Authors: Carla J Hanna
I walked inside the house and Manuel followed. “I love being your girlfriend and can tell that I’m not going to get any hugs until after we shower.” I pointed to the bathroom. “Shake out the towels to check for spiders. I’ll see you upstairs.”
He sighed and I could tell that he stopped in the doorway. But I wanted to avoid anything sexual. I ran upstairs and showered quickly. He came into my room right as I finished dressing.
Manuel
grinned
and then looked down at my hand and held it.
H
is gorgeous coffee colored eyes met mine and then flickered back down at my hands. He
hugged me and
spoke softly
,
“I want to talk about some stuff I’ve printed off from the internet, try some stuff.”
I laughed, having no idea what he was talking about but
perceiving
his uncomfortable goofiness.
I asked,
“Why are you embarrassed?”
He shrugged his shoulders,
“Because
I’m
embarrassed but want to be honest with what I’m thinking about doing to make you feel good.”
“Oh,
n
ow I’m embarrassed.
” I wanted to avoid sex and this conversation. “
Manuel,
are
you sure? You might get really frustrated.
I
was actually thinking we should just give me more time,
you
know, just kiss and hold hands for now. I love that you’re
my guy
; it’s awesome, comforting.
I’m afraid of losing you if you lose patience.
”
His eyes met mine again and melted me with their beauty.
He
led me to my
bed and grabbed a file folder. He sat on the bed, cross-legged
in his s
horts
, facing me. “I thought I’d have you read about some of these techniques to help a girl feel better,
ya know
, and you could tell me what you’d be comfortable trying. I’ll do anything you want
and don’t worry, I’m
not
ask
ing
you to do anything
different for me
. Y
ou’re beyond perfect.”
I asked, “So cooling it isn’t an option?”
He put his hand on my cheek. “
I love you so much. I
don’t want to cool it
but it would make me so happy to make you happy
.” He grinned and shook his head. “
There’s no pressure
. B
ut just read about the techniques and don’t be embarrassed to ask me to do them
or use something to help you
because
y
ou’re my everything.”
I smiled at him, grateful that he was so thoughtful and academic. “I don’t feel embarrassed now that
you’re
sharing your little textbook approach.
” I worried that he was going to ask me to blow him. “
You’re
okay with me not wanting to do any
nasty
stuff?”
“I promise
that I’ll never ask you think it would be disrespectful to you
.
Kate made
it
very clear to me
the way girls felt about
it
.
And just for the record,
just about
every guy in the school
was
telling me that their girls were blowing them. I just asked Kate
what she thought
and quickly learned that the guys were more than exaggerating.
I thought I’d just start with the first technique without telling you what I was up to but then decided that I want your input before I do anything,
ya know
, make sure it’s what you want
.
”
I asked,
“Do you want me to read them and c
ircle what I want to try
?”
He smiled at me and nodded his head. “Remember, you’re in control. Okay?”
I nodded and looked at him intently, “There’s more. What
’s up
?”
“Well, I talked to my parents. I
asked them if I could sleep here. I just don’t get to see you enough. I think about you constantly and want to be with you more. It’s your house, your wishes, but I sure would like to. It’s not to have sex all the time. It’s to be with you.
I need you
.”
“What did they say?”
“They said okay but that I should talk to you first. I traded shifts at the restaurant so I can
see you this weekend, but we barely see each other
during the week
.
Please don’t get freaked out
.”
“
Señor
Self-righteous
, you’re a confusing mix of rules. I’d love to have you live with me but I warn you, I won’t want you to leave.”
“Well, I won’t exactly live with you. I’ll just have the flexibility to come here after work and stay after our dates. I should still be home to study before big tests or if my parents or Janet need me.”
I slouched
, “I have to tell you the truth before we
‘kind of’
live together.
I don’t like it non-committal, casual.
I’m
also
worried that having sex isn’t helping me but I’m scared to death
that I’ll
lose you
if I say no
.”
“I freaked you out?”
“No
t exactly,
I just have a lot of fear
of being alone again
. I have trust issues.”
Manuel embraced me. “
How about I stop with the bullshit? I want to live with you even though it’s against my religion. You’re right that I’m conflicted but I love you so completely, am so committed
, so blessed
.
Please trust me
while
I
sort out what I believe
.
What I know is that
our love is so good. There’s no way it could be
sinful
. What
i
s wrong is you always being alone, living by yourself,
and
being so adult. I want to be by your side, with you, supporting you.
I
don’t want to ever
leave you.”
Contentment washed over me. I cuddled into him
and started reading.
To show the world that I forgave Evan but kept my self-respect, I was
attending
his Friday night
premiere
of
Inert Reactions
, which he warned me was really going to suck.
Manuel,
Franz,
Mitch and Beth were coming with
me
.
“Franz, I thought you were bringing Tony?”
He pouted. “I’m not a sl
ut. I’m not interested.
”
“Oh, I’
m sorry.
Franz, do you
get lonely?”
“No, I’m holding out for love.
Speaking of love, where’
s Man
ny
?”
He
had finished dressing me and doing my makeup
.
He was working on my hair.
We needed to leave in thirty minutes.
“I’m here!” Manuel yelled as he came in the house. “Sorry I’m late!
Mitch and Beth should be here in a second.
” He came into
Mom
’s bathroom where Franz was finishing
up
.
“Hi Franz! Nice to see you.”
Manuel
shook his hand. “Wow, you look
pretty.
Y
ou
’
r
e
gorgeous
without makeup, too.
”
“Thanks.” I beamed
from the praise
. Franz also beamed with pride for making me look so pretty. “Why are you so happy?”
I asked.
“I had a really good day at school and stuff. I got a
n academic
scholarship to UCLA, full ride, room and board, plus
a
stipend for books
,
” Manuel smiled.
Franz clapped. I
got up from the chair and
hugged him. “That’s awesome,
my man
!”
“Yeah, I’m really happy.
So can I wear this?” Manuel was in a black tee, cargo pants and flip flops. I looked at Franz. He looked shocked. I laughed.
“I think you can. Just
walk with Franz.”
I joked.
He could wear whatever he wanted to wear
. W
e were not on an official date. I was going as a celebrity to support
the studio
’s
project
but Franz
,
Manuel
, Mitch and Beth
were going for fun to support Evan as friends.
Franz responded
,
“No way!
You’re
walking by yourself, Man
ny
. I can’t
be associated with that look!”
Manuel and I laughed. “Fair enough, Franz.” Manuel patted Franz on the shoulder. “So, I just make room for you,
my
gorgeous
girlfriend
, while you pose for some photos but otherwise you’re my date?”
“Yep.
Just don’t hold my hand or anything so
there won’t be any speculation
.
Sage and my
security guards will escort me from the limo.
I
will
do a few interviews
about why I forgive Evan
, so I’ll meet you guys in the lobby.
Then we can make out in our seats
, my
m
an
,
” I joked.
Manuel smiled,
“It’
ll be nice to catch up with
Evan
.
I’m happy that he’s okay with us dating
,
mi
cariño
.”
Franz laughed. I knew that he was thinking that he liked Evan over Manuel so I punched him lightly in the shoulder.
Manuel looked at me again. “
A
re you wearing that? It’s so short.”
Franz put his hands on his hips and exhaled l
oudly. He responded, “I’
m so sure, Man
ny
. Just ruin the mood. She looks stunning. Is it your intention to criticize her all the time? Does that make you feel more manly or something?”
Manuel replied, “No. It’s just so revealing. Isn’t Marie above looking sleazy?”
“She’s a goddess. Ugh!” Franz stormed off.
Beth and Mitch
arrived
. She looked beautiful
in a black sun
d
ress and low
-
heeled sandals
.
Beth was tall
and looked like a swimsuit model
.
She had short dark brown hair naturally
highlighted in golden streaks from the sun and chlorine. Her body was tanned, toned, and perfect. Like me, she had larger breasts than what you’d expect from her being an athlete. Most female athletes don’t have a lot of body fat so the breast
s
, being composed of body fat
,
are usually small. Not mine and not Beth’s. From exercising constantly, her skin glowed with health
,
clear of any imperfection. She didn’t wear makeup normally, but she
wore
a pearlescent pink lipstick and mascara that made her royal blue eyes shine.
She was so naturally beautifu
l that several times a year she wa
s
offered modeling contract
s
. But she had no intention of ever being a product
and never gave modeling another thought
.
Mitch looked out of place with the rest of us. He was wearing a suit.
I shared Manuel’s news, “Manny got a full ride to UCLA!”
Beth crossed her arms and guffawed, “Figures! That’s so unfair!”
“What?” I stammered.
Beth explained, “Ne
ed-based minority academic full-
ride bullshit, Manny. You’re dating Marie Michael, your mom is worth several million dollars, you look as white as me and you claim financial need. My family has negative cash flow so I have to swim my ass off to pay for college. Your family or Marie could pay for your education in a heartbeat but you get the scholarship with no strings attached while I have to slave
for my athletic scholarship so I can get the education
.”