Mercy F*uck (23 page)

Now I had the DPD all up in my shit, insurance asking questions because I had two claims now and employees that needed to be moved to another location. At this point, I wasn’t sure which was more confusing; trying to nail down Officer Willis or figuring out where to place my crew. Shane was easy, he’d blend anywhere.

Tiny was a good fit at Bennett’s; but Fudge and Luis weren’t blenders. Fudge was surly and had issues with authority. Luis, well, the man didn’t speak. He showed up, he busted ass, he went home. I’d need to give this some serious thought and soon. Breakfast with Gadget, while a letdown, wasn’t because I didn’t think the world of him. I totally did. Unfortunately, when it came to the cop, he had dick to go on which left me without a dick to hold.

First time I could ever say I was without dick, snort!

Letting him know that he was off the hook, I threw some cash down and was on my way out the door when he stopped me. “Just because I don’t have shit now does not mean I won’t have shit in the future.”

“You have actual work to do. I don’t want you wasting time on me.”

“Keeping you alive isn’t wasting time,” he argues in his deep voice. “I hear anything, I’ll call. You do the same.”

“Thanks. How’s the guy you sent Axle’s way working out anyway?”

“Axle gave him free reign,” he chuckles low. “So he’s happy as fuck right now.”

Rolling my eyes, I hail a cab and head back to Axle’s place.

I wasn’t two steps inside when he rounds the corner in only a towel. “Met Gadget without me?”

“I wanted you to sleep,” I shrug preferring he drop the cotton. “He had zip to share except that his guy loves working for you.”

“He should,” he says drying off. “I gave him a key and said don’t die.”

“You can’t run a business by – ”

“I can,” he says firmly. “And I did. However, I do have a bond to collect on personally if you’d like to go with me.”

“Watch you in action?”

“Yeah.”

“Count me in,” I squeal in delight. “How many guns do we need?”

“No guns,” he grins. “Cuffs, taser, and his paperwork.”

“Your job sucks,” I pout perfectly. “And it’s boring.”

“We leave in ten,” he chuckles and the asshole dropped his towel leaving me staring at his ass.

Now hitting an alley off Washington, I ask him, “How much do you make off this one?”

“Two grand,” he says parallel parking like a boss. Shutting the car off he says, “Follow my lead, Drew.”

“Eye eye, sheriff Bart. Our guy is at Big City?”

“Yeah,” he acknowledges then asks, “Who the fuck is sheriff Bart?”

“Blazing Saddles, duh.” When he grins I yell out, “Hey, where all the white women at?”

Swatting my ass, he opens the back door and I follow him through anxious to witness him busting skulls.

Not saying a word because I already know how this would play out, I find a wall and lean against it. I knew the logistics from watching my dad and Foxy since I was a kid. Where my dad went for diplomacy, Foxy used scare tactics. Axle the sexy man went with sheer intimidation. Coming up behind the perp, (I have always wanted to say that) he spoke a few words and then I giggled when the idiot tried to bolt. Too bad I knew the guy and was enjoying this too much to let him pass. Instead, I blocked the exit crossing my arms over my chest doing my best to look tough. Coming up short he blinks a few times, looks down and says, “Drew, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Watching you go to jail, duh.”

“You know that guy?” he asks staring holes into Axle who was smirking.

“Biblically,” I wink. “What’d you do now, Ricky?”

“He was arrested for solicitation and failure to appear,” Axle says with a knowing grin. This confused me because Ricky was a good looking guy. He owned a popular bar, he could get laid easily so, a hooker? Ew.

“You own a bar, dipshit,” I laugh loud. “You could get laid every night if you felt like it. Why pay for it?”

“First,” he says with a red face. “The women that come to my place are practically girls and second, I didn’t know she was talent until…after. When she demanded fucking payment.”

“I’ve told you to come get some at my place for years,” I chuckle at the memory. Ricky rarely came into
The Hole
because he claimed the women there were
fucking mean
. He’s fortunate I saw this as a compliment.

“Heard your shit got blown up,” he says sadly. “Real sorry about that. But I’ll be out of business if I’m not here to run things and you know it, Drew. I don’t even have a door man right now. Fuck. I don’t need this. It wasn’t even good pussy. If anything, she owed me!”

“Tell you what, go with Axle and square up. Then I’ll send Fudge and Luis to you until I find another spot for him.”

“No shit? Fudge? Hell yeah. Luis too? You’d do that for me?”

“Of course. They’re unemployed at the moment, so do your thing and I’ll send them by, tomorrow at eight. Cool?”

“Fuck. I can’t do time over paying for pussy, Drew.”

“You’re not going to do time,” Axle interrupts. “But you will pay a fuck load of fines, including what your ass owes me. The longer you wait the worse it’ll be.”

“Can I ride with you guys?” he asks hopefully. “Not a fan of cop shops.”

“As if I was trusting you to walk in on your own,” Axle says cuffing him.

“Are the cuffs necessary?” he argues holding giving a pitiful struggle.

“Naw,” Axle winks over at me. “Just makes me look bad ass.”

“Shotgun!” I yell, pushing Ricky out of the way to claim the front seat.

Several hours later he was processed, paid up, and waiting for release. Once that happened we dropped him at his bar and I shared the guy’s numbers with him. When Axle got on the freeway, I asked him where we were going and his answer was, “Shopping.”

Twenty minutes later, I figured it out.

“Woman,” I grunted walking out back to catch her waxing the Impala. “Don’t you ever sit still? You’re supposed to be relaxing.” I swear to God she even worked in her sleep. But I won’t lie, watching her smash her tits all over the hood had my cock hard.

“I haven’t had my hands on her in forever,” she smiled for me. “I missed her.”

Grabbing the rag and tossing it over my shoulder, I gave her the order to, “Lie on your back, Drew.”

“Here?” she said biting her lip.

“And now,” I said helping her up. When she’s flat, I tug her t-shirt down so I can see her tits. Unbuttoning her jeans, I shimmy them down and finally off before bending down.

“You’re going down on me?”

“You got a problem with that?”

“Is the engine a Turbo-Fire V-8?”

Using a finger to slip her thong aside, I give her one lick and relish the moan. “As a matter of fact it is,” I told her.

“Well there you go,” she said arching up beautifully.

Having Drew come on the hood of the car we restored together felt like we’d found a missing puzzle piece.

It takes balls to walk into an adult toy store.

And I am the first to admit it’s intimidating as fuck.

Having no idea what half the shit was, I kept asking her but all she says is, “Buy it, we’ll try it.”

Clearly you don’t walk in, buy a vibrator, and walk out.

Because Drew was holding three, each one bigger than the one before it, and just handed them to the cashier to make sure they worked.

“No returns,” she explains. “You have to test them out here first. It sucks getting home and realizing it doesn’t work and you’re stuck using your hands.”

“I don’t mind using my hands,” I felt that bared repeating.

“But I do,” she says nudging me.

When the first one starts buzzing and twirling, I literally got a hard on.

“This is a fav of mine,” the cashier announces and I lost some of my chub because the woman needed shit like this in her life. My God, she was…awful to look at. “The immobilizer,” she praises. “Can’t walk for hours, am I right?”

“Is she serious?” I ask Drew who fights a laugh.

“Last but not least, big black.”

“You don’t need that one,” I rush out trying to slap it out of her hand.

“Oh yes
we
do,” Drew says holding it with a firm grip.

“It’s twelve fucking inches,” I argue.

“And?”

“What the hell are you going to do with a twelve inch—-oh fuck me…I have a visual.”

“I’ll grab you a butt plug,” she says helpfully. “That way we both get – ”

“I think he’s getting peaked,” the cashier says concerned. “His color is gone.”

“He’s fine,” she assures her. “He’s excited is all.”

“Uh huh.”

“Give me the fucking total so we can go,” I grunt wanting out of here.

Tossing cash at her and grabbing the bag, I haul ass home and once we were back inside she asks me, “Are you freaked out right now?”

“No, fine, a little. That’s a big black dick, Drew. You use that, what am I here for?”

“It’s a fake dick,” she says taking it out of the bag and flipping it on. “And it’s for you to use,
on me
.”

“You couldn’t have got a mini dick?”

Trying not laugh her ass off, we both turn to see Carrie and Tiny walking in unannounced. With a dick buzzing in her hand Carrie nonchalantly says, “I love Cirillia’s Toy Store. Good choice, Drew. I have the same in purple, I call him Barney, get it?”

“This is not fucking happening right now,” I groan to the ceiling. “You don’t live here anymore therefore you knock and what the fuck are you even doing here anyway? Hold up,” I stutter when it hits me.   “
You
have…toys?”

She didn’t even like sex! Well no shit, she had a twelve-inch purple cock to play with!

“Well yeah,” she says quietly.

“Since when?”

“Since always, since you never wanted to – ”

“Carrie?” Drew calls out suddenly.

“Hmm?”

“It’s weird again.”

“Fucking awkward too,” Tiny mumbles.

“What brings you two by?” Drew asks her.

“Drew,” I say with pleading eyes. “Turn off big black, for the love of Christ.”

“Oh,” she chirps. “My bad.”

Standing there with a black dick in her palm, my ex looking at her like she was wonder woman and Tiny looking at my ex like she was she-Jesus, I was utterly and oddly, content.

As if Carrie and Tiny had a place here, with us.

Fuck me, I was really okay with this
…

“The reason for my visit,” she says eyeing Drew. “Is I was wondering if you’d consider hiring me to work at Bennett’s as a server.”

“Do you have experience?”

“Uh no,” she says staring at her feet.

“You’re hired,” she says hoisting that God damn dick into the air like a scythe.

“I am?”

“Tiny will have you meet with the manager, Len. I’ll call him later; tell him you’re coming by to do the paperwork. But Carrie, you suck, you’re fired, got it?”

“Got it!” she squeals grabbing Drew around the waist and lifting her up.

“I’ve got a dick in my hand with my man’s ex nearly dry humping my leg,” she quips. “We’ve passed weird.”

“Babe,” Tiny says gently. “This is fucking uncomfortable, we gotta go.”

“Wait,” I say quickly addressing Carrie. “You don’t like teaching?”

“I’ve never liked it,” she says chewing her lip.

“Then why’d you do it?”

“You said you wanted safe.”

Looking Tiny square in the eyes, I made it clear, “I wasn’t good to her, do better than me.”