Masquerade (32 page)

Every time.

The first few nights
Grandma came running into my room to see what was wrong. She’d rub
my back and hum a lullaby, and I would pretend that it soothed me.
When she was gone I would get up out of bed on shaking knees and
run to my dresser for the bracelet Sam gave me. The
metal always felt warm in my hand and the weight
of it around my wrist was comforting.

Only then could I sleep. I
should just wear it to bed, but I was terrified that it would catch
on the sheet or my PJs, and the clasp would break again. If it
broke again who would fix it? I sent Sam away, and the bracelet was
all I had left
–
except for the whistle. I still wore it every day; I wore it
now, but it didn’t give me the same comfort.

Grandma stopped coming in after a
while, because I learned to quiet my sobs of fear. Sometimes I
think she suspected I still had bad dreams, because every morning
we would have breakfast together, and she would ask me how I’d
slept. I didn’t bother lying like I would have to my mother.
Grandma knew better, and I didn’t like the fib. She assumed my
dreams were because my mother thought I was evil, and other than
dropping off camp registration papers to Gran one day while I was
at school, she hadn’t been by to see how I was at all.

But I wasn’t having nightmares because
of my mother.

I was having them because of
Sam.

I
missed him. Like a ghost, pain haunted me day and night, no
matter where I went. He did come back to school, but
he didn’t bother me; he didn’t even look at me.
It was like he completely forgot I existed. Kimber was sure that it
was just a fight (I didn’t tell her otherwise) and that we would
make up, like her and Cole. I spent most of my lunch hours avoiding
one of her schemes to get Sam back.

I was so grateful when Friday came. I
was exhausted and depressed. The weekend stretched before me, and I
looked forward to being able to nurse my broken heart. It was a
stroke of luck that Gran had her monthly bridge meeting at a
friend’s house, and I was going to be spending the evening alone.
Grandma made some noise about not going to stay with me, but I
protested, saying I wanted to read a new book I found at the
library.

Once she was gone I changed into a
pair of cotton pajama pants and a tank top and crawled into bed. I
tossed and turned for a while, but my exhaustion won out, and I
slipped into sleep…

The dream began as it always did. I
tried to wake up, but I was caught between the dream and reality. I
got to the part where I was running and running, knowing that
something was after me, and then I fell, scraping my knee on the
hard pavement.

This was where I always woke
up.

But the dream continued…

The sting on my knee was burning, but
it was the least of my worries. Whatever was chasing me had caught
up and flipped me onto my back. I screamed and fought, flailing my
arms and kicking my legs. I was no match for what had me, but I
didn’t stop fighting.

Until I heard the growl.

I went still, peering up at
my attacker. I thought my heart would pound out of my chest because
the person who had me wasn’t a person at all. It was an animal: a
large black animal that was snarling and showing its very
lethal-looking teeth. Danger was screaming in my head, and I just
wanted to get away
.
I tried to roll myself out from under it. Razor sharp claws
bit into my arms, pinning me down. I felt the first warm trickle of
blood on my skin,
and I knew then that it
would kill me.

So I played dead.

I lay utterly still, holding my
breath, praying the thing would lose interest in its game if it
thought it had already won. Miraculously, the creature began to
back off. It took everything in me not to whimper from fear and
pain. I lay there still as I could, barely breathing for long
minutes after it left.

When I was sure it was gone I opened
my eyes and sat up. But the creature hadn’t left at all. It tricked
me, and now it crouched before me ready to finish off its prey.
Right before it launched I saw two others just like it approach.
Their golden eyes glistened in the dark, almost hypnotizing
me.

Agony searing through my body made me
scream. I felt blood oozing all over me, but I had no idea where it
was coming from. All I heard was snarling and high pitched screams
as my flesh was torn again and again.

Then it was over.

The screaming stopped.

Something warm surrounded me, making
me feel safe.

“
You’re going to be fine,”
he said.

I liked his voice. It was raspy and
deep. I tried to open my eyes to tell him to run away. It took
several tries and when I did my vision was blurred.

Even so, I would know him
anywhere.

Sam.

“
Help,” I
choked.

“
Shhh. You’re
safe.”

“
A…animal.”

“
I scared it away. I’m
going to get you some help.”

“
Th-thank…you.”

“
I’m so sorry.”

I didn’t understand why he sounded so
sad. I couldn’t hold onto the thought because the pain was so bad
that I began vomiting. Minutes or hours could have passed, but the
next thing I knew I was at the hospital.

“
Please take care of her.”
The warm safety of my savior’s arms was being taken away, and I
wanted it back.
Don’t leave me
here!

“
Strap her down, she’s
hysterical!” someone yelled.

I began to scream and
fight.

“
Heven, it’s
me!”

His voice was a lifeline, and I fought
even harder to get to it. I heard a grunt and a swear before I
managed to open my eyes. “Sam?”

“
You’re safe, sweetheart.
It was only a nightmare. A dream.”

I sagged against him and
sobbed, griping fistfuls of his shirt. He held me for a long time
while I cried. I
couldn’t even be
embarrassed because the dream was still so fresh in my mind. After
a while my sobs quieted and I just lay against him, boneless. “I
had a nightmare.”

“
I know.” His voice was
hoarse. “This was the worst one yet.”

I pulled back and looked up. “You know
about my dreams?”

“
I hear you every night,
crying. It’s horrible. Every night I pace the grass beneath your
window, willing myself to stay outside. The fact that your grandma
was here held me back, but tonight, she isn’t here.
And…”

“
And?”

“
I just couldn’t bear to
hear you scream like that.”

“
It was horrible,” I
whispered. “I remember all of it now.”

He stilled. “The attack?”

I nodded against him. “Usually I get
halfway through the dream and wake up. Tonight I dreamt it
all…”

He held me tighter.

It felt so good to be in his arms
again. He was warm and strong and safe. It made me remember… “You
saved me.”

“
I didn’t get there soon
enough,” he whispered.

I fought his embrace and as he let go,
I sat up. “It’s true?”

“
What did you dream?” His
face was drawn and pinched.

“
Something was following
me, but every time I turned around, it wasn’t
there
.
I was
scared, so scared, and I started running
.
But I wasn’t fast enough, and the
beast caught up
.
And it was so heavy, its claws felt like broken glass against
my skin.”

“
Then what
happened?”

“
Then the animal was gone,
and there was warmth. I felt safe. When I opened my eyes it was
hard to see, my vision was blurred.”

“
There was blood all over
you,” he murmured, rocking me gently.

I nodded. That must have been the
wetness I’d felt. “But then I saw you. You were holding me. You
took me to the hospital.”

“
I hated leaving you like
that. I couldn’t stay; they would have asked too many questions.” I
felt his arms shaking. He sounded sick.

“
I didn’t want you to leave
me.”

He groaned. “That’s why you fought
with the nurses? That’s why you started screaming?”

I nodded.

His eyes were far away. “I thought you
were scared of me. I thought you were in pain.” His eyes cleared
and he looked down. “You weren’t afraid?”

“
Not of you.” Never of
him.

He kissed me hard, grabbing my face
and pressing his lips against mine with a fierce desperation that
stole my breath. When he pulled back I said, “Why didn’t you tell
me?”

“
Tell you what?”

“
That you were the one who
saved me.”

“
I was the one that lead
China to you in the first place. I didn’t save you.”

It was the very same thought I’d had
too. Then I had this dream and it changed things forme – for us.
“You never wanted to hurt me.”

“
No.”

“
What are you doing here
tonight, Sam?” I sat back. I wanted to see his face.

“
I’m always here. I told
you I would watch over you.”

“
You’ve been here every
night for two weeks?”

He nodded. “Except when I am out
looking for China.”

“
Where?”

“
In the loft in the
barn.”

“
You ignore me at school.
You don’t even look at me.”

“
You told me to leave you
alone.”

“
But you still watch over
me.”

“
I’ve never stopped loving
you, Heven.”

A thrill went through me. It wasn’t
too late! “I’ve missed you so much.”

“
I’ve missed you
more.”

I laughed.

“
Can you forgive
me?”

I didn’t have to think it over.
“Yes.”

He hugged me, and I fell over
backward, laughing. When I looked up, his eyes flashed gold.
Slowly, he reached out and brushed a hand through my hair and
traced his fingers along the raised, ugly scars on my face. “You’re
the only one who’s ever touched them,” I confided, my lashes
dropping.

“
I never wanted you to get
hurt. If I had known…”

I put my hand over his lips, “Shhh. It
doesn’t matter anymore. If I didn’t have these scars I never would
have met you.”

With both hands pressed against the
mattress on either side of my head, he leaned down to kiss me. I
opened my mouth wider to accept more and wrapped my arms around his
waist. His body pressed fully against mine; the feeling was so
delicious I shivered. Sam took this as a sign that I was cold and
reached down to pull the blankets over us. Then there was nothing
but him. Soon, I was breathing hard and straining against him for
more…

“
Sam.”

His response was to rake his teeth
over my earlobe and growl low.

Was I ready to give him everything I
had? I wanted to – oh God, I wanted to. I loved him so much I could
barely breathe.

“
We should slow down,” he
said, putting a few inches between us.

We absolutely should. “I don’t want
to.”

He kissed me again, his hand sliding
up beneath my tank to cup my breast. I wasn’t wearing a bra, and I
gasped at the contact. His hand stilled, and he looked into my
eyes. I pushed my chest against him harder and he groaned, his eyes
sliding closed.

“
You’re so soft,” he
whispered, before sitting up to straddle me.

I opened my eyes. “Sam?”

“
Are you sure you want to
do this?”

“
Yes. Aren’t you?”
Insecurities came flooding into my head.

“
I don’t want to rush you;
I can wait. I love you so much.”

Is this why he was hesitating? The
night of the ball I was ready to hand him my heart with the three
words I knew he wanted to hear. But that night turned out much
differently than I’d planned. Nothing was going to stop me from
giving him those words right now. “Sam, I…”

He stiffened and looked toward the
window.

“
What?”

“
Your Grandma’s
home.”

Already? I looked over at the alarm
clock and winced. It was much later than I thought. He jumped off
me, landing silently on the floor. I sat up in protest; I didn’t
want him to go. Grandma’s footsteps on the stairs had me looking
toward my bedroom door.

“
Go to sleep,” he
whispered, then jumped out the window.

I flopped back on the
pillows and closed my eyes as she opened the bedroom door. Light
from the hall filtered in, and I concentrated on keeping my
breathing even and slow. She stood there a moment, then the door
closed, and she moved down the hall. I breathed a sigh of relief
and rolled over toward the window to watch the curtains floating in
the breeze. I wondered if he would come back. I wondered what we
would be doing if Gran hadn’t come home. Would this have been the
night I lost my virginity? Would I have gone through with
it?
Yes.
I would
have said those three words that Sam wanted to hear so badly, and
he would have made love to me.