Lost In You (The Soldiers of Wrath MC) (4 page)

“Hey.”

“How was college today?”

“Slow, a little boring. I’ve got several assignments that need to be completed which suck, but I’ve got nothing else to do for the rest of the weekend. What about you?”

“I didn’t go to college today, sweetheart.”

She chuckled. “No, I meant what do you have planned for the rest of the weekend?”

“I’ve got some errands to run, probably stick around the clubhouse, do some DIY. Place could use a fresh paint job.” He looked around the clubhouse at some of the paint peeling off the walls.

Usually the guys would take a long weekend to clean the place up, but they’d been slacking off with their shit just lately. With how warm it was, it was the perfect time to get the job done.

“That sounds like fun.”

“Get back to your work.” He knocked on the table and made his way toward the sofa. Sipping on his beer, he watched one horror movie and then the next one. Several of the club guys moved around him, some staying for a few minutes. Skulls stayed the longest, chatting about the special effects and shit.

“How can you watch this?” Skulls asked.

“You’re just a big pussy. Can’t stand to be scared.”

Skulls shook his head.

Hannah was still working on whatever assignment she had going on. “You know she keeps on looking over at you. I think she wants to talk.”

“Why don’t you fuck off and give her the space to talk?”

“Okay, okay, fine.” Skulls shook his head and left. Hannah stayed in her seat, not moving, and Nerd sipped at his beer, waiting.

He was a patient guy, and he’d gladly wait until she was ready. There was a particularly hot scene with a couple fucking on screen, and Nerd couldn’t help but wonder if she was turned on by what she saw. He didn’t expect anything from her. She was still dealing with her issues, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t have desires.

“I’m finished,” Hannah said.

Looking up, he saw her cheeks were flushed and she was smiling. “Great, you want to stay, relax, and watch a movie?”

“Okay, sure.”

She took a seat beside him, and Nerd noticed that she sat really close to him. Usually there was at least another person’s distance between them. This time, she was so close, her body brushed the side of his. To get comfortable, Nerd had no choice but to put his arm across the back of the sofa.

“I had a good day in therapy today.”

“That’s good.”

“She doesn’t allow me to shy away from challenges.”

“She gives you challenges?”

“Like homework. She gives me a suggestion of what she thinks could help me progress and if I do it, I must tell her all about it, how I felt and things like that.”

“Okay.” Nerd frowned. This was the most that she’d ever spoken of her therapy. “What kind of challenges has she given you?”

“The first one was talking with Deanna and finding the strength to talk to the women. Nothing big, just little things, asking how they were or just saying hey.”

“Did it help?”

“Yes. Amy seemed to understand what I was doing, and she’s been a big help. But,” she looked at him, “I don’t know. I feel weird talking to her, to be honest. I feel like something is blocking me from really wanting to open up to her.”

Nerd tensed, not liking the sound of that. “Is it hard to talk to me?”

“No. I find when it comes to you, I can talk to you and I don’t have these crazy attacks. You’re the only one I can talk to. I told Jamie about that, and she said it was because you saved me. You make me feel safe, and she advised that if I do feel like that, then I’m to try to seek you out to help me deal with the panic attack I’m having. It’s a compliment. At least, I hope it’s a compliment. I don’t want to upset you.”

Nerd smiled. “You’re not upsetting me. Far from it. If you need me to feel safe, then I’m happy to be here to help you feel safe.” He gripped her shoulder, giving her a gentle squeeze, offering her reassurance. “What is your challenge now?” he asked.

“It’s about you,” she said.

“It is? Wow, what is it?”

Hannah turned toward him, and he noticed her face was a deep red. Was she embarrassed? Upset? He wasn’t sure what was going on, only that he didn’t like the thought of her feeling anything but safe.

“It’s something important, and I don’t know what to say or what to do.”

“Hannah, this therapist can’t make you do what you don’t want to do.”

“I do though. I do want to do this.” She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.

What the fuck was the therapist doing?

S
he was doing this, actually kissing Nerd ... and it felt incredible. He was motionless, not kissing her back, but she had to assume he was probably confused as hell as to what she was doing. Finally pulling away—although it had felt like minutes, she knew she’d only been kissing him for seconds—Hannah looked up at his face. Her cheeks still felt as though it was on fire, but this weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

“I like you, Nerd.” She looked down at the ground, feeling all kinds of embarrassed. When she felt his fingers under her chin, lifting her head up so she had to look at him, strength moved through her. “You make me feel safe, make me happy, and when I’m with you I don’t feel like anything bad can happen.”

“Baby, I promise you I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

She knew that, believed every word he said. Nerd made her feel as if there were possibilities out there. Hell, look at her now. She was in school, and although she was dealing with shit that may or may not ever go away, she was still dealing with it. Telling Nerd how she felt and kissing him, albeit it was only a peck, made her feel stronger. She could do anything, and that made her happy.

This was the first step in making herself whole, and it felt incredible.

N
erd needed to remind himself to go slow, but she was a fragile woman, and she needed time. But there was a part of him that just wanted to ravish her, to let her know she was his and nothing would change that.

He stroked her cheek, looked at the gentle slope of her lips, the way they were redder because of the kiss. He was shocked she’d been bold enough to kiss him, but he was so fucking happy she had. For a long time he’d been waiting, not sure if she’d ever been ready for him to tell her, show her how he felt. And even though a kiss didn’t mean she wanted to be his old lady, the fact she was telling him all of this stuff now made him feel so fucking happy.

“I’m proud of you,” he said softly.

She smiled. “Why?”

“You’re making progress and taking one day at a time.”

She looked away, her cheeks red. “I want to think I am, but I know I have a long way to go.” She lifted her head and looked at him again. “But I know what I want, and it’s time I stop being afraid of that. I can’t let my past dictate how I live my life.”

Yeah, his woman was so fucking strong. “And what do you want, baby?”

She didn’t answer for several seconds, took a deep breath, and then finally spoke. “I want you, Nerd. I want to see where this goes, where we go.”

He didn’t speak, wanting to see if she’d say anything else, but fuck did he love hearing her say that. “I want that too,” he said, not able to keep his mouth shut anymore. He wanted her in any way she wanted to give herself to him. If that meant she needed all the time in the world, then so be it.

Nerd may not have been wholesome and pure is entire life, never even wanted an old lady before. But from the moment he took Hannah out of that hellhole he knew he wanted her as his.

“Let me take you out for a date, Hannah.”

She looked surprised at first but then smiled. “A date?”

He nodded, feeling out of place as he’d never actually taken a woman to anywhere but his bedroom. But Hannah was different, special. He wanted so much with her.

“Yeah, baby.” He smoothed his finger over her cheek again. “I have all the time in the world when it comes to you, and I want to make you see that this world isn’t filled with shitty things. I want to make you happy.”

Well damn, he was getting all sentimental and shit. If any of the other bikers heard him, they’d tear him a new one and laugh their asses off. But Nerd didn’t give a shit. This was about him and Hannah, and that was all that mattered.

“I’d like that,” she said and smiled.

This time he leaned in to kiss her. He went all slow, making sure to give her time in case she wanted to back away. But she didn’t, and when their lips pressed together he had to will his fucking cock to chill the hell out. He sure as fuck didn’t want his hard-on digging into her belly and scaring the shit out of her.

“You sure this is all okay?” he whispered against her mouth and felt her nod.

“It’s more than okay.”

He smiled.

“I feel like I can be free with you, and I don’t want to let that go.”

He didn’t want her to feel anything but that with him. Nerd wanted her to really be happy. That was all he wanted, and it just so happened she wanted that with him. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve even a chance at being with Hannah, but he wasn’t going to fuck this up. And he’d sure as hell mess anyone up that thought to get in the way of them being together.

“Y
ou’re going on a date?” Jamie asked.

“He asked me to go on a date, and I said yes,” Hannah said. She clasped her hands together, hoping that she’d done the right thing. She felt as though she had. Going on a date with Nerd was rather exciting. It was what she wanted to do and couldn’t wait for it. Friday night at seven she was supposed to be ready. With Deanna, Amy, and Eloise’s help, she’d picked out a dress. It was a deep red dress, and Eloise had offered to do her hair, and of course she’d accepted. She’d never been the kind of person to spend so much time primping and preparing to look pretty.

“Are you happy about that?”

“Yes, I am. I mean, I’ve never been on a date before, and I really look forward to being with him.”

“Nerd?”

“He’s a club brother, and he’s been really nice to me.” She rubbed her hands together.

“Does he expect more from you? Do you think he’ll want to go further, that maybe knowing your weakness is what he likes? Wasn’t that how it happened with the past; regarding using your weakness for their own gain?”

She shook her head. “He’s not like that. From the moment he saved me, he’s been there but he’s not been putting pressure, and he doesn’t expect anything from me. I don’t like you trying to insinuate that he is. That’s not fair.”

Jamie held her hands up. “I’m sorry.”

Hannah shook her head. “I think I should go. I don’t like this.”

“Hannah?”

She grabbed her bag and headed for the door. She’d been tense when opening up to Jamie since the first day, but right now was the first time the other woman had made her downright uncomfortable. Pausing at the door, she hesitated and finally looked back. “I don’t think it’s fair that you ask me to try new things and then accused him.”

“I didn’t—”

“You did in a way, and that’s not fair. He’s been really nice to me, and there’s no pressure with him. He doesn’t expect me to do things or to be someone different. When I’m with him I’m safe.”