Authors: Jennifer Bryan Yarbrough
"Come on, Gideon. Let's go play some catch and see what
all you can do. Maybe we will put you on a baseball team
in the spring."
"Awesome! I've always wanted to play baseball like all of my friends at school, but Mrs. Williamson wouldn't ever let
me."
I see Cash wince at what he had said and I can see the guilt
all over his face. He reaches down and pats Gideon on the
top of his head.
"That's ok, Gid. Anything you want to do you from now on,
just tell me, okay buddy? Let's go play some ball. Would you ladies like to come watch us? I may need some back
up." I look at Claudia and she nods her head at me.
"Yes, go ladies. I'll take you something out to the table to
drink. Dinner should be ready in about thirty minutes."
Carmen goes to get some glasses out of the cupboard.
"Thank you, Carmen. Come on girls, let’s go watch the
boys!"
We walk outside and it reminds me of how Derek and I
would spend our Sunday afternoons playing with the kids
outside, before he had to leave for work. I refuse to get
upset and cherish the memories, like Cash said to do and
enjoy this new memory in the making with all of them.
********************
Cash and I are in my bed in each other’s arms, after celebrating our new commitment to each other. When we
made love, we didn't want to rush it and it was slow and
sensual, and he had made me feel cherished and w
orshipped. I don't know that there is a place on my body
that he hasn't kissed or caressed and I've never felt any sexier than right in this moment.
I know we aren't fooling anyone with our relationship, from
all of the knowing looks from Carmen and Lucas during
dinner, and the fact that we couldn't keep our eyes off of
each other.
Even Gideon seemed to be in the know, because at one
point, I caught him watching us and he looked at his dad
and then towards me and back and forth a couple of times,
and was sitting there at the table, grinning from ear to ear
and out of nowhere yelled. "Yes!" We asked him what was
going on and he picked up his fork and said "Nothing" and
went back to eating. That is one very smart boy. I should
have known we wouldn't be able to keep anything from
him.
Cash is tapping me on the nose and grinning, and I guess he
said something, but I wasn't paying attention, because I was
so deep in thought.
"I'm sorry, Am I boring you Liv, or was I so great that I've
turned you catatonic?" I raise my head up and kiss him.
"No, it was great, but I was thinking about how dinner went
and Gideon's outburst at dinner. Did he say anything to
you?"
"Actually, he did. While I was reading him a book, he kept
looking up at me and was grinning his head off, so I asked
him what was up with the goofy grin. Wanna know what he
said?" Now he's teasing me!
"Of course I do! He knows, doesn't he? That little
stinker! He's way too smart for his britches."
"Yes, he has to, after he asked me what he asked." He's still not saying. Ugh! I reach over and playfully punch him in
the arm.
"Are you going to make me beg? What did he say?" He's
enjoying this way too much, because now he's laughing at
me.
"He asked me that if I married you would that make you his
mom." Whoa!
"What did you say to him? Because he is just 7, even
though he acts like he's 17.”
I told him that whoever I married would be his step mom and that I would hope that whoever I chose, he would love
her as if she were his own mother." Whoever he chose?
"That's a good answer. What did he say to that?"
No way am I going to let him know that this upsets me, but
honestly, for his age it was the right thing to say. No reason
to get his hopes up if it doesn't work out between us. Who
am I kidding? It has to work out between us. Not only
would I be devastated to not be with Cash, but the idea of
another woman coming in here and loving the children that
I already feel are mine, would break my heart! And there's
no way in hell that I will let another woman take my place
with Cash!
"Oh, he said a few things and had a few choices of who he
wanted me to marry, but it was a private conversation between a father and son, so I should probably just keep it
to myself. Ya know? I don't want to break his confidence or
anything."
A few choices? I feel absolutely devastated, like someone
had just punched me in the stomach. I bet he's talking about Claudia. Kids have always adored her. Over my
dead body will that happen. I would torture Cash and beat
the living shit out of her and then kill them both with my
bare hands.
"Well, that's good. I was afraid he was onto us." I'm trying
to speak normal and hold my temper. I thought Gideon felt
about me the same way I did him. I love that child, as if he were my own already.
"Liv, look at me. Please. Your whole body just tensed up
and I can't continue with this anymore. I was just kidding,
okay?" I refuse to look at him, because I'm holding back
tears.
"Okay, if you won't look at me, then I'll tell you what he
really said. He told me that the only mother that he wanted
was you, Liv. He also told me he thinks that we love each
other and he told me that I'm only allowed to marry YOU."
Awwww. I want to go wake him up and hug and kiss
him. And I also want to knock the shit out of Cash for
pulling another little prank on me. This one is way worse
than scaring me in the "dungeon".
"Aww. He's so sweet." No way am I going to let him
know how bad he just hurt my feelings.
"He's so sweet? That's all that you have to say?"
He puts his finger under my chin and tilts my head up to
make me look at him, and the tears fell as soon as I looked
into his eyes. I move my head away from him and pull the
covers over my head. I know I'm acting like a spoiled child,
but that was not funny at all.
"Honey, I'm so sorry. I was just trying to be funny and all
I did was hurt your feelings in the process. I wish you
would just hit me instead of crying, because you're breaking
my heart." He tugs at the blanket and pulls it off of my
head and looks down at me with sincerity in his eyes.
"You can be an asshole sometimes, ya know?"
"Yes, I know and I'll quit teasing you. Honestly, I was thinking you were going to rise up swinging, letting me
know how pissed you were. You usually do that and I hate
to admit it, but I love the make-up sex after one of our
fights." So, he was hoping for make-up sex?
"Why would anyone want to purposely argue? Do you think I like arguing with you? I did that enough with
Derek! Yeah, the make-up sex is great, but I'm not sure that
you realize how much I love your kids! I already love
them as if they were my own! I was trying to figure out
who his other choices were and the only person I could
think of was Claudia. All I was thinking of doing was
murdering you both!" He laughs his freaking head off.
"I'm sorry. I know that's not funny, but I've always looked
at Claudia like an annoying little sister that would think
nothing of killing me in my sleep. That's a big fat NO! Be
honest, though, you were more jealous than hurt. There's only you for me and there's only you for Gideon and Eden."
He pulls me back into his arms and kisses me.
"Speaking of Eden, she asked me if she could start calling
you Mommy, because she's always wanted to call someone
Mommy, and she said that she knows you love her as much
as her Mommy would have. You want to talk about holding
back some tears during that conversation."
I immediately squeeze him tight, because I know that had to
have been hard to hear. But it also makes my heart happy,
but then worried that for the sake of the children they are
probably confused at mine and their daddy's closeness.
"That had to have been a tough conversation. This is what I
meant about them being confused. What I was trying to
avoid with so many changes in their life."
"But they've been good changes, haven't they? Doesn't that
count?"
"Yes, but what are we going to say to them? We don't
want to lie to them, but we also don't want to get them
excited in case something happens."
"What do you mean IN CASE something happens? You're
going to be my wife and their mother and very soon I
hope!" Is that a proposal? After three weeks? He's
crazy!
"Oooookay." What am I supposed to say to that?
"That's what you say when I tell you we are going to get
married? Oooookay?" You don't tell someone that you're
going to marry them without asking them first.
"Are you not going to ask me? You're just going to tell me
and that's it?"
Now he's exasperated and looking at me like I've lost my
mind. What I really am is worn out. It's been a very long crazy day that started out with an argument and looks like
it’s ending with an argument.
"Oh, I'll ask you, Liv! You won't even know when it's going
to happen, but I will ask you."
"Okay. I can't wait. Can we just please go to sleep? I'm so
tired and it’s been such a long day." I look up at him and
his face softens.
"Yes, go to sleep, my angel. I'm just going to watch you fall
asleep and rub your back. Goodnight sweetheart, I love
you." He leaned down and kissed me ever so sweetly.
"Goodnight, Baby. I love you, too."
He can watch me all he wants. I don't normally like for
anyone to watch me while I'm sleeping, but I can't keep my eye lids open anymore. He starts running his hand up and
down my back, slowly caressing me and I'm asleep in no
time, with happy thoughts going through my mind.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
We had another long week as always, but there was more
fun involved instead of craziness. Cash and I had gone
shopping for Eden for her birthday. I had asked her what
she was wanting for her birthday and she said that all she
wanted was for me and her daddy to go to her party.
I explained that there was nothing that would keep her
daddy or me from going to her party and she smiled her
gorgeous smile, and I could tell how happy and excited she
was. She always mentions how at her grandparents they
have a kitchenette and doll house that she loves to play
with, so I told Cash that she needed one for the house.
He also got her a huge play house for outside that looks like
a mini castle that I knew she would love. I picked out a
bunch of outfits and more toys and dolls and figurines to go in her doll house.
We also got Gideon a new bat and some more baseballs, so
that he wouldn't feel left out. His birthday wasn't for a few
months, and I asked Cash when the last time he bought
Gideon something was and he couldn't remember, so that
was why I mentioned a few presents for him as well.
We had a great week with the kids, swimming and bowling,
or playing catch with Gideon and every day after school, I
took Eden and Gideon both to get ice scream, to let him talk
about his day. He is enjoying school now and hasn't been bullied since Cash and I had gone up to the school.
Eden and I had several tea parties and Carmen joined us a
couple of times, and we were all tickled at the imaginary
food that Eden would make us pretend to eat. She has been
coming out of her shell and talks all of the time now and asks me lots and lots of questions. So far she hasn't
mentioned what she asked Cash about calling me Mommy
and I'm so glad, because I'm not sure how to handle that
issue yet.