Love, Lies & The D.A. (24 page)

I want
to touch him. I want to feel his hands on my body, but I’m so afraid I’ll screw
up what little we might have.

I need
to have sex. I need to feel the weight of his body on mine. But I fear that my
mind and my heart may not be ready for what my body so desperately craves.

He
trails kisses down my neck, and I am so thankful when he raises his hand. I
think he’s going to release the buttons of my shirt, but instead, he places his
palms on my breasts, caressing my form, tracing his hand over my body.

A loud
thump interrupts us, and there is silence no more. We’re both startled when
Delores, Micky, and Maggie enter the room. The dogs playfully run to us,
sniffing and begging for attention. She looks at Jonathan and smiles, then me. Her
face is rosy red.

“I’m
sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb,” she says quietly.

Jonathan
blushes too and can barely find the words to respond.

“I
came to return them from their walk. They’ve been fed, so they’re all set for
today.”

I
casually slip off the counter. I’m not sure I can handle those overwhelming
emotions that I’m going through. I say goodbye to Delores and head up to my
room. As I walk away, I hear them exchange a few words, and then the door
closes. I cuddle, wrapped up with the pillows on my bed.

What
was I thinking coming here? Why have I put myself in this agonizing situation?

Charles
was so right about so many things he said to Jonathan about me. I am vulnerable.
Especially to Jonathan, and I don’t know why.

There
is a gentle knock on my door.

“Jada.”

“Yes,”
I answer. My head is still against my pillow. My back is towards him so he can’t
see my face.

“What’s
wrong?” he asks.

I can’t
answer. Then I feel his weight climbing onto the bed beside me. He places his
palm on my hip, caressing me gently.

“You
can trust me. I want you to feel comfortable telling me what’s on your mind.”

“I don’t
think I’m ready,” I say, turning to face him.

“Ready
for what?”

“It’s
too soon to become so involved.”

“That’s
fine.”

“I
realize I’m probably sending you mixed signals, and I’m sorry. It’s a bit
difficult to be straight with you when I don’t even understand what’s going on
with me.”

“I
understand. Do you want to talk about it?”

I
exhale. “I need to have sex… My body needs it… But I’m not sure that my mind or
my heart can handle it.”

“Then
you should wait. We shouldn’t be intimate until you’re ready.”

“I
like you—a lot. I don’t want you to be my rebound guy. I’m so afraid that if
this goes further, I will screw up… this. That I’ll ruin this.”

“I don’t
want you to worry about any of that. You don’t need to be concerned with these
issues right now. Look, I invited you here because I enjoy being with you. I’m
not going to deny that I have extremely deep feelings for you. But this trip
wasn’t meant to pressure you into having sex with me. That’s not what this is
about.”

“What
is it about?”

“I
missed you. Jada, you were there for me last week in a way no one ever has. Not
just for me, but my family. Maybe it was selfish of me, but I wanted more of
that. I wanted more alone time with you, where we didn’t have to be worried
about the courts, or the media, or nosy family or friends. I wanted to be here
alone with you. This isn’t about sex.”

“I did
not necessarily think that. I wasn’t sure what your expectations were.”

“All I
expect is that you’ll be honest with me about how you feel. And you’ve done
that.”

“The
last few months have been so overwhelming. I guess what scares me, or what I
don’t understand, is how I could have developed those feelings for you within
days of my breakup.

Bobby
told me that I liked you that night when we saw you at dinner. I was so angry
with him for suggesting that, but the next day, when you saw me and drove me
home from the airport, when you kissed me in the garage… I wanted to kiss you
back… I wanted more… I could no longer deny how I felt, but I feel guilty about
it.

I find
myself having these feelings for you that I never had for Richard. These feelings
for you scare the hell out of me.”

He
strokes my profile with his finger.

“Jada.
I don’t want you to worry about a thing. It will be fine. I don’t want you to
feel pressured to do anything you’re not ready for.” He kisses me gently on my
lips. “Why don’t we head out? Maybe go watch a movie instead of settling for
manual labor.”

“I
haven’t gone out to watch a movie in months. Probably close to a year.”

“Then
this would be the perfect time to go. What movies do you enjoy?”

“No
horrors, no sci fi.”

“Well,
throw on some clothes. I’ll check to see what’s showing.”

It was
the
perfect
way to spend the afternoon. We end up watching two movies in a mostly empty
cinema. I suppose that most people will be coming to watch the later evening
shows. They’re probably all out skiing. It’s about six in the evening when we
leave the cinema. After a light dinner at my favorite café, we head home for
coffee and dessert.

I’m
making the coffee and Johnny’s slicing some cake when there’s a knock on the
front door.

“Who
the hell could that be? Nobody except Delores ever comes here, and she’d use
the kitchen door.”

“Well,
you better go check.”

He
heads out of my view to answer the door while I finish preparing dessert. I
then take the tray to the coffee table in the living room.

It’s
not long before I hear his voice along with that of a woman, and as I look
behind me, I see Sophie at the door.

God.
What is she doing here?

“Look,
you can’t be here. You have to leave,” he says.

She
pushes her way past him and walks into the house. Midway down the foyer, she
stills when she sees me.

This
is uncomfortable. I’m not sure what I should do. Jonathan looks furious. His
temple is going at it again.

He
follows her in and walks past her towards me.

“Maybe
I should give you two some time alone,” I say quietly.

“I’m
sorry about this, Jada,” he says as I walk away.

I head
up the stairs, and I’m not even completely out of sight when I hear him.

“You’re
out of control. If you don’t leave here, I’ll have the police throw you out.”

“What’s
she doing here?”

That
statement grabs my attention, and I stop to listen.

“That
is none of your business. Jada is off-limits. You leave her out of this.”

“Please…
can we try again?”

“You
and I were never
a we
…” and th
at’s the last I hear before I close the door
behind me.

I take
a long shower and curl up in bed reading a book. It’s a cold night, and as I
look outside, I realize it’s snowing lightly. It’s been fifteen minutes since I
came up to the bedroom. I finally hear the front door shut.

That
situation completely killed the mood for both of us, so we decide to turn in
early to our separate rooms. I shut off the lights and lie in bed for over an
hour. I have a splitting headache, and I can’t seem to fall asleep. I head
downstairs to make myself a cup of tea.

While
I walk through the living room, Micky and Maggie follow me into the kitchen
area and circle my feet while I wait for the water to boil. Not being able to
sleep left my mind wandering, and I think of all the difficulties I’ll need to
overcome in the following weeks.

I got
an email from Joshua this evening telling me my pretrial hearing would be in
about eight weeks. I’m hoping the FBI will uncover some new evidence before
then and get this case thrown out.

I
suppose, at some point, I have to face the real possibility that I could go to
prison for this. What will happen with my business? How will this affect my mom
and Bobby? Who could I entrust Bleu to?

I
search through the medicine cabinet for some painkillers, and thankfully, I
find some.

I curl
up by the window seat and the dogs follow suit. I wonder if they are like that
with everyone. How often does Jonathan bring women here, anyway? I’m sure there
are plenty of women he could bring here if all he wanted was sex…

The
light in the mezzanine comes on. It looks like I might have woken him.

“Hey.
You okay?” he asks, descending the stairs wearing a pair of shorts.

“I’m
sorry I woke you. I couldn’t sleep, and I have a headache. I came to make some
tea.”

He
sits next to me. He’s leaning against the window seat wall and pulls me towards
him, my back to his front. I sit between his arms and legs.

“Did
you take something for that headache?”

“I
did. Thanks.”

“Jada,
I’m so sorry about Sophie.”

“It’s
not your fault, don’t worry.”

“Is
that what’s on your mind?”

I chuckle.
“Sophie and her antics are the least of my worries.”

“I can’t
believe she’d sink that low. I’ve known her for years. I had to cut her off.”

“How
long were you sleeping with her?”

“Two…
three months.”

You
must be awesome in bed to have that kind of effect on her.

“She’s
crazy.”

“When
I ended it six months ago, she was fine. She only started behaving this way
when she saw us together.”

“Don’t
worry about me where Sophie is concerned. I can handle myself. Once she doesn’t
come near me, it will all work out.”

“So
what’s bothering you?”

“So
much… too much. I don’t need to be stressing you with my issues. You have
enough to deal with, especially after the night you’ve had.”

“Stop
being silly,” he says as he rakes his fingers through my hair.

“I
think I need to start to seriously consider what’s going to happen with my life
and business if things don’t go my way. I got an email from Joshua tonight. My
hearing is in eight weeks.”

“You
have to think positive. You have to believe that this will work out.”

“I
understand that, but if things don’t, I have to plan what will happen to my
family and my business. I could be going to prison for the rest of my life.”

“Jada,
I don’t want to hear you talking like that. I will not let that happen.”

“Exactly
how would you stop it? There’s nothing you can do.”

“If I
have to resign from my office as DA to defend you in court myself, I will.”

His
words shock me. I turn to face him.

“Are
you insane? I would never allow you to do that.”

“Trust
me when I tell you I will. If it gets to the point where this has to go to
trial, I will do exactly that.”

“I
care about you too much to let you ruin your career for me.”

“Nothing
is more important than you staying out of prison. I won’t let you go to prison
for a crime you didn’t commit. My career will go on past it…”

I can’t
believe what I am hearing. I can’t believe he would even consider doing this
for me. I cup his face in my hands and kiss him deeply on the lips. He
responds, circling me in his arms. Goose bumps suddenly cover my skin.

“Cold?”

I nod.

He
walks me over to the sofa then turns on the fireplace. There, he draws me
toward him. We lie down, covered with a thick throw. I am starting to realize
that both our feelings are very profound; maybe I’ve been overthinking all this…
I stop, close my eyes, and in his arms, I sleep.

I wake
close
to noon the following day. I barely notice the time
because all the windows are outfitted with very well-hidden black-out
electronic blinds. Jonathan must have lowered them after I fell asleep. He is
still fast asleep beside me.

I
suppose we’ll be heading back to San Francisco today. I’m not looking forward
to that. I like being in Lake Tahoe with him, away from all the reminders of my
true life. Perhaps I’ll get in my car and head to Big Sur once we return.
Although, as much as I don’t want to, the plus side of staying in San Fran is
that I will at least be able to see Jonathan during the week. At a time when I
don’t have any friends close by that I trust, I am grateful to have him in my
life.

His
arms tighten around me, and he kisses me on my neck.

“What
are you thinking about?” he asks.

“How
do you know I’m awake?”