Authors: Ella Fox
Goddamn
I was so proud of that
girl. The twins are really the cream of the crop. Considerate, conscientious and caring, they both go out of their way to do the right thing. From volunteering at homeless shelters to signing up for Habitat for Humanity builds, they are always all about giving back. Their parents might have had two of the shittiest moral compasses of all time, but they didn't pass those genes on at all.
"I know you'll make an amazing mother Dominique, and your sis
ter will too. But the truth is that
I just don't have the guts to
try
.
To me it would be like playing Russian roulette.
It's a closed issue for me."
Being the sweetheart that she is, she let it drop.
I’m exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally… in every way that it’s possible to be exhausted, I am. Going to work every day takes everything that I’ve got. I love my job and I’m happy to be working instead of going to school, but seeing Spencer every day is like water torture. I think I could handle everything better if I felt human, but I don’t. In the
four
weeks since my entire world crumbled around me, I’ve been a zombie. I wake up, I go to work, I go home
,
and I sleep.
You'd think I would have improved by now, but i
f anything, things are getting worse. This last week I've been sick
,
and f
ood is ridi
culously unappealing. W
hen I do eat, not much stays down. I’ve never felt this poorly. I keep hoping it will pass, but every day I wake up feeling pretty much the same as the day before.
Thankfully
,
today I get to lie on the couch
and do nothing
,
because
it
'
s Saturday. I showered when I got up, but that took up al
l of the energy I had. I
curled up on the couch with damp
hair wearing only my robe. I was
in that place between awake and asleep when I hear
d
a knock on my door.
Summ
oning up energy that I really did
n’t have, I
mad
e my way to the door and swu
ng it open, relieved to see Brooke on the other side. I was worried that it was going to b
e one of my brothers or Spencer coming to check in on me, and I just can't deal with that right now.
I know I’m not doing a great job of concealing that something is wrong
, but I need space
. Brooke and I exchanged hugs and kisses as she came in before we settled on the couch.
“Don’t shoot me.
I’m here because I’m
very
worried about you. Something clearly isn’t right. What’s happening with you Delilah?”
Damn. So much for being relieved that it was Brooke and not one of the others. I decided to shoot straight, mostly because even I’m worried about the state I’m in at this point.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I feel absolutely wretched all of the time. I’m so tired that I swear I could sleep twenty out of every twenty-four hours.”
Her concern very evident, she reached out and touched my forehead. “You don’t feel warm, but you do look exhausted. Your coloring is terrible, you’re losing weight
,
and you look frail. You need to go to the doctor Delilah, immediately. I get that it’s Saturday, but maybe we should go to the hospital.”
“No! Brooke. Seriously! I feel terrible
,
but I’m not dying. I made an appointment yesterday with my doctor anyway. I’m going on Monday.”
She looked so relieved that
I was taking it seriously enough to make a doctor's appointment that it gave me pause.
I guess I really do look like death warmed over. Nodding at me, she touched my forehead again. “Whenever I didn’t feel well, my mom would always give me ginger ale, saltines
,
and chicken noodle soup, and I swear it always worked like a charm. I’m going to the store to get all the supplies. When I get back I’ll make you some soup and we’ll curl up and watch a chick flick.”
I don’t know why, but
her caring for me so well made
me tear up. I’m so emotional lately it’s ridiculous. You’d think that there was a death instead of a break up. I hate being overly emotional, but it’s like I
have no control over it
.
As soon as she left, I got up to get dressed and brush my hair. I put on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt, and then threw my hair up into a ponytail. I was just finished dressing when I heard my front door open. Walking into the living room, I saw Dominique and Tally had just come in.
Running across the room, Dominique wrapped me in an enormous hug. “We were already on our way over to check on you when Brooke called to say you’re feeling shitty and that you guys are going to do a chick flick day. Tally and I are in!”
Having
my sister here
immediately
made
me feel much better. She took me to the couch and we curled up together
on the chaise together
like we used to when we were kids. Dante has always said he bets this is what we looked like in utero, and I imagine he’s right.
We were curled up like that for a while as she cross-examined me about how I was feeling. “I’m concerned that you feel like crap,” she said, “but I know I’d feel if anything was really wrong, and I don’t. Whatever this is, it isn’t life or death.
Don't be scared.
”
The relief I
felt at her assertion wa
s h
uge. I've been scared shitless because
I've never felt so wretched.
Dominique and I have a connection that defies explanation, and I really do believe that if something was seriously wrong with me, she would know. We’ve always been able to feel each other’s pain.
Brooke came back a few minutes after that, and she gestured behind her. “Look who I found in your driveway.” I smiled when I saw that it was Aunt Sandra. She’s the only mother I’ve ever known, and I adore her.
After crossing the room, she gently sat on the couch behind me. Leaning forward, she put her lips on my forehead, something she’s always done to check my temperature. “Brooke’s right sweetie, you don’t have a fever. I did a quick search on my iPad while I was in the car, and I’m thinking maybe you have mono. Did you
really
make a doctor’s appointment for Monday? I don’t want you to wait any longer.”
I could
n’t help but to be touched by her concern. Sandra gave up everything for us, and she never complained. “I promise that I made the appointment Mama San. I’m going Monday morning to see Dr. Reynolds, first thing.”
“That’s what I want to hear honey. I’ll take the morning off and go with you.”
I was shaking my head before she even finished. “No, no. It’s okay. I’m not a baby, and you can’t always drop everything for me. I’ll go and as soon as I’m finished, I’ll come to work and let you know what she said.
I'm sorry I let it go for this long. I didn't mean to worry everyone.
”
“Stop that! I know you’re not a baby, but you’ll always be my little girl. Whenever you need me, I’m always going to be there.”
It never gets old, hearing her say that she’ll be there, and she always is. I didn’t realize how badly I wanted a mother until Sandra moved in. She’s everything a child could ask for. She stepped up and took care of us in a huge way. When I was younger, I used to lie in bed at night across from Dominique
,
and
the two of us would talk and try to make sense out of
how Sandra could possibly be related to our mother. Sandra is almost a mirror image of her, save for the fact that Sandra dyes her hair red. While the physical similarities are impossible to miss, that’s where they end. Mama San showed more care about our well-being the first afternoon she met us than our parents did in all of the years we were with them.
“I know you’re always going to be there Mama San, and it means more than I can say. But I also know that you, Dante, Damien and Sabrina all have a nine o’clock meeting on Monday to be deposed about the charges that got filed against that contractor that stole from us. You have to be there, and there’s no way around it. I’d have Dominique go with me, but she and Spence have that meeting with the people who bought the penthouse that got all screwed up. Don’t worry, I’ve got this. I promise.”
She wasn’t having it, not by a long
shot. “They can schedule me in for another time. You’re more important to me than anything else. I don’t want you going alone.”
From across the room Tally called out, “I’ll take her.”
Only the fact that I was still curled up with my sister kept me from running across the room and kissing Tally in thanks. I feel bad enough as it is without Sandra having to take time away from something that actually IS important.
I grabbed on to Tally’s offer like the lifeline that it was. “See? Perfect. Tally will go with me. She’s the only other person besides me that can take the morning off without screwing something up entirely.” Looking over my shoulder at her I said, “Thanks Tally! You’re a lifesaver!”
Sandra put up more of a fight, but once she knew that I’d have someone with me, she eventually backed down.
“I want to hear from you the minute you know what’s happening. I don’t care if I’m in the deposition. You call me anyway.”
Our conversation came to a close when Brooke called out from the kitchen that my chicken noodle soup was ready. I sat at the table and choked down what I could, eating more of the saltines than anything else. I probably wouldn’t have eaten anything if the four of them hadn’t been sitting at the table staring at me.
I was just about finished when Sabrina showed up. After giving me a hug and a serious visual assessment she said, “Your brother is about fifteen minutes away from calling hospice care. I told him to calm down, but he’s beside himself. That man! Brooke filled me in, so I know you’re going to the doctor on Monday. You’ll come and stay with us until then
,
and we’ll take care of you.”
I tried to talk my way out of that, pointing out that if Sandra was correct in thinking that there is a possibility that I’ve got mono, Dante and Sabrina really don’t need to be exposed to that before the wedding.
Sabrina just sh
ook her head a
t me. “Seriously Delilah… you'
re a nut.
If you’re sick we would postpone the wedding. And you’re coming to stay, no ifs
,
ands
,
or buts. Dante’s already getting a room ready, and then he’s heading out to buy chicken soup, ginger ale
,
and saltines. I told him that always makes me and Brooke feel better, and I swear to god that lunatic will probably buy pallets of all three. He’s beside himself
. If you won't come for yourself, please come so that your brother climbs down off the ledge
.”
Once again, I started getting choked up. I’ve got the best family on earth. I knew that arguing about staying over wasn’t going to get me anywhere.
"I don't know why he's always been like this, but if it will make Dante feel better, I'll go."
Sabrina looked at me in surprise for a moment before speaking. "
Oh honey, you
were
too young to remember
so you don't realize..
. Delilah, when you were a baby, you got pneumonia and almost died. Your parents refused to get you medical care, and Dante thought he was going to lose you. He went against their orders and called for help. You were in the hospital for two weeks, and your father beat Dante senseless for intervening
, and while he beat him your mother screamed at him and told him that if he'd been a better boy and had taken better care of you, you never would have gotten sick
.
That
experience
changed his whole life. He was always terrified something would happen to one of you
, something that he could have prevented. That's why he's like this
,
honey. This family literally means the world to him."
That explained a lot about my brother, both of
my brothers
really, and it broke my heart. Thinking about it, I realized that Spencer's parents were just as bad. No wonder he doesn't want to have kids
. I hugged Sabrina to me tightly as
I thanked her for telling
me all of that
.
"I'll nev
er be able to thank you enough for loving my brother. I've never seen him so happy, and even though I already loved you, I love you more for giving him the life he always deserved."
She hugged me back tight, wiping the hint of a tear away from her cheek as I pulled back. Brooke cleared her throat from beside me, holding out a glass of ginger ale. "Today isn't the day for serious stuff. Let's veg out and do a girlie movie marathon."