Love Comes in Darkness (20 page)

S
OPHIA
did end up going with Ken, Patrick, and Hanna. Gordy spent the day carting Howard around from place to place. He packed as many appointments as he possibly could into that day: the Realtor, the lawyer, and Mrs. Krumpf, who he still wasn’t quite sure of. She said all the right things and offered advice gently, whether he wanted it or not, but he still didn’t trust her. He couldn’t quite figure out why. When they got home, Gordy helped him go through some of his sister’s clothes and things to get them ready to donate. Things he knew he wanted to keep for Sophia, he set aside. Ken called and said they were taking the kids to dinner before coming back, and Mrs. Jorgenson came over and helped in the house as well.

“Just take the things you want, dear,” she told him. “The rest can be sold. There’s a company in town that does that sort of thing, and they’ll sell everything. Your sister has nice things, and there are people who’ll buy all of them.” She’d patted him on the shoulder. “I spoke with the lawyer today, and he already got the judge to release the contents of the bank accounts to you. I have the details for you.” She had written them down, and Howard took the paper and placed it into his wallet. He didn’t need the money and had determined that he’d put all of it either into trust or a college fund for Sophia—her mother’s final gift.

He’d also called Paula Weller and asked if she and Bruce could come over the following day. Gordy had left the room while he was on the phone and he hadn’t mentioned the call, even though Howard could feel the frustration rolling off him.

“What are you planning?” Gordy finally asked when they were back in the house.

“They were close enough to Lizzy that she named then in her will. I thought they could see Sophia and we could talk,” Howard explained, trying to keep his voice level even as he lied through his teeth. He had to meet with them and talk. As he’d thought more and more, he realized he had to look at every possibility and he had to do it fast. The longer he put off the decisions he had to make, the harder they became.

Sophia came home in the early evening, tired and happy. Howard was grateful for both of those, and after she had a bath, Howard got her to bed and then collapsed onto the sofa, with Token and Gordy next to him. “I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted lately,” Howard said softly, and Gordy stroked his cheek, guiding him until their lips met.

“You know I understand,” Gordy said. Howard figured he did understand part of what he was doing, but he was coming to realize that Gordy didn’t understand all of it. He couldn’t, and it wasn’t fair to expect that he would. “But I want to know what you’re thinking as far as Sophia is concerned.” Howard stiffened, but stopped the snap ready to shoot from his lips. Gordy sighed softly. “I know I don’t have a right to ask, but I’m concerned for her and for you.”

“I don’t know what to think,” Howard said. “I guess maybe I’m hoping that if I spend more time with them I’ll find out she’s a complete bitch and he’s a total prat. Then it’ll make my decision easier.”

“And what if they’re as they seemed at the funeral—nice, grounded people who care about Sophia? What are you going to do then?” Howard didn’t have an answer for that. He hadn’t thought that far ahead and had been hoping something would come up that would make things easier. “If you want my opinion, I think you’re beating yourself up over a decision that should be a no-brainer. Sophia is family, your niece, and as far as I’m concerned, that should be the end of it.”

“For most people it would be, but what….” Howard swallowed. “What if I’m not good enough for her?”

Gordy tugged him into his arms, holding him tight and close. “You’re good enough for anyone.” Then, as an argument formed in his mind, Gordy kissed it away.

Howard figured Gordy would want to watch the Tigers play and expected him to turn on the television, but instead he simply held him for a while before suggesting they go to bed. Howard made sure Token had done his business and had water before joining Gordy in the bedroom. Once he’d undressed, cleaned up, and climbed into bed, he expected Gordy to pick up where he’d left off in the living room, but he didn’t… well, not in the way Howard expected. Gordy tugged him close and pulled just a sheet over them. Then he gently slid his hand beneath Howard’s light T-shirt and lightly traced small circles on his belly. “I thought…,” Howard began.

“It’s too soon for you. I know that,” Gordy whispered. “You’re still hurting, and when we are together again, I want it to be with your body, heart, and soul. I want you there, all of you, and you’re too torn and worried right now. Just go to sleep.” Gordy fidgeted a bit and eventually settled. Howard did as well and quickly fell asleep. Like most other nights, he woke in the middle of the night when Sophia padded into the room. Howard was barely conscious as she climbed in bed next to him and rolled onto her side, and soon he heard her steady breathing and hoped she was asleep.

“Will I always miss Mommy?” Sophia asked quietly.

“Yes. But that’s okay. It means you’ll never forget her and that you’ll always have her love with you. That hole in our hearts will get better, but it will always help us remember.” Howard whispered so he wouldn’t disturb Gordy, but then he felt him tighten his hold just a bit. He was definitely awake, but bless his kind heart, he said nothing. “Go to sleep. We can talk all you want in the morning.”

“You promise?” Sophia asked.

“Of course, honey. Just go to sleep.”

Sophia stopped talking and slowly her breathing evened out. Then and only then did Howard allow himself to fall back to sleep. But even then, he remained keenly aware of both Gordy and Sophia. He slept lightly until Gordy got out of bed, and then his sleep deepened.

Howard woke to a strange sound. He was alone in the bed. “Gordy,” he called but didn’t get an answer. He got out of bed because the sound was now accompanied by smells of things cooking, maybe burning. “Token, come,” Howard called, and he heard Token pad in from the other room. He deftly put Token into his harness. “Find Sophia,” he said, and Token guided him forward.

“What are you doing?” Howard asked when he entered the kitchen.

“Making breakfast,” Sophia answered like it was the most normal thing in the world. Howard’s heart skipped a beat.

“What
exactly
are you doing?” he said carefully, trying to keep his temper and fear from getting the best of him. “Where’s Gordy?”

“I’m right here, and she’s just making toast,” Gordy said, the back door closing behind him. Howard breathed a sigh of relief.

“Uncle Howie, you’re in your underwear,” she said and then snickered. “They’re pink.” Sophia started giggling. “Uncle Howie has pink underwear just like me.”

Howard sighed, went back to the bedroom, and shut the door behind him. It was too early in the morning to be scared half to death that his six-year-old niece was cooking and potentially setting the house on fire. What was really scaring him was that he couldn’t do anything about it. If she had set the place on fire, all he could have done was get them both out.

The bedroom door opened. “I’m sorry about that. I just stepped out for a second and asked her to watch the toaster,” Gordy said. “By the way, Sophia’s right. Your shorts are pink. Someone,” he said exaggeratedly, “must have washed them with something red.”

“You could have told me,” Howard said.

“Why? So you could worry about them? I suspected I was the only one who’d see them. Who would have thought you’d come barreling out to give everyone a show.”

“I was worried and…,” Howard began and realized there was nothing to get upset about. Gordy had things under control, and Sophia was happy. Getting angry was only going to upset everyone. “Never mind.”

“Get dressed and come on out. Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes, and the Wellers should be here in an hour.”

“They aren’t supposed to be here until eleven,” Howard said.

“Yeah, in an hour,” Gordy told him, and Howard groaned as he found clean clothes and began to change. Gordy left the room, and Howard finished changing and got cleaned up before joining the others at the table.

Howard helped clean up after Sophia served them breakfast. “I’ll help you get dressed in a few minutes,” Howard told her as he carefully washed the last of the dishes.

“I’m not a baby,” Sophia snapped at him with what seemed like a foot stomp.

“Okay,” Howard told her. “There’s no need to stomp your feet. I know you’re not a baby. Go on and get dressed, then.”

Sophia didn’t move right away, and he waited patiently. “Is Hanna coming over to play?” she asked.

“They’ll be over this afternoon, and then tomorrow they have to go home,” Howard explained.

“Oh,” she said pensively. Howard could tell there was more she was getting ready to ask. “Will they be back to see us?”

“Of course you’ll see them again,” Howard deflected. He heard her leave the room and breathed a small sigh of relief. This was becoming very complex, and Howard needed to make a final decision today. He could no longer put it off. Howard fed Token and then took him into the backyard. Once Token had done his business, Howard came back inside and found Gordy in the living room. “Does the house look okay?” he asked nervously as he sat down, and Token settled at his feet.

“It’s fine. They aren’t going to be expecting immaculate,” Gordy said, patting his hand.

The doorbell rang, and Gordy got up to answer it. “Please come in,” he said, and Howard stood up. Paula’s exuberant voice instantly filled the room with energy.

“Thank you for asking us over,” Paula said, hugging him. Bruce shook his hand, and Howard asked them to make themselves comfortable. Sophia hurried out of her room and squealed as she came into the room.

“How are you, knucklehead?” Bruce asked playfully.

“Fine, picklewarts,” Sophia retorted and then squealed again.

“We know you’re busy with making all the arrangements and we’re so glad you called. This one”—Paula paused and Sophia giggled—“means a great deal to us.” Howard smiled and sighed softly at Sophia’s laughter.

“Soph, would you like me to push you in your swing?” Bruce asked, and the two of them headed toward the back door.

“Bruce and I very much wanted to speak with you before you left,” Paula said almost as soon as the back door closed. “Both of us love Sophia very much, and we’re aware of what Liz put in her will. She asked us if we would be willing to take that role, and we, of course, readily agreed.” She paused, and Howard heard her sniffle and then a click as a clasp was opened. “And if you don’t feel you’re able for whatever reason, we would be more than happy to raise Sophia the way your sister would have wanted.” Howard swallowed hard. “Bruce and I aren’t able to have children of our own, and we want you to know that we would love her as our own.”

Howard’s chest tightened. “That’s exactly what’s been on my mind lately. And I’ve been trying to decide what to do.” He wanted to hate them and find fault with them. But their honesty and sincerity were difficult to find fault with. He also knew they were good people. Lizzy wouldn’t have named them as potential guardians otherwise.

“I know you have, and Bruce and I wanted to be sure to speak with you. As I said, Sophia means a lot to both of us, and we would very much like to be able to see her. But after watching you at the funeral, I know where she belongs. You’re her family, and it’s clear to us that you love her very much.”

“But…,” Howard began, unable to believe what he was hearing.

“I know you can’t see. So what! That doesn’t mean you’ll love her less, and that’s what this is about. Sophia was the center of Liz’s world, and I honestly believe that the most important thing in raising a child is love and care. You have both in large amounts. I could tell just from the way you held her when she was so confused at the funeral. It was apparent to everyone there how much you love her.”

“I do,” Howard said, “and….”

“And that’s why you have so many fears and doubts,” Paula answered for him. Howard nodded slowly, unable to speak, but needing to answer, and that was the only way he could do it. “Those fears and doubts are healthy. I have the same ones, and I agonized about talking to you like this at all.”

“I keep asking myself how I can keep her safe.”

Gordy chuckled. “You were out of bed and into the kitchen like a shot this morning. I had Sophia making toast and some of it got a little overdone. He smelled it and was in there before I found the OJ from the refrigerator out back.” Gordy took his hand. “I’ve been trying to tell you the same thing. You use your other senses for everything else, and you’ll use them to raise Sophia as well.”

A knot in Howard’s stomach loosened.

“It’s what you wanted to do all along, isn’t it?” Paula asked.

“Yes. But I didn’t think I was good enough.”

Paula laughed, warm and hearty. “No one thinks they’re good enough. I teach first grade, and if I was to ask each parent what frightens them most, I know most of them would say making the right choices for their child and being afraid of messing them up somehow. No parent can protect their child from everything in life, blind or not. Yes, there will be challenges that you need to work through, and you might think about some help around the house. But I have no doubt you love Sophia enough to do whatever it takes.” She sniffed again and then blew her nose softly. “Liz was one of my best friends. She was my maid of honor, and we would love nothing more than raising her child.” Paula’s voice broke. “But she already has a family that loves her.”

Howard stood and followed her soft sniffles until he reached her. “Thank you,” he said softly and then hugged her. “Lizzy was lucky to have a friend like you.”

“Would you like some tea?” Gordy asked, and then he left the room quickly.

“Did I say something to upset him?” Paula asked.

“No. He’s a huge softie but he doesn’t like people to know it. When Sophia first saw him outside my house, she thought he was a giant.” Paula chuckled, and Howard was glad to have dispelled some of the residual emotion from the room. “I have to tell you I had an ulterior motive for inviting you over.”