Read Manslations Online

Authors: Jeff Mac

Manslations

 
PRAISE FOR
 
Manslations
 
 

“Jeff Mac has summed up exactly why my last boyfriend and I broke up. Now I have a guide that really sums up why men do what they do. You'll laugh, shake your head, and laugh some more.”

 

 

 


Rachel Sarah
, author of
Single Mom Seeking:

 

Play Dates, Blind Dates, and Other Dispatches

 

from the Dating World
(2007, Seal Press)

 
 

“Comedian Jeff Mac spills many male secrets, revealing just why guys aren't up for “The Talk” and other relationship conundrums that continue to puzzle women. He explains the basics of male thinking (and female overthinking) in a funny but honest way that breaks down classic dating misunderstandings into language that's actually helpful. Instead of the Tough Love of a
He's Just Not That Into You
, Mac's take is that if he is into you, you can do no (okay, little) wrong, whereas if he's not, he'll likely just try to get you in the sack. If you're looking for a laugh and some high-quality advice for the lovelorn, do yourself a favor and check out
Manslations
.”

 

 

 


Rachel Kramer Bussell
, contributing editor,
Penthouse

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright © 2009 by Jeff Mac

 

Cover and internal design © 2009 by Sourcebooks, Inc.

 

Cover Design by Jill Lynn Design

 

 

 

Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.

 

 

 

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.

 

 

 

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional service. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.—
From a Declaration of Principles Jointly Adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

 

 

 

All brand names and product names used in this book are trademarks, registered trademarks, or trade names of their respective holders. Sourcebooks, Inc., is not associated with any product or vendor in this book.

 

 

 

Published by Sourcebooks, Inc.

 

P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567–4410

 

(630) 961–3900

 

Fax: (630) 961–2168

 

www.sourcebooks.com

 

 

 

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

 

 

 

Mac, Jeff.

 

Manslations : decoding the secret language of men / Jeff Mac.

 

p. cm.

 

1. Man-woman relationships—Humor. 2. Men—Language. I. Title. II. Title: Decoding the secret language of men. III. Title: Secret language of men.

 

HQ801.M2338 2009

 

306.708102’07—dc22

 

 

 

2008018086

 

Printed and bound in the United States of America.
VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This book is dedicated to all the ladies (and the occasional gentleman) who have written in to manslations.com—for the sheer optimism it must have taken to spill their guts to a total stranger over the Internet.

 

contents

 

Introduction: Welcome to
Manslations

 

1. Basic Manslations Theory, or The Stuff You Don't Know

 

2. Of Myths and Men, or Stuff You Don't Even Know You Don't Know

 

3. The Notorious S.E.X., or Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here

 

4. First Date Dos and Don'ts, or You're Not Wearing That, Are You?

 

5. Post-Date Debriefing and Aftermath, or Sitting at Home Freaking Out

 

6. Men and Their Things, or Sometimes a Remote Is Just a Remote

 

7. Having “The Talk,” or How to Communicate with a Man without Causing Him to Exit via the Fire Escape

 

8. Manslating Literature, TV, and the Movies, or Why Nobody in the Real World Ends Up with McDreamy

 

9. Twelve Months of Holiday Confusion, Solved

 

10. Manslations to the Top Thirteen Male Conundrums, or Real-Life Problems Crushed to Dust by the Power of Manslation

 

11. Final Thoughts, or Is That All There Is?

 

Glossary: The Phrase Book

 

Acknowledgments

 

About the Author

 

INTRODUCTION

 

welcome to
manslations

 
WHAT IS A MANSLATION?

Boy, am I glad that you asked that. If you aren't interested in knowing at least that much, then I have to question why you've read even this far.

 

So a
man
slation is a
tran
slation (see what I did there?) of male behavior into something that a woman can understand. Here, I'll use it in a sentence:

 

“Wow, would you look at that
manslation
over there?”

 

And now I'll use it in a more helpful sentence: “Listen, when that guy told you—within thirty seconds of introducing himself at the bar—that he drives a hybrid because he cares about the environment, the
manslation
is that he was trying to work his way into your bikini areas.”

 
Why Should You Care?

Because you are holding the Rosetta stone of relationships, conveniently printed on “paper.” (I begged them to release my original stone draft, but there was something about shipping costs.)

 

Throughout this book, I will manslate some of the things men do and say—and then I'll teach you how to do it yourself. By the end, you will have the tools to manslate what any guy's doing or saying. Ultimately you won't even need me anymore, and I can go back to living my lifelong dream of sitting around at my place doing nothing.

 

But before we really get going, I'm sensing that you might have some questions for me, such as, who am I? Why should you listen to me? Why this book and not all the other books sitting on the shelf next to it? What do I weigh?

 

Well, have no fear. Not only am I going to answer these, but I am also going to make up the questions and pretend that I'm you. Convenient!

 
WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU
QUALIFIED TO WRITE THIS BOOK?

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