Lost in Us (11 page)

A favorite of mine is sitting on the park bench at Faneuil Hall and watching the street performers. A few times, I’ve brought my guitar and sang, but it’s not too often that I can do that unless I set up some type of security.

The one thing I haven’t grown accustomed to is a true Bostonian accent. The words they say often result in me staring bug-eyed at them and shaking my head. There’s a group of them that sit behind Ryan and me at each ballgame. They get rowdy and sometimes throw their beers at unsuspecting Yankee fans. It’s a love/hate relationship.

I’ve become a fan of the Renegades and while I’m still learning the game, it’s enjoyable to watch. Most importantly, it’s giving Ryan and me some much needed time to be together. My tour will start in the spring once Ryan’s back to work. We agreed that I’d tour while he’s working, only one month overseas and nothing after the month of October. I owe it to my fans, the ones I cancelled on, to finish out the tour. The press hounded me for about two weeks into my stay in Boston and I finally came clean, appearing for the first time in years without my engagement ring.

Ryan and I opted to donate it to charity. He said if we’re to travel the path of an engagement again, he’ll get me something new, something that’s not tainted with bitterness and anger. We still live in separate apartments, and I think that’s something we needed. When we got back together six years ago, we started living together right away. No dating, no courting, just together and sharing everything. This time around, things are different, better. We talk more. We make plans to see each other. We surprise each other at work. We’re more spontaneous and not acting like we’ve been married for years.

I’m back to writing music and recording almost daily, but only while Ryan’s at work. I’m renting a small studio near the stadium, which allows us to go to lunch or leave from work and walk to dinner.

When I told Carrie that I was moving to Boston, she wasn’t too happy, but she’s dealing with the three hour drive that she makes twice a week. Alex and Cole, and their daughter Hayden moved to Connecticut, splitting the difference between Boston and NYC. Cole is back in the studio and has a number 1 hit on the radio. Dylan, she’s another story, and I don’t see her much. I know it hurts Ryan and that her and I don’t get along, but there isn’t anything I can do aside from leaving him and I won’t do that. Dylan comes around when I’m not there, and it’s something I’ve had to accept. I placate her with niceties and give her daughter presents, but that’s the extent of our relationship. I have Alex, he has Dylan. We’ve learned to accept things the way they are.

Today, I’m watching a group of young boys street dance. It’s not the first time I’ve seen this particular group and have talked to Carrie about using them in a music video. The talent they have is unparalleled. They’re not classically trained, and I think that’s where they have an advantage. They choreograph their own steps and allow their bodies to move to the music. They’re definitely my favorite type of street performer.

Just beyond their circle, there’s a man playing drums on anything and everything – except a set of drums. He’s the entertainment. He’s the one providing the beat right now. He’s also my inspiration for new music. Because of him I want to break out into something else, a sound more edgy and less auto-tuned. I want to go back to the basics of music and let people fall in love with the rhythm and lyrics and not so much the show I put on. There’s something about sitting on stage and performing without the loud amplifiers and flashy light shows. I want people to feel the intimacy that music can provide.

I search through my purse for my ringing phone. When I see who’s calling, I know my face is beaming. “Hello,” I answer with pure excitement.

Ryan laughs on the other end. “I was going to ask what you’re doing, but I can hear.”

“I’m fascinated, what can I say.”

“Hmm, you can say you’ll meet me at the stadium in an hour or so.”

I look at my watch and see that it’s now rush hour. The trains will be jam packed. “An hour is doable, I think. It just depends on the trains.”

“It’s fine, I can wait. Just get here, okay?”

“Okay, on my way. I love you.” I smile brightly as the last three words roll off my tongue. Telling him that I love him has to be my most satisfying achievement each and every day.

“I love you too, Hadley,” he replies before hanging up. As much as I hate leaving before their show is done, I’m more eager to see Ryan. I pull a few twenties out of my wallet and set them in their bucket. I’ve spoken to a few of these guys and know that they work minimum wage jobs and do this to put a little more food on the table. A couple of the guys bring their little kids down to watch so that they’re working but still with family. Seeing this makes me very thankful for what my parents did for me.

I hustle to the train, longing to see Ryan. There isn’t a game tonight and it does strike me as odd that we didn’t make plans. Not that we need to see each other every night, but I’m not complaining if we do. The break-up, while it hurt, did us well. We were able to grow, function normally without being dependent upon each other and fall in love all over again. I think that has been our biggest blessing, love. I now find myself craving him. The need to be near him is so great that each time I see him, I’m warm and tingly and feel like I’m falling all over again. It’s a feeling I never want to lose.

By time I’m at the stop for the ballpark, I’m only ten minutes late. I rush down the hall and up the escalator to his office. I bypass his receptionist, Wendy, who I found out is Jessica’s best friend. Since Ryan and I started dating, she’s been cordial, but can’t get over the fact that Ryan and Jessica broke up because of me. I know Jessica has told her that’s not the case and if she and I can be friends, surely her best friend can get over it. No such luck.

When I get to Ryan’s office, his lights are off. Reluctantly, I have to ask Wendy where he is, and this never goes well. I stop in front of her desk and paste a nice fake smile on my face. “Hi, Wendy, can you tell me where Ryan is?”

She rolls her eyes and doesn’t hide her distaste for me. “Mr. Stone asked that you meet him on the field. If you follow – “

“I know the way, thank you,” I cut her off before she can finish. I’m growing impatient and don’t understand why he wouldn’t be in his office.

As soon as I’m through the tunnel that separates the field from the club house, I spot Ryan standing on the pitcher’s mound. I climb the steps slowly and step out onto the warning track.

“Hey, Hadley.”

“Hey, Ryan.”

“Why don’t you come here for a minute?”

I nod and step onto the grass, hopping over the white chalked lines. Usually the field is covered so the rain doesn’t damage the grass, but today, it’s open like a playground. I want to take off my shoes and run, but I refrain.

Reaching Ryan, he pulls me into his arms and kisses me deeply. “Turn around,” he says, but doesn’t release me. He faces us in the direction of the jumbotron, the same one where we’re caught on the “kiss cam”.

“I love you, Hadley,” he whispers in my ear as music starts playing. Tears well in my eyes as a slideshow starts. There are images of us when we were babies and growing up and finally of us together, even when he was seventeen. I wrap my arms around him, leaning into his shoulder.

“I love this.”

“Me too, but it’s not over.”

The music changes into
Canon in D
as the words “Will You Marry Me?” appear on the screen. I gasp and cover my mouth as the tears flow. I turn in his arms and nod feverishly, words escaping me in this very important moment.

Ryan sighs. “Is that a yes?”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!”

“Phew, I was getting a little worried.” Only he would make light of an important moment like this. “So, I was thinking we’d get married tonight.”

“What?” I deadpan.

He moves a few steps to the right to show me what’s going on behind him. My parents, his mom, Alex, Cole and Hayden, Dylan and her daughter, Carrie, and a few of our friends are all standing at home plate.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

Ryan shrugs. “Well, from the looks of it, we’re getting married tonight.”

“Right here?”

“Is there a better place?”

I shake my head. “No there isn’t, but how? We don’t have a marriage license.”

Ryan runs his hand through his hair. “Minor technicality that Carrie was able to fix for us. I assure you, if we get married right now, it’ll be legal.”

“So, what are we waiting for?” As soon as I say those words, music queues up again and Ryan takes my hand in his arm and walks us to home plate. Our friends and family move aside and a minister appears ready to make us official.

In only a few short minutes, with traditional vows exchanged, Ryan and I are husband and wife, and while this may be the most nontraditional wedding in the history of nontraditional weddings, the fact that it’s mine makes it the most perfect.

A
sk me nine years ago, when I was sitting on my bed listening to my best friend, Dylan, go on and on about the concert tickets she won, if I thought I’d meet my wife that night, the answer would be a resounding no. I owe so much to Dylan – even if she refuses to acknowledge her part in my life when it comes to Hadley – that I’ll never be able to repay her. Yes, some of the best and also most troubling times in my life are because of Hadley, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Nothing can compare to what I’m feeling now that I’ve heard the minister tell me that I may now kiss my bride.

The moment our lips connect, I know I made the right decision by surprising her with this wedding. Getting everyone here was a challenge, especially Dylan, who was adamant that I’m making a mistake. Thing is, it’s my mistake to make. I didn’t tell her that her daughter, Emma, was a mistake or that she needed to marry that sorry excuse for a father. I supported her and expect the same in return. Cole and Alex were the easy part. Alex was beyond excited and swore she wouldn’t say anything. Cole told me he was happy that everything was working out the way it should be. The fact that he thought Hadley and I belonged together makes me appreciate him even more as a friend.

Rebuilding our lives together these past months has been perfect and exciting. Hadley will be finishing out the tour she cancelled when she showed up in my office and as much as I don’t want her to leave, it’s better that she’s doing it when I’m back to work. We’re taking a month off after the season ends and going far away to some tropical island where cell phones don’t work. We haven’t decided yet where that is, and I’ve threatened that we’ll end up at the airport and looking at the reader board, still trying to decide. I don’t care where, as long as she’s with me.