Malik (Carter Brother Series Book 1) (28 page)

“It wasn’t because I was ashamed. I just hate thinking of them like that. I hate the looks people give me, reminding me that they’re gone. Or when they avoid talking about their parents thinking it will set me off or upset me. It was why I was happy to move here in the end. At first I wasn’t, but then when everyone started giving me those pity looks or saying they were sorry, it all got too much,’’ I shrug.

“I know. I’m so fucking sorry. I keep saying that I’ll be there for you, but you still end up being hurt.’’

I knew he’d feel like this. He carries too much shit on his shoulders for him to just see things for what they really are. Shit happens in life that you can’t control or stop, it’s called fate. If it’s going to happen, then it will happen; there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

A thought occurs to me when I remember some of the things Hannah was spouting off about me, “It’s not your fault Malik. It’s theirs. They are the ones that went out of their way to get something on me, not you. It’s all out there now. There isn’t anything they can use to hurt me,’’ but as I say those words I realise there is. They could use Malik against me. “Oh, and what she said about me kissing a girl,’’ I blush causing Malik to give me a wicked grin. “I didn’t. The girls at my old school set it up. I was sitting outside at lunch one day engrossed in a book when Summer, one of the popular girls came to sit next to me. She asked me about something she’d written down and I leaned in to look, but before I had the chance to know what was going on, she kissed me. It was only a peck, but I’d been too stunned to move and then she shoved me away knocking me off the picnic table. Her friends had captured the photo and posted it on FaceBook and everything, telling the whole school I’m gay.’’

This is another thing that pisses me off. Why do school kids speak like being gay is wrong, that you’re a freak if you like the same sex? It makes me laugh because a majority of those people don’t even know what they like sexually yet. You’d think being in the twenty first century that people would let people be. That they’d realise people will date who they want to date.

The comments got stopped only due to the fact my mom and dad threatened the school after Melissa and her group of friends started a petition to ban me from using the girls changing rooms.

“Babe, I wouldn’t care if you kissed the towns tramp. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.’’

“And how do you feel?’’ I ask huskily, my eyes locked on his.

He opens his mouth the same time Gram’s walks in with a nurse and doctor interrupting whatever Malik was about to say. I want to scream at them to go back out, to give us five more minutes, but I don’t. Instead I smile sweetly, my hands fiddling with the hem of the blanket.

“Hi, I’m Dr Stewart. We’ve checked you over and everything is fine, but before you go we need to ask you a few questions. How are you feeling, do you have any dizziness or a headache?’’

“I have a bit of a headache, but other than that I just feel tired.’’

“That’s understandable. Now your Gram’s has told us you’ve had these in the past and all have been extreme to the point that you pass out. Have you seen a specialist or a doctor about this?’’

I shake my head no then listen to him talk me through getting help. Most of it he thinks can be treated by talking to a psychologist. I’ve never really wanted to talk about it, but looking at my Gram’s hopeful eyes and then Malik’s curious ones, I nod my head agreeing for them to refer me to a psychologist nearer to where we are. My Gram’s face warms my heart. It’s at that moment I know it’s been worrying her more than she has let on.

“...Panic attacks can be caused by a number of things. You don’t even need to be awake or stressed to have one. Luckily in your case your trigger seems to be confined, trapped or unable to escape certain situations and also conflict. I’m no psychiatrist, but losing your parents is obviously hard for you to talk about and from what your boyfriend here told us about the incident this evening, your parents were brought into that. That feeling of entrapment was there, fear taking over. Stress is a common factor in your case. You’ve gone through a lot of change the past couple of months. I want to prescribe you an anti-depressant. It will take a few weeks to get into your system, but you will still need to take them daily.’’

“You think I’m depressed?’’ I ask shocked. If he’d have asked me when I lost my parents I would have agreed with his diagnosis, but with the help of Gram’s and having all my friends and Malik in my life, I’ve been better. I’ve been more than okay. Yeah losing them has been hard and I’ll never get over it, but having these guys in my life has helped me realise I have something to live for and have people I can call family in my life now. Whereas when I first moved here I felt like I had lost my only living family.

“No I don’t. Anti-depressants are used to balance out the cells in your brain. It will decrease the chances of you having another attack. Everyone responds differently to treatment though.’’

“Okay,’’ I smile, finding myself relaxing.

They have me sign some discharge papers before they leave us in the room to get myself sorted. I’m actually relieved that I will be getting help. It might not stop the panic attacks completely, but it will help in the long run.

“Come on then. I’m going to ring us a Chinese and order some food when we get nearer to home. I’m starving. Do you like Chinese Joan?’’

“I love Chinese. I haven’t had one of those in years. You should ring your grandfather on that moby and see if he’s free for one too,’’ she says excitedly making me and Malik chuckle.

Grabbing me from under my arms, his fingers brushing underneath my breast, Malik helps me up off the bed.

“I could have done that,’’ I playfully scold.

“I know, but I needed to touch you,’’ he winks, and then helps me get my clothes back on like I’m a two year old infant.

**** **** *** ****

We pull up in the taxi outside Gram’s house to find everyone standing outside waiting for us. I look to Malik shocked, but he just shrugs and smiles. My eyes begin to water when I realise they’re here to see if I’m okay and that they’ve been worried.

“I can tell them to piss off if you want me to,’’ He says before paying the taxi bloke.

“Language. You’re not too old to go over my knee boy,’’ Gram’s scolds and Malik’s eyes go wide. I look to Gram’s shocked she’d say such a thing, but she gives me a wink making me giggle.

My door flies open just as I’m removing my seatbelt. Max is there, in my face, pulling me out of the taxi and into a bear hug.

“You freaking scared me,’’ he growls into my ear.

“I’m sorry.’’ I’m honestly trying my hardest not to cry, but all it seems to be doing is making my headache worse.

“Put her down, she has just been in hospital,’’ Malik growls.

As soon as Max puts me down, Myles is there pushing him out of the way and hugging me.

“Jesus, I thought they were going to sedate my brother for a few minutes. In fact I was hoping they would because I was close to knocking him out myself. Don’t do that to us again, you scared the fucking life out of me,’’ he tells me.

I’m passed around to Mason, then to Mark and Denny. They all wish me well, glad that I’m okay. The last one is Maverick. I’m actually shocked he’s here. Since I’ve been with Malik I have hardly seen him. We’ve spoken a few times, but our friendship isn’t like my friendships with the other brothers.

“I’m glad you’re okay,’’ he whispers bringing me into a hug. Instead of standing limp like I did with the others, I hug him back, knowing he truly means it. I know the others did too, but something about the way Maverick says it feels different to me. “You’re really good for him Harlow. I’m so glad he has you. I never thought he’d be okay again after... I’m just glad you’re okay.’’

I pull away smiling, but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. I give him a questioning look, but Malik chooses that moment to come up behind me, bringing me flush against his front.

“Stop trying to steal my girl,’’ he teases his brother.

Maverick looks at me smiling, the dimples all the Carter brothers are blessed with coming out for show. “I don’t think she’d be easily persuaded,’’ he grins at Malik before giving me a wink.

We all make our way up to Gram’s, everyone laughing and joking about something or another and Denny demanding Malik order extra food from the Chinese place.

I look at the clock for the tenth time wishing I had more time. I had fallen asleep after watching a film with Denny this afternoon and didn’t wake up until an hour ago.

Malik and I have our gallery showing tonight, we should have been there by now, but because of me we’re running late. Straightening down my long, black sparkly dress, I slip on my glittery black high heels before grabbing my clutch off the bed and rushing downstairs as fast as I can in my four inch heels.

“Thank God. Mason is.... Holy fuck! You look... wow...’’ Malik says stunned speechless, his eyes raking up my body, from my shoes, slowly up my bare leg where the dress has a long split down the side, up to my chest where the dress shows some cleavage, but not enough to be called slutty. When his eyes reach mine, he grins devilishly before sauntering over to me.

“Oh no,’’ I tell him holding my hand up and stepping back, knowing that look he’s got. “We’re already late.’’

“Exactly, we should just stay in. No one likes people turning up late,’’ he smirks.

My eyes take in his attire and although I see him wearing a shirt and trousers for five days a week, it’s nothing to how he looks now. He’s wearing a pair of black suit trousers that he’s paired with a black shirt. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and a few buttons are undone at the top showing a little of his hard tanned skin. His hair has been gelled in a spiky messy style that looks good on him. He’s obviously not shaved today either because he has a bit of stubble around his jaw giving him a sexier, edgy look to him.

I can feel my eyes dilate with lust and moisture pours from between my legs. He must sense what I’m feeling or see it in my eyes because his eyes widen for a split second before they soften, his body moving closer towards me.

When he reaches me his hands move around my back, ready to palm my ass. They’re literally hovering there when my Gram’s walks in holding an old looking camera stopping Malik from fully grasping my ass.

“Now I don’t know if this thing still works, or if they still develop films now-a-days, but I need to get a picture. Maybe next time we go into town we could by a digi one.... oh my heavens. You two look breathtaking. Oh my...,’’ she pauses taking us in and fanning her eyes as they water. “Come on, move closer Malik... no closer... Jesus boy you were just about to rip that dress off her, so get closer,’’ she snaps making me giggle. Malik just glares at me, his cheeks reddening a little at Gram’s observation skills. I should have warned him that nothing really gets past her. She just chooses to let us know what she sees.

Once he has his arms around me, both resting at the bottom of my back Gram’s snaps the photo not giving us the chance to smile. Instead, she just took one with us grinning at each other.

“Now Malik, I want you to stand there,’’ she says shoving him away from me facing her. “Harlow, you stand right here... Yes that’s it.’’

By the time she’s finished Malik is standing against my side and my body is positioned in front of his. Gram’s positioned his hand so it’s going around my back.

She takes a few more snaps before Mason comes barging in saving us from anymore poses.

“I’ve got to get to work... Wow, you look seriously hot Harlow. Have you decided to leave my brother yet and finally go out with the better looking one?’’ he winks at me.

Malik growls, giving his brother a death glare before holding his hand out for me to take. As we walk past Mason, I hear him grunt before wheezing out, “I was just kidding.’’

We turn and say our goodbyes to Gram’s and tell her that we’ll see her later. She wanted to come to the gallery with us, but for some reason the school didn’t think to tell us we needed to book tickets until they were already unavailable. It pissed me off because my parents would always come to things like this with me. Even when I was little they would always attend school assemblies, school plays, even coffee morning groups that they did in the mornings to catch up on what your child/children were doing at school. They were always interested in everything I did. Not having Gram’s there to support me is going to be hard, but thankfully Malik will be with me to hold my hand.

The building is lit up brightly as we walk inside. My eyes are wide as I take in the beautiful features and the architecture of the room. Whoever designed this place is very talented. The high beams are painted black with a large chandelier situated in the middle of the ceiling. It’s beautiful. It’s made up of different swirly patterns with white branch like lights swirling out. It really does look spectacular. Especially with the different colour swirls, some are burgundy, some are a dark yellow and the rest is white.

“Wow, this is beautiful,’’ I murmur, my gaze hypnotized by the art decorating the room.

“Yeah,’’ Malik says and I turn to look at him to find him looking around with wide eyes too.

I’m beginning to think we got the wrong time or everyone has left when I notice our art teacher Mrs. Townsend looking stressed over by a door. I squeeze Malik’s hand to get his attention, nodding to where Mrs. Townsend is pacing the floor. She’s wearing a long flowing purple dress that bushes out at the bottom. It looks a little hippie, so it suits her a lot. She looks beautiful dressed up. I’m used to seeing her in either overalls, or a tie dye t-shirt with trousers covered in clay and paint.

Hearing my heels clink on the marble floor her head snaps up startled. When she sees that it’s us she rushes over babbling on about something before even giving us a chance to say ‘sorry we’re late’.

“I’m so sorry. I came in early to get the canvases ready in the hall. I don’t know what happened or when it happened. I had kept them locked up in my office at the school, so someone with access had to have done it. Unless they stole my key, but then that means someone went through my bag,’’ she rambles shaking her head.

Malik and I turn to each other amused, wondering what she’s getting at.

“Miss, would you like to fill me and Harlow in on what you’re stressed about?’’

“It’s terrible,’’ she gushes looking genuinely upset. “I went to take your canvas out of the bag to put on display, only it wasn’t your original piece. It was the picture that got posted of you around school,’’ she tells us, looking directly at me with sad eyes.

I’m not sure what to say. As much as I wanted the chance of the internship, I just can’t be bothered to get upset about it. After yesterday I feel like I’ve cried my last tear.

“Don’t worry, I’ve discarded the picture. Well, I destroyed it if I’m honest. As much as I love the art of the naked body, seeing someone violated isn’t art. It’s barbaric.’’

“Thank you Miss. Do you know where our original picture is?’’ I ask.

“No,’’ she says, her shoulders slumping. “I’ve looked everywhere. I even sent my assistant back to the school to go check in my office, but it’s not there either. I will understand if you want to head home, but you’re more than welcome to stay. I mean, we could show them your first draft. I have your textbooks with me.’’

I look at Malik at a loss at what to do. He gives me a grin and a wink before turning his attention back to Mrs. Townsend.

“I think we’ll just head back if that’s okay with you. Harlow wasn’t feeling a hundred percent anyway, but we didn’t want to let you down with all the hard work you’ve done to set this up,’’ he says kissing ass.

I shake my head slightly wanting to laugh at him. He’s such a charmer. By the look of Mrs. Townsend’s face she’s eating this up like a bowl of ice cream. Next he’ll be bringing her an apple every day to school.

“Oh no, you head back home then. I know you probably had lifts scheduled to pick you up, so here, take this and grab a taxi home.’’

“Oh no that’s fine Miss, we can walk,’’ I decline, not wanting to take money from her. She must not earn much on a teacher’s salary, but that’s not the reason, taking money off someone, even if I know them, makes me feel uncomfortable.

“Oh, please, take it. The school will reimburse me, but even if they didn’t, it’s only a fiver,’’ she smiles, handing the money over to Malik who takes it without problem.

“Thank you,’’ I tell her just as a man wearing a tuxedo calls out her name.

“I have to go, I’m sorry this has happened and I will see you at school Monday. Hopefully we can find out how this happened.’’

“Bye and have fun,’’ Malik and I say, waving her off.

Malik and I walk into the house to find Gram’s on the sofa with Mark. We grin at each other before walking slightly into the front room. They must not have heard the front door open and close with how loud they have got the volume up. When I look up to see what they’re watching I want to burst out laughing. They’re watching the new horror movie that just got released on blu-ray.

“Boo,’’ Malik booms making my Gram’s and Mark jump up from the sofa screaming.

We burst into a fit of giggles watching their pale faces looking horrified. My Gram’s has her hand over her heart to calm her beating chest.

“You scared the ever-loving day lights out of me kids. What were you thinking? And why aren’t you at the gallery?’’ Gram’s breathes out still steadying her breathing.

“You should turn the tele down; anyone would think you were going deaf. We heard it pulling up in the taxi,’’ Malik teases. “And we’re back because....’’ he pauses looking at me before turning back, “Mrs. Townsend lost our project. There wasn’t any point of us staying there so we decided to come back, order a pizza and watch a film.’’

“That school is useless. In my day everything was organised....’’ my Gram’s rattles on, her and Mark comparing their school days together so Malik and I slowly step out of the room grinning.

“How are you doing?’’ Malik asks attentively once we’ve settled in to watch a film.

“If you’re asking because of the picture being on display at the gallery then I’m fine. I don’t know why but I kind of predicted something like this happening. Why I didn’t think of the gallery before is beyond me.’’

“What are you saying?’’

“Well, whoever is doing this wants to embarrass me, they want to make my life hell and do it publicly. The gallery is the best place for them to achieve that. Wasn’t Mrs. Townsend covering them before they did the big reveal? If she had never looked at our canvas before the show then everyone would have seen me. Not just students, but adults attending the exhibition.’’

“I didn’t think of that. I swear I’m going to prove Davis did this if it’s the last thing I do. Both Davis and Hannah need a wakeup call and I’ll be damned if I’m not the one to give it. I’ve never wanted to hurt a girl more than I did Hannah at school yesterday. I was two seconds away from strangling her,’’ he confesses. I can sense he’s torn up more about what happened in the cafeteria than he’s letting on.

“Hey, are you okay?’’

“Yeah, I guess. When I had those thoughts, even for the split second they were there, I felt like I was turning into my dad. He always said I’d end up like him.’’ My heart hurts from how pained and low his voice sounds, truly believing what his father told him.

“That’s not true. You could never be anything like your dad Malik. I know I don’t know everything about your past and that I’ll never truly understand the depths of his abuse, but I do know you. And with all my heart you are nothing remotely like him.’’

“It was bad Harlow. Once, I was late getting out of school, so I didn’t make it to the park me and my brothers all met at before we went home together. It was better that way. Dad left us alone then. When I got to the park and didn’t see them I thought they had gone home without me,’’ he says taking in a deep breath.

“When I walked in I knew I should have turned back and waited back at the park for my brothers to show, but then I kicked over a can of beer just as my dad walked in with a few of his mates from the back garden. I hadn’t heard them coming in. I hated it when he had his mates there. They were just like him.’’ His voice was quiet, torn, and full of pain. He runs his hands through his hair, pulling at the ends. My hand reaches out to touch him, to comfort him, but when he flinches before I’ve even touched him it breaks my heart. How could any parent hurt a young child? It makes me sick. I’d rather hurt myself than hurt an innocent child.

“They were all laughing. Like whatever they just said was the funniest thing they’ve ever heard. It all stopped when my dad looked at the mess I made on the floor. It turned out I’d knocked over the last can and he went ballistic.

“They all laughed when I cowered in the corner while he and his friends kicked and punched me, and then took turns to urinate on me. I just wanted to die. I hate that part of my life. I remember everything he ever did. Not just to me, but my brothers, my mom, from what I do remember. Half of me believed it’s why she left us. But I never understood why she would leave us with him.’’

“I don’t know what to say,’’ I tell him honestly my eyes watering when he doesn’t speak for a few minutes.

“Nothing you can say babe. So many kids grow up in broken homes and what we grew up with every day. But kids are too scared to speak up. None of us wanted to be separated from one another. We couldn’t. After Mav left to live with his friend everything turned to shit and we were all too scared to tell him what was going on because we didn’t want him to come back and have to endure our dad’s wrath again. It was hell for him. He basically raised us our whole lives.’’