Authors: Debra Clopton
Chapter Eighteen
“S
o I hear you have a date.”
Lucy blinked in disbelief at Ms. Jo as she dabbed paint on the canvas. This was their first official Gals Night Out Paint Class, as they'd officially called it, and to her surprise she had over half a dozen students. Including Mabel, Ms. Jo, Nana and Jolie. The other three ladies were friends of theirs and just as chatty as they could be. Despite the fact that everything wasn't completely set up, they'd decided to get together anyway.
And it had been a fun night.
They'd had refreshments and she'd walked them through painting their first still lifeâa beautiful bunch of grapes she'd set on a platter and focused a spotlight on so that there would be shadows and highlights.
No one was painting masterpieces yet, but they were having a great time and Lucy had actually been happy that for a little while she was being distracted from the fact that she'd accepted a date with Rowdy for the next evening.
And now Ms. Jo had just opened her love life up for group discussion. An internal groan threatened to burst out of her and expose her real fear.
“Yes, I am.” She managed to sound calm. Amazing since she was a little bit freaked out about the whole thing.
“Jo, you weren't supposed to say anything about that,” Mabel said. It was an odd turnaround that Mabel was getting onto Jo, when it was usually Ms. Jo keeping Mabel in line. “Ruby Ann shared that with us in strictest confidentiality.”
Ms. Jo dipped her chin and looked over the rim of her glasses. “It's all over town, Mabel, in case you haven't noticed. I've been sitting here debating if she should be forewarned and decided that yes, it is our duty to let her know.”
Nana looked worried. “It wasn't meant to get out. The boys ganged up on Rowdy and gave him the push he needed to ask you out. They convinced him it was the thing to do.”
He'd asked her out because the boys talked him into it.
“Now, don't even start thinking he asked you out because the boys wanted him to.” Jolie read her mind. “You know as well as all of us that he's been dying to ask you out, but wasn't sure it was the thing to do.”
“Well, I heard Drewbaker and Chili discussing it on the bench out by the newspaper office,” Vergie Little said, waving her brush.
Sissy Jackson and Bea Norton nodded their heads.
So everybody knew she was going on a date. The room burst into chatter about how nice it was and that she needed a night out and that Rowdy was a changed man.
Jolie didn't say much and Lucy said less. What else was there to say?
If she wanted to, she knew she could use this as an excuse not to go out with Rowdy. She could claim that he shouldn't have told everyone. Different reasons for calling off the date made themselves known to her as she listened to the gals cheer that she was finally going to have a night out like a young woman should.
And the truth was, she agreed. She could let Tim cause her to become a hermit or she could step out and force herself to have a life.
She was not a chicken.
Never had been and never would be. She wouldn't let herself.
And though she'd forgotten it for a while, that meant she had to fight the fear about going out with Rowdy.
She had to fight, to back it down or, like Mabel had reminded her again, the regrets would be hard to live with.
Rowdy deserved for her to give this a chance. Scars and all.
* * *
On Saturday evening at six o'clock Rowdy stood outside Lucy's back door, a bouquet of fresh spring flowers gripped in his hand. It had taken him almost thirty minutes at the florist to decide which to buy. He'd wanted all of them but knew that would be a little crazy. But that was how he felt about Lucy.
Rubbing the back of his neck, he took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He hoped she hadn't been looking out a window and saw how nervous he was. He had to be calm, cool and cautious. He could not mess this up.
But ever since he'd realized she'd painted his likeness on that canvas with such detail that even the emotion in his eyes had shown, he knew that Lucy Calvert was not only the most talented artist he'd ever seen, but she also just might care for him deep down. That scared her, and with good reason.
He'd prayed long and hard and he knew that the outcome of this night could very well be the most important of his life.
The door opened and he almost dropped the flowers. “Wow.”
She took his breath away. For the first time since he'd known her she didn't have a work shirt on. Though she did have a long-sleeved blouse, it was shimmery silky material in a rich gold tone and she had a colorful scarf draped about her neck. She had hidden her scars without resorting to a bulky work shirt. She had skinny jeans on with strappy high-heeled sandals. She was at least five-two in the heels and it made him smile.
“You look gorgeous,” he added to the
wow
he'd blurted out in pure reaction.
She bit her lip then smiled almost shyly. “Thank you. You, tooâ I mean, not gorgeousâhandsome.”
They both laughed and his nerves eased with the laughter.
“These are for you.” He held the flowers out to her and she took them almost eagerly.
“How lovely. You shouldn't have,” she said, but he could tell that he'd chosen right. And that she was pleased.
“Come in, let me put these in water and then I'm ready.”
He followed her into the kitchen and watched as she filled a vase from a cupboard, then arranged the flowers, taking time to make them look great. It was amazing what a difference she could make just by pushing and pulling a few flowers here and there. The artist in her was evident in more than her painting.
“Okay,” she said, turning to him. “They are beautiful and I'm ready.”
But was he? Praying he wouldn't mess up, he held the door for her and they were soon on their way.
* * *
It was a lovely evening. The sun was just beginning to set when Rowdy opened the door of his truck for her. He held out his hand and the fiery orange sky lit the world behind him as Lucy took his hand. It felt as explosive as her emotions. His eyes were dark with what she thought was worry. She'd been watching for his arrival. How could she not, with her nerves jingling like they were? And she hadn't missed the hesitancy in his posture and the anxious expression on his face as he'd knocked on the door. He'd been tense since she opened it...other than when he'd almost made her blush by his appreciative appraisal when he first saw her.
He was as uptight about the date as she was.
“I'd better hold on tight or you might topple off those heels of yours,” he said, squeezing her fingers gently and eyeing her sandals.
There he was, her happy-go-lucky guy.
Her guy?
“I haven't had any reason to wear heels since I've been here,” she said with a smile, suddenly feeling a small semblance of ease between them. “But I'm quite steady on my feet in them.”
“Too bad,” he said, still holding her hand as he placed his hand on her waist to help her as she stepped up into his truck. “I was hoping you'd need my assistance all evening.”
Her heart was fluttering as she sat in the seat, eye level with him and so very near. “I'll probably need it. After saying that I'll probably twist my ankle or something.”
“Not on my watch, sweetheart.” He tugged her seat belt out and stretched it around her and clamped it in place, meeting her gaze as he leaned over her. “You're safe with me. Heels or no heels.”
She could not breathe as he withdrew, closed her door and strode around to slide into the driver's seat. Yup, that sunset didn't even compare to the intense emotions at war inside her as he pulled out onto the blacktop and headed toward wherever.... She didn't even know where they were going and she didn't care. Tonight she felt alive, and beautiful in his eyesâshe wasn't allowing herself to think about her scars. Not tonight. Tonight she was a regular woman on a regular date.
Yet she took that back as she looked over at Rowdy's profile. This could never be considered a regular date. Nothing with Rowdy could ever be considered regular. He was special and she knew it.
* * *
Rowdy had seriously contemplated where to take Lucy to dinner. It had to be nice. It had to make her feel as special as he thought she was and it had to be romantic. He was going to make sure she knew this wasn't just two friends going out for a burger.
He finally decided on a little Greek place off the beaten path in River Bend. After the hour it took to reach the larger town, they'd both relaxed a little and were talking and laughing about the antics of the boys. The boys were always a safe subject.
The hostess seated them in a quiet corner of the restaurant at a table for two. Soft music played in the background, candles flickered at tables in the dim light. Lucy's smile of appreciation was all he needed to know he'd chosen right.
“This is nice. I love the atmosphere.” She talked about the unique color of deep green on the walls, how the rich hardwood floors combined with it and about the chandeliers hanging overhead made from tree branches. “I think they were going for romance in the outdoors,” she said softly. “It's really a neat place, though descriptions would never do it justice.”
He chuckled. “You've done a good job. I like the atmosphere, but the food is excellent.”
“I would have never taken you for a guy who would eat anything other than steak. Greek. Who would have thought it?”
“Hey, that's stereotyping. Cowboys enjoy things other than steak and potatoes.”
“So I see. And I like that very much.”
By the time their meal had come and they'd nearly finished, he and Lucy were having a good time. Lucy's eyes sparkled in the candlelight and she'd even flirted with him a few times. It hit him full force that this was who she'd been before her husband had stolen her ability to trust.
When she laughed at something he said about the boys ganging up on him to give him the courage to ask her out, he couldn't help reaching across and tracing the back of her hand with his fingers.
“I'm so glad they convinced me to see if you would accept a date with me,” he said, turning serious. “I'd convinced myself there wasn't a chance.”
She flipped her hand over so that she was holding his hand. “I still can't believe I said yes. I am so glad I came.”
As she said the words that reached inside him like warmth from a flame, she looked up, distracted. He turned his head to see if the waitress had come back with their check, but his heart went cold when he saw Liz approaching, her gaze locked on him like a target at a shooting range.
Chapter Nineteen
“R
owdy, I saw those amazing shoulders of yours and that black hair and knew instantly it was you.”
Lucy had known the woman was coming their way on purpose. Even the distraction of Rowdy's hand holding hers hadn't prevented her from seeing the way this woman zeroed in on Rowdy. She was an amazing creatureâtall, willowy, with hair so blond and so shiny it caught every flicker of light as it framed one of the most beautiful faces Lucy had ever seen.
She'd yet to look at Lucy and had eyes for only Rowdy, who, Lucy noted as he'd drawn his hand from hers, looked a little pale beneath his tan. His eyes had darkened withâanger or appreciation? She wasn't sure. But though he didn't say anything, she felt the tension in him even across the table.
The beautiful woman gave a sultry pout that Lucy figured a man might find attractive. She herself would look silly even trying such a move. Lucy decided with a quick judgment that she didn't like this woman.
Something curled inside Lucy as the woman's predatory gaze flickered over Rowdy. At the calculated way she flicked a strand of champagne-colored hair from her shoulder. Even the way she stood was a pose to bring attention to her figure as she crowded Rowdy's personal space.
“I've missed you,” she said, perfect hands toying with the silk tie at the low neckline of her blouse.
Lucy sat very still, her gaze shifting to Rowdy. Why was he not saying anything? His gaze was locked on the woman and a muscle in his check flinched.
“I have nothing to say to you, Liz,” he said at last.
Liz, as he'd called her, gave a soft laugh. “Not so fast, handsome. You need to know I'm divorcing Garret. So no more of that messy situation. I'm a free agent and I'd love to see you sometime. You have my number.”
The moment she realized who this was, Lucy went cold inside. Liz turned and walked away, letting her hand slide casually to her back pocketâanother calculated move to draw attention as she strolled away. Rowdy didn't watch her leave; instead, he was looking straight at Lucy.
Despite the anxious way Rowdy was eyeing her, she couldn't speak. So many things were running through her mind. This was the kind of woman he'd dated. This was the married woman he'd had the affair with. What a horrible creature she was, and this was the womanâthe
type
of womanâthat Rowdy had found attractive.
She was beautiful, butâ “I'm ready to leave,” Lucy said, barely able to look at Rowdy.
He motioned for the waitress, who quickly brought them their check, and within minutes they were out the door and in the truck. It couldn't have been fast enough for Lucy. Her stomach churned and she was almost afraid she was going to be ill.
What had she been thinking? How had she let herself fall into this pit?
Rowdy didn't say much. He was, it seemed, as upset as she was. Halfway home he pulled off the road into someone's pasture entrance and put the truck in Park.
Rubbing the crease that had formed across his forehead, he sighed. “That couldn't have gone more wrong if I'd have written it in a book. Lucy, I know you've got all kinds of bad things going on inside your head right now. I'm sorry that happened. But I'm more sorry I ever got involved with her.”
Lucy looked out the window into the darkness. What could she say?
“Talk to me, Lucy.”
“About what?” she snapped. Anger that had been coiled inside of her broke loose. “I should never have let this happen. I should never have let my guard down.”
“Lucy, I'm not the same stupid guy I used to be. I'm not.”
She turned toward him. “It doesn't matter. Don't you see I can't do thisâus?
I
can't do this. Please take me home.”
* * *
Rowdy had died and
not
gone to heaven. That was for certain.
Tucker and Morgan had come out to his house, a small place that he'd taken over after he'd moved out of the big house. It was hidden in the woods, and it worked as a great place to hole up when he wanted to be alone.
And he wanted to be alone.
“What's going on?” Tucker asked, finding him on the back porch where he'd been nursing a strong cup of coffee and a sour mood.
“Now, why would you think there was anything wrong?” he asked, sarcasm thick as the yaupon growing in the woods around them.
Morgan shot him a concerned look. “You didn't show up at church Sunday or work yesterday. And Jolie said that when Lucy came to teach art, she looked about as gloomy as a stormy night.”
“The boys noticed, too, and kept asking her how your date went,” Tucker added. Even the fact that his brother had driven out here said he was worried, and Rowdy knew it. How many times had his brothers had to come get him out of trouble when he was growing up?
“Oh, yeah, and what did she say when they asked her that?” He had his elbows on his knees and was studying the planks between his boots.
“She told them it went fine. But no one believes her.”
“She's not doing fine,” he muttered. “I messed up and made her feel bad.” Sitting up, he looked at his brothers. He'd never felt as terrible and low as he felt now. He'd spent time praying and venting and wishing he'd taken back ever pushing Lucy to go out with him. And he said as much to his brothers. “Her lousy husband left her with a tremendous amount of emotional scar tissue. The last thing she needed was a man like me thinking there was anything but heartache that I could offer her.”
Morgan placed his hand on his shoulder. “Rowdy, you don't need to be talking like that. You have a lot to offer Lucy, or any woman, for that matter. You've made some mistakes, but who of us hasn't one way or the other? You've changed.”
“Yes, I have, but I'm no good for Lucy. Lucy needs a man who has been a rock from day one. A solid man she knows she can trust.”
Tucker pulled up a chair and sat across from him, looking him square in the eye. “It's not for you to say what kind of man she needs. God knows the man she needs and as far as I can tell He's put you in her life. Now, whether He's put you in her life to be the man she's to end up with, I can't say, brother. But I can tell you that He didn't put you in her life by accident.”
Rowdy grunted cynically. But Lucy falling out of the hayloft and into his arms flashed across his mind.
Tucker ignored him. “What you're going through right now is going to come into play one way or another. What I want to know is, are you committed to see it through? When I was in Iraq I didn't need men beside me who were in halfway. I needed commitment even though we had no idea what the outcome was going to be. Do you love her?”
Morgan yanked a chair up and crossed his arms. His hiked brow posed the same question.
Rowdy nodded slowly, mulling over what Tucker had said. Tucker wasn't a man of a lot of words. Rowdy set his coffee on the side table and sat up. “I do,” he said aloud. He'd made a commitment to God that he was going to wait for his direction in his life. He'd made more mistakes along the way where Lucy was concerned, but she hadn't just dropped in his arms for nothing.
Rowdy was certain of that.
“Then the question is, are you going to see this through, wherever it goes, even if it's not in your favor?” Morgan finally spoke and Tucker nodded as he talked.
“I've been so caught up in the fact that I wasn't right for Lucy that I never even stopped to consider if God had a different reason for me being here for her.” His mind was suddenly churning. He told his brothers about Liz showing up and how it had affected Lucy.
“She barely spoke to me after that. And just wanted to go home. Then she told me she couldn't see me anymore.”
“And you gave up, just like that?” Tucker asked. “That's not the guy I know.”
“Hey, I changed, remember?”
Morgan shook his head. “Rowdy, just because you changed doesn't mean you roll over and play dead. God's not going to do all the work, you know.”
Rowdy scowled at his brothers. “Hey, why are y'all still here, anyway? I've got somewhere to be.” He stood up and strode through the house and straight to his truck.
“It's about time,” Tucker called after him.
And Morgan's, “We'll be praying for you both,” was the last thing he heard before he slammed his truck door closed and revved his engine.
It was time to see his girl....
* * *
Lucy couldn't help but worry that she'd hurt Rowdy. She'd been so upset after the date that she'd not said much, and she'd left him in her driveway in a very unkind way.
Just as he had done from the moment she'd told him about Tim and her burns, he'd again done as she wished. He'd not tried to kiss her and he'd kept his hands to himself. He'd been nothing but kind to her. And all that he'd asked of her was to give this, this
thing
between them a chance.
And then this Liz person showed up and made her...what? Jealous? Feel inferior in a physical way?
Liz, as horrible as she was and as much a soul that Lucy knew needed the Lord in her life, had shown Lucy that Rowdy deserved so much more than either she or Liz could offer him.
By Tuesday morning Lucy knew she had to talk to Rowdy. Pulling up to the ranch, she looked around for Rowdy's truck but she didn't see it. She learned from Jolie and the kids on Monday during afternoon art class that no one had seen him on Sunday and he hadn't shown up at the main ranch compound at all on Monday.
Lucy hadn't shown up for church on Sunday, either, and felt guilty about that, but she had been too upset.
As she looked around now, her spirits plummeted further because she'd felt compelled to talk to him. Not feeling like seeing anyone else, she turned her truck around in the parking lot and headed back home. In her rearview mirror, she caught a glimpse of Tony coming out of the barn, leading his horse. But she didn't stop. She was in no shape to talk to anyone right now. Except Rowdy.
Once she made it back to her house, she slammed out of her truck and walked to the barn. She pulled open the double doors and didn't bother to close them behind her. Her boots clattered on the steps as she jogged up to her studio. She had every intention of trying to paint, but Rowdy stared back at her from his painting and all she could do was stand there and stare back.
She loved him.
It was as clear in the painting as anything she'd ever known in her heart. She'd painted the picture with love and she hadn't even recognized it until now.
Closing her eyes, she let the realization pour over her and she tried to absorb what it meant for her. Nothing.
How long she stood there she wasn't sure, but she tried in every way to convince herself that her falling in love with Rowdy was a blessing sent from God to help her heal. But it wasn't, and there was no use trying to convince herself of the fact.
“Lucy, are you up there?”
Rowdy!
Her heart jumped into her throat and she panicked. He was here! “Yes,” she said, stilling herself for a very hard conversation. But it was one that needed to be started and finished. She would not walk away from this again. Rowdy deserved to know her heart.
His steps were quick as he, too, jogged up the stairs. She was startled when she saw him. He hadn't shaved and a five-o'clock shadow roughened his jaw. He stopped inside the doorway for the first few seconds. Lucy fought the need to wrap her arms around him and tell him she was so sorry.
To tell him that she trusted him and that she knew he was a changed man. That everything he'd shown her of his character had been that of a man of integrity.
“Lucy, I've come to say my piece.” He crossed to stand just a step away from her. “You're a stubborn woman. And I've realized that I've been letting you have your way just a little too much.”
What?
“I'm a changed man. I have messed up and messed up some more and I'll mess up in the future, I can promise you that. But I can promise you that if I give you my word about anythingâand I mean anythingâI'll come through with it. I'll never lie or cheat on you. I've never done that with anyone, even before I made a commitment to God that I was changing the way I lived. So you can rest assured that with a good woman like youâthe woman I loveâthat I'd be a man of integrity till my dying breath.”
Lucy's temper had spiked at the high-handed way he'd started off, but that anger had diffused like a popped balloon.
“I believe you,” she said. And it was so true. “You are not Tim. Tim was never the man you are and I've come to realize that as I thought about this for the past few days.”
He'd said he loved her.
Lucy closed her eyes and let the bittersweet knowledge seep into the dark places of her heart. Tears threatened and she backed them into a corner knowing this was not the time to cry
or
to be weak. And it was most positively not the time to be selfish.
Touching his cheek, she smiled at him. “I treated you badly, Rowdy. So badly, and I am so very sorry for that. You are so special. But you have this all wrong. I was upset the other night because...” She couldn't tell him she was jealous. “Because I realized when I looked at Liz that you deserve so much more. More than she or I could give you.”
His brows met and his head cocked as if in question. He started to speak and she shook her head.
“Please, I need to finish.” She pulled her hand away and took a deep breath. “When I said I couldn't do this, I was saying that
I
can't. Not because of anything you've done. I just can't do it. Beneath this shirt is a body so scarred that even I have a hard time looking at it. I don't have it in me to share. As a wife, I'd feel so inferior.”
“Don't talk that way,” he snapped, letting his eyes fall to her work shirt. “I don't care what your body looks like. Lucy, I love you. The fact that you have scars doesn't matter to me. They would only remind me of the strength and courage you've shown in the face of great adversity. You are beautiful to me, mind, body and soul.”