The dreams had changed a few years ago, pleasure fading to pain and heartache. Now it was fire that filled his visions. The flames of passion morphed into the real ones, crackling and burning everything in its path.
He heard her screaming his name as smoke and flames surrounded him, trapping and consuming him. Other men had pulled him from the wreckage of a tiny thatched cottage, but it was too late. He knew he was dying, but he wasn’t ready to leave her and their unborn child behind.
Ryan’s muscles tightened and clenched, his breathing ragged. In the dreams, she’d been carrying his child when he died. Their life together had barely begun when it was cut short. The pain in his soul had been more than he’d thought he could bear. The look on her face had seared him worse than the fire. Leaving her was unthinkable, yet unavoidable. There was nothing either of them could do to stop the hands of fate from destroying their life together.
Ryan rubbed his hands over his face, ignoring the dampness on his cheeks. He raised his head and shook off the bleak memories.
He’d dismissed them as nothing but dreams, even though they’d felt so vivid and real. He’d also kept them to himself, never telling another living soul about them, not even his parents. What would he tell them? That he’d lived another lifetime hundreds of years ago and he was remembering it in detail. They’d have dragged him off to some shrink’s office for sure.
So he’d tucked away his dreams and gotten on with the business of living. His life had been normal enough in every other way. He’d dated plenty of very nice women and found a career he loved, that satisfied something deep inside him. But he’d always felt as if there was something missing.
Anyone might think that the dreams of dying due to injuries he’d received in a blazing inferno would make him afraid of fire. Instead it had done the opposite. He’d been drawn to firefighting from the time he was a small boy. It was as though he wanted, no needed, to conquer that fear of fire and save others from his fate. And he had. He’d graduated at the top of his class and become a firefighter in New York City.
He’d been content with his life. He had his friends and family, but there was always some part of him searching for a piece of his life that was missing. When he’d seen the advertisement for a full-time firefighter in Burnt Cove something inside him had jumped with excitement. As much as he’d loved his life and job in the city, he’d felt compelled to apply for the position, and hadn’t been the least bit surprised when he’d gotten the job.
It was destiny.
His first day here, the Fire Chief had taken him around, introducing him to everyone. That was when he’d seen her. Esther Roberts, the woman who’d haunted his dreams his entire life. His heart had almost stopped.
For the first time in many years he no longer had to question his sanity. She was real. But she showed not a single glimmer of recognition, no sign that she felt the deep connection between them. Even worse, she turned down his every offer of a date.
Deep in his soul, he felt the link between them. It had been forged in fire and lived in his dreams. They had loved in another time and place, and that love was still burning inside him. He felt as if Esther sensed their connection, their history too, but for some reason was afraid of it.
Someone called his name and he shook off his foul mood. Pushing to his feet, he headed toward the door. For now he had work to do. What was happening between him and Esther would have to wait. He knew he was running out of time. He couldn’t force her to accept him and he knew he couldn’t stay and watch her turn to another man. That would kill him.
Determination filled him. She wanted him. That much she couldn’t hide. He could build on that. The only other alternative was to just walk away and Ryan wasn’t ready to do that. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
Boyd Jenkins was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, concern on his face. “You okay, man?” They were a close-knit bunch here at the station, but he and Jenkins had hit it off from day one.
“Yeah.” He ran his fingers through his hair and straightened his shoulders. “Everything’s fine.”
His buddy stared at him for the longest time, but finally nodded. “Good enough, but if you ever need to talk…” He let the offer trail off.
“Thanks.” There was no need to say anything else. Firefighting was a stressful job and sometimes they all needed to unload. Some of the guys partied too hard and drank too much when they were off duty, but most occasionally talked to a buddy. They all understood the dark moods that could take a man by surprise sometimes.
“Baker is cooking dinner.” Jenkins clapped him on the back. “That should cheer you up.”
Ryan groaned as he followed his buddy into the kitchen. They all took turns cooking meals when they were on duty and, for the most part, they did okay. Except when Frank Baker cooked. Baker could burn water.
The rest of the crew was seated around the table, watching with avid interest as Baker stirred a huge pot on the stove. “Hope you’re all hungry.” He turned and waved his spoon at the group. “Ah, Jamieson, come and try my chili. It’s a new recipe.”
He noticed Weston and Collins snickering behind their hands, while Hynes coughed loudly. The rest of them just sat there grinning like idiots. Hell, he was a firefighter. He’d faced tougher things than this. “Sure.” He hoped he sounded nonchalant instead of terrified. He suppressed a shiver. The last time Baker had made chili he almost burned the linings out of all their stomachs the damn stuff was so hot.
Baker grinned, his eyes twinkling as he dipped the spoon in the pot and held it out. The bastard knew that Ryan didn’t want to try the chili but wouldn’t back down from a challenge. “Chili’s good for you. It will put hair on your chest.”
The men behind him laughed as Ryan took the spoon. That was Baker’s quip with almost everything he cooked. He swore it would make men of them. Ryan was feeling manly enough, thank you very much. He didn’t feel the need to abuse his poor stomach.
But there was no choice. They were all watching him. He slowly raised the spoon and eyed the chili. Opening his mouth, he moved the spoon closer.
The shrill ringing of the bell reverberated around them. Ryan tossed the spoon in the sink and raced for his gear. Each man knew what he had to do and a sort of organized chaos ensued. The door of the garage was already half up and the address was coming over the loudspeaker. He glanced to his right as Baker hauled his suspenders over his shoulder and grabbed his turnout coat.
His buddy flashed him a smile. “Don’t worry. The chili will be waiting when you get back.”
Ryan chuckled as he jumped aboard the truck. Seconds later the pump engine roared out of the garage bay with the ladder truck and emergency response team right behind them. Adrenaline pumped through his veins. This was what he’d trained for. This was what he loved to do. All the men were focused on the task ahead and prepared for whatever was to come.
Chapter Six
“Trick or treat.” The chorus of childish voices greeted Esther when she opened her front door. A witch, two ghosts and a pirate all smiled at her as they held up their treat bags.
“I’d rather give you a treat than have you trick me.” She recognized them as her neighbor’s children from five houses down. They laughed as she handed out the bags of potato chips she’d bought. She watched them affectionately as they scampered back down her walkway and on to the next house.
There had been a steady stream of costumed children at her door for several hours now and she knew that the festivities were almost over for another year. The candles in her carved pumpkins chose that moment to sputter and die, leaving darkness in their wake. In spite of the dreams that haunted her sleep, Esther loved this time of year, the nip in the air, the colorful leaves and most especially Halloween.
On a night like tonight, she could readily believe that the veil between the earthly world and the realm of spirits was thin. The moon was bright, the stars were visible in the clear, dark sky and the night seemed alive somehow. A shiver traced its way from her nape to the small of her back and she heard her grandmother’s voice telling her that it meant that someone had stepped on her grave.
Glancing up and down the now quiet road, she decided to call it a night. Closing her front door firmly, she locked it. Not that it would keep the spirits out, she mused. She turned off the lights as she headed toward the kitchen and stepped out onto her back deck. The pounding of the waves and the tangy salt air called to her. She loved her small cottage, which practically sat on the beach.
But even the beauty of the night couldn’t block out the memories of yesterday. Wrapping her arms around herself, she stared out over the vast expanse of the ocean. A day later and she could still feel the pressure of Ryan’s lips against hers. Logically, she knew that was impossible, but logic had little to do with how she felt.
Raising her fingers to her mouth, she touched them. They tingled and she muttered a curse under her breath and pulled her hand away. She’d never been so eager to leave work behind for a few days as she was yesterday evening when the shift change had finally arrived.
She was just thankful that no one had wandered in while she and Ryan had been kissing. They both would have gotten into trouble over that one. Talk about unprofessional conduct. Esther loved her job too much to jeopardize it and she’d swear that Ryan felt the same way.
The connection between them had been too potent to deny. Esther didn’t like that one bit. She felt out of control, as if her formerly normal life was quickly becoming lost to her, replaced by something she didn’t fully understand.
Staring up into the night sky, she sought out the various constellations, as if they could somehow give her the answers she sought. Maybe if she wished on a star everything would turn out okay. It was what she’d believed as a child. Although she was no longer a child, she found herself seeking out the brightest star. Closing her eyes, she wished on it with all her might. She didn’t want to get hurt. All she wanted was a peaceful life.
Sighing, she opened her eyes. The night hadn’t changed and she was very much afraid that her life had veered off the course she’d set for it. She straightened her shoulders and dropped her hands by her sides. If that was the case, it was up to her to put it back on track. As she’d reminded herself many times, she was the master of her own destiny.
Wishing on stars didn’t change anything anymore than candle magick did. The ceremony in Rhiannon’s garden had taken place more than a week ago, but Esther’s life was just the same. She was alone.
Not that she was looking for a permanent relationship, but a night of hot sex wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Not that she’d really indulge in a one-night affair. It wasn’t in her nature to do so, and Burnt Cove wasn’t a large city where such things went unnoticed. Still, it was nice to dream about a night of sensual pleasures with no strings attached.
Lured by the pull of the water, she wandered to the edge of the small patio deck and wrapped her fingers around the railing. The light wind whipped at the hem of her long cotton skirt, making the fabric dance. She felt…restless. There was no other word for it. Ever since her interlude or confrontation—she wasn’t quite sure what to call it—with Ryan yesterday, she felt out of sorts, as if she’d let something special pass her by.
Which was ridiculous, of course.
Ryan seemed like a really nice guy. They’d been at many social functions together and he was always polite and willing to lend a hand when needed. Both men and women gravitated toward him, but as far as she knew, he hadn’t dated anyone since arriving in Burnt Cove. The only woman he’d shown any interest in at all was her.
There was no doubt the man was handsome and she was more than a little attracted to him. Okay, so she was drawn to him more than any other man she’d ever met, but that didn’t mean anything. She could put the attraction down to the fact she’d been without a man in her life for way too long.
Shaking her head at her tangled thoughts, she turned away from the rail. A lantern sat on a metal patio table, matches beside it. On impulse, she opened the box, took out one and struck it. The head of the match flared before settling to a slow burn. She lit the candle inside the lantern and blew out the match, laying it carefully on the metal table. Picking up the lantern, she walked to the edge of the patio and ambled down the steps.
The beach was a combination of rock and sand. It called to her and she came here whenever she had anything on her mind. The primal rhythm of the sea calmed and invigorated her at the same time. She needed that now as she tried to order her thoughts about Ryan.
The biggest problem was that she liked Ryan. A lot.
She dealt with him at work on a regular basis and heard others talking about him and there was no denying that he was a really great guy. He had a ready smile and a wicked sense of humor, but he worked hard and his fellow firefighters had taken to him immediately. Already, he was involved in some local charity projects. There was nothing not to like about the man.
Why then did he make her so uneasy? She had no easy answers. Only the one she’d already concluded—Ryan could matter too much.
Bending down, she picked up a piece of driftwood and dragged it behind her, marking the sand as she walked. Her thoughts drifted back to Esther and James and the village in the Scottish highlands where they’d lived seven hundred years ago. What must it have been like to dance around a Samhain fire, celebrating the rich harvest and the official end of the summer?
She paused and glanced down at the large piece of driftwood in her hand. Nibbling on her lower lip, she stared at the empty beach. Could she? Should she? She was afraid that she had to.
Much like her brothers, father and all her ancestors before her, Esther was drawn to fire even as she feared it. She had so many wonderful childhood memories of cookouts and campfires. She hadn’t sat on a beach and enjoyed the crackling of a fire since she was a teenager. Never had she lit one on her own and danced around it.