Love Beyond Words (City Lights: San Francisco Book 1) (16 page)

“It’s okay,” he breathed, “let me.”

He pulled her sweater off and let it slip to the floor. She shuddered as if a live current surged through her, while he undid the top buttons on her dress and bared her shoulders. He bent and put his mouth her naked skin, grazing his teeth lightly over the sensitive flesh of her neck while the buttons opened, one by one. The dress fell away, pooled at her feet.

“So beautiful,” he murmured, taking her in. “My god, Natalie, you are so beautiful.”

He kissed away any reply she might have had—she had none; it was all she could do to keep breathing— and then trailed his mouth down her neck, between her small breasts. She gasped; the feel of his hair against her bare skin, brushing her collarbone, was a kind of ecstasy all its own.

He pulled away long enough to tear off his sweater, but she stopped him before he could remove the t-shirt underneath.

“Let me,” she said, echoing his words. She trailed her hands down to edge of his shirt and lifted. The meager moonlight found every hard line of his body, filled in every cut of muscle. His elegant clothing had hinted at his physique but hadn’t prepared her for the reality or what it did to her.

“God, Julian…” she encircled him in her arms, wanting to feel that body pressed to hers, a moan escaping her when it did. Soft skin and hard muscle enveloped her, the scent of his cologne stronger now and she closed her eyes, reveling in being this close to him. And then she wanted much more than to be held and kissed.
I want him, right now.

“Take it off,” Natalie whispered. “Take it all off.”

Her words were the permission he must have been waiting for. He kissed her again, demanding and hard, his breath rasping in his nose. He undid the clasp of her bra and slid it off her arms to toss it aside, relinquishing her mouth in exchange for her naked breasts. She moaned at each touch; the light bite of his teeth, the pull on her nipples as he sucked and licked. Shards of electric heat radiated from under his lips; she’d never been touched like this, never imagined it could feel so good and perfect.

He encircled her waist with one arm, lifted her easily, and laid her on the bed. She sank into the softness, cool silk on her back and Julian’s warm skin everywhere else. His mouth found hers again, and their tongues slid against each other deliciously.

Clothing fell away, warm skin pressed against warm skin; they kissed and touched until the passion burning between them demanded more, demanded everything. A fresh swell of desire crashed over Natalie when she thought of what was coming next.

“Wait.” He pulled back, his voice haggard with want. He fished a condom from a box in the nightstand drawer and was deft about its application; she was hardly aware of an interruption. And then he was over her again, holding her face in his hands. She exulted in the beauty of him this close, his eyes that were filled with only her.

“My love…”

Their lips touched again, grazed and tasted and parted. And then he kissed her—the sweetest kiss of her life—as he slid inside.

She gasped at the pressure, the exquisite heaviness that filled her completely, and clung to his neck and he pushed deeper, until there was no space between them. His face crumpled with agonized restraint. “Oh god, Natalie…” he groaned and rested his forehead against hers for a moment, as if mastering himself. “Are you okay?”

She nodded quickly. “Oh yes. More than okay…” And then words failed her, thought failed her, as he began to move.

Slowly at first, a gentle rocking, a smooth rolling of his hips. More kisses, long slow kisses that mirrored the rhythm of his thrusts. Natalie luxuriated in every sensation, the heat of his mouth, the warmth of his skin, the weight of his body on hers. And between them, at their joining, a pulsing ache of pleasure that grew stronger, more potent with every movement.

Julian kept the gentle pace but she could feel the urgency in him simmering, ready to be unleashed. It mirrored her own. She returned the kiss, opened her mouth wider, wound her fingers into his silken curls to pull him to her. He drove deep inside her now, fast and hard, unbridled, free of the constraints of his conscience. He held nothing back. It was as if she could feel his every emotion and they all belonged to her.

Natalie’s own desire became ravenous; he was giving himself to her and she wanted all of him. She spread her thighs wider, tilted her hips so that he was deeper, and held him tightly as he rocked against her. Words and passages from his books floated in and out of her thoughts, whispering that all that beauty was hers now in a way she could never have imagined. It was almost too much.

They shared the same breath, his sweat mingled with hers, the ecstasy building between them like a small sun. He shuddered and thrust a final time, and the heat between them was searing.

She may have screamed or called out his name—she was too delirious to know for sure, but as the rolling swells subsided, something inside her broke loose and the damnable tears threatened again.

Julian started to move off of her, but she held him tightly, savoring the weight of him over her and inside her, strong and substantial and real.

“I’m too heavy…”

“Just for a moment,” she said quickly, but the thickness in her voice gave her away.

“What…?” He lifted his head to look at her. “Oh, my love, it’s all right. It’s just…release. I feel it too.”

She nodded, breathing deeply until she trusted herself to speak. “I just…I’ve been alone for so long.”

He smiled and kissed away her tears. “Not anymore.”

Moonlight cast a silvery slant over the bed and the city seemed to be sleeping outside the immense windows; the quiet was so thick. The soft susurration of Natalie’s breathing broke the silence. Julian thought he would fall asleep with her; his body felt heavy and sated. But it was too good to have her there, in his home, in his bed.

And to think I almost ruined this.

He nestled closer. Her petite frame curled against him perfectly. Her softness against his hardness. His musculature was slender and lean as opposed to big and bulky, but her delicacy made him feel even stronger, more powerful, and awakened a primal desire to protect her.

He kissed her shoulder, but softly so as not to wake her. Her skin beneath his lips was soft, porcelain smooth, and very warm. Such an ecstasy to be enveloped in that warmth; the warmth of her mouth, her arms, the nexus of her legs. But especially her mouth. Making love to her had been as phenomenal as he could have hoped, but he wanted to kiss her all day, every minute. Her lips were more flushed than her skin, the color other women needed glosses to achieve. He loved kissing those lips; tasting them, biting and sucking them until he was half out of his mind for her.

He felt a stirring between his own legs at such thoughts, and took a steadying breath. But he couldn’t stop admiring her, and wound a lock of her silky hair around his finger. A gorgeous chestnut color, almost as rich as her eyes that were the color of melted chocolate and alit from within with intelligence and wit and a passion for life that stole his breath.

He knew he was waxing rhapsodic, but couldn’t help it. He’d lost himself in their velvety brown depths too many times in the cafe, listening to her talk about her dreams, her desires, her books…and him.

He brushed that last aside. What she’d said about his writing revealed more about her than anything else. The spirited, profound ideas she’d set forth had shocked him. She was too vibrant, too passionate a person for an empty café and nights spent alone, talking to no one. She was shy, but she also wasn’t. She was bursting with ideas, with observations, lacking only a person to share them with. The idea that he could be that person…It thrilled him entirely, but the responsibility of it had frightened him too.

He sighed again, this time in relief. He had almost ruined it, but somehow here she was. The sweetness of her, her generous heart, and her love had saved them both and he vowed he would never do anything to jeopardize her happiness again. Never.

She stirred and opened her eyes. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“What time is it?”

Julian glanced at the digital clock on his bedside table. “A little after midnight.”

“I slept so well, I thought it must be later.”

So beautiful…
He started to kiss her, but pulled back, shaking his head with a sheepish laugh.

She laughed. “What was that?”

“I love kissing you, more than anything. But I don’t want to wear you out over it.”

“As if that were possible.”

Thank God.
He kissed her thoroughly while her fingers slipped into his hair.

“Mmm, that’s my weakness,” she said. “Your hair. I’ve been wanting to do that for months.”

“Don’t let me stop you.”

She raked her fingers this time, sending shivers of pleasure down his back while he indulged in another kiss with that exquisite mouth of hers.

“As tempting as it is to spend the rest of the night right here, dinner is languishing. Are you hungry?”

“Yes. And you need to fuel up.”

“Do I?”

He watched her face turn scarlet with mortification. “Oh my god, I meant because I want to hear all about you and
Above
and not because of…other…things.”

Julian pulled her hand from her eyes, laughing with her and kissing her again until they were in danger of losing the night altogether.

#

Ten minutes later, in the kitchen, he heated up the dinner he’d prepared for her when Natalie emerged from the bathroom. She wore the t-shirt he usually slept in, while he wore another shirt and soft pants.
Such a cliché
, he thought, but the sight of her, in only a shirt and panties, the outline of her breasts barely hinted at…

“You have to stay on that side of the counter,” he told her. “If you come near me looking that cute and sexy, I’m liable to burn the dinner. Or myself. Or both.”

She took a seat on the barstool, her cheeks blushing prettily. “No one has ever called me sexy before.”

“
No one
is a raving lunatic,” Julian said, and she laughed. He loved to make her laugh, to see her smile. She did both so easily, but there was pain locked behind her eyes, the pain that she wouldn’t let go of.
She will in time,
he thought.
Just love her and be there for her so when she’s ready, she’ll know it’s safe.

“There are lots firsts happening here,” she was saying, her gaze downward. “Lots of things I’ve never done before. I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

Julian stirred the soup as it heated up again, and smiled at her. “There are lots of things
I’ve
never done before.”

She arched a brow. “You know what I mean. I worry that I’ll seem too clumsy to you, or…I don’t know.”

He marveled at her, how honest she was and how forthright, despite her bashfulness.
I’ll make it easy for her,
he thought and another the heels of that;
I’d do anything for her.

“I have been with a grand total of five other women,” he said, pouring a glass fof wine for her, and one for himself. “I was nineteen, alone in New York City…This was right after
Above
came out and started to make some money. I had a strange, off-and-on relationship with a performance artist. I never had to worry about my secret with her; neither of us were interested in anything other than sex, to be honest. It was an educational relationship and, if I’m being
very
honest, a rather fun one.”

Natalie smiled at this, not a shred of jealousy lurking in eyes.

“
At twenty-two I moved to San Francisco and briefly dated three other women before I met Samantha. She was the most serious of any relationship I’d had; we were together for about a year. But it ended badly. She knew there was something I wasn’t telling her—of course she knew—so in the absence of truth, filled in her own fact: that I was a cheat and a liar. That was a year ago.”

He watched her absorb this as he set a bowl of creamy soup before her.

“Did you love her?” Natalie asked gently.

“No,” Julian said. “I thought I might, given time, and for a while I mourned the break-up for just that reason. But then I met you and I realized how shallow my feelings for Samantha were, how artificial. I don’t mean to speak ill of her, but trying to love her took effort. Falling for you was the easiest, most effortless thing in the world.”

Natalie’s cheeks colored again and her eyes shone. “Thank you for saying that. And I know you mostly did to make me feel okay about telling my sordid story. So thank you for that too.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” Julian said. “Or, when you’re ready—”

“I want to,” she said, shifting on her seat. “I just…need to.”

“Okay,” he said gently. “Then I’m listening.”

She smiled briefly and took a long pull on her wine. “Before you, I’ve been with one man. I think I told you before…or at least babbled about it the night we…we almost…” She waved her hands. “Anyway, when my parents died I was eighteen and received some insurance money. Not a lot, but enough. We’d lived in San Diego but I couldn’t stay. Too many memories. So I drove north, stopping in coastal towns for weeks or months at a time, trying to find one that fit. But I was aimless. Lost.”