Love's Abundant Harvest (26 page)

“It's not a choice. I know you care for me in the same way I do for you.” His voice
wavered. He stuck his thumbs in his suspenders and stared at her as if he'd lost
his words.

“Your feelings could change.” Her insecurities came tumbling out, building a wall
brick by brick. She rubbed her belly, thinking of her future, and closed her eyes,
wishing Manny wasn't there with her at that moment to see this side of her she didn't
understand.

“No, they won't change.” Manny planted his feet and crossed his arms over his chest.
“I'm not Sam, Lucy. I won't ever leave you or mistreat you. And I would never, ever
hurt you.”

She looked away, ashamed. Manny had known her feelings even without her telling
him. But her life hadn't been exactly how he thought. “He never touched me, but he
beat me with his words.” After looking into Manny's eyes, she knew he was up against
more than he should be. That was it. She didn't want to show him the other side of
her. She'd lived with it for far too long to expect those insecurities to just go
away. Maybe this was all too soon; maybe she wasn't ready to be married. But how
selfish would that be, to have two children with no husband when there was a man
like Manny who loved them even before they were born?

“You look tired, Lucy. Burning the candle at both ends is hard on me, so I can't
imagine the toll it's taking on you while carrying two babes. Why do you keep going
and doing? What's driving you?”

She sat down hard on a bench her
daed
had made, and
that made her sad for a moment.
Then she started thinking about what he would say to her if he were there. She knew
what he'd tell her, but she didn't want to hear it from her
daed
, even though she
knew he would be right.

“I guess I thought that during this time with Sam gone, that I was adjusted to his
death and ready to start over.” She glanced over at Manny. He had his arms crossed
and looked at her unwaveringly, being the usual helpful, kind man she knew him to
be.

She dared herself to look at him when she spoke—he deserved that—and when she did,
his blue eye twinkled against the sun but his brown eye seemed to morph into the
darkness that was creeping in around them. “I know I need to start something new
to get out of the old. The ghosts from that time with Sam have taken their toll on
me.”

His brow unfolded, and he nodded a little, letting out a sigh. “If it's time you
need, so be it.”

“
Nee
, that's not what I meant. It just might take longer than I thought. Please be
patient.” She stood and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

With that, he pivoted, headed out the door, and started down the path leading away
from her. Part of her felt relief, but she also wanted to run down the road and bring
him back. She didn't understand herself, so how could she expect Manny to?

She didn't dare try to talk with him until whatever was ailing her was taken care
of and she was in a decent mood. She wondered whether the two little ones could be
causing all this trouble and whether it had changed her permanently.

She stepped outside to watch Manny continue to walk
until he was out of sight, all
the while wishing she could better control her thoughts and actions. Knowing she
couldn't on her own, Lucy sat down on the porch swing and bowed her head in prayer.
She hadn't talked to
Gott
much lately—something she used to do faithfully. “
Gott
,
what's happening to me? Help me find the way,” she whispered, and opened her eyes
to see her
mamm
looking down at her.

“Have you forgotten I'm leaving tomorrow?” Her
mamm
looked honestly disappointed
that she had forgotten, but Lucy felt even worse.

What is wrong with me?

She couldn't blame all of this on her situation. Who better to ask than
Gott
? Now
she could only wait and listen to His call.

“I'm sorry,
Mamm
. I've got a lot on my mind. But that's no excuse.” She sighed. “I
wish I could go.” She looked down at the ball of a belly that seemed to grow bigger
each day and realized how scared she was. But she brushed away the fear as quickly
as it came.

“Well, you must come and see us. Very soon, once you and the babies are up for the
ride. These buses would be a good way for all of you to travel. The drive isn't bad
at all.” Verna smiled like the cat that swallowed the canary.

“Why are you smiling?” Lucy was in no mood for games. Her
mamm
obviously had news
to tell, so she waited with patience she didn't have.

“A mother wants to see her children happy in marriage. It's not hard to see how much
Manny cares for you. I'm happy that you two have plans.” Her
mamm's
voice was unusually
soft, and she paused long enough that Lucy knew she was expecting more information.

“
Jah
, it's not been said openly, but it's been heading that way.” That was all she
could say at the moment. After all, this was about her and Manny. She prayed for
strength, wishing she'd done so more often, and decided to change the subject with
a question. “Will the men be cutting up hay bundles soon?”

Her
mamm
sighed and nodded. “I guess you have the right to keep your plans secret.
But since I'm leaving tomorrow, I'd like to know what to expect. And you know your
mother well enough to be prepared for me to give my opinion, take it or leave it.
I'll always have something to say about you and now these two, hopefully all four
of you, if you can hold on to the most wonderful young man in the community.”

“
Mamm
, as soon as I know, I'll tell you. Until then, let me work things out, and
I promise to tell you when the time is right.” The instant she stopped talking, she
realized she sounded much like her mother and gasped quietly. Since when did she
tell her
mamm
what she needed instead of her
mamm
telling her?

Verna gave her a sideways glance. “I know what you're feeling right now, and believe
me, it will pass. Don't make any decisions just yet. Get things steady in your heart,
mind, and soul, and things will go better for you.”

Lucy felt like crying, so different from the anger and frustration she'd felt for
days, but she believed her
mamm
was right. Time would help and give her the right
answers when she needed them most.

“
Ach
,
Mamm
, what will I do without you?” Lucy tipped her head to one side.

“Well, it will be hard, but you'll be in good hands.” They both chuckled, and Lucy
looked over to the last quilt they
had been working on. “There's a lot of living
in that quilt.”
Mamm
glanced over to where Lucy was looking. “Should we finish it
before I leave?”

Lucy didn't know how they possibly could, but she agreed. She walked over and grabbed
some large colored patches and sat down. The chair creaked and wobbled. The thimble
was made of wood instead of metal, and she broke a needle when she tried to stick
it in the pin holder.

Her
mamm
clucked her tongue. “A broken needle is bad luck.”

Lucy sighed. If things didn't start getting better, she didn't know what she would
do.

The next morning, Lucy found herself a little sad. She and her
mamm
had come full
circle since she had first arrived to visit. Saying good-bye would be much harder
than she would have thought when
Mamm
first came.

Lucy decided it was time to get up, but doing so became more difficult with each
day. She rolled to one side and then the other and slid down onto the wood floor.
As she got dressed, she heard a buggy driving up. She peered out the window to see
the same young man who had brought
Mamm
walking up to the
haus
. She hustled to finish
getting ready and took careful steps down the stairs.

“
Mamm
, are you leaving already?” Lucy's breathing was heavy as she tried to speak,
and her emotions were flaring up again. She didn't expect it with her
mamm
.

“
Jah
, I guess so.” She pointed to her bags. “Both of those are mine.” She gave the
young man a small smile as he grabbed them both and headed out the door.

“I'm going to miss you,
Mamm
.” Lucy's throat constricted,
and she tried to swallow.
The trials had brought them together in a way only God could create.

Mamm
moved forward and put her cheek next to Lucy's, and then looked her in the eyes.
“Don't let him go, Lucy. He's a good man.” She put a hand on Lucy's belly and smiled.
“I wish I could be here.” She pursed her lips and walked to the buggy without looking
back—so typical of her—but as the buggy pulled away, Lucy saw
Mamm
wipe away a tear.

M
anny stood in the barn separating milk. The cream forced its way to the top and
ran into the spigot. He cranked the handle, making the bell ding, a noise that didn't
usually bother him in the least, but today it pierced his eardrums. Whatever was
going through his head was a mystery to him.

He'd done every possible thing he could think of to court Lucy without courting her,
due to her situation. After his talk with Bishop Atlee, he'd felt confused about
following the plans he'd made, but now he just missed her. When he saw Lucy at church,
she seemed to be having the same thoughts. He tried to think things through to have
an excuse to spend more time together, but though they'd agreed on courting the way
the teenagers did, it didn't help much. He hoped that with Verna gone, she'd be more
relaxed and lean on him a bit more. But she had the “girls” and her sister for support.

Manny held his head up to the sun, closed his eyes, and let the air flow out of his
lungs. This was God's country, a place where the Amish settled centuries ago—good,
solid soil, rich with minerals for crops, a perfect place to raise a family. He and
Glenda had never gotten that far. They lost their child during childbirth, and months
later she was gone too.

He dropped his head in thought and kicked a clod of dirt, watching it fall apart
in front of him. He hadn't given
himself permission to think about it. He grieved
the loss of his unborn child. The doctor couldn't know for sure what the final issue
was with the baby, but it didn't matter at that point.

And Glenda was gone too.

There wasn't any way he could keep himself from thinking about the same thing happening
with Lucy, especially with two on the way. He knew that was why he was overprotective
but didn't know how to stop the worry that had rooted deep inside him. And he couldn't
tell Lucy why he acted the way he did; that would just make her worry right along
with him.

“Morning.” Caleb's voice brought him back, forcing him to push away the negative
thoughts. “You doing all right?”

Manny held up a hand. “
Nee
, nothing I want to talk about right now.” That probably
wouldn't keep Caleb from pestering him because he'd been so quick to decline the
conversation.

He forced a smile, and they pumped hands. Caleb held on a second longer, staring
at him. Manny hated it when Caleb looked at him like that. “Whose farm are we going
to first?”

“The Troyers', and then yours.” Caleb grinned at Manny's surprise. “It was decided
due to the fact you're gonna have your hands full.
Jah
, there are others who are
with child, but not two like you will have.”

The gravel crunched under their boots as they walked and Manny digested the news.
His hay was in need of baling, and the grass he'd cut at the end of spring was dried
out and ready, but his head was elsewhere.