Authors: Carla J Hanna
“I’m so outta here!” I complained and stood up but didn’t walk away
.
Kate looked out the window and continued,
“
I complained to
Manny
at the Homecoming dance but he denied that he loved you more than
as
a friend. He said that it was a platonic love. That he was like your brother. I told him that he needed to show me that he loved me, to prove it to me. He got that tattoo. But it wasn’t enough.
”
I sat back down in the chair beside her.
She knew I would.
The bitch grinned at me.
“
I
told him he’d have to make love to me
. When he hesitated, asked me if I was sure that’s what I wanted, I thought he didn’t want me
because he wanted to wait for you
.
Y
a know that
Manny
is
Señor
S
elf-righteous
and didn’t want to have sex before marriage.
Ya know that
he thought I was
a virgin
and
put me on some pedestal for it.
But he’s a guy
,
so it was
so
easy to
change his mind
. Afterwards I thought that I had won his heart.”
“You did have his heart, Kate. He loved you
. Y
ou told me
he acted like the king of the universe
.” I confirmed, trying to look her in the eye but she still looked out the window.
“I lied.
He thought he had sinned.
”
She shook her head and explained, “
Watch out,
his priest will know every detail of your love life
. Anyway, a
bout a week later, we were in the grocery store and he saw your photo on a
makeup
display. His reaction was clear. He was in love with you.
So
I bought some magazines and tabloids that advertised the
‘
Muse
’
premiere
and had pictures of you with
Byron
and with Evan
and put them in front of him. I confronted him. I told him it was me or you. He chose me.
After we had sex
I told him he could never talk to you again. He said he loved me, but couldn’t make the promise not to talk to you again, that you were family.” She stopped.
Kate looked at me with scornful eyes, “Marie, I was furious.”
I interrupted, “I didn’t know I loved him until after you dumped him. He’s honest, and
neither of us would
ever have cheated on you.”
“Marie, I know that. But I was so jealous.
After we had sex th
e
third time
I did a horrible thing to try to keep him all for myself.”
“Did you make it all up?” I hesitated to ask, but had to ask, knowing the answer already.
“Yes,” Kate whimpered. “I lied about being pregnant. I never was pregnant. I just wanted him to only want me. I wanted him to commit to me
like he did when I mislead him about being a virgin
. But then when he did, when he wanted to get married and have the baby with me, I had to get out of the lie. Since there was no baby, I either had to say that I miscarried or get a fake abortion.
But then it got complicated because he thought I cheated on him. I thought I could tell him we had sex when he was drunk but he said he remembered all three times we
did it
, that he
remembered everything and was absolutely sure we didn’t have sex when I said we did. Then I said the condom must have broke
n
, and he didn’t think so
, wanted to know the exact date of my last period, everything
. There was no way I could have kept up the charade forever, beginning a marriage with a lie and then another lie that I miscarried. Then I figured he’d dump me after I pretended a miscarriage since he didn’t believe the conception lie
in the first place
.
Then in fucking typical Manny drama, he talks to his parents and then to my dad
without telling me
!
He fucking asks permission to marry me.
Who the hell does that?
After I say
‘
yes
’
to Manny, we go tell my dad
who’s
already got a prenup
tial agreement
ready for Manny to sign and
it
only gives us a ten million dollar trust. How the hell
was
I supposed to live on only $10 million while Manny’s in school for a hundred years?!
I’m not going to live in an apartment that’s the size of my bedroom at home!
I realized that
no matter what
,
I could never have a relationship with
Manny
because
he didn’t get my
needs in
life
. He was too good, to
o
clueless
. I was a liar. I messed it all up.”
I sat there, horrified. What a bitch! No wonder
it
was
such
a rollercoaster
ride
. The drama was all fiction.
She enticed Manuel with the lie that she was a virgin to get him interested in her. She ended the relationship with a terrible lie to hurt him.
I didn’t have anything to say
,
so
I said nothing. I wanted to get up and leave but she had more to say.
Kate continued to look down, painfully remembering what happened next. “But then we went to
Jefferson’s
Muse
in the theater with Alan and
some girl
over Thanksgiving break. During your first love scene, that kiss you had with
Matthew
even had me uncomfortable
. I
t was
so
sensual. Man
ny
excused himself to
go to
the bathroom but I knew he was in pure agony watching you. After the movie, he blew up at Alan because Alan couldn’t stop talking about how good your tits looked. I was so pissed. How dare Man
ny
want you while he said he was going to
marry me
!
I
was
so
mean when I broke up with him,
told him I got an abortion to hurt him, knowing he truly thought it was murder.”
H
er actions actually made me come to realize
how much
I loved Manuel. We
had
bec
o
me so close through email and texting, with me helping Manuel cope, that I only realized that I
was
in
love
with
him in the month following the break-up. It wasn’t until prom that I knew we could add the physical part to our love. If Kate
had
never lied, they would probably still be together. Manuel would have continued to repress his feelings for me. And I would have remain
ed both of their best friends. S
he would have been his lover and I would have been his sister.
Kate noticed my silence and looked me in the eye. “You hate me?”
“I’m shocked,
” I admitted.
I decided she should know my truth as well, “But I’m grateful that you messed up. I would have never been Man
ny
’s girlfriend if you hadn’t messed up. I wouldn’t have known that I loved him completely if I hadn’t gone to prom with him and he wouldn’t have asked me to prom if we didn’t get so close helping each other out of our dramas.
I
know it’
s selfish, but I thank you.”
She
sobbed
. She had done this to herself
by
her deceit. I did not feel like comforting her. Her inten
t
ion was to
make
Manuel
love her, marry her, and keep him
for
hers
elf
forever. No, she did not deserve either of our friendships
, d
efinitely not our love.
F
orgiving her was something for Manuel to do, not for me. She hurt
him
.
I got up from the table. Silently, I turned and walked away.
Tears streamed down my cheeks
by the time I parked in my garage. All the pain
and confusion Manuel went through was for nothing
. All the guilt I felt for loving Manuel and betraying her was for n
othing
. Telling him what Kate did w
ould
just bring
back
all the pain again. Manuel deserved to know the truth, but I would
wait and
tell him after his last exam. I decided to email CSY6.
Hi CSY6!
Your last email really helped; thanks.
Repeating high school is intriguing but YIKES! Doing this over again with all the immaturity of the students would make me crazy. I have made so many mistakes that I’d hate to repeat them again.
No rehab next time, for sure!
Too much pain and confusion. A friend of mine just told me that she fabricated being pregnant on purpose so that she could trap her boyfriend
in
to lov
ing
her. That’
s so messed up! It would be so easy if we were all just honest and talked about our insecurities. But we’re stupid in high school. Maybe high school is different in Switzerland so you don’t have to deal with the
insanity
.
Your dad was really nice to help me. He spent a lot of time with my dad and my dad thinks the most of him. He likes that Jack really cares. My mom sees Jack this Sunday.
I’m
worried that she’s going to die. My boyfriend saw one of her friends who took x-nib and is now dying of cancer. He said that the guy looks terrible. I hope your dad can help my mom, too.
How are you doing?
—
CSY7
I hit send and put
on
my swimsuit. I went downstairs and got in the hot tub.
I missed
Dad
. I missed
Michelle
. I missed Manuel. That was it. That was the extent of my family, all I had.
I lost Kate.
I had lost
Dad
before.
I was mad at
Michelle
, lost all trust in her
. Besides,
Michelle
worked all the time and wasn’t around much so would
her death
hurt as badly as when
Dad
left? I couldn’t bear the pain if I lost Manuel. Just the thought
of it
made my eyes water.
I loved Celia, Grandma May,
Franz
,
Evan,
Richard and I
ra
,
but they were like the next tier of loved ones.
I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of nature. The hot tub relaxed me
until
I realized that I was desperate to marry Manuel. He was my only. Kate wanted to trap him. I felt the same way. I was sick, scared, and all I could think about was being with him. I hated that he had to leave when Dad came.
I hated that he was studying in his home.
I needed him
with me forever and in my bed at night and in the morning
—
emotionally, not sexually.
“Hi, Angel,
” Manuel interrupted the quiet.
“Oh, Manuel, I missed you!” I
rejoiced
as I
got
out of the water
to kiss him
, careful to not get him wet.
My eyes watered again as the feeling of loneliness
and desperation
stayed in the back of my mind.
“Thanks for coming by. I didn’t expect to see you until tomorrow.”
He looked at me
inquisitively
. “Are you okay,
Lia
?”
A tear fell down my cheek and gave me away. “It’s…just…” I shook my head.
“I need you.
And I have to tell you the truth that I want to trap you and keep you mine forever. I don’t think I have the strength to live without you.
”
“I need you, too. You know it’s a two-way street, you and me. I’m utterly co-depen
dent on you to tap the strength
from those spirits of yours.”