Authors: Debra Clopton
Chapter Nineteen
N
ot even twenty-four hours into fatherhood, and Max had lost his son.
He paced in front of the barn, wishing there was something else he could do besides walk and watch his breath puff as the afternoon waned colder. Tim and Faith had gone back out to finish the trail ride with the rest of the campers, in an effort to keep them in the dark about what was going on a little while longer. Luke called in backup from the church for a search party, while Tonya's parents picked her up not a minute too soon. Emma had hugged the girl goodbye on the porch, then disappeared inside the dormitory. He didn't know what she was doing. Packing? Pacing? Praying?
Would she leave?
Did he want her to?
Thankfully Brady, Caley and Ava had come over right away. After quick hugs, the girls went to the kitchen to help Mama Jeanie make some refreshments for the search crew while Brady followed his pace.
“It's going to be okay, man. We'll find them.” Brady rubbed his hands together before pulling his gloves from his jacket pocket.
“He's my son.”
Brady stopped midstep, one glove dangling from his fingers. “Say what?”
“Cody's my kid. Emma told me last night.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, not having any gloves to wear and grateful for the cold ache in his fingers that reminded him he wasn't totally numb after all. Yet.
Brady's hand clamped his shoulder. “We'll figure this out. Nothing's too big for the Lord.” He offered a wry grin. “Not even this kind of a secret.”
Max snorted. “Guess we'll see.” If they found them, that is. Jarvis and Cody together were an unlikely pair, and Max couldn't figure out what they were up to. Why would the two kids who hated each other the most run off together? To create trouble? To fight it out alone? That didn't seem like Cody's style, though the anger that had radiated off him when he left the house earlier hadn't, either. The kid'sâhis
son's
âwounds ran deep.
Mostly because of him and Emma and their mistakes.
“Search party's ready. We're going to split up and spread out.” Luke strode to Max's side and gestured to the group of men behind him, wearing jackets and ball caps, some with walkie-talkies clipped to their belts. Max recognized most of them from the church, though there were new faces, as well. Ten men in all.
“Thanks for coming.” They made a quick plan to determine groups and who would search where. Most would go on foot, while one set took the remaining horses from the barn, and another took his and Brady's four-wheelers. Some would take the road, though that was the least likely way the boys would have traveled.
Luke stepped closer to Max and lowered his voice. “Have you called the police?”
“Not yet.” Max rubbed his jaw. “Trying to avoid that if possible. But if they get too far...” His property spread a good ways, but the worst part was, it joined with Brady's. It wouldn't take the boys any effort to shimmy under the fence and then have free rein for miles on the Double Câincluding bulls and wild animals. “Let's see what we find first.” Just couldn't wait too long, because once it got dark, the boys were in for a rough night. In some ways it'd teach them a valuable lesson, but Max hoped to avoid lessons involving coyotesâor worse. Besides, his campers' parents trusted him to keep them safe.
The sight of Brady's pistol tucked into the back of his jeans as he hurried off only made the reality of their situation more grim.
The men left, agreeing Max would stay at Camp Hope to be there for the campers when the trail ride ended. He had to keep things running, whether he felt like it or not. Suddenly alone, he stared down at the path he'd created in the dirt while pacing and slowly began to rub the evidence away with his boot. Too bad he couldn't erase the past twenty-four hours as easily.
But what would he change? He couldn't go back to pretending he didn't have a kid. The thought now brought a hollow ache to his gut. There were some things the heart couldn't un-know. He would be there for Cody from here on out, no matter what. But what would that look like? They lived in different worlds. His work was at Camp Hope, in the nowhere town of Broken Bend, Louisiana, while Emma and Cody had their own life in a big thriving Texas city.
So many questions. So few answers.
And none of them would matter if Cody didn't make it back in one piece.
Panic, the kind Max realized only a father could feel, seized his heart. He began to pray.
God, I can't fix this. I don't know where my son is, but You do. Could You show us, please?
He began to pace again, this time praying with every footstep. There was nothing he could do about the pastâhe couldn't get back the time he'd lost, the time Emma had robbed him of. But he could pray for the future.
And despite his lingering anger and betrayal over Emma's choices, he wanted a future with them. As a family.
It seemed too impossible to even pray for.
Was that what a father's love did? Sought the impossible? Hoped when there was little or no proof to do so?
His father hadn't shown him that kind of love.
But his Heavenly Father had.
And he'd ignored it. Shoved it away. Sought to prove himself against the grace freely offered to him.
He stopped pacing. Just like he loved Cody regardless of this bad choice he'd made, regardless of Cody's sin and rebellion, God loved
him
the same way, plus some. He didn't have to strive to make up for the past, to make up for his own years of rebellion and sinâhe'd already been forgiven. Just like he'd already forgiven Cody for running away.
And just like he needed to forgive Emma.
Her feeble protests racked his brain.
I did what I had to do
. She really did. He tried to put himself in her shoes. Pregnant, scared, uncertain. Coming back to Broken Bend to announce the biggest news of her life, when her parents didn't even know they'd been
dating,
and discovering her baby's father buying drugs.
Wouldn't he have been tempted to run, too?
Empathy began to replace the judgment he'd been holding, and it bled through his heart. They'd all made bad choices.
But that didn't mean there wasn't room for a second chance.
* * *
There were some regrets even raw cookie dough couldn't touch.
From her spot on the bar stool in the kitchen, Emma breathed in the aroma of chocolate chip cookies wafting from Mama Jeanie's oven, yet the smell just made her sick. Her son was out there, somewhere, with another teen who was nothing but trouble, and all she knew for sure was that Cody hated her. She buried her face in her hands. She'd tried to join the search party, but Max interfered, stating Cody would be more likely to hide if he saw her coming. Trueâpainfully true.
“Don't worry. They're going to find them.” Caley wrapped her arm around Emma's shoulders and rubbed. “They're good men. Some are volunteer firemenâthey know what they're doing.”
Emma nodded, refusing to lift her head, afraid to look at anyone for fear of breaking down and never stopping. A drawer opened and shut, and Mama Jeanie mumbled to Caley about taking Ava to help set out the cups for the cider she'd made.
The door shut behind them, and Emma finally dared to look up at Caley. “I'm an idiot.” The whole story poured from her lips, and Caley didn't move or interrupt except to don an oven mitt and remove the cookies.
“Sounds to me like you're getting smarter.” She turned off the oven and grinned. “Seriously, don't be so hard on yourself. You're aware of what went wrong, and you want to fix it. That's a lot farther than some people ever get.” She took the bar stool beside Emma and tossed the mitt on the counter. “Trust me. You guys are going to be fine. When Brady and I were getting togetherâman, it was rough. I didn't think we'd ever find a way around our differences.”
Emma shoved away from the counter, holding up both hands in defense. “No, no, no. This is different. I'm not getting back with Max.”
Caley winked. “Yet.”
“How can you be so sure?” Her heart began to pound again, and this time it had nothing to do with the fact that her son was missing or she'd just ruined a good man's life with her selfishness. “He'll never forgive me. And he shouldn't.”
“Yes, he should. And he will. I know Max.” Caley hopped up and began scooping cookies from the sheet onto a plate. “He might nurse this wound a little while, but he'll do the right thing.”
The right thing. As in, obligation? No thanks. She'd run from that once already, which was why she didn't tell her parents about her and Max in the first place. No shotgun weddings in her pastâor her futureâeven if Max held the proverbial gun this time. She didn't want obligation. She wanted love.
But she'd ruined it.
Like she'd ruined Cody.
“They found them!” Ava's excited teenaged voice shot through the silence of the kitchen, and Caley dropped the spatula on the stove. Emma shot off her stool, hope breaking through the depression and taking over like a beacon in the night. She raced onto the porch in time to see Brady leading Cody toward Max, who eagerly ran to meet them across the yard. Joy burst free deep in her chest. She took three steps off the porch, then hesitated at the anger in Cody's expression as he shoved Max's arm away.
This wasn't the prodigal son returning.
Luke began dispatching into the walkie-talkies to end the search, then stopped, his finger still on the button as static burst from the contraption. “Wait. Hold that thought. Where's Jarvis?”
All eyes landed on Cody, who stared stubbornly at the ground and shrugged.
* * *
Max shut the door of his office and perched on the side of his desk as Cody slumped into a chair. “So what's my punishment?” He scowled.
He was in no way equipped for this. Any other camper, yes. But his own son? Not even close. Max briefly closed his eyes, wishing there were a handbook, a class, a conference he could have attended to know what to do in this case.
But it was just him and Cody.
And the Lord.
He breathed a prayer for guidance and clasped his hands in front of him. “There's still a bigger issue at hand than punishment right now, Cody. That's going to have to wait.”
“Great.” Cody shifted away from Max, his body language loud and clear.
Max took the seat beside him, wanting to appear less imposing, and cleared his throat. “We need to know where Jarvis is.”
“How should I know?” He stared at the bookcase lining the wall beside him, eyes flickering between the titles.
Max took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He couldn't afford to show anger. He at least knew enough to realize that wouldn't help. Cody was hurting, and he was lashing out because he didn't think he had any other options.
“You both disappeared at the same time. Are you telling me you weren't together?” He stared at Cody, wishing he could break the barrier between them with something tangible. No wonder Emma felt so frustrated for so long. She was a professional, and she couldn't reach her own son. Rather, she was stuck watching him spiral downward in a cycle she was helpless to stop.
It hurt like nothing else did.
Cody met his eyes, and something shifted slightly. He didn't want to lie to his face, and that spoke more of the good in the boy's heart than anything else since his arrival at camp. They'd connected before, and Cody was remembering. He could see it in his gaze. If only he'd remember Max wasn't the bad guy....
“We left together.” Cody grudgingly admitted the truth. “But that's all I know.”
“I don't think it is.”
Cody snorted. “You're calling
me
a liar? Sort of ironic.”
He'd have a point, though Cody didn't know Max hadn't known about their relationship until hours before he'd discovered it, too. But how could Max tell him that now without throwing Emma under the bus? Oh, it was tempting. He wanted that bond with Cody, wanted to see forgiveness in his eyes more than he'd ever wanted anything else. Wanted to take that first step toward a real relationship of trust.
But he wouldn't sacrifice Emma to do so.
A knock sounded on his shut office door, and then it swung open before he could respond. Emma stepped inside, her face a fixed mask of determination. “It's not Max's fault. And yes, I was listening at the door.”
His mouth opened a little. Gone was the meek, unsure Emma he'd seen around Cody in the past. In its place stood mama-bear Emma, whose claws were out and teeth were sharpâready to do what was necessary regardless of the cost. “Your dad isn't the liar, Cody. I am.”
His admiration for Emma grew ten leaps. She was finally stepping up.
“Yeah, right. How can I believe that you're even telling the truth now?” Cody stood up, his voice rising, but Max gently sat him back down with a firm hand on his shoulder.
“I think you should listen to your mom.” His tone left little room for argument, and even Cody knew it.
He slumped and crossed his arms, redirecting his gaze to the floor. “Whatever.”
Emma came around and stood directly in front of him. “I kept the secret, Cody. It was my fault, not your father's.”
Cody's lips rolled in at the word
father,
and Max felt his own insides tremble a little.
“We were a couple, a long time ago, when I was leaving for college. I found out then I was expecting you.” Emma took a deep breath. “Your dad didn't know until last night.”
Cody's eyes darted to meet hers, surprise replacing the previous sullen stare. “Are you serious? You didn't even tell
him?
” Judgment sprang forth, the same judgment Max had felt hours before.
Now it was his turn to do the right thing.
“Your mom did what she thought she had to do. It's a long story, and it's complicated and between us adults.” Max leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “But bottom lineâshe made her choice because she loved you and wanted what was best for you.” He hesitated. “Once upon a time, Cody, I was definitely not what was best for you. Or your mom.”