“You never remarried.” She could hear the wonder in his voice.
“No, I didn’t. I never wanted to feel that way again. I didn’t want it then and I don’t want it now. I can’t. No, I won’t do that again, Ryan.” She’d barely kept herself from calling him James. He was James, yet he wasn’t. Just as she was her ancestor, but was herself as well. It was if they were both separate people, yet had their memories of the past as well as their own.
His features hardened. She almost cried out when he suddenly released her. “Then you damn us both to a living hell.” His voice was hard, no longer persuasive. She turned away from him, not wanting to see the scorn on his face. “We all die, Esther. The question is do you have the guts to really live? What happened to the brave woman I married?”
Anger surged through her. How dare he. Hadn’t he listened to anything she’d told him? She whirled back around, almost bursting with indignation. “I’ll tell you what happened. I watched the only man I ever loved die a horrific death and then raised our child all alone.” The burst of anger died as quickly as it had come. Esther rubbed her hand over her breastbone, trying to ease the ache in her pounding heart. “I was so lonely and afraid.”
His expression changed, his features softening. “I’m so sorry, Esther. I know it was hard for you, but I didn’t leave you because I wanted to.” His eyes were liquid with remorse and understanding. “I didn’t want to die that way.”
He scrubbed his hand over his face, digging his thumb and forefinger into his eyes. Esther knew he didn’t want her to see his tears. “I had so many plans for us,” he continued. “I wanted to have at least half a dozen children and watch them grow and marry. I wanted to see my grandchildren playing at my feet. But most of all, I wanted to grow old with you. I wanted to go to bed with you by my side and wake with you there in the morning. I didn’t want to leave you and go into a black, cold void where you couldn’t reach me.”
“Ryan.” She reached for him, but it was his turn to back away. She tried to ignore the thread of hurt that his action brought her. It was what she wanted, wasn’t it? She was no longer sure. All she knew was that she wanted to stop Ryan from hurting. She wanted to stop hurting.
“The only thing that made it bearable was that I knew I’d find you again.” He thumped his fist on his chest. “In here, I knew.”
She knew what he wanted and she couldn’t give it to him. Her face must have shown it.
Ryan dragged his hand though his hair and took a deep breath. “What now?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered. Memories of both the past and the present swirled within her mind, making it almost impossible for her to think.
He nodded and turned, leaving her standing on the beach by her Samhain fire. Watching him go, she felt something inside her shift, a crack forming in her protective armor. She couldn’t let him leave. Not like this. Emotion filled her, swelling her heart, urging her to take a chance.
“Ryan,” she called, but he kept walking. “Ryan!” she yelled as her legs finally started to work and she raced down the beach behind him. He stopped, but didn’t turn around. His arm was like steel when she placed her hand on it. Tension was evident in every line of his body. “Don’t go.”
“Tell me what you want, Esther?”
What did she want? Deep down she knew and, throwing all her caution and commonsense to the wind, she told him. “Make love to me.”
Chapter Seven
Nervous butterflies danced in her stomach as he slowly turned to face her. “Be sure, Esther. Be very sure because there is no going back if we do.”
The possessive light in his eyes was frightening. They burned with a powerful need that nearly brought her to her knees. She almost turned and ran back to the safety of her home, but she knew that if she did she’d regret it to her dying day. She nodded.
“The words. Say the words.”
“I’m sure.” They were barely past her lips when he hauled her up against him, his mouth swooping downward to claim hers. Her lips parted and his tongue surged inside. This was no tentative kiss for first-time lovers, but one of confidence, as if he was certain of her and knew what aroused her. And he was, she realized. His kiss was familiar, whether from the far past or from yesterday she didn’t know, but it made her greedy for more.
Going up on her toes, she wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him. His tongue played with hers, stroking it lovingly before retreating. She kissed him, not holding anything back. Her skin tingled and her clothing felt snug and restricting. She rubbed her breasts against his hard chest, trying to ease the ache in them, but it only added to the heat that was flooding her body.
Ryan’s hands gripped her ass, tugging her closer until the notch of her thighs was rubbing against the bulge of his erection. She raised one leg, trying to hook it around his waist, wanting, no needing to get closer. Her swollen clitoris was stimulated with every stroke and she tore her mouth from his, suddenly unable to breathe. Her chest hurt as she gulped a mouthful of air.
“Now!” She barely recognized his voice, it was so low and guttural, but she heard the underlying need that matched her own. Whether it was the magical quality of the night or whether they really were reincarnated lovers, Esther no longer cared. Ryan was a fever in her blood.
She stepped back, almost surprised he let her go. He stood there, his chest heaving and his mouth damp from their passionate kiss, but it was the question she saw in his eyes that moved her to action. He was unsure if she’d changed her mind.
Her hands went to the buttons of her sweater and she quickly undid them. His eyes gleamed molten gold as she peeled her sweater away and dropped it onto the sand. Her nipples were hard peaks against the lacy cups of her bra, the fabric almost unbearable against her aroused flesh. Without hesitation, Esther reached behind and undid the clasp. Crossing her arms over her chest, she hooked the straps with her fingers and slowly lowered them.
“You are so beautiful.” He reached out his hand and stroked one of her swollen nipples, making it pucker. His touch was almost reverent as his thumb stroked over the small red birthmark on her left breast. The bra dropped to the ground.
She wanted to see his chest, so she made quick work of his shirt buttons even though her hands were trembling. He released his hold on her long enough to allow her to shove the shirt over his shoulders and off. Then his hands were back, both of them this time, cupping her breasts, kneading them, his thumbs circling her nipples.
Esther threw back her head for a moment, simply absorbing the sensation of his hands on her body. Nothing in her life had ever felt this good or right. She flattened her hands on his chest, her fingers tracing the hardness of his muscles before she finally found his nipples. Taking her time, she flicked her fingers over them, eliciting a groan of pleasure from him. Encouraged, she explored further.
A light sprinkling of hair covered his chest before angling downward in a thin line. She traced that line, using her nails to scratch lightly over his taut stomach, smiling when the bulge in his pants jerked.
His hand grabbed hers, manacling her wrist before she could cup his erection. “It’ll be finished before we start if you touch me. I want you so damn bad.” Ryan dropped down onto their discarded clothing, tugging her with him. She was flat on her back, staring up into his face before she realized his intent.
The night seemed to close around them, protecting them from prying eyes and the reality that would come with the dawn of the morning. For now, the fire crackled as it burned low, the waves swept against the shoreline and an occasional seabird cried out. Nothing existed but the two of them.
His hand slipped over her leg, pushing her skirt upward. His profile was visible in the firelight, his expression intense. He was wholly focused on his task, like some conqueror of old claiming his prize. When his fingers traced the crotch of her panties, she sucked in a breath, her hips arching upward, seeking more of his touch.
“You’re already wet for me.” There was awe and satisfaction in his voice as he continued to stroke her. He hooked his fingers in her underwear and tugged them over her hips and legs before tossing them aside. She was naked except for the skirt wrapped around her waist.
Kneeling between her legs, he stroked her inner thighs, moving ever closer to the tops of her legs. Pushing them apart, he leaned down and inhaled. “You smell like honey.” His breath was warm against her skin. Anticipation thrummed through her, making her skin tingle. He cupped her ass in his hands, raised her to his mouth and stroked his tongue over the slick folds.
It was such a turn-on to watch him bury his face between her thighs. Esther’s hands dug into the sand around her, needing something to ground her. But there was nothing to hold on to. The sand trickled through her fingers, leaving her adrift in an ocean of desire. His clever tongue stroked every crevice of her heated sex before pausing to flick at her swollen clitoris. She cried out and grabbed at his head with her hands, tangling her fingers in his hair and dragging him closer.
“Ryan,” she gasped. “Now. I want you now.”
In response, he slipped one broad finger into her core, testing her readiness. She cried out as her feminine muscles pulsed around him. He gave her clitoris one long, final lick before sitting back on his knees.
Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out a condom and dropped it beside him. He yanked open the button on his jeans and carefully lowered the zipper before pushing his underwear aside. His cock sprang free, large and hungry for her.
Sitting up, she wrapped her hand around his straining erection. So hard, yet so soft. She marveled at him, learning his shape and size while she stroked him, the sensation new yet familiar.
He swore softly under his breath, but didn’t stop her. His hands were balled into fists on his thighs and his eyes were closed. She traced her thumb over the bulbous head of his cock, spreading the light coating of fluid that seeped from the tip. “Esther,” he grated out between clenched teeth. “I want to be inside you when I come.”
Grabbing the condom, she ripped open the packet and quickly sheathed him. He tumbled her back down onto the ground and wedged himself between her thighs. She could feel the head of his cock seeking entrance and she widened her legs, sighing with pleasure when he finally slipped inside.
Supporting himself on his forearms, he framed her face in his large, capable hands. “I love you, Esther. Now and forever.” He leaned down to kiss her, surging forward and burying himself deep within her. She was overwhelmed by both his words and his physical actions.
He started slowly, but she wrapped her legs around his waist, hooking her ankles together at the small of his back, driving him even deeper. Their pace increased and she raised her hips to meet his every thrust. She’d had several lovers in her life, but it had never felt like this, so overwhelming, so incredibly powerful.
Twining her arms around his neck, she clung to him as the world dissolved around her. His skin was slick with sweat despite the cool autumn air, and his muscles bunched and flexed as he drove them both higher.
His chest brushed against her breasts, abrading her aroused nipples. His lips caressed her forehead, cheeks and nose before desperately seeking her mouth once again. He cupped her shoulders, pulling her toward him with each plunge of his body. He filled her, body, mind and soul, leaving room for nothing but him. The heat within her climbed until she thought they’d burst into flames.
He tore his mouth from hers. “Now, Esther. Now.” He surged forward one final time, his entire body shaking. She knew he was desperately trying to hold back, wanting her to come first. The onset of his orgasm triggered hers, sending her over the edge and into oblivion.
“Ryan!” she cried, inner muscles contracting hard. She tilted her hips upward, grinding them against his pelvis, never wanting this moment to end. Her nails dug into his muscled back as she sought something to anchor her. Gasping, she rode the waves of pleasure to the end, and when they finally receded, she unhooked her ankles and let her legs fall back to the ground.
Ryan had managed to pull out of her before collapsing facedown beside her. When she shivered, his arm snaked over her stomach and pulled her closer to him. Heat radiated from his large body. Grateful for the warmth, she snuggled against him, not wanting to lose the newfound closeness between them.
She lay there, staring up at the stars, and a deep happiness filled her. On this magical night, nothing could harm them. She would worry about tomorrow when it came.
Moments later, he stirred, raising his head to gaze down at her. His hair was mussed and fine grains of sand stuck to his skin in several places, but his eyes were alight with pleasure. “Thank you.” His gruff whisper was followed by a soft kiss.
Sighing, she cuddled closer to him, content for the moment just to be with him. He rubbed his hands over her shoulders and she shivered, goose bumps spreading down her arms.
“We’d better get you inside.” Ryan rolled easily to his feet, yanked a tissue from his back pocket and removed the used condom before hitching up his underwear and zipping his jeans. He stuffed the tissue back into his pocket to discard later.
Realizing that she was still sprawled almost naked on the ground in front of him, she shoved her skirt down and reluctantly pushed herself upright. He offered her his hand and pulled her up easily. While she brushed the sand from her skirt, he shook out both their tops and then helped her on with her sweater before donning his shirt. She managed to find her panties and bra, thankful that she wouldn’t have to come searching for them in the morning. She didn’t bother to try to put them on, but stuffed them into her skirt pockets. She found her sneakers and shoved her feet into them. Her socks joined her underwear in her pockets.
Uncertainty flooded Esther. She wasn’t sure what to do next. Ryan was busy kicking sand on the dying embers of the fire, making sure it was completely out. When he was done, he grabbed the gutted lantern and turned back to her.