Authors: Ruth Logan Herne
Tanner came around the desk, caught her hands and, as she lowered her feet to the floor, gently pulled her upright. Then he turned, sat in the chair himself and pulled her onto his lap.
“Your hands are freezing,” he said, slipping his arms around her.
Keira leaned into his embrace, allowing herself this moment of support and strength. It had been so long, she thought, laying her head on Tanner's shoulder.
“I think it bothers Alice to see us together,” Tanner said finally. “Maybe she thought you deserved someone like David more than someone like me.”
Keira caught Tanner's face between the palms of her hands. “Don't even let that sinister thought land in your brain,” she said, tightening her hands in an effort to emphasize her point. “Ever.”
“To tell you the truth, it may have landed but it didn't take root.” He gave her a smile, his teeth a flash of white in the soft darkness of the office, his eyes shining in the light coming from the door. He stroked her hair back from her face and his smile slipped away. “Trouble was, I never felt like I deserved you, either.”
“It was the other way around,” she said quietly.
Thankfully Tanner didn't ask her to elaborate and instead he moved his hand to her back, making gentle circles with the palm of his hand. Just like he used to.
Keira allowed herself this moment of just being close to him with no one else around. Finally she curled her hand behind Tanner's neck and lowered her head to his shoulder, easing out a contented sigh. “I don't want to talk about Alice. Or David,” she said as she closed her eyes, treasuring this moment as his arms tightened around her. “I just want to be us. You and me. Right now.”
“I like that idea,” Tanner said, resting his cheek on her head. His chest lifted as he drew in a long, deep breath. “I missed this. I missed us.”
His last three words dove into her soul and for a moment she had to fight tears back. “I missed us, too.”
She felt Tanner tense ever so slightly, as if he wanted to ask something more, but then, thankfully, he simply leaned back, rocking her gently. They sat in the dark silence, letting the moment lengthen.
Then Tanner drew his head back and cupped her face. He smiled down at her and then, once again, kissed her. “Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?” he asked.
“Not for a while.”
He grew serious. “Lot of water under the bridge,” he said quietly. “One of these days we'll catch up.”
His words held a promise of a future but at the same time she felt a shiver of premonition. One of these days she'd have to tell him.
But would he believe her?
Chapter Nine
“L
ooks like we'll be home Saturday at the earliest,” Monty was saying over the cell phone.
The connection wasn't the best, so his voice crackled and broke a couple of times, but Tanner eventually caught the gist of the conversation.
He stood in the lee of the leather-working shop, leaning against the wall, out of the wind. This morning sun was shining and the temperature had risen, but the fields ahead of him were still one long unbroken expanse of snow, whipped up by the wind that still blew. “That's great. Are the roads clearing up where you are?”
“They're mostly clear here and I guess it's all clear to Saddlebank. Have the plow trucks been to the ranch yet?”
“No. I cleared out the driveway this morning but the road is still snowed in.”
Wednesday they thought they'd had a reprieve from the storm, but the winds started up again yesterday and more snow had come down last night. Thanksgiving had been a bleak day and dinner had been a simple meal. Today, however, they had woken up to a clear-blue sky and the promise of warmer weather.
“Well, let me know when they come,” Monty said. “John and I will travel as far as we can, then hole up until we can go farther. I should call Ellen, and John wants to find out how Adana is.”
“She's fine. Keira and I took her out to play in the snow the other day...”
“She must have enjoyed that. I know John always complains that he doesn't spend enough time with her.”
“It was fun.” That three-letter word was too small to describe what had happened that afternoon. It had been so much more than fun. It was a glimpse of possibilities.
“I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate you sticking around there to help out. I think God knew I needed you there.”
Tanner suspected God knew a whole lot more than that. “I'm glad I could be here,” he said, his lame response hardly able to encompass the myriad of emotions he had dealt with the past few days and was still dealing with.
“Well, I better get going,” Monty said. “Got a few miles to go and John's antsy to see Adana. He feels bad that we missed Thanksgiving, but I don't think that little munchkin cares.”
“Ellen and Alice said they hoped to have a Thanksgiving dinner next week instead.”
“That'd be great.” Monty said goodbye and ended the call.
Tanner dropped his phone into his coat pocket and pulled his gloves on. The sun was out in full force today. Last night and this morning, wind from the storm had piled a few more drifts on the yard but it had also scrubbed the sky clear of clouds and brought in some warmer temperatures.
When the wind quit it was going to be a beautiful day in many ways.
When Monty had called, he and Keira had just finished checking the cows. Then Keira had gone ahead of him to the shop to finish up her work on David's saddle.
Tanner waited a moment before going into the shop, his mind ticking back to last night. After their simple Thanksgiving dinner he and Keira had again gone to Monty's office to spend some time alone. They had chatted about inconsequential things. She'd told him a few stories about people in and around Saddlebank and got him caught up on the local gossip.
He'd shared some stories from the road. She'd told him about the years she spent in Seattle, away from the ranch. Slowly it seemed the time between was getting filled in. They'd talked about things they were thankful for, one of which was being together again.
But always hanging over his head was Alice and the status of his father's ranch. He knew Saddlebank and the valley were home to Keira. He tried to picture her in Sheridan, living in either a cramped apartment or a small house on a lot not much bigger than the space the ranch house took up. He could give her a comfortable life, Sheridan wasn't a huge city and the open range wasn't far out of town, but he couldn't give her what she had here at Refuge Ranch.
Should he talk to the lawyer again? Should he push the situation? Was it too late?
His father's willing of the ranch to Alice without any provision for him had deep consequences for his life and the fact that he couldn't even confront the man who had done it had resonated through the past six years.
After David's death he had to stop himself again and again from phoning Alice to ask her, what now? He knew that she was leasing the ranch to Vic Moore but could he lease it after that? Tanner had money set aside and a business he could sell. He would even be willing to pay Alice for half of the ranch, though the thought galled. As did the amount of money he would have to come up with.
In the shop behind him, Keira was putting the final touches on David's saddle. His original plan was to be back in Sheridan right now, checking in at the shop and then heading over to his friend's place close to Vegas, where he would spend the days before the NFR practicing. Getting himself into the right place mentally to do what he'd set out to do from the beginning of this tour.
Win the NFR for his brother.
But somehow, the past few days had changed his sense of urgency. Diluted it. He had other priorities now that interfered with his big plans. His heart was torn between assuaging the guilt that hung like a shadow in his life and the changing relationship with the girl who had never left his thoughts.
Show me what I should do, Lord. Help me to have the right reasons for what I do. The right motives.
He pushed himself away from the shed. His prayer life hadn't been the most robust of late. His busy schedule didn't lend itself to maintaining a strong relationship with the Lord. But at the same time, he always knew his faith was like roots of a tree that dug down into his very being. So much a part of him he knew it would never leave.
Keira looked up from the saddle when he stepped into the shop and gave him a wide smile. “It's coming along,” she said. “Another day's work should do it.”
Tanner just nodded, unable to generate a lot of excitement about that fact.
Do you have to go?
The words taunted and tantalized.
“What did my dad want?” she asked, making the stirrup leathers damp in preparation for a design she was going to stamp on them.
“Just to let me know that they're on their way. The main roads are clear. We'll just have to wait for the plow trucks to come up our road to clear it out before they can come home.”
Keira picked up a couple of stamps and held them up. “Which one do you prefer? The twisted rope or the barbed-wire pattern? The old one had a stamp pattern that we don't have anymore.”
Tanner didn't really care. “The barbed-wire one is similar enough to the pattern on the cantle.”
Keira nodded but her smile held an edge. “I'm glad that dad and John will be able to come home soon,” she said quietly, picking up her hammer. “When do you have to go back to Sheridan?”
“I just called the guys. We didn't get the mechanic contract for that trucking company, so work is manageable right now. I guess I can stay for a few days yet, but I absolutely have to leave on Monday.”
“Will you come back for our belated Thanksgiving dinner?”
He heard her expectant tone. The faint bubble of happiness. He tried not to think of what had to happen before he could get to the NFR. The Thanksgiving do-over was a few days away. He was supposed to have been at his garage the past two days, then at his friend's place by Monday, going over his strategy. Practicing. Getting back to his workout routine, something he'd been neglecting since coming here.
Everything he'd worked for was coming at him.
Then he caught Keira's smile and felt an age-old tremor in his heart.
And he knew that staying here with Keira was anything but a distraction. It was a situation rife with possibilities and potential.
“I think I can,” he said, taking a step closer and pulling her into his arms, needing the reality of her presence to remind him what was the most important thing in his life. Yes, there were questions yet, but this was Keira. The only girl who had ever held his heart.
“I know I can,” he amended. “I'll make it work.”
He curbed the sense of panic at the change in his plans. Then she looked up at him, her smile wide and expectant. When he kissed her the panic shifted to hope.
It would all work out, he told himself as he rested his head on Keira's.
It had to.
* * *
Keira fluffed out the skirt of the brown-and-white polka-dotted dress she'd pulled out of her closet, giving herself a critical once-over in the full-length mirror in her bedroom. It had been years since she wore a dress to church, usually preferring to wear pants or capris. In fact, it had been years since she'd worn a dress, period.
She suppressed a shiver, then a couple of figures in the yard caught her attention. She walked to the window to get a closer look. Her father and Tanner were walking back from the corrals and even from here Keira could see the smile on her father's face. John and her father had come home yesterday as glad to be home as Ellen and Keira were to have them back.
Her father and Tanner stopped a moment, laughing, looking as natural together as her father always had with Lee.
Keira pressed her hand against her aching heart, thinking of her brother so far from home, her sister now divorced but still living in New York.
Please, Lord,
she prayed,
watch over my brother and sister.
Take care of Lee. Help him to know he can come home. Take care of Heather. Keep her safe.
She tried not to worry about her sister. Heather was a smart girl, she reminded herself. She knew how to take care of herself.
She watched as her father and Tanner split upâTanner to the cabin on the ranch he'd moved back to after the storm and Monty to the house.
Then she glanced at the clock beside her bedside table and her thoughts shifted from the future to the present. Tanner said he would pick her up at nine-thirty for church. It was already nine-fifteen. She stepped across the hall to the bathroom to finish getting ready.
Alice was walking toward her, carrying an armful of towels that Keira presumed were for her mother. She started when she saw Keira, surprise etched on her features. “My goodness, you look lovely,” she said.
Keira felt suddenly self-conscious and had to stop herself from brushing her hands over her dress. “Thought I would dress up today,” she said.
“For church?”
“Yeah. I know Dad wants to stay home with Mom, but Tanner and I are going. He's coming to get me in a few moments.”
“You and Tanner?”
Was it her imagination or did she hear the faintest note of censure in her voice?
“Well, you look lovely,” Alice repeated. “I haven't seen you in a dress since...” Her voice drifted off, as if Alice was recalling the memory.
“It's been a while,” Keira agreed and ducked into the bathroom, hoping to forestall any further conversation. She was already running late.
She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, unable to shrug off the feelings Alice created in her. One of these days she was going to have to make peace with Alice. One day.
She pushed herself away from the door, plugged in her curling iron and ducking down, pulled out a basket of makeup she also hadn't used in a long while. As she got ready, her hands trembled with nervous excitement.
It took her a few tries, and thankfully she didn't burn herself, but finally she got her hair the way she liked it, her makeup just fine. She hooked some gold hoops in her ears, gave herself another critical once-over and allowed herself a flutter of expectation.
She was just ready when she heard her father calling up to her that Tanner was here. She caught her flushed cheeks and bright eyes in the mirror, gave herself a smile of encouragement, pulled a white blazer over her dress and ran down the stairs to meet him.
Tanner stood just inside the living room wearing a white shirt and blue jeans, his hat in his hands. The look of shocked surprise on his face was worth every second thought she'd had while she was getting ready.
A few minutes later she was sitting in Tanner's truck, sitting an appropriate distance away from him, the flutter growing. Tanner turned the key then shot her a lazy smile. “You look amazing,” he said quietly.
Her cheeks warmed at his compliment as she looked down at her dress and high-heeled boots. “I know it's not the most practical outfit to wear, what with all the snowâ”
“You're beautiful,” he said, stopping her as he put the truck in Reverse and backed up.
Her cheeks grew even warmer as she gave him a shy smile. “Thanks. And I'm glad you decided to come to church. I wasn't looking forward to going on my own again.”
“No problem. I could tell your dad just wanted to spend some time with your mom, and John just looked beat.”
“I hope Adana lets him sleep in.”
“Guy's got a lot on his plate. Losing his wife. Taking care of a little girl alone.”
“He's a good man. I'd always hoped that he and Heather would make a go of it,” she said with a heavy sigh.
“Heather wanted more out of life than Montana, I think,” Tanner said as they drove down the road.
“I can't blame her. She's had so little.”
Tanner just smiled. “You know what? Much as I love your family, I'd sooner talk about us.”
“Us? There's an us?” She tossed out the question with a playful note, as if it didn't cost her everything to ask.
“I think we both know there's an us,” he said quietly.
Keira didn't think her smile could get any wider. “So, what else did you want to talk about?”
Tanner was quiet a moment, the hum of the truck tires on the snowy road the only sound in the cab of the truck. “So, when you left Saddlebank, what did you do?”
Her heart raced but then she took a breath, quieting herself. His question was simply a way of catching up, filling in the gaps of their separate lives, Keira reminded herself. Just like he'd said they should.