Authors: Carla J Hanna
Manuel sq
ueezed my hand
.
I
slouched
, not knowing what to say.
Carlos
smiled
, “Please talk about it together. We understand and can help. So can Tom and Michelle. It’s not just about one person losing his innocence, catching up to the other. Don’t try to do this alone.”
Manuel and I nodded our heads to them
awkwardly
and left for the lab.
Dr. Jack looked like he hadn’t slept for days.
“Hi Jack. This is my boyfriend, Ma
nuel. You met him the first day
.”
“Thanks for not calling the police.”
“Yeah, that was over-
the-top. I was so angry, so sad,
” Manuel explained.
“I felt the same way. It’
s nice to meet you. Please, sit down.” Dr. Jack looked at his notes, the lab results and his computer for a minute.
I noticed how very good-
looking he was. There was something gorgeous about him mixed with
the
goofiness
of
an intellectual. He had both confidence
and insecurity at the same time. He was not a macho forty
-something
-year-
old like Carlos or
Dad
. He knew who he was, certainly, but didn’t know he was handsome. Perhaps he didn’t care
.
He looked at me earnestly, like he was trying to size up my emotional strength, not knowing what to say. “Would you like me
to get right to the point
? Should I talk to your dad first? Maybe get him on the speaker phone?”
I honestly answered, “
Please tell me straight. I can handle it now.”
He looked sad when he started talking. I imagined the sadness was that he had children of his own and wouldn’t want to tell his son the news without himself present to help him deal
with it
.
“So, you do have a
large
pituitary tumor
, over one centimeter, a macroadenoma
.
I don’t know what
kind of damage the tumor is causing
,
but your sex hormones are functioning again
.
Given that your menses resumed in less than just 2 months from when you stopped taking
x
-nib, I want to remove
the tumor
as soon as possible.
I’m
afraid t
hat if we don’t remove it now
, then
it w
ill
cause permanent damage as your hormones continue to function.
”
Manuel instantly shifted his weight. His eyes were intense.
“Isn’t the pituitary gland in the middle of the brain and
really small
? How would you remove a tum
or on it?
It must be the size of what, a pea?” Manuel asked.
“We go in through the back of the inside of the nose and thr
ough the sphenoid bone. It’
s called endoscopic transsphenoidal surgery and adenoma removal.” He wrote it down and slid the paper to
us
. “I would like to bi
opsy the tumor to make sure it’
s benign. I’d like a neurosurgeon at Stanford Hospital to do the surgery, Dr. David Chang. I’d like to do it next week.
I’m
confident in the surgeon, but there are always risks. I want to act quickly because the autopsy of CSY
2
showed
severely
damaged tissues of the pituitary gland. Right now, David knows that your tumor is large enough for a successful extraction without damaging the gland.”
I was not freaked out at all
, f
inally. “Yeah, let’s get it out of my brain as soon as possible. Please send me info to read, to be prepared. Schedule everything
for next week
.”
“Ok
ay
. Tell your parents. I’ll email everything to you and your dad. I still see your mom on Sunday. I’ll discuss everything with her. Ok
ay
. I better get busy.” Dr. Jack smiled and stood up to tell us the meeting was over. I shook his hand. I gently pulled Manuel off his chair. He obviously needed more convincing than I did.
“Thanks for taking care of me, D
r. Jack. Tell your son I said, ‘
Hi and thanks. Thanks a
lot for helping me through this.’
Your son is really nice.”
We left the lab in silence, holding hands. Manuel hugged me before we drove off on his scooter. It was nice not having to talk. He stopped on the way home at
my favorite bakery
.
He explained,
“You deserve another treat today. I know you want to run the stairs because of the donut, but you should have a pretzel croissant given that you’re having your
period and I know girls like treats when they are having their period.
I still want to get married, but we should talk about it when you heal.
”
I agreed
, “True.
I want to eat forbidden foods and kiss you all the time. I don’t want to have to plan a we
dding with brain surgery stress
.
Besides, I saw your parents’ expressions. They’re not going to support us getting married.
”
“No, they’re not,” he agreed. “But we need to live, enjoy our time being together.”
I felt it, too. I wanted to
live
and felt that my days were numbered so I best enjoy them.
I added,
“I love you. All the time,
you
know
.”
“I do know that, thanks.
I’m here for you through all of this, all of it.
And I love you all the time, my best friend.
Can I go to Stanford Hospital with you?
”
“Thanks, yes. Sage will arrange the flights.”
He kissed my hand and
wiped his eyes. W
e walked to the bakery.
“Is it okay if I talk to my parents about all this? I need their support.”
“
Claro
, j
ust not Janet
. We need to keep this a secret, especially since Michelle is involved. Keeping it
a
secret is too much responsibility to put on Janet.”
Manuel drop
ped
me off when we got back to my house. It was just noon
.
I wanted to email CSY6
and
r
esearch
the surgery to extract
the tumor
. I had the feeling Manuel was going to do the same
after he talked to his parents
.
By the time I ran the stairs, I had consumed over 1,000 calories from one donut and one pretzel croissant.
I worked out for one hour, only burning
400 calories but at least I burned some
. Unfortunately, my lungs burned, too. I wasn’t feeling very
well
.
Michelle
,
Dad
and Celia were around the dining room table, sharing a bottle of
c
hardonnay, when I returned from my run. Celia was as warm as ever.
Dad
glared at
Michelle
.
It
was early evening and the colors in the canyon were beginning to change.
They all hugged me.
“I want to chat after my shower.
” I asked, “
Are we going out to dinner or can we all sta
y home? It’
ll be a lovely sunset.”
“We can stay home,”
Michelle
answered.
“
I’ll start something in the kitchen.”
I felt much better after my shower. I just wanted to get the announcement over with but I didn’t know how to start. “Do you mind if I have a glass of wine, too?” I asked
Dad
’s permission.
“Just one,
”
h
e answered while
his eyes welled up.
Michelle
poured me a glass.
Dad
shot her piercing looks of hate.
I probably did, too.
“
O
ne or
n
one. That is what I live by, Dad.” I took a sip of wine and sat down.
“How was your day,
Liana
Marie?”
Michelle
started calling me
Liana
Marie as a peace offering. I couldn’t help but chuckle.
Well, this was as good of a time as any. “Incredible, great, yummy, horrible, dreadful, great, good
—
in that order.”
Michelle
, Celia and
Dad
looked at each other like I was an immature teenager. I chuckled again. I
was
a teenager.
“Alright. Incredible: Manuel and I made love and I had my first O.
” Celia and
Dad
exchanged shocked, disapproving looks.
I didn’t care.
“
Great: my period started.
I’m
so happy
!
Since I can menstruate, I can have babies. So I want to marry Manuel
this summer
.” All three shifted in their chairs with wide eyes.
Dad
looked like he had forgotten to breathe. “
Yummy: I had my first Krispy Kreme donut.” They all laughed, but
Dad
was still trying to recover from my first point. “Horrible: I met with Dr. Jack because my period started.
It’s official.
I have an
‘
endocrine-inactive tumor
’
on my pituitary gland that will cause permanent tissue damage if it is not removed.” They all
slouched
, but I didn’t look at them and continued. “Dreadful: I agreed to
go to Stanford next week and have the tumor removed from, like, the center of my brain. Great: Manuel bought me a pretzel croissant. Good: I had a good run to the stairs, down to the canyon, and back.”
Of course, I finished speaking and then went to pieces. I had lost the energy to keep any of my
jigsaw
puzzle together. I was wrecked. I had absolutely nothing left. I knew it was now up to them to put me back together.
It was
Saturday,
time for the graduation ceremony. I was happy to be going and didn’t take any time at all to get ready. I wore minimal
makeup
, just enough to look good in family photos. I didn’t expect photographers to be present, just my fan club regulars. Most photographers were professionals and a graduation photo would not be worth any money. Except for weddings or birthday parties, there are few photos of happy events that s
old
magazines. People want
ed
to see the actor fail more than see her succeed. Perhaps people like
d
weddings because celebrity
marraiges
almost always fail
ed
. Perhaps they like
d
birthday parties because celebrities inevitably
aged
, wrinkled
, and then resorted to
plastic surgery or
x-
nib.
Manuel and I kissed and hugged before we separated to
find our places in the alphabetically
ordered procession.
Mitch
was up front. He would be giving the Valedictorian
’s
speech and would be seated on the stage. I looked for my family during the procession and waved wildly to them when I
saw
where they were seated. I listened to the speakers, but mostly looked at the printed program and the huge
number
of individuals listed with asterisks next to their names, symbolizing their accomplishment of graduating with honors or high honors. It was many more than I had possibly imagined,
close to
half the class. I was sad that I did not have an asterisk nex
t to my name until it dawned on me that, instead, I had an Oscar for Best Actress. I chuckled to myself
at the absurdity
.
I looked up when I heard
Mitch
’s voice. He looked calm, handsome, confident
and imperious, but more like a politician than a preacher. I had a glimpse of his future. Damn, this guy
wa
s going to law school and will be the President of the United States someday. I missed the
introduction and started listening: