Brynn knew what life was without him, and she was never going to lose him again. Adam returned with love finally winning out over the anger and confusion.