Love...Among The Stars: Book 4 in the Love...Series (Love Series) (18 page)

The next hour is a fascinating - if rambling - monologue conducted by Hedley Mislington that holds his audience rapt. If the guy could only write as well as he spins a verbal anecdote, Taming The African Love Goddess would be a best seller.

Jamie and I collectively decide it's time to leave while Hedley is regaling the crowd with the tale of how he once got lost in a Moroccan souk for three days. I very much doubt we'll be missed, and there's no way we could compete with such a stirring tale - not even with another retelling of the fajita incident.

As we back out of the store with Tori in tow, I can't help but feel I've learned a valuable lesson today.

Be kind to somebody who needs
it,
and it'll help them do wonders.

The hipster did indeed upload the video to YouTube Mum. He melodramatically called it 'The
Newmans
Vs The Cardigan God.'

At last count it's had over one hundred and seventy thousand hits, and Taming The African Love Goddess is at number 26 in the Amazon store - seven places above Love Under Different Skies.

I couldn't be happier.

Love you and miss you, Mum.

Your 33rd placed daughter, Laura.

XX

Jamie's Blog

Monday 14 June

Oh God, why did I ever think joining social media was a good idea?

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 6

Hey everyone!
Jamie here, out walking with the family.
It's a lovely day! Sunny for once!
#walking #
sunnyday
#summer

Dan Jones
@DannyTwoTone Jul 6

Makes a nice change, doesn't it?

PiddlePops
@Piddlepops12 Jul 6

Love your books Jamie! When's the next one out?

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 6

Thx
@
PiddlePops
! We're working hard on the next book now! More info soon!

Rudyard Stripling
@Rudyardbutgentle Jul 6

For a writer, you use way too many exclamation marks.

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 6

@Rudyardbutgentle
Sorry Rudyard! I will try to do better!!!!!!! :)

Rudyard Stripling
@Rudyardbutgentle Jul 6

Very funny.

***

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 7

Back to the grindstone today! Two thousand words done by lunchtime!
#
amwriting

Carla
@
Snoopydrawers
Jul 7

Excellent! Write quicker! Have run out of Newman books to read :)

Minch
@MinchieMoo92 Jul 7

Are you writing another book about yourselves? Or is this a new idea?

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 7

@MinchieMoo92
A new idea for us! Hope it's one that you will enjoy!

Minch
@MinchieMoo92 Jul 7

Great! Will look forward to it :) What's it about?

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 7

@MinchieMoo92
It's about how I love to masturbate geese in the park at 3am. I always wear rubber pants & stick a finger up my arse.

Minch
@MinchieMoo92 Jul 7

Lol
! What?

Carla
@
Snoopydrawers
Jul 7

ARE YOU SERIOUS???!!!

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 7

Oh God. I didn't write that! What's going on?

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 7

Yes I did. I did write that. I love sexy geese.
All feathers and beaks.
Dirty avian whores.
I love them.

Dan Jones
@DannyTwoTone Jul 7

I think you've been hacked Jamie. Happened to me last year!

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 7

@DannyTwoTone
Thanks Danny! You're probably right. I'll change my password now!

Dan Jones
@DannyTwoTone Jul 7

Good idea!

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 7

All done! Password changed. Phew!

***

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 8

Hi everyone! Today, I'm going to stick my penis into a frozen turkey and pump it like a flat tyre!
#
birdsmakemehorny

Tom
@Thunderbratz Jul 8

Dude. You're weird. My wife said read your book. Don't think I will now.

Beaky
@Beaksandwings_xxx Jul 8

#
birdsmakemehorny
too Jamie.
Maybe you could write about them? I'd love that. That'd be really sexy.
#fantasy

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 8

@Beaksandwings_xxx
That
wasn't me! Sorry! My account's been hacked again! I didn't write that!

Beaky
@Beaksandwings_xxx Jul 8

Oh. :(

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 8

@Beaksandwings_xxx
Just kidding. I love me some poultry. Want to swap
pics
?
[email protected]
.
#
dirtierthebetter

Beaky
@Beaksandwings_xxx Jul 8

:) I'll send you some of my best. You'll love me in my
crotchless
emu costume.

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 8

@
Beaksandwings_
xxx
 
Mmmmm
. I'm getting hard just thinking about it.

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 8

Who the f*ck are you?! Stop hacking my account!! I'm changing passwords again! Please leave me alone!

***

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 10

It's been a couple of days, and no sign on being hacked again. Phew!
#
bigrelief

Dan Jones
@DannyTwoTone Jul 10

Good for you. It's horrible when that happens. Glad you don't actually find birds sexy!

Jamie and Laura @NewmanWriters Jul 10

@DannyTwoTone
Only the human kind! :)

Dan Jones
@DannyTwoTone Jul 10

Lol
. Now get back to writing that new book!

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 10

@DannyTwoTone
Will
do
! Got to go fuck an albatross first though! I have him pinned down in the back garden. Where's that
Swarfega
?

Dan Jones
@DannyTwoTone Jul 10

Oh dear...

***

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 11

Hi all. This really is Jamie this time. I'm sorry about all the bird stuff. Damn hackers.

Minch
@MinchieMoo92 Jul 11

Have you got it fixed now?

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 11

@MinchieMoo92
Yeah. Had to redo everything though. Took hours :( On the phone to them and everything :(

Minch
@MinchieMoo92 Jul 11

Never mind! At least it's all sorted now :)

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 11

@MinchieMoo92
Hopefully! I don't know what I did to deserve it though.

Rudyard Stripling
@Rudyardbutgentle Jul 11

Maybe you shouldn't be so rude when someone points out your overuse of exclamation marks.
#
revengeissweet

Jamie and Laura
@NewmanWriters Jul 11