Maniacs in The Fourth Dimension (4 page)

''Here he
comes'', his face is red, he's going through great effort to
abstain himself from bursting into laughter.

''He'll piss
his pants.''

''Where's
Isaac?'', said Lempo.

And Jove
bursted into laughter.

''What?
What's so funny? Did he fall in the toilet bowl or some shit like
that?'', said Lempo.

''Oh, god…
He… Bwahahahaha…''

Three minutes
later.

''Breathe,
breathe you nutcase'', said Lempo.

''Where's
Isaac?''

''Oh, god… He
left. You won't believe who we ran into.''

''Come on,
tell us.''

''So, we're
looking for the toilet, Isaac and I, and right in front of us I see
Maya. Isaac's Maya.''

''Shit,
seriously?!'', said Lempo.

''Yeah,
listen. And she's with a guy. A huge guy. A mountain of tattooed
muscles. Bearded. A biker. And, Maya, you was right, she's not a
redhead anymore, she's all in tone with her new guy. She's got
tattoos on her neck, she's wearin' a biker jacket, and she shaved
one side of her head, you know, that part above ear. How do they
call that hairstyle? Amazon?''

''I don't
know how do they call it, just, continue.''

''And she's
staring at me, and I at her, and I turn to Isaac, and…''

He started
laughin' again.

''Yes?!''

''…and Isaac
is standing ten feet behind me, buried in the spot, his feet got
cemented when he saw her. And he's staring at her like an ape, his
mouth open, in his plaid three-quarter pants and
sandals!''

This got
Lempo and me laughing, too. What a clown. Isaac's antics are
priceless.

''Listen,
listen. And I can see on Maya's face that she's uncomfortable. But,
the guy, goes to Isaac and shakes hands with him. He goes: 'Hey,
you must be Isaac, Maya's ex. Maya told me a lot about you. What's
up dude?' Isaac's just standin' there, he can't speak. Maya goes to
him, and touches his shoulder, 'How you've been, Isaac?' I can only
imagine how his dick reacted when she touched his
shoulder.''

''What did he
say? What did he say?'', says Lempo.

''He didn't
say nothing. He tried to mumble something, but then the guy said,
listen what he said, you won't believe this.''

''Yes?!''

''He says to
Isaac: 'Would you like to have threesome with Maya and me, that
would be so cool, I would really like that'.''

''Shit,
seriously?!''

''And Maya
goes: 'Stop it, Isaac's not into stuff like that', and Isaac says:
'Shut your mouth, I am, I want to do it. When?' Guy says: 'Why not
right know?', and Isaac's like: 'Yeah, why not'.''

''What a
character, I don't believe this!'', says Lempo.

''And they go
outside and pack on his bike. I took a photo, look.''

On the guy's
bike, Maya is pressed between the guy, and Isaac. Isaac is wearin'
her helmet. You should've seen his face. Priceless. Isaac, in his
pants and sandals, going to a threesome with bikers. Lempo and I
laughed just as maniacally as Jove did when he appeared.

''Oh, Lord!
This is the happiest day of my life!''

Lempo said:
''I gotta have that picture on my wall! I want to look at it for
the rest of my life!''

''Wait, I
took another one before they left. I yelled to him: 'Spray cheese,
motherfucker!' ''

On that one,
their backs are turned to us, they're driving away, and Isaac is
giving a finger to us.

''Bwahahahaha…''

''Bwahahahahaha…''

''Aaaaaarhghahahaha…''

Priceless.

Chapter ten

I'm not going
to do this anymore. I'm going to tell her, as soon as she appears.
Melvin says that she's having me on
a
leash, like a little dog. Well, not anymore. I'll tell her. If she
goes through that door, she's breaking up with me. I don't care
about any Abracadabras, and stupid comics. We should be on the
beach right now, surfin' and divin', doin' the fun stuff. Not
waistin' my time in the stupid fantasy world. I don't understand
why everyone loves fantasy books so much. They're sooooo phony. I
mean, come on people, you're living in the west coast of United
States! Hellooooooo! You have everything here. Easy life. Are you
aware that California is the fantasy world for the bigger part of
the rest of the globe! Many people dream of living here, but they
are of no such luck. They have to live in slums, or work for
peanuts, or join jihad. But you, you're fantasizin' about dragons
and warlocks!!

Huh! Breathe
out. Hooooooooooooooo. Breathe in.

I'm sorry. I
got carried away in my malcontent. I will tell you about Kristen.
How I met her. You know how in every high school you have those
kids that dress in black and use black makeup, and then you have
kids that like metal music and wear shirts of bands they like, and
then you have emo kids. Well, in my school, all such kids hold
together, they have one group. They are the cool kids in my school.
Always preoccupied with themselves and their group, they never
showed much interest in us, the regular kids. They sure made it
look aristocratic, to be one of them. Kristen is a part of that
group. I don't know in which tribe she precisely belongs, she wears
T-shirts of bands I never heard for, plaid men shirts, doesn't dye
hair, and likes black eyeliner. Grunge, maybe.

Anyway, one
day, I just couldn't look at her anymore, how beautiful she is when
she's having fun with her friends, and I went straight to her, and
asked her out on a date. I thought they will all laugh at me. But,
they didn't. She said 'Okay'.

Now, I need
to tell you that there was only one nexus between me and her. I
also sport plaid men shirts. I am a black kid that wears his shirt
in his pants. At least, I used to. When we started dating, she had
me stop doing that. Now, I wear my shirt over my pants. Anyway, for
some reason she liked me, and we spent so much time together, and
she wore my shirts, and I was so happy. And then, my friends told
me that I am her puppy.

I told them
to fuck off, I thought that them are just jealous. But then I
thought about what they said, and realized that them are right.
Everything Kristen and I do, we do what she wants. We spend time
with her friends, not mine. We listen to her music. We watch the
movies she chooses. We go to paintball, I hate paintball, they
always shoot me in the head.

We wear our
shirts over our pants.

We are at the
Convention-con just because she wanted us to go. I told her on the
phone that there is something we must talk about, and that I'm
waiting for her in front of the hall nineteen. I will not back off,
if she goes inside, she's breakin' up with me.

She's going
to be late, there are already bunch of people inside.

There she is.
She kissed me, grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the
hall.

''We have to
go, he'll be here any minute, we're gonna be late.''

I didn't
move.

''No.
Kristen. Listen. I don't want to go inside, I don't care about any
of these things. You and I never went to the beach. Let's go to the
beach now.''

''What?! No,
we'll go to the beach later. We agreed that we will do this,
remember?''

''No,
Kristen. You wanted to do this, and that's why I'm here. Because of
you. You didn't even ask me, remember?''

''Yeah, well,
it's because you always agree. I thought you agree on this one
too.''

''I wanted to
take you to the beach hundred of times, Kristen, and I never did,
do you know why? Because you were never interested to go, it was
always 'some other time'. Because we do only the stuff that you
want to.''

''I don't
like to fry in the sun, sorry. If you really want to go, we'll go,
but not now, I really want to meet this guy.''

''No.''

''What is
this really about? Your friends had a word with you, haven't
they?''

She can see
right through me. Smart girl.

''Yes.''

''I figured
so.''

''But, they
had a point. We always do only the things that you want to, it's
plain to see.''

''But, we're
havin' good time, don't we?!''

''No! I hate
paintball! And, I don't like your music. Listen, Kristen, if you go
through those doors, it means that you want to continue just the
way it was, and that you're breaking up with me.''

''No, no, no,
you're not going to blame this on me. If you want to break up with
me just say it.''

''No, I don't
want to break up with you, but if you go through those doors you
are breaking up with me.''

''You can't
just post an ultimatum like that, things don't work that way! I
will go through these doors, and I will meet this guy, and we'll
sort things out afterwards. On the beach if you want!''

''If you go
in, you're breakin' up with me.''

''Boy, you
really want to end this now, but you don't have the guts. What is
it, you don't like me anymore?''

''Like you?!
I love everything about you, girl. Even the saliva threads that
stretch in your mouth, when you chew gum with your mouth open, look
beautiful, just because they're yours.''

She said
nothing to that.

''But, it's
obvious that you'll go through those doors. You care more about
that comic than you care about me. Why did you accept me in the
first place? Why me, why not some of your friends?''

''Oh, god, do
we have to go through all this now?''

Some old man
went inside the hall, and closed the door.

''I have to
go, we'll settle this later, I love you, I'm not breaking up with
you!''

She went in
and closed the doors. With my shirt on her!

Such nerve.
That's it. I'm putting my shirt back in my pants.

Chapter eleven

Thirteen,
fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen. Or, sixteen plus Mr.
Holodnik to be more precise. I am sorry to be doing this to you Mr.
Holodnik but although I am grateful for those three hundred
dollars, I need all the manpower I can get.

They will
have to do. There is no more time to waste. There are four girls,
and even one child. What use do I have from you, kid?

I think that
one chap fell asleep. His head is on his chest, he is not
moving.

''I welcome
you all, and I thank you all for showing up. I am Saklas Usmanov,
the person behind the moniker Abraxas, the mouth that spoke the
story of '365 heavens'. I know that some of you want your comics
signed, and someone maybe, wants a photo with Abraxas, but I'm
afraid, I didn't summon you all here to socialize with you. I
summoned you here for matters of greater urgency.''

I got them
puzzled.

''Relax, I'm
not going to try to hustle money out of your pockets, that is not
what this is about.''

I made a
pause, this is the most important part.

''What if I
would tell you that you are all chosen? Chosen for things titanic.
And that you all chose yourselves that moment when you took
interest in my narrative, and decided to meet me. What if I would
tell you that the story of 365 heavens is true?''

They scoffed,
they laughed, expected.

I went to the
girl sitting in the first row, girl in the plaid shirt. I gave her
my hand. She looked at it and then reached, for handshake. But, as
soon as she touched my hand, she pulled her back, gasped and looked
at me with frightened eyes. My hand burned her.

''Careful.''

I went to
each of them and allowed them to touch my hand. I went to everyone
except Mr. Holodnik, I did not want to upset him any further. They
all got burned.

''How is this
possible?''