Mark My Words (18 page)

It was my first book reading and signing. My book had released last week, and already it had become a bestseller. Woman of all ages stood with my novel pressed to their chest, waiting for a chance to meet me. They waited with bated breath to hear me read an excerpt. Behind me was a large banner displaying my photograph and the cover of my book. Mom stood off to the side, beaming. Ray was gone. And, by that, I mean truly gone. As in dead, gone. As in, he died in his sleep. Massive heart attack.

I wish I could say that I was sad when he passed, but I wasn’t. In fact, I was happy he was gone. I’d daydreamed about killing him myself many times, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of ruining my life for good.

My only regret was that he never got to see how successful I had become, especially since he was the reason I started telling stories to begin with. Now here I was, making a living spinning fiction.

As I opened the book to the passage I’d highlighted, a few of the women leaned forward, smiling anxiously. It felt surreal. Like it was nothing more than a dream.

But it wasn’t a dream.

It was real.

Still, I pinched myself. When I felt the sting of my fingertips squishing my skin, I nodded. This was real, all right.

Sometimes I had to make sure.

Clearing my throat, I started reading: “Can I come in?” She asked, her gaze not quite meeting mine.

Nodding, I moved out of the way to let her pass.

She walked inside, much like the last time, looking frail, unsure, a little timid. “I’m sorry about how I acted yesterday,” she started, still not looking directly at me. Her gaze shot around the room as if it was a fly that was afraid to land. “I…um…I guess I wasn’t really ready to talk to you about everything. I felt confused, and…I don’t know.” She paused, breathing deeply. “I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and I didn’t know if I was ready for it to end. But I also love him. We’ve been together a long time. And we’ve been through a lot.”

It was obvious where she was going with this, so I steeled myself.

Her gaze bounced to mine. She looked at me head on for the first time since walking inside. “But you’re right. He wasn’t there for me when I needed him most. You were.” She stepped forward, bridging the gap between us. “I’m so sorry that I wasn’t upfront with you from the beginning. That I didn’t tell you he was here. I understand if you’re upset with me.”

“Where is he now?” I interrupted her.

“Gone. He went home this morning.”

The floor flew out from beneath me. “Does this mean?” It seemed too good to be true. “That you…well…you’re choosing me?”

“If you’ll have me. I mean, I know I’ve been acting strange and--”

Curving my hand around her cheek, I drew her to me and stamped my mouth over hers, silencing her words. I didn’t need to hear any more. She had chosen me. That was all that mattered. I kissed her hard. Harder than I ever had before. But she didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she responded with the same amount of vigor. Her hands slid up my spine, tangled in the ends of my frayed hair. I brought my other hand up to frame her face and deepened the kiss. Our tongues engaged in a sensual dance, their moves manic and desperate. We kissed until my lips were swollen, until I felt dizzy. Then we disengaged, our foreheads falling together. Our breathing was loud and labored as it mingled together.

“I’m sorry about everything,” she finally said.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” I told her firmly. “I understand why you were conflicted. I even understand why you didn’t tell me.” I picked my head up off her sweaty forehead. “All I care about is that you’re here. I only want to be with you. That’s all that matters to me. Don’t you know that by now?”

When I looked up from the book, it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. But then the clapping started. A few woman even hooted and hollered. It was clear they enjoyed the snippet. Not that I blamed them. It was one of my favorite parts too.

In real life, Lennie had chosen him, but no one had to know that.

The manager at the bookstore gathered all the women into a line as I made my way to the table where all of my books were set up. After sitting in the fold out chair, I snatched up the sharpie they’d put out for me.

When I glanced up, the first woman was standing before me thrusting her book into my arms. “Oh, my gosh. I can’t believe I’m meeting you. I just loved the book,” she gushed.

“Thanks,” I said, opening her book and scrawling my signature on the first page.

“You can make it out to Rhonda,” she said.

Oh. Right
. I hadn’t even thought about addressing it to her. I was glad she said something. Peering up at Mom, she gave me a subtle nod. It was clear that she was proud, and it gave me the jolt I needed to continue. I wrote the woman’s name on the book along with some phrase thanking her for reading my book. Then the manager ushered her away and another woman appeared.

As I signed this woman’s book, a flash of blond hair caught my attention. My head bounced up, my breath hitching in my throat.

Lennie?

My pulse quickened, my hand suspended over the book on the table.

“Colin?” The manager touched my shoulder. “We have to keep the line moving.”

“Right.” I scribbled my signature and shoved the book toward the woman in front of me. Then I looked up, but Lennie was gone. Where did she go?

“Hi, I’m Susan,” a woman said, sidling up to the table.

“Hi, Susan,” I said politely, reaching for her book.

But still my gaze scoured the place. Finally I found her blond hair. She’d gotten in line. Had she come here for me to sign her book? Giddiness filled me. For the next fifteen minutes I signed book after book, all the while keeping track of Lennie’s blond hair from the corner of my eye. By the time she got to the front of the line, my fingers were cramped, my wrist sore.

But I didn’t care. All I cared about was seeing Lennie again.

When she reached the table, I peered up at her and my stomach tumbled to my feet. Not Lennie. Just a woman with a similar look.

“Oh, my god.” The woman who wasn’t Lennie clutched her chest. “I’m fangirling so hard right now. You have no idea. You are like totally my favorite author. The way you write about love is just…” she sighed. “There are no words.”

My lips twitched at the corners. She reminded me of the old Lennie. Of the girl she was in high school. “I mean, you must be the most romantic guy in the world. It’s so good that I seriously thought you had to be a girl.”

“What?” I asked, surprised.

“Yeah, like you were writing under a pen name or something.”

“Nope. I’m definitely a guy,” I said, feeling bold.

She pushed her book in my direction.

“Name?” I asked her.

“Daphne,” she replied. “This book was seriously epic. I read it in like one sitting. And it just felt so real. I could totally relate to the characters. Maybe it was partly because I work at Java Jett’s, so I like live in a coffee shop. But I also could totally relate to Laura.” She leaned down giving me a conspiratorial look. “I think because I’ve had some health problems and I just got out of a serious relationship.” She pulled back, throwing me a wink. “Now I just need to find out where my Cole is.”

My heart skipped a beat. When I handed the book back to her our fingertips brushed. A chill ran up my spine. She had the same color blue in her eyes that Sarah did.

“And I just loved the ending. It was perfect. I mean, what woman doesn’t love a happy ending?”

“Ma’am, you need to move along,” the bookstore manager said to Daphne.

Desperation bloomed in my chest as she moved away from the table. I opened my mouth to call out to her, but another woman’s voice cut into my words.

“Hi, I’m Karen.” A woman with a bad perm and too much makeup stood in front of me, blocking my view of Daphne. I moved to the side to look around her, but couldn’t find Daphne anywhere.

I hadn’t written a word since I finished this book, but suddenly a flood of scenes filled my mind, and they all featured Daphne – her blond hair, blue eyes and bubbly personality. As I signed the remainder of the books that night, I made plans to see her again.

She’d told me where she worked, so I knew I could find her.

And I had to find her. I had no choice.

She was my new muse.

THE END

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The idea for this story came to me while I was in the middle of writing PLAY NICE, the third book in the Make the Play Series. Colin came to me late one night, sharing his story with me. It was intriguing and I found myself wanting to know more. Over the next few days Colin’s voice became louder and louder, to the point where he drowned out the voices of the characters in PLAY NICE. At this point, I realized I had to set my current book aside and dive into MARK MY WORDS. Lennie’s character came to me easily. Her name was already on my lips, already streaming from my fingers. It was a name I never would’ve chosen, but I knew it was her name.

I knew because Colin told me.

The more I wrote Colin and Lennie’s story, the more clear it became that Colin was an unreliable narrator. He lied to me, he manipulated me, he was creepy, he was dark, and he was elusive. The truth is that at first I thought he was an honorable guy. And I thought the story was going to be a sappy romance. Boy was I wrong. But I followed Colin, even when it scared me, even when I knew it was risky. And the result is a book that’s completely different than my other books, but a book that I’m extremely proud of.

From day one I knew Lennie was sick, but I didn’t always know what she had. This is one detail that I didn’t get from Colin. In the end, I decided that Lennie would have melanoma, and I did that for a very personal reason.

Back when I was around nineteen years old, I met a girl named Lisa. She had the most beautiful smile and cheery disposition and we became fast friends. We hung out a lot, talking about God and our futures, laughing, and having fun. Around that time she started dating Gary, the man who would become her husband and I started dating Andrew. Still we remained close. Then we got married, had kids and drifted apart a little, as friendships tend to do. But Lisa always remained in my heart and we did connect from time to time.

Six years ago Lisa was diagnosed with stage 3 melanoma. I feel selfish saying that it devastated me, but it did. I had a really hard time understanding how someone so young and vibrant, someone who had 3 small children and a loving husband could receive this kind of news. The truth is that I’ve wrestled with it ever since. But Lisa is truly an inspiration to me. She still has the most amazing smile and cheery disposition. She has a strong faith in God, and being with her fills me with joy. She is an incredible person. One I aspire to be like. Even when her cancer spread to the point that it was upgraded to stage 4, she astonished me with her positive attitude and zest for life.

And I wanted to write this for her.

I wanted to shed light on a type of cancer that is widely misunderstood. It’s not simply skin cancer. It’s cancer. It spreads and spreads fast. But Lisa is still here with us. In fact, she helped me with the facts of this story. Her treatment is working, and I pray daily for a miracle for her. I would love for you to do the same. The God I serve is the God of miracles, and I will continue to believe that he can and will heal my friend.

As always, I have many people to thank for helping with this book:

Lisa Richardson – my superstar editor! I can’t thank you enough!

Alivia Anders – the cover is beyond perfect. You are so incredibly talented.

Megan Squires – for reading as I wrote and encouraging me along the way.

My fan club – for your constant support!

Andrew – for encouraging me to follow my heart on this one. For understanding the financial risk of trying out a new genre, but for telling me to go for it anyway.

Eli – for listening to my ideas for this story and helping me decide what works and what doesn’t.

Kayleen – for understanding when I had to take time to work even when you were home. And for giving me the space to do that.

And mostly, thank you to God, everything I have comes from you. And everything I do is for you.

Amber

Amber Garza is the author of the bestselling
Playing for Keeps Series,
as well as many other bestselling young adult romance novels including
Tripping Me Up
and
The Summer We Fell
. She also has several new adult and adult romance novels including
Break Free, Star Struck
and
Head Above Water
. She has had a passion for the written word since she was a child making books out of notebook paper and staples. Her hobbies include reading and singing. Coffee and wine are her drinks of choice (not necessarily in that order). She writes while blaring music, and talks about her characters like they’re real people. She currently lives in California with her amazing husband, and two hilarious children who provide her with enough material to keep her writing for years.