Authors: Raven St. Pierre
Those were lonely times in my life, but all the effects of it weren’t bad ones. While, yes, I had major trust issues now, I also liked to think I was stronger, too.
“So, how’d you handle it?” Matt asked, cutting into my thoughts.
I watched his face, thinking I should maybe stop here, but that wasn’t an option. Besides, I knew I could tell him anything and he wouldn’t judge me.
“When all the pressure got to be too much, when I couldn’t take being the butt of everyone’s jokes anymore, when the rumors finally reached my parents… I did what he’d been trying to bully me into all along.” My heart felt heavy. “I had the abortion.”
That incident had left me feeling so weak. It felt disgusting making such an impactful decision based on what someone
else
thought I should do with my body. The choice should’ve been mine, but I let myself be pressured into it. I hadn’t done it because I was scared of being a mother; I did it because I didn’t have any power. If only I’d known better. If only I’d known to speak up for myself, to tell someone.
Matt was quiet.
“I’ve been careful ever since then. I got on the pill right away and I make sure I take it faithfully. That will
never
happen to me again.”
And there it was. Now Matt knew why I was so careful with my heart, why I shied away from anything that wasn’t a sure thing, anything that I couldn’t predict the outcome of. I hated feeling like someone else had control over what happened to me, so for that reason, I promised myself it would never happen again.
“I can’t believe you’ve held that in all this time.”
“Tonight is the first time I ever felt compelled to tell anyone.” I shrugged. “I don’t know… I guess, in a way, I wanted you to know that I’m not…”
Hopeless
was the word I was thinking of, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. But that was the truth; I wanted Matt to know that I wasn’t hopeless, that I was capable of letting my guard down and letting him in, but it’d take a little time.
His kiss warmed the center of my forehead and then I was taken into his arms, an embrace that I happily reciprocated.
“I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me.”
I was, too.
He seemed lighter now, less troubled by what he’d been through with his brother a few hours ago. It made me feel good knowing we’d both be bringing this night to a close feeling freer than when the day started.
“Are you staying tonight?” he asked softly.
With Lia spending the night with Lissy, I didn’t have any obligations.
“If you want me to,” I answered.
A low grumble of a laugh vibrated deep within his chest. “I definitely want you to.”
So it was settled.
Easing out of bed just long enough to slip out of my jeans, I climbed back beside him. All concern about our first face-to-face being awkward was obviously gone and all that remained between us was a budding relationship. I smiled at that.
“You’re comfortable?” he asked, already drifting off.
I snuggled in closer to his bare chest and nodded. “Completely.”
We dozed like that and I was so happy to be here—not just here
physically;
here in this emotional state with him, comfortable, safe, happy. It felt good. It felt
better
than good.
…it felt right.
*****
It was still dark, but something roused me out of my sleep—a persistent tingle in the center of my stomach. While my eyes fluttered, the sensation intensified. Something was happening, but it wasn’t registering yet; not until I was slowly dragged down the mattress.
Matt was between my legs, his face. The soft, feathery strands of his hair caressed the insides of my thighs and I squirmed when he placed tender kisses there. At the feel of his lips against my skin, my chest rose and fell quickly. I’d sworn to myself that last time was the
last
time, but…
“I swear I tried to let you sleep, but I’m not as strong as I thought,” he confessed. His voice was raspy, dripping with need. A warm breath rushed over my skin when Matt sighed heavily, waiting for me to say something. He hadn’t asked for permission, but I knew that was why he hadn’t gone further; knew that was why my panties were still on.
‘Are you sure you wanna do this?’
I asked myself. Not resisting him would set precedence for the future of this relationship. Last time could be passed off as a mistake, a moment of weakness, but twice… twice would mean that our relationship was officially sexual. It would mean that regular, casual sex between us would become the norm.
Was that really what I wanted?
Did I basically want to give Matt a free pass to touch me like this whenever he wanted?
I thought about that for a few seconds and I was sure he knew why I hesitated. However, I answered my own question when I looped my fingers around the waistband of my panties and slipped them down my legs. Matt pulled them from my ankles and set them aside on the sheet. I wanted this, wanted
him.
Not just now, but the next time, and the next time, and the time after that… My hand went to his hair and I touched the top of his head, encouraging him to lower his mouth again, letting him know it was okay to finish what he started.
First there were gentle kisses placed sporadically across the tops and insides of my thighs, but then I quivered when he introduced my body to a new sensation—his tongue dipping inside me. It was only once, just a tease, and then he went back to the feather-light brushes of his lips over my skin. My pulse went into overdrive and I couldn’t even think straight.
Who would’ve ever thought we’d be here? After being friends for years, after coloring inside the lines for so long, after being so careful—never a stray touch or inappropriate word exchanged between us—we somehow ended up…
here
. I lifted my head and stared down my body at the image of my best friend burying his face between my legs, tasting what was once forbidden and off limits. I whimpered and gripped the sheets, letting my head fall back again. Two large hands gently forced my legs further apart, pressing toward the mattress.
“Right there…” I breathed, beside myself with lust. Every inch of me came alive, begging for Matt’s touch. While he continued to devour me, slowly driving me insane, I couldn’t resist the urge to touch my breasts, fondling my nipples.
“Can I watch you?” came Matt’s husky voice when he paused to make the request. He wanted to watch me touch myself and I didn’t hesitate to grant his wish. Gripping the hem of my shirt, I pulled it up, exposing my breasts and then I touched them again, slower since I now had an audience. A deep groan vibrated in his chest before he lowered his mouth again, keeping his eyes on me while he licked and sucked me crazy.
Who is this man?
I couldn’t seem to grasp the concept of the person doing these things to me being Matt. They were one in the same.
He backed away. “Turn over,” he demanded impatiently, and I did—quickly removing my shirt first.
The bed creaked, but I couldn’t see through the darkness when I peered over my shoulder. Matt left the bed and gently pulled my legs off the edge, leaving only my stomach and breasts resting on the mattress. Soft, dizzying kisses went to the center of my back, trailing down my spine until my eyes closed. He dragged his hands down my waist, stopping at my hips, lifting them higher until my backside pressed against him.
At the thought of having him inside me again, I felt fluid rush between my legs where he now rubbed gently. I wanted to savor this, remember every detail, every kiss, every touch. But there was more than that. There were emotions swallowing us whole, pulling us together, right along with our physical needs. There were things I hadn’t told Matt yet. Among the many feelings I had toward him—respect, loyalty—there was a deep affection that defied reason. We were linked, bonded in a way no one but us would probably ever understand and I felt that connection strengthening with every second that passed.
I let Matt venture into areas of my mind I hadn’t willingly let anyone else even know existed. Two and a half years is a long time to be patient, a long time to wait for someone to come to their senses… but he had. And when I say he waited, he did so in the purest sense of the word. There was no pressure, no subtle hints that he was tired of waiting. His undying patience was yet another testament of the kind of man he was—a
real
man. He knew my past, all I’d been through, mistakes I made… and he hadn’t changed. He hadn’t changed because he wanted me as is, flaws and all. My heart felt full as it often did when it came to him and I felt even closer to him than before.
Emotions were high when he entered me from behind. My lips parted and my head went back. I felt each and every nerve in my body activate one by one, mirroring how he’d awakened me in every other way possible. For him, I was completely open.
“You feel so damn good,” he breathed, and I had just been thinking the same thing about him. The fronts of his thighs, brushed rhythmically against the backs of mine and I parted them further, wanting to feel more,
take
more.
The firmness of his body contrasted the softness of mine when I reached back to touch him. My fingertips gripped his side, pressing greedily into his flesh. His hand grazed over the top of mine… stopping when he touched the ring. I still had it on. He paused briefly and toyed with it, probably surprised I hadn’t taken it off, but he’d be even
more
surprised if he knew it had been there since the picture I sent him of it days ago. I had no clue why I hadn’t removed it yet. It just… I don’t know…
At the feel of it on my finger, he pushed harder, deeper, and my nipples brushed back and forth over the expensive sheets. A fistful of my hair was taken and he locked his fingers around it, tugging to pull me up toward him. The thrill of it, the pleasure and pain he inflicted, made me quiver as he moved inside me. I pressed my hands deep into the mattress to hold myself up.
Again using my hair to position me how he wanted, Matt yanked my head to the left, exposing the side of my neck—placing a gentle kiss that contrasted the grip he had on my curls. His lips traveled to my ear and I leaned into him when he whispered.
“It’s a perfect fit,” he said suggestively, leaving me to wonder if he was even talking about the ring. Well… either way he meant it, he was right.
Matt fell silent after his comment brought a smile to my face. Now his attention was solely on trying to make me come—something that wasn’t very far off at this point. He hit every nerve when he pulled out, deliberately slow, making sure I’d feel
everything
, and then ramming his hips back toward me. The sound of my wetness surging around him and both our heavy breathing, were the only sounds in the room.
“I can’t wait to come inside you,” he whispered breathlessly, filling one hand with my breast.
“Then do it,” I teased.
He groaned and rotated his pelvis in teasing circles instead. The change in motion made me weak in the knees. This experience made me never want to rush through sex with him ever again. While I thought the first time was incredible, this…
Matt had made me eat my own words tonight. Before leaving his house, I vowed that what happened between us was a onetime thing, but I was clearly disillusioned to think that was possible. Our feelings were far too strong, ran way too deep. I was trying to resist a force that was impossible to overcome, but I was done fighting it. Giving in felt way too good.
I clamped my bottom lip between my teeth and sucked in a breath. He liked that, hearing my reaction. The nipple he’d been fondling was abandoned, left unattended so he could again entangle his fingers in my hair. I let him, yielding as he pulled and tugged as much as he wanted. The intensity of a tantalizing vibration deep within my stomach made my eyes fall closed. He’d been in tune with my body this whole time, so it didn’t surprise me that he knew I was about to come. No words were exchanged between us, but none were needed.
When I felt it, I embedded my knees in the mattress, tightening my muscles around his dick, forcing him to follow me over the edge whether he thought he was ready to or not.
“Damn, Brook,” he breathed, half-protesting that I’d just made it harder for him to resist the release. It was selfish on my part, wanting to feel him go at the same time as me, but I was sure he’d get over it soon if he hadn’t already.
I rotated my hips opposite Matt’s rhythm and listened to him grunt and groan as he emptied inside me, loving the way his deep, guttural sounds contrasted the soft cries that left
my
mouth. I recalled the thoughts that invaded my head after our
first
time—thinking that I shouldn’t have let it happen, thinking how stupid I’d been—none of that came to mind now. Not this time. All I felt was the closeness. When we came down from the intense climax that ravaged us both, he stood me upright and kissed my shoulder, encircling my waist right after. We lingered there, swaying a bit because our bodies were still so highly charged.
The gently spoken phrase, “Brook… I’m in love with you,” left me dazed when Matt said it. If this had been a week ago, I would’ve overreacted, tried to distance myself from him, but timing is everything.