“Come here.” His soft entreaty had her feet moving toward him. Tucking her under his arm, he held her close as they walked back to her house. Only the churned-up sand and the faint smell of smoke remained behind them.
“Good morning.” The husky greeting was followed by a long, lingering kiss. The rasp of Ryan’s morning stubble was rough against her skin, but Esther ignored it, not wanting her fantastic dream to end. As their kiss deepened, she became aware of various muscle aches in her body, as if she had worked it too hard.
Reality descended with a resounding crash as a hairy thigh was draped over her smooth one and a heavy hand rested on her belly. It wasn’t a dream. She’d really danced around the fire on the beach, ending her performance by making love to Ryan. Upon retreating to her home, they’d grabbed a quick shower and made love several more times before finally dropping into a deep, sated sleep. Just the thoughts of what they’d done in the shower made her skin flush.
What had she done?
She’d gone against all her deeply held beliefs, allowing her protective barriers to be pushed aside, and had made love to Ryan. Her lover pulled back, a sleepy smile on his face as he rolled out of bed and sauntered to the bathroom. She couldn’t take her eyes off his tight butt.
Burying her face in her pillow, she shook herself. Okay, maybe she could salvage the situation before her heart got too involved. Maybe it was cowardly, but she didn’t care. She had already thrown herself off the end of a cliff. It was time to grab a lifeline and pull herself back.
Her heart cried out in protest even as her mind congratulated her on her good sense. Esther was totally confused. She heard water running in the bathroom and knew Ryan wouldn’t be in there much longer. Jumping out of bed, she ran to her closet, grabbed her robe and slipped it on. She just had the belt tightened when he walked back into the room.
Oh my
. He was half-aroused already and on his way to full when he walked up to her. “I was hoping to join you back in bed,” he murmured. He leaned down and nipped the curve of her shoulder where it met her neck.
The man didn’t play fair. He’d quickly tested his past knowledge and found out last night her neck, and that area in particular, was an erogenous zone for her. She bit her lower lip, ignoring the heat that blossomed low in her belly. She was already damp between her thighs.
“Wait.” Pressing her hands to his shoulders, she pushed him back. “We have to stop.”
He stared at her quizzically. “Why? Do you have to go to work? I’m sorry, sweetheart, I thought you were off today.”
“No. I don’t have to work.” She stood tall and pulled her tattered shields back around her. “I think you should go.”
The easy smile slid from his face to be replaced by a frown. “What’s wrong, Esther?”
There was no stopping what she had started. “I think last night might have been a mistake.” Every cell in her body was screaming in denial, but like a runaway train she couldn’t stop the flow of words streaming from her mouth.
“A mistake.” His voice was flat as he just stared at her. “You’re pulling back because you’re afraid.”
“I’m not afraid. It’s just common sense,” she insisted. Pushing by him, she went to the bed and started straightening the covers. “After all, we barely know one another and I told you that I don’t get involved with firefighters.”
His hand gripped her shoulder as he whirled her around. “We know each other. We’ve known each other for forever.” His eyes were dark with anger, but Esther wasn’t afraid. She could never be afraid of him, at least not physically. Emotionally was an entirely different matter. “And after last night, we certainly are involved. Or was it some other woman who came four times last night?”
Shame filled her even as arousal bloomed within her. What was wrong with her? She held up her hand. “I need to think.”
“No, you need time to build your defenses again.” He sighed and turned away, quickly hauling on his underwear and jeans. His socks, boots and shirt followed. When he was fully dressed, he turned to her. “You can deny what’s between us all you want, Esther. But it’s there. We both know that. I love you, but I won’t beg. I want a life with you. A long one this time.”
He brushed his fingers across her cheek, deep sorrow etched on his features. “I can’t make you change your mind, but think on this over the next few days. Wouldn’t you rather spend whatever time we have together, sharing our love and our life, rather than living in your sterile, safe little world that doesn’t allow for love?”
His words cut her sharper than a knife. He made her fears sound shallow and stupid. “I think—” she swallowed hard, on the verge of tears, “—I think you should leave.”
Sighing, he dropped his hand and walked to the door. “Think about it.” Then he was gone. When she heard the front door closing behind him, she sank down onto the bed, stared at the red votive candle on the bedside table for a moment, then buried her hands in her face and cried.
Chapter Eight
Esther’s eyes felt gritty and her energy level was nil. She hadn’t slept much the past two nights. The phone rang and she waited, allowing the machine to pick up the call as she’d done with every other one the past few days. Rhiannon’s voice came over the line. “Esther, are you there? Pick up the phone. I’m worried about you.” Silence and then, “Call me.” The line went dead.
Sighing, she rubbed her eyes. This wasn’t Rhiannon’s first call and wouldn’t be her last. Maggie had also called several times. She knew her friends were worried about her, knew they’d turn up on her doorstep eventually if she didn’t call them back. But right now, that didn’t matter. Nothing seemed to matter.
She’d done everything she could think of the past two days to shake her dark and dismal mood, but nothing could dispel the sadness and emptiness inside her. When she closed her eyes, she relived Halloween night over and over. The press of their bodies, the feel of his mouth on hers, the ecstasy that had enveloped her as Ryan thrust into her, taking her to heights she’d never experienced before.
She also couldn’t get the memory of his face when he was leaving out of her mind. He’d seemed sad, frustrated and disappointed. It was the disappointment that she’d glimpsed in his eyes that had hit her the hardest. What did he have to be disappointed about? She hadn’t promised him anything. Or maybe she had. She’d made love to him, knowing full well what he thought and felt.
Several times over the past few days, she’d picked up the phone to call Rhiannon and Maggie, needing to talk to someone about what had happened. Twice she’d even dialed their numbers. But when it came down to it, she hung up before the call went through. She couldn’t talk to either of them about what had happened with Ryan. Not yet. She was too raw and the situation was too surreal.
Besides which, Rhiannon was having her own man troubles with Ryland Stone. Esther knew Ryland and thought he was a great guy, but she couldn’t believe how quickly things had heated up between him and Rhiannon. Not that she could talk. The thing with her and Ryan had come to a head quickly. Maybe the candle magick had worked.
Then there was Maggie. She’d sounded so sad and distracted on the phone the last time they’d talked—which was about a week ago now that she thought about it—Esther hadn’t had the heart to burden her.
Still, she had to talk to someone and the only person she knew who might remotely understand what she was feeling was her mother. She had to leave for work soon, but felt such a compelling need to talk to her mother that she gave in and dialed the number.
She sipped her tea while she waited for the phone to start ringing. The liquid was tepid, having gone cold while she’d been stewing about the situation with Ryan. Making a face at it, she placed the mug back on the table.
The phone was picked up and the familiar voice came over the other end. Esther took a deep breath. “Mom, do you have a minute?”
“Of course I have time, honey.” Her mother sounded surprised but pleased to hear from her. Then she paused. “What’s wrong?”
Esther closed her eyes as a feeling of comfort filled her. Her mom always knew when one of her kids was upset about something. The fact that her daughter was living hundreds of miles away and was a grown woman hadn’t diluted those instincts one tiny bit.
The caring and concern she felt from her mother loosened something deep inside her. Just like that, it all came flooding out of her. “I met someone.” The words poured freely as she told her mother everything. Well, not quite everything. She left out the steamy interlude on the beach and afterwards at home, but she shared everything else, including her growing suspicion that they might be connected to the ill-fated Esther and James. She couldn’t quite bring herself to admit that she was truly beginning to believe that they were the reincarnation of the tragic couple.
Her mother listened carefully and, as usual, cut right to the bottom line. “How do you feel about him? Do you love him?”
Esther placed her hand on her stomach. It had been upset for several days now, churning every time she thought about the situation with Ryan. She hadn’t been able to eat at all, her appetite non-existent.
Did she love Ryan?
That was a question she’d rolled over and over in her mind the past few days. She’d missed him terribly, which bothered her greatly. She was used to being alone and didn’t mind it at all. Sure, she had friends, but she enjoyed her solitude as well.
But not these past few days. Instead, she’d felt as though something, or rather someone, was missing.
“Yes. No. Maybe.” She sighed, hating the confusing emotions roiling around inside her. A dull ache was building in the back of her skull, signaling the onset of a tension headache.
And that wasn’t the only place that hurt. Even days later, she still felt the impact of making love to Ryan. Yes, the original aches had faded, but she was more aware of her body now. And for the past few nights her body had been filled with a yearning that only Ryan could satisfy. But she’d sent him away.
Her mother was still waiting patiently on the other end of the line. “I think I do, but he’s a firefighter.” There, she’d said it out loud, given voice to the one fear that paralyzed her.
“Oh, Esther.” She could hear the sadness in her mother’s voice and it shamed her. “I understand your fears, but honestly, honey, if I’d felt that way you’d never have been born.”
“How did you deal with it?” That’s what she needed to know. “How did you get through each day knowing that Dad could be killed at work?” Her fingers gripped the receiver so tight that her hand began to throb. She loosened her grip slightly and waggled her fingers to increase the flow of blood through them.
“What was the alternative?” her mother softly replied. “A life without him?” More briskly now, she continued. “Yes, your father died on the job, but he could just as easily have been killed in a car accident. For that matter, so could I or so could you.” She sighed. “I’m not saying it was easy. In fact, some days it was downright hard and scary, but it was worth it for the life we shared together. It was much better than never having shared it.”
“That’s what Ryan says.” Esther stood and walked over to the kitchen window and stared out at the beach beyond. Her eyes went to the spot where she’d danced around the flames, the spot where Ryan had made love to her for the first time. Her breasts ached and she had to bite her bottom lip to keep from moaning aloud.
“I like him already.”
Esther laughed, as she knew her mother had intended her to.
“You know,” her mother continued. “Whether or not you and Ryan had anything to do with Esther and James doesn’t really matter.”
“What do you mean?” Of course it mattered. She didn’t want to go through the pain of losing him again.
“You’re different people now. This is a different time. Maybe you have no connection to Esther and James.”
Even as her mother said it, Esther knew neither of them believed it. They both knew there was a link between Esther and Ryan and what had happened all those centuries ago.
“Only the past is set in stone, Esther. The future is yours to decide. It belongs to you and Ryan, and whatever you decide to do with it. It’s your choice.”
Her mother’s words resonated inside her. “How did you get to be so wise?”
Her mother gave a wry laugh. “Not so wise. Just a woman who has lived a few years longer than you have.”
There was so much more she wanted to ask her mother, but there was no time. “Listen, Mom, I’ve got to go or I’ll be late for work.”
“Okay. You take care. I love you.”
“Love you too.” Esther said her goodbyes and hung up her phone before grabbing her purse and heading out the door. She liked to get to work a half hour early to get a feel for what was going on before she took over. She still hadn’t decided anything, but talking to her mother had made her feel better, even if she was still as confused as ever. She needed time to think.
Esther strolled up the walkway of the familiar brick building that housed the police station as well as the dispatch center and the administrative offices for the fire department. The heavy ivy that covered a portion of the front of the building and one side was bare, the leaves long having fallen away leaving a tangle of vines.
Jed Bearson was heading out at a fast clip as she reached for the door. He pushed his way through, but held it for her. “Hey, Esther.”
“Hi, Jed.” Seeing the good-looking deputy reminded her of Maggie. Esther made a mental note to call her friend to see how she was doing. It had been too long since they’d last talked.
“Gotta run.” The radio in his hand crackled as he bounded down the steps and hurried to his squad car. She watched as he pulled out of the lot, lights flashing and sirens blaring.
The familiar pale green walls met her when as she strode into the dispatch area. She sensed immediately that something was up. There was a palpable tension in the air. Burt had been in such a hurry when he’d left. Esther hoped it was nothing too serious. Although whenever any of her officers went out on call it was serious as far as she was concerned. They faced a lot of danger even on routine calls.