Authors: Anne Leigh
Kieran drove while I made the airline reservations on my phone. I didn't want to text or call Zander. He deserved more than that from me.
Nalee helped me pack my bag. I wanted to get out of the airport quickly so I only brought a light carry-on. Kieran arranged for my transportation from the Twin Cities airport to the Minneapolis Standard Hotel where Zander was staying. John was the one who gave
Kieran Zander's whereabouts.
By 11:30 that night
, I was on my flight to Minneapolis. The flight was about 4 hours and Minnesota was 3 hours ahead. It would be about six in the morning when I arrived at Minneapolis International Airport.
I tried to get some sleep in the flight. I had to get some rest for the growing life inside of me. I probably got 2 1/2 hours of sleep when I heard the capt
ain's voice in the intercom,
"Ladies and gentleman, we are now arriving at Minneapolis International Airport. The weather outside is 65 degr
ees. Local time is 5:55 AM."
I retrieved my compact mirror inside my purse and fixed my hair and da
bbed some powder on my face.
Upon getting out of the terminal, I saw a small, elderly man holding up a sign ‘Ms Mckenzie.’ I introduced myself; he took my carry-on, and deposited it in th
e back of his taxicab.
I texted Kieran letting him know I've arrived. H
e replied, "Goodluck, Ace."
I also texted Nalee and Tanya, knowing
they'd be worried about me.
Nalee: Go get your man.
Tanya: Talk to me after the make-up
sex. I want all the details.
I replied to them b
oth with, "Thanks."
When I arrived at the hotel where Zander was staying, I started feeling uneasy. Doubt
s began forming in my head.
A tall, blonde receptionist greeted me and asked if she could help me. I shook my head and said, "Thank you. I alrea
dy have my room key."
The truth was, I didn't want
her calling Zander's room because she would ask tons of questions and I just wanted to see him already.
The receptionist smiled at me and politely said, "Please let
us know if you need anything."
I smiled at her and thought, "Yeah, I'd probably need a room if
Zander boots me out of his."
I took the elevator to the 8th f
loor and walked to Room 822.
With each step, I imagined all the
possibilities that could happen, if Zander decided not to forgive me. What if he said we were truly over? What if he said he didn’t want the baby? Would he still want the baby if we were over? Then, I thought of all the times when he looked at me with his gentle eyes; how caring and considerate he was; how he always put me first. I thought of all the good times that we had and how I wanted to create more happy memories for us in the future.
I knocked on Rm. 822. Zander was a deep sleeper when he was really tired. Normally, he was a light sleeper.
I was on my third
knock, when the door opened.
His left hand was scratching his left eye when he mumbled, "What is it,
John? Too damn early, man."
His hair was all mussed from sleep. His eyes widened
when he saw me at the door.
"Sedona?" He blinked a few times, u
nbelieving that I was there.
I smiled shyly
and said, "Can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure. Come in.” He was awake now, his voice clearer. He ushered me in q
uickly and closed the door.
"Sorry, I know it's so early -" Before I could say anything else,
his hands were all over me.
He was kissing my hair, my face, and my lips. He
was touching me everywhere.
I responded willingly. I missed him so much. Next thing I knew, I was being carried to the
bed without any clothes on.
He must have gotten rid of his cloth
es too because he was naked.
When he entered me, I was slick with my own juices. My body missed him. My mind longed for him.
And my heart ached for him.
We didn't last long. In less than 5 minutes, we were both panting, out of breath, and his
fluids were mixed with mine.
He held me in his arms f
or what seemed like forever.
I was the first one to
say something, “I'm sorry.”
He stayed quiet.
I lifted my face from the pillow
so I could face him and see his expression when I talked.
"
I'm so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. Or make you think that you or our relationship didn't mean anything to me. I just wasn't thinking. I guess with our crazy schedules the past months, it totally got out of my head."
He was just listening to me, looking at
me with a somber expression.
"The truth became clearer to me when we were apart,” I wanted him to understand
. Needed him to understand.
I took a big gulp of air,
here's to my leap of faith.
"The truth is, I love you. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t even want to come to terms with that fact. My dad loved my mom so much. Then, when she was gone, he was never the same. I was scared that I would lose control of myself, of everything.”
“See, babe, you're my first, in a lot of things.” Tears were streaming down my face. He continued to listen while slowly wiping my tears with his hands, “I’m scared to lose control, babe. I always have been. But you know what trumps my fear of losing control?” I paused and leaned in closer to his face, “Losing you. I am more scared of losing you than anything else. You’ve taught me to enjoy being surprised, to enjoy life, and now I want to enjoy love, with you. I love you, Zan
der, with all that I have."
I was not stopping. I wanted him to know that he meant the world to me, "Zander, when you're gone. Everything around me is darker, duller, lonelier. You, you're the spark that lights me
up. You bring out the best in me. You make me yearn for more, way more than I have ever had.”
I looked down and he cupped my chin, bringing back my gaze to his deep blue eyes.
"Baby, look at me,” he said gently, “You’re IT for me. If you weren't here today or the next week, I would have gone and locked you up in a cabin somewhere until you recognize that fact. You only had until Tuesday next week to be rid of me. I was coming for you, by graduation. Babe, I’m not sure what love is because I’ve never felt this before.
I’m pretty sure, though, that whatever it is, it’s what I feel when you’re with me.”
More tears
trickled down my face, now combined with sniffles.
"These past few weeks have been hell for me. Hundreds, thousands of t
imes, I just wanted to call you and I stopped myself. I want you to be with me because you want to. I want you to think of us, our relationship because you want to. It hasn't been easy for me to stand my ground when all I could think about was you," he admitted.
His eyes shone with love, "I made plans for us. I wanted,
no
, I hoped that you made plans for us too. I left because I knew how much you meant to me, I just didn’t know how much I meant to you. I couldn’t accept the idea that you planned everything else in your life but you left, me and us, in your plans.”
I kissed his lips and said, "Zander, when I think of the future, I see you clearly. I think I left you out of my plans because I was not ready to accept just how much I loved you. When you left, it was the hardest thing. It also made confront the reality of how life sucks without you. I don't ever want to be wit
hout you ever again."
He started kissing my tear-filled face. His hands and fingers masterfully roamed across my still-naked state. As he plunged his tongue inside my mouth, I lost my train of thought and the s
heets became tangled again.
When I stirred into consciousness, the drapes were shut and I could only
see the outline of the clock against the wall. I squinted my eyes to focus on the time on the clock. It was 4:20.
I slept that long?
I must have been really tired. My hair was all tangled up in between the sheets and the pillows. I slowly got up and walked to the direction of the bathroom.
I saw that Zander
had unpacked my bag because my toiletries were piled neatly in the bathroom.
I brushed my teeth and took a long shower. I felt every muscle in my body was sore. Probably from the flight and this morning's exe
rtions. I smiled at myself.
I truly loved this man. He was so honest, s
o giving, and so good to me.
I still didn't know how to broach the topic of my pregnancy so I tho
ught I'd wait until tonight.
After the shower, I changed into my linen pants and
wore a tank top underneath a light sweater. I had no idea where Zander was. He was probably in training camp.
My phone was blinking; Zander's text came in around 11:48 am.
Training camp til 5. Hotel key on top of the minibar. Later, babe.
I responded with a smiley face so he'd k
now when I saw his message.
I went to the cafe, grabbed a turkey sandwich and lemonade and read my emails on the phone. I walked lightly after eating and went back inside the hotel when I saw that i
t was starting to get dark.
I was
on the process of changing my clothes when I heard the door open.
"Ba
be, you in here?" he called.
"Yup, bedroom."
I was in my white bra and pink
panty when he saw me.
"I could get used to this view," he said playfully. His eyes wer
e so bright, they sparkled.
"Sedona, babe, don't be offend
ed or anything ok?" he said.
"For wha
t?" I looked up at his face.
"Has Kieran been feeding you burg
ers or something?" he asked.
"What? Why?" I was adamant.
What was he trying to get at?
He looked at me and said, "Well, your stomach kinda looks bigger, like a lot big
ger and I haven't seen you, in like, 3 weeks. I'm not saying you're not beautiful or anything because you are. Always.”
"Ohhhh," I said. Realizing that he could see the slight prot
rusion of my belly. At almost 2 months, my body was showing visible signs of pregnancy.
"About that," I started.
"When were you going to tell me?" his e
yes shining. His voice soft.
My thoughts skidded to a halt, "You kne
w? How? Did Kieran tell you?"
"No, babe. No one told me. This morning I thought you felt different.
Your boobs felt bigger,” he grinned, slyly, “At first, I thought I was imagining things so I left it alone. Then, when I unpacked your suitcase, I saw your prenatal vitamins. I got A’s in Biology class, you know."
I stepped closer to him. “I guess I’m the reason they put the fine print in those birth control pills, the 0.
01 percent who could get pregnant while on them. These past months have been so hectic. Looking back, I don’t know if I took them the same time, every single time.”
I searched his face, “Are you okay with us having a baby, Zander?”
He sat me on the bed; this time,
we were facing each other, "I wanted to wake you up this morning, but I knew you were so tired,” his eyes were filled with gentleness, as he whispered, “I'm going to be a dad."