Love Is Overdue (41 page)

“
I love you.” It was out of
my mouth before I’d even formulated the thought in my head. I had
never said it to him and he had never said it either, and now,
suddenly, without warning, it just came hurling out of my mouth,
completely uncontrollable, like a bad case of Tourettes… “I…I love
you so much, Ben, I’m just so scared that…”

His eyes didn’t move – they were fixed
on me, and then, instead of letting me finish my rambling, he just
reached out and held my face, pulling me closer and just stopped my
words with his mouth. He kissed me so softly…tenderly…and then he
slowly pulled away.

He didn’t say anything right away, but
eventually our eyes locked on each other again. “Let me come see
you, Gabriela. If you want me to come late, I’ll come late – I
don’t really give a shit – I just want to spend the night with
you.” His words sounded final. So very serious. “And this is the
last time I’m asking you.”

Ω

It had been
nearly a month since my mother had been discharged from the
hospital. As hard as it had been for my brother, he spent the
remaining days before his flight back home helping me get her
settled into our new home. He helped us unpack, organize,
decorate…and had almost single-handedly cleared out and cleaned up
the old apartment, so that within less than a week we were able to
start showing it to prospective renters.

It had been worlds more than I had
ever expected of him. It was so strange for me to look at my
brother the night before his flight – after my mother was in bed,
and the two us were just hanging out in my new living room watching
a movie, and eating some unbelievably delicious Greek take-out he
had picked up for us – and honestly say to myself I wouldn’t have
been able to do it without him.

As different as we saw things he was
still my brother. And I loved him. Saying goodbye had been harder
than I had expected.

My mother, on the other hand, was just
up and down. Some days she was her old self again – although
quieter and more withdrawn. She would sit and stare out the window
for hours and hours…I’d sometimes come home and find the homecare
worker lounging in the living room reading magazines or watching
Dr. Phil. Then other days, she was a complete nightmare – angry,
demanding…refusing to eat, to sleep – not a rational bone in her
body. I would come home and the worker on shift would tell me my
mother had refused to have herself changed. For the first time in
my life I found myself alone with my mother for a 12-hour stretch,
as she screamed at me for allowing her to be sitting in a pile of
her own refuse, as if the entire situation was a conspiracy that I
concocted, organized, and carried out all just in order to
humiliate her.

That night, as I walked through the
front door, knowing that Ben would be there in less than four
hours, I only prayed my old mother would be the one sitting there,
and not the raging lunatic I had become far too used to by
now.

I found her out on the small patio off
the kitchen, flipping through some magazines. I let my breath out
in relief. She had wanted to be outside – that was usually a good
sign.

“
Hey, Mama, how was your
day?” I leaned up against the railing casually. We still didn’t
have any patio furniture.

She sighed. “Why are there so many
bushes out here, I can’t even see anything – it’s like an outdoor
prison.” She glanced over at me. “Didn’t you think of that,
Gabriela?”

No. I didn’t. But I had no time for
this conversation.

“
Remember when you told me
you wanted to meet Ben?” I paused briefly. “He’ll be here
tonight.”

Her expression didn’t change. “I don’t
feel like visitors.”

I had expected this. “That’s too bad,
Mama, but this is my house too. And I’m a grown woman. I can have
my boyfriend over whenever the fuck I want.”

I could tell she hadn’t expected that
response but she pretended not to show it. “Look at me, Gabriela.”
Her voice was pained. “What is he going to think?”

I thought for a moment. “I’m not
worried about that. But if you want I can fix your hair up for
you…little make up wouldn’t hurt either…if you’re up for
it.”

Ω

For some
reason my mother decided to relax a little. After I made dinner and
we’d both eaten, I opened up a bottle of red wine and set about
fixing her up for the evening. Whereas most days she refused to
even change out of her housecoat, that evening I helped her into a
pretty purple summer dress she used to wear when I was a teenager.
I pulled her hair out of her standard librarian bun and pinned it
back loosely, curling up some of the tendrils around her face with
my curling iron, and applied a little colour to her lips and her
cheeks. I couldn’t help feeling quite impressed with myself. The
beautiful young woman I used to stare at in all her old photographs
was still trapped inside there, and that night I helped bring her
out again. I hadn’t seen her look that beautiful in a long
time.

I held the mirror up to her face once
I was done. “You still got it,” I teased her, starting to feel a
little warm from the glass of wine I was sipping. I hadn’t drank in
a while.

She just rolled her eyes at me. “Get
me my quilt, Gabriela – this dress and slippers, it’s
disgraceful…”

I laughed at that, but helped pull her
mohair afghan up over her waist and covering her legs. “You look
elegant – like Carmen Miranda,” I teased her.

And so by the time Ben texted me to
say he was five minutes away, all I had accomplished myself was to
brush my teeth and fix up my pony tail. A t-shirt and yoga pants
was the best he was getting out of me. It was all I ever wore at
home anymore.

I opened the front door and smiled
when I saw him, looking as delicious as ever in just his t-shirt
and jeans. “Hey.” I let my breath out.

He gave me a little suspicious
look.

“
Yes, I started without
you,” I admitted quickly.

“
Started what?”

“
Drinking.”

I braced myself then as I led him into
the kitchen where my mother was waiting, along with my bottle of
wine.

I watched her expression as she
finally laid eyes on him for the first time. She actually smiled,
if only slightly.

I took a deep breath. “Ben…I’d like
you to meet my mother.”

He took a step forward. “It’s nice to
meet you…”

“
Ana Carolina Pereira,” my
mother introduced herself formally. “But you may call me
Ana.”

Ω

“
My very first lover was a
black man.”

Ben had sat
down and joined us at the kitchen table and we had been making
simple small talk for about ten minutes – safe topics ranging from
work, school, family, the weather – when my mother decided to stir
the pot with her extremely sexually inappropriate, random
outburst.

I watched Ben’s eyes go wide as I
nearly spit out my mouthful of wine.

“
Mama!” I shot her some
dagger eyes.

“
What?” She didn’t look bothered. “I met him when I was
fourteen years old – my family was on vacation in Copacabana – we
got lost on the beach, my sister and I. We asked him for directions
but instead he took us to his house in Rio and I smoked my
first
chalice
that day…among other
things…”

I was absolutely mortified but Ben
actually laughed – just slightly.

“
He taught me many things –
it was beautiful…I will never forget him,” she continued to
reminisce. Then her eyes fixed back on Ben. “He robbed us blind.
Once we got back on the bus to the hotel we notice all the money
was gone. Disappeared. Just like my virginity.” She raised her
glass. “Cheers.”

“
Okaaaay…” I grabbed the
bottle and filled up my own glass quickly. “Thank you for that,
Mama.”

“
What are your intentions
with my daughter?”

“
Mama, please!” I was
seriously beginning to regret the idiocy of my decision to have Ben
over.

“
It’s okay, Gabby,” Ben
assured me easily, not looking overly concerned. He looked back
over at my mother. “I care about your daughter very
much.”

She just stared back at Ben then,
sizing him up. “You are very handsome. I don’t think it’s a problem
for you to find a woman.”

I was about to attempt to intervene
again but Ben beat me to it. “Well that depends.”

“
On what?” My mother wanted
to know.

“
On what type of woman I’m
lookin’ for,” Ben answered easily.

My mother nodded slowly. Her speech
was starting to slur a bit, and mixed with her heavy accent I was
worried Ben wouldn’t be able to understand her soon. “So it is true
what they say…”

Ben didn’t say anything to that,
giving her a bit of a questioning look with his eyes.

“
Well…you know…ever since
Gabriela was a little girl I always told her she is beautiful…even
as a big girl…she can find someone that will love her, she must
just be patient, you know…”

I wanted to crawl into a hole and
die.

But Ben just smiled. “Well…” I watched
him take a moment to think. “Patience is a virtue,” he said slowly.
“My mother taught me that too… She used to wake up at four am just
to catch the sun rise. She would just sit and wait for
it…”

My mother gave him a puzzled look, but
me…I just wanted to lean over and kiss him.

Ω

Ben waited
for me as I helped my mother get to bed. It took a while. Although
I had the routine pretty much down it was still always a minimum of
30 minutes, but considering all the extra work we’d put into
getting ready that evening, it took a bit longer.

But once she was settled and
comfortable and done asking me ridiculous questions about Ben and
whether or not I was planning to run off and marry him and leave
her to die a slow and painful death absolutely and completely
alone, I breathed a sigh of relief that it was only 11:30 pm and I
could now finally go and have him all to myself.

He closed the door to my bedroom so
softly it barely made a noise.

“
I’m sorry,” I whispered,
since it was the only thing I could think of saying after
everything that had just happened.

“
Shh…” He stood right in
front of me, staring me down. “Take your clothes off…you want some
help?”

I stared back at him, laughing softly.
“What?”

His hands circled my waist then,
pulling my t-shirt up gently. “I can’t waste any more time…who
knows how long I have and when I’ll get another chance…” His voice
was so soft but deadly serious.

I caught my breath, my body already on
fire. “What?” I whispered back. “To fuck me?”

My shirt was over my head and in a
pile on the floor. Ben’s fingers were already running down my spine
and unclasping my bra. “No,” he whispered back, kissing me ever so
softly.

His answer surprised me. “Oh…then
what?” I wondered, in between tender kisses.

My bra was in a pile on the floor with
my t-shirt. His hands ran around my rib cage and cupped them
gently, my nipples tingling under the warmth of his fingers. “I
didn’t come here to fuck you, Gabby.” His words surprised me…made
my blood rush a little faster. “I just want to be with you…we could
be playing chess…or watching paint dry – I don’t really give a
fuck, baby…”

He had me pushed up against the wall,
his hands running relentlessly all over my body, my knees beginning
to buckle, as his mouth ran kisses along my jaw, my ear, my
throat…

“
And so I’m getting naked
why?” I gasped, his hands reaching around my middle again, dipping
under the waist of my yoga pants and squeezing my ass.

“
Everything feels better
naked,” he whispered back.

I laughed at that, but Ben hushed me
again.

“
How am I gonna keep you
from making so much noise?” he whispered, his hands back all over
my breasts again.

“
Do I make too much noise,
Ben?” I whispered back.

He squeezed so gently, pushing them up
between his palms. “You’re the loudest fucking chick I ever met,
Gabby,” he teased me, just as his mouth latched onto my nipple,
sucking so gently, making me shudder.

“
Ohh…” I took a moment to
recover. “So I come too fast, too hard and too loud when I’m with
you…” I paused, as Ben’s tongue kept running all over and around my
nipple, driving me absolutely crazy. “You may need to start gagging
me or something,” I whispered then, teasing him back.

He lifted his eyes then and slowly
brought his mouth back up to mine. “I do that all the time, baby,
it doesn’t help much…” He reminded me softly before we just started
kissing all over again.

He took his time and let me savour
every second of it. Kissing was something Ben seemed to have down
to a science – and he knew how much I loved it – so he always spent
a lot of time on my mouth, my lips, my tongue… It always gave me
shivers when I saw how my face seemed to give him as much pleasure
as my body – and not just when he was fucking it either…