Authors: Jennifer Bryan Yarbrough
"What day is a good day to meet the kids? I'm taking the
job, but I would still like to meet them and let them meet me,
so that we will have some semblance of a relationship come
Sunday. I don't think it would be a good idea to just tell
them oh hey, meet your new nanny." I chuckled, thinking he
would too, but he didn't.
"Well, if you insist, I guess you can one night this week. I
am leaving tonight for a business trip and will be back late
tomorrow evening, so would Wednesday work for you?" He
really sounded put off at my request and I can't figure out
why.
"Wednesday sounds great. Just text me directions to your
house and I'll be there around, well, what time would be
best for you? What time does Gideon get out of school?" I bet he doesn't even know.
"I will give Mrs. Williamson your phone number and I'll let
you two set a time for that afternoon, ok?"
Nope. He has no clue. Oh boy, do I have my work cut out
for me. I am going to be the children's main parental
authority in that house, I can already tell.
"Ok, that works for me. I guess I shall see you Wednesday, Mr. Kingston."
"Olivia, you can call me Cash. I'm not quite old enough for
you to call me Mr. Kingston. You can call my Dad Mr. Kingston, but please call me Cash."
I guess I could call him Mr. Blue eyes. I try not to giggle
out loud at the thought.
"Seeing as how you're my boss now, Mr. Kingston it will
be. Sorry, that's just how I was raised. See you Wednesday.
Goodbye."
As I was hanging up, he was trying to correct me, I know, but
I hung up anyway. Wow! I have a job. A lot of things can
happen in a few days.
While I was talking to Cash, I mean Mr. Kingston, my coffee had gotten cold. Oh well. It's time to go get ready
and head to the grocery store to get what I need for dinner.
I really hate that I'm losing a week with Claudia, but I think
she'll understand and I see no reason for her to not come
visit me after the kids go to bed in the evenings, or just hang
out with us when she gets off of work. It's not like Mr. Kingston, aka Blue Eyes, is going to be around much.
I calculate how long it’s going to take for everything and
text Claudia.
I got your note and yes, I'm
Still cooking meatloaf since
it's your favorite. Dinner
will be done by 6. Oh and
I GOT A JOB!!!!!
I had a reply back in less than 30 seconds.
You got a WHAT??
I was cracking up and never got to reply, because she called
me and I had to fill her in on the details.
*****************
Claudia and I are sitting at her dining room table eating
dinner. All I keep hearing are oohs and awws and omg this
is to die for coming out of her mouth. I kept giggling at her, because it really sounded like she was doing more than just
eating.
"So...." She had to finish chewing her food before she could
finish. "What happens if little Mr. Gideon is too much for
you to handle?"
I had Claudia rolling, when I was telling her about Gideon's
little adventurous spirit.
"I'm pretty sure I can handle him. Don't you remember how
much trouble Jeremiah would get himself into? He kept me on my toes, but he had me laughing all of the time.”
Jeremiah was my little prankster of the three. Jordan was really calm and laid back and Jenna was just an absolute
sweetheart, but you never knew what Jeremiah was going to
get into. One time he had gotten into my makeup bag and
drew a self-portrait of himself on my bathroom mirror. I
had to buy a whole bag full of makeup, because he ruined
everything. I'd give anything to let him sneak into my purse now.
"Oh, Jeremiah was a mess. He taught me to keep one eye
open, when I would sleep at your house. How many times
did I wake up with a mustache above my upper lip in the
mornings? That little turkey got me every time." We both started laughing at the visual. One time he had
used a permanent marker and she had it on her face the
whole time she was there. I have a picture somewhere with
the both of them and he is sitting in her lap, holding the marker, grinning from ear to ear and Claud was pretending to cry in the picture.
"I need to run to the storage building and find that picture
of the two of you that we took, so that we can put it up."
Claudia choked on her food and looked at me in shock.
"Wow! You're going to go to the storage building? I'm so
proud of you, O! By the way, you seemed somewhat
calmer yesterday when you left for that hour. Where'd you
go? If you don't mind my asking."
I did kind of feel an inner peace within myself. I think
seeing Cash in the same kind of pain that I have been
dealing with really opened my eyes a little bit. Last week, I
felt like I was drowning in my grief and the last few days
have been like I've found out how to breathe again. I just
pray that Cash can figure out a way to learn how to breathe
again, for the sake of his two children.
"No, it's fine. I meant to tell you, but decided to wait,
because I wanted to process everything. I went to see Derek
and the kids, to tell them that I wouldn't be able to see them
as much as I had been." I looked up at Claudia and she had
a knowing look on her face.
"You knew? That I was visiting them more than I told you I
was?" She nodded her head.
"Yes. I knew and I understood, but it also pissed me off at
the same time. I even saw you walking around their graves,
moving your hands a lot, which let me know you were
talking to them." I look at her with a very confused look.
"Why did it piss you off? And how did you know?" I really
don't understand her reaction.
"Well, pissed off wouldn't be the right word, I guess. But
from my point of view, the more you went to visit them and
well, talk to them, it seemed that it would take longer for
you to accept that they were gone. As far as how I knew.
Sometimes I would have to wait for you to leave, so that I c
ould visit myself and sometimes I would just give up,
because you stayed so long."
Oh. It never occurred to me that she would want to visit
them too. I really had gotten wrapped up in my own little
selfish guilt ridden world.
"I'm sorry, Claud. I guess we should have communicated
better and we should have gone together. I'm also sorry I
hid it from you, but I just thought that if you knew how
much I was visiting them, you would have made me stop going to see them. I guess it's a good thing I figured it out
on my own, that it wasn't helping, but holding me back."
She grinned at me.
"I probably would have said something like that, but it's
good that you did come to terms with everything. But I am
curious about something. When did you decide to take the
job offer from Cash?"
I was glad that we were sitting down for this. Just picturing
him on his knees, sobbing over his wife and the desolate
look he had on his face, as he was walking to her grave, was
like a kick in the stomach at how much hurt he was still
going through.
"I decided, as I was leaving the cemetery, when I saw Cash." I knew immediately what she was thinking, because she
cringed.
"Poor Cash. If there's anyone that can't accept death, it
would be him. I've heard through the rumor mill that he
takes her a bouquet of white roses every day. Every day,
O. Vanessa died 5 years ago. Do you realize how many
days that is? I'll be honest; I was worried you were going
to take that long, or longer to deal with your grief. He obviously isn't even close to accepting it yet."
Every day? I can't believe yesterday was the first time I saw
him. For all I know, we were there at the same time, but
were so distracted by our own grief that we weren't paying
attention to our surroundings.
"He was carrying a bouquet of white roses, but he looked so
lost. Like he was in a trance, desolate, and mournful and
when he reached her grave, he just fell. Like he had given
up, Claud. When I saw him at that moment, I don't know.
I just felt sorry for him and especially his kids. At least I
didn't have anyone depending on me, or anyone to take care
of, while I was dealing with my grief, but it just hit me then
and there that they need someone to care for them, because I
know he's in his own kind of hell still."
She rose up and walked over to me and told me to stand up.
I did and looked at her questionably and then she grabbed
me and pulled me towards her and hugged me fiercely. I hugged her back and we stood that way for a couple of
minutes and then she pulled away and looked at me with
tears streaming down her face.
"I am so PROUD of you right now! I'm not sure that I've ever been this proud of you. I know how tough this is going
to be for you to be around children after well, after
losing your own."
She reached for a tissue and wiped her face of her tears and
blew her nose.
"I knew immediately why you got so mad and kept
drinking when Cash offered you this job, and I never in a
million years thought we would be standing here discussing
you shelving your own grief and putting your needs ahead
of Vanessa's kids. I wish you had met her, O. You remind
me of her so much, because she had such a kind heart like
yours and if she were still here and Cash even attempted to
ignore his children like it looks like he is, she would have
given him a swift kick in the ass."
"Oh, Claud. I just needed a swift kick in my ass as well.
Thank you for that. If it weren't for you dragging me out of
bed and not taking no for an answer this past weekend, I
wouldn't be able to do this. You have reminded me of how
strong I was. I mean AM."
She gave me a condescending look and I knew she was
going to correct me in telling me that I WAS strong, so I
beat her to it.
"Anytime, doll. You've given me a swift kick in the ass a
time or to and actually you've already kicked Cash, so
maybe you should just aim for his ass next time. Hahahahaha"
She has both of us rolling with that comment. I do agree
that Cash needs a kick in the ass, but that's not for me to do.
He will be my boss, so I'm just going to do my job and try
to avoid him as much as possible.
We cleaned the kitchen together and Claud made sure to pack her a lunch with the left overs to take to work with
her, so that she could brag to everyone at work about how
good of a cook her "wife" was.
When we got through, we watched a little bit of TV and
then we both went to bed.
As I was lying in bed, I was thinking about Cash and how he takes flowers to Vanessa's grave every day and has for
the past five years. It makes me sad that he has wasted five
years of not really spending any time with his children.
Someone needed to remind him that even though he lost the
love of his life, he still has two lives that were created from that love that need him desperately.
If I could swap places with him for one day, I would do it in
a second. Even though it would have been hard not having
Derek around, the thought of my children still being alive
and seeing traces of Derek every day in Jenna's eyes,
Jordan's smile, and Jeremiah's personality would have
helped heal the loss. I do know this. My job will not be helping Mr. Cash
Kingston in dealing with his grief. That will be someone else's job, but I can be there for his children. I just hope it
doesn't hurt too much being around them.