Maniacs in The Fourth Dimension (7 page)

And I can't
go to Alden either. He's with his girlfriend and that other girl
that stood up when that guy was twisting his arm. She is so brave
and pretty. I wish I was her. She seems so filled with confidence
and… Oh, no! Holodnik is getting up, and putting his cap on his
head, he is going to leave, while you were just standing and
looking at him like a dumb log, Emily. Now, go to him,
quickly!

''Hey.''

He heard me,
he stopped. Good. He's looking at me. Speak, Emily, now. 'If you
are going…'

''If you are
going to look for more of those things, I mean, for another way to…
to go across, I can go with you, I mean, maybe we can go together,
I can help… if you want me to… we can search together…''

The way he's
looking at me is deeply unsettling, like he's not hearing my words,
like he's not seeing me standing in front of him.

''For what?'', he said.

''For what?'' , yes Emily, you
said that maybe you can go search together, he's asking you for
what: ''Oh, search for more of those things…''

I pointed
with my finger at the giant flower. He looked at the flower,
stared, I saw his creepy blue eyes moving right and left, then he
finally looked back at me. I thought that his stare will stop my
heart.

''No'', he said.

''No?''

''I'm not going to…'', he spoke
with difficulty.

''Okay'', I tried to smile:
''Sorry for bothering you. Bye.''

I left the
park. He's the only one still standing there. There's something
very wrong with that man. Why did you have to go through all this
Emily?! Did you really need this to happen to you? Another mistake
on a long list of your life's mistakes. Why did you even come to
this stupid convention? You don't know anything about comics, or
fantasy books, or movies. Just because everyone at the UCBB talked
about it, and how cool it is. And you thought you'll be cool too,
if you imitate the cool kids. But, instead, they told you that the
world is going to end tonight, and all your efforts yielded no
results. No results. Everything you try is so stupid Emily, stupid,
stupid, stupid…

I'm sorry. I
cried again. I feel better now. I always feel better after crying.
Oh, God. What do you do now Emily, where do you go? I just want to
go to my bed and close my eyes.

Chapter seventeen

I urged Edwin that we go and try
find Abraxas, after that episode in the park.

''You think he's still
around?''

''He's
around. He let the ball roll, and now he's waiting. He'll appear in
the convenient moment.''

We checked out hall nineteen.
There was no one there.

''How can you be sure that he's
still here?'', Edwin asked me.

''I can't
explain those medusas and tulips, I don't know how that is
possible, but I know the mentality of people of this country. Here,
you are either a consumer, or a salesman. And he, my good friend,
he is most definitely a salesman. You can see it all over him. I
don't see his game yet, but I'm sure that he will be back to close
the deal. To sell us something that we will desperately
need.''

I saw that smile of irony on
Edwin's face.

''Don't
laugh. They teach you these things in school. Create a demand.
That's what he's doing right now. Then sell. Every time when
someone starts giving you some story that goes and circles around,
you can guess that he will try to sell you some shit that you
didn't need until that moment he approached you. All the richest
people of America started that way. Elaborately lying to
individuals and masses into buying whatever product. Take Donald
Trump for instance. He's got everything, but he still can't drop
his act. He still has to go around and show his techniques of
persuasion. They always search for new ways to make money, and
money is one thing they have in abundance. It's their mentality.
The mentality of a car salesman.''

''Okay, Hubert. So what do you
suggest we do?''

Shit, what do
I suggest?

''Know what?
Let's go and have a drink in the summer garden of that cafe across
the main entrance to Pine Cone Center. We'll chill there and have a
good view of all entries and exits to the center.''

Ed agreed:
''Okay. Let's go.''

''Mentality
of a car salesman'', he said.

''Well, yeah.''

''And where do you and I stand
in this society of consumers and salespeople? What are we?''

''Still
uncategorized. But, we're probably going to be consumers. Look,
it's not like there's no other options, they're just… I don't know.
Marginalized. Unpopular.''

''Hubert.''

''What?''

''Look behind you. That kid with
the box of comics is following us.''

I see him. He
stopped walking when he saw that we are looking at him. I went to
him.

''What is it, kid?''

''Can I come with you?''

''Where?''

''To the next dimension.''

Jesus Christ.
I crouched down to him.

''Listen, kid, there's no next
dimensions, it's all a lie.''

''But, Mr. Abraxas said…''

''Mr. Abraxas
is a perfidious lying asshole that didn't hesitate to fill a
child's mind with fear. Nothing is going to happen. Life goes on.
Just go home, kid. Forget all this.''

''How can I forget when there
are giant jellyfishes all over the city?!''

''They're not. It's all in your
head. Go home.''

We walked away. The kid stopped
following us.

''You told him that it's all in
his head.''

''Well, what
was I supposed to do?! Kid's already all upset. It's better that he
goes home doubting himself than falling prey to Abraxas
manipulations.''

There's the summer garden. Let's
just hope I'm right.

Chapter eighteen

To be honest,
I've never read a word of that comic. Lempo's the one that's been
all enthusiastic about it, and saying how great it is, and I agreed
that it sounds super interesting, but, I just never felt like
reading it. I think that Cleit might have read some. Anyway, now,
when it's matter of life and death, absolute death in the first I
don't know how many levels, we bombed Lempo with questions. He kept
saying that he doesn't know how to pass this level, because this
level is not in the comic.

''But,
it
's starting to make sense now, you
know, when he said that we should use the comic as a guide through
first twelve levels. Because, the whole thing looks more like some
weird encyclopedia, than a comic. There are whole pages of detailed
drawings of anatomy of various dinosaurs and creatures that don't
exist. At least, I thought they don't exist. Whole pages of
information about their behaviour, habitat, and stuff. I was
scratching my head about why is he going to such details in
presenting something imaginary, or if it wasn't imaginary, than it
contained misinformations. He described some dinosaur species
different, than the way we imagine them. For example, in the comic,
velociraptors are pink, not dark green. It didn't make sense to me,
back then, but now I understand, paleontologists could only take
their best guess about color of dinosaurs' skins, Abraxas actually
saw them.''

Oh, boy. He
can go like this all day. You ask him one simple question, and he
keeps babbling for hours. You forget what you asked him. Like now,
I can't remember what I asked him. Cleit interrupted him at some
point.

''If we want to pass this level,
I think we'll have to find our own way.''

Cleit, Lempo,
Laszlo, and I agreed to take a walk around the park, and try to
find more of those magic tulips. I didn't tell you about Laszlo?
Laszlo's some cool guy I just met. He laughed when I cracked that
joke about letting the elf in his natural habitat. We bonded
immediately. I asked him to join us and he agreed. Anyway, we
walked 'round the park for some fifteen minutes, and we didn't find
anything. I got hungry.

''I'm hungry guys. Let's go to
Brennan jr. for some pancakes.''

Brennan jr.'s
the only place in the city where they serve European pancakes.
European pancakes are nothing like our pancakes. They're thin,
kinda like tortilla, just softer, sweet, you put grinded walnuts on
them, or plum jam, or some other jam, roll 'em, and bon appetit. We
always go there for pancakes. But, Lempo disagreed.

''Brennan jr.'s halfway across
the city!''

''So what? I
want to eat some proper pancakes. Cleit also wants proper
pancakes.''

Cleit was awfully quiet all this
time, he looked kinda depressed from everything that was happening.
I shaked him up.

''Cheer up,
dawg! Just remember your brother Isaac.''

He smiled.

''That's the spirit. Just don't
spit on me, like you did on that guy back inside.''

''Yeah… Let's go get those
pancakes.''

''I have a
quick thing to do before we go'', said Laszlo: ''I have to go back
inside the Pine Cone Center.''

''Sure, we'll go with you.''

Lempo and
Cleit weren't too happy when I said that. They gave me the evil
eye. Anyway, Laszlo went to hall four, where some guy was giving,
imagine this, sword making lessons, and he bought a sword from that
guy for a fuckin' two hundred fifty bucks! For a sword! He was
twenty bucks short and Lempo had to borrow it to him. He held the
sword proudly, like some warrior.

''I've been waiting for you,
baby. Yeah, I like you too.''

Um. Okay. He sheeted his
sword.

''We can go now.''

We took the subway.

Oh, yeah,
these are some good pancakes. Apricot jam. Quince jam.

''Maybe that
biker that took Isaac is some maniac from the fourth dimension, and
he kidnapped Isaac so he can rape his white ass, and he's keeping
him locked in his multi dimensional basement. Like Josef
Fritzl.''

''Josef
Pretzel!''

Hwehwehwehwe…

Laszlo didn't
laugh. He's just showing pancakes in his face. He sure is hungry.
After filling my stomach, I feel like puffin'.

''Let's go my place and crush
some branches.''

No one
complained. I crushed them branches into the bong, and played VHS
porn, like in the old days. Some porn about the life of Benjamin
Franklin. The guy from one hundred dollar bill. Sure is
educational.

''I didn't know that old Ben
loved asshole so much.''

They're all
just sitting quiet. Nobody wants to start the 'masturbatathon',
like in the old days. Cleit and Lempo probably feel uncomfortable
because Laszlo is still with us. And he's just sitting there and
hugging his sword. He drank my coconut juice. I wanted to be a good
host, so I offered everyone with some coconut juice from the
fridge, and Laszlo drank it all.

' ''Aaaaw… Ben… I thought you
said lightning never strikes the same spot twice…''

''Cállate
puta!'' '

''Bwahah, I
didn't know that old Ben was Mexican!''

Laszlo went
to take a piss from all that coconut juice, and I got scorned by
Lempo and Cleit.

''Why did you
bring that psycho here, you jackass! Everything about him screams:
'Avoid!', and you brought him to your own house! Do you have a bone
in your brain?!''

''He seemed like a cool
guy.''

''What about him seemed cool?!
Haven't you seen his psycho eyes?! Are you blind?!''

''He laughed
to my joke.''

''That wasn't
him, you basehead! That was the guy in 'Patriots'
shirt!''

Wait a
minute… He's right. That New England guy was standing next to me,
he laughed to my joke, and then… Aw, shit… I befriended the wrong
guy. A maniac, maybe. He took his sword with him to the toilet.
Maybe he'll decide to test its quality, jump out of the toilet, and
go Ted Bundy on us.

Well, this is
embarrassing. Goodbye.

Chapter nineteen

It's my wife, I better get
that.

''Hey honey, what's up?''

''Hey Lou, are you on your way
home?''

''I'm finishing up in fifteen
minutes. Everything okay?''

''Yeah. Martha was here entire
afternoon and I haven't made anything for lunch. Can you stop by
somewhere on your way home and get us some chinese?''