Merry Ex-Mas (12 page)

So I found a chair in the corner of the room, sat down, leaned back, crossed my legs, then sipped my wine until my glass was empty. I placed my glass on the floor, but it was only there for a moment. Another glass appeared, filled with my beloved Moscato. Clearly my wine supplier understood what it was like for me to be here.

A few more sips, and I became a connoisseur of the crowd. I figured out what each man did for a living, and I was convinced of why each of the women hated me.

But then, I wondered. I had been with Bobby for ten years, and he had never shared this world with me. Why not?

When we were together, our lives were filled with only two things: lots of partying with his Laker buddies and lots of sex at home. It was wonderful to me, but then again, I was nineteen, twenty, and twenty-one.

But what would have happened if Bobby had exposed me to more? What would've happened if when I were twenty-two, and twenty-three, and twenty-four, Bobby had taken me out to meet people like the ones who were here? Or if when I were twenty-five, twenty-six, and twenty-seven he would have taken me to the theatre, and the opera, and the ballet?

If he had done any of that, would I have matured into a woman that he would've wanted to really call his own? If he had done all of that, would he have still dumped me when I was twenty-eight? Or would he have still chosen Caroline because not only was she already refined, but she was a woman who had her own means?

I shook her head. Bobby and I were old news, so why was I wasting any time even thinking about him? I needed to get away from these funky thoughts quick!

I stood up, but then, I stood still. Where was I going to go? I hadn't seen Angel in a while. And even Bobby and Caroline were nowhere in sight.

Strolling over to the fireplace, I studied the gold frames on the mantel. These pictures told the story of the Johnsons. Pictures of Bobby and Caroline, all hugged up and happy. And then there were pictures of Bobby, Caroline,
and
Angel.

I picked up the photo on the end. The three were on a beach, holding each other and smiling like this was the best time of their lives. I had to put that one down. But then, I made another mistake and picked up another picture. This one was with Caroline and Angel, both in sapphire gowns. And Bobby stood in the middle in a tuxedo.

This was my child, but they had claimed Angel as theirs. It was like Caroline had stolen my life!

I put the photo back in place, then glanced around at the room, the furniture, the people. This should have all been mine, and it would've been if Bobby had nurtured me and then made the right choice.

"Would you like another glass?"

My Asian friend was back, and it wasn't until she asked the question that I even realized my glass was once again empty.

But just a few moments after I said, "Yes," I had a new glass in my hand. This time, though, the wine didn't make me feel as good as before. No matter how fast I drank it.

I strolled back over to my chair, plopped down a little harder than I'd planned to, and as Nat King Cole crooned about chestnuts roasting, I took quite a few more sips of my wine.

And then, I don't know why it happened, but tears started streaming down my face. I put down my glass and held my head in my hands.

This was a miserable Christmas, and what was worse was that I had no place else to go.

"Mom!" Angel tried to whisper. "What's wrong?"

I lifted my head and had to blink a couple of times to bring my daughter into focus. "What?"

"You're crying. What's wrong?"

"I'm not crying," I said as I wiped my eyes. "It's just that
…
I couldn't find you
…
and I was sitting here alone," I sobbed.

"Mom," Angel looked over her shoulder to see if anyone was watching us.

But all around us, the Christmas celebration continued with music and laughter. Just like for the hour that I'd been here, no one seemed to notice me.

Angel slid onto the arm of the chair and put her arm around me. "I'm sorry you were by yourself, but I was with Mom and Dad
…
"

"She's not your mother," I snapped.

"You know what I mean. I've just been walking through the party because there were people they wanted me to meet."

"Well," I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand, "while you were walking around, I've been by myself."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't have anybody to talk to."

"You can talk to anybody."

"I don't fit in here. I know it and everybody here knows it, too."

"If you talk to them, I'm sure they'll talk back to you. Remember what you used to tell me? You have to be friendly to make friends."

I couldn't believe that she was throwing back stuff at me. Yeah, I was right to tell her that, but that was when she was in kindergarten! This was different.

I guess it was my silence that made Angel say, "I won't leave you anymore."

I hated that I was whiny and clingy. What I wanted to do was tell Angel to just go off with her father and stepmother. I'd be fine. After all, I was a grown woman; I could certainly sit in a room by myself.

But being here around these people
…
I didn't feel grown. Really, at this moment, Angel probably felt more grown than I did.

So after Angel told me that she wouldn't leave me, all I could say was, "Thanks."

And right at that moment, Caroline hurried into the room and zeroed in on Angel.

"Sweetheart, come here," she motioned with her hand. "The Petersons, the couple we were telling you about from New York, just arrived. I want you to meet them."

Angel nodded, stood, and took my hand. "Come on," she whispered.

I shook my head. "I don't think Caroline wants to introduce me to anybody."

"Of course she does," Angel said. "And anyway, anybody who wants to meet me should get to meet my fabulous mom."

For the first time since I got here, I smiled. "You're such a good daughter." Then I stood up, and wobbled a bit. "Whoa." I had to hold onto Angel to steady myself.

"Mom," Angel whispered, "are you drunk?"

"Drunk? No. I'd have to drink to get drunk, and I've only had a couple of glasses of wine. I just stood up too fast. Felt a little dizzy, but I'm good now."

"Okay," Angel said, though she gripped my hand a little tighter.

As Angel walked, I did my best to keep up with her. It was already hard enough because she had such a long stride. But now, I was unsteady on my feet. How many glasses of wine had I finished off?

Angel zigzagged through the guests (making me even more dizzy) as she made her way from the living room, through the foyer, to the other side of the house, where Caroline stood at the door of the library, chatting with a man and a woman.

"Mom," Angel called out to Caroline and I could feel it
…
my blood pressure was rising.

With a smile, Caroline turned, but then she frowned when she looked at me. The smile was still in her voice, though, when Caroline said, "Come here, sweetheart, I want you to meet Mr. and Mrs. Peterson." Turning to the couple, Caroline said, "This is our daughter, Angel."

"It is wonderful to meet you," the man with snow-white hair that almost matched his skin said. "You are as beautiful as your mother said."

Caroline put her arms around Angel's shoulders and beamed.

"Yes," the woman standing next to the man piped in, "you're simply lovely."

"Uh
…
" I grunted.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Angel said. She smiled as she began, "This is
…
"

Before she could finish, Caroline cut Angel off, "Oh, yes, this is Asia."

"Nice to meet you, Asia," the man and the woman said together.

I frowned. That's it? That's how she was going to introduce me? She was dismissing me like I wasn't an important part of this relationship.

"So, young lady," Mr. Peterson said to Angel, "we have a lot to talk about."

"Excuse me," I jumped in. My voice came out a little louder than I expected. "My name is Asia, Angel's mother."

The man glanced at Caroline, then turned back to me with a look that told me he didn't have any idea what I was talking about.

So, I made it clear to him. "I'm Asia, Angel's mother," I said, using my thumb to point to my chest the whole time.

"We know that," Caroline said, though her lips hardly moved. Then she had the nerve to turn her back on me. And I'm telling you, I was about to go all the way off.

My daughter knew me well, though. She could feel it; she knew it was about to be on. "Mom," she whispered. "Mom, please."

"Please what?" I asked; this time I didn't even try to keep my voice down.

Angel took my hand and pulled me away.

"Where are we going?" I grumbled. I wanted to jerk my arm away from the hold she had on me. I wanted to curse Caroline out and then just go home.

But instead, I followed my daughter as she dragged me through the long hallway and back into the kitchen where chefs and waitstaff moved about, putting the final touches on the dinner. Together, we weaved through the space until we were on the other side, standing in the breakfast nook.

While the staff rushed around us, Angel whispered, "Mom, what are you doing?"

"What're you talking about?"

"I'm talking about out there," Angel said, pointing toward the front of the house. "You were acting all mad and talking loud."

"You need to talk to your evil stepmother. What was Broom Hilda trying to do, huh? Introducing you as her daughter."

"Mom, she always does that."

"Then she needs to stop it." I leaned in closer. "She is not your mother."

Angel backed up, frowning. I guess she could smell the wine on my breath. "I know she's not my mother," she said. "Everybody knows that she's not my mother. She just doesn't like to use the word 'step.' And neither do I, 'cause Mom Caroline has always been nice to me."

"Well, she isn't being nice to me. She invited me over here just to make me feel like a fool."

"No, she didn't! She's just busy because there are so many people here, and she has to make sure that everything is right. If she wasn't so busy, she would talk to you more. She really wants you here, but Mom, you've got to act right."

"Act right?" I felt my shoulders hunch up and I crossed my arms. "Who are you talking to that way? I'm not even doing anything. In fact, you know what? Let me just get the hell out of here."

"No! Mom, please!" She paused, she blinked, she swallowed as if she were trying to hold back tears and sobs. "I just want everybody to get along, and I really want you here with me.
It's Christmas.
"

It took less than two seconds for me to sober up and soften up. "Oh, baby, I'm not going anywhere. Don't cry. I'll try to," I paused and forced the next words out, "act right."

Angel stepped back. "Will you?" she asked, sounding like she wanted to do some kind of pinky promise with me.

I nodded, then looked around. "All I need is another glass of wine."

Angel shook her head hard. "I don't think that's gonna help."

"Yeah, it will. I need it so that I can loosen up and get rid of all this stuff I'm feeling."

"Angel!"

We both turned at the sound of Caroline's voice, and I stared her down as she moved to where we were standing. Her gaze moved from Angel to me, then back to Angel. "What are you doing in here?"

"Nothing. I was just showing my mom the kitchen."

"Oh," Caroline said. Her eyes narrowed as she studied Angel. "Well, your father is looking for you. Daphne and her parents just arrived."

"Cool!" Angel turned to me. "Mom, you have got to meet my best friend, Daphne. Well, she's my best friend when I stay here, but you're gonna love her."

"Okay." I was glad to get away from Caroline because if I stayed with her for one moment, I didn't know what I'd do.

But just as I took a couple of steps, Caroline called my name.

When I turned around, she asked, "Can I talk to you?"

I moved back to her, and Angel did, too. "What do you want?" I wondered if she could hear it in my tone
—
that if she wanted a fight, she'd chosen the wrong one.

"Mom!" Angel called out, but to be honest, I wasn't sure which mom she was talking to.

Then together, Caroline and I said, "It's all right."

Still, my daughter didn't move.

"Go ahead," I told her, a little more forcefully. But I said it with such a wide smile, that Angel relaxed a little. "We'll be fine here," I added. "We're just gonna have a little talk."

Caroline gave Angel her own nod of assurance.

"Okay," Angel said softly. She began moving, walking backwards so that she could keep her eyes on us. Without saying a word, she pleaded with both of us, and with our smiles, we made promises to her.

But once Angel was out of our sight, it was on. All smiles were gone and there was no promise that I planned to keep.

"What was that out there?" Caroline asked, getting right to her point.

"That's what I should be asking you. It felt like you were trying to push me to the side, like I didn't matter."

At first, Caroline didn't speak, as if she were letting my words hang in the air. As if she were telling me those were my words, not hers, but
…

Then she said, "This is our home, these are our friends, and I would appreciate it if you would take that into consideration the next time you open your mouth."

"Then stop trying to belittle me and embarrass me."

"What are you talking about? I was simply introducing Angel to the Petersons."

"Introducing her as if you were her mother. And that's what you need to understand." I got in Caroline's face. "Nothing will ever make you Angel's mother. She's my daughter, and you need to respect that; you need to respect me."

"Oh, the way you respected me when you slept with my husband? For all of those years?"

I pulled back a little. Was that what this was about? I gave her a half-chuckle. "Really, Caroline? You're still holding onto that?"

"Holding onto it? As if that were something small." Now she got in my face. "You slept with my husband, Asia. And I will never forgive you for that."

I have to admit, the venom in her voice made me back up a little. "So then, why did you invite me here?"

She didn't hesitate for a moment. "To remind you, Asia. To remind you of your place."

I frowned. My place?

Then, she broke it down for me. "I wanted you to see Bobby's life," she said with a smirk. "And to see that you would never fit in here."

Okay, this chick was bunny-rabbit-boiling crazy. "So you're saying that you still see me as a threat?" I laughed. "This is classic. Sweetie, I don't want your husband." I paused. "Though all this proves is that I could have him any time I wanted him."

Now, the truth was, I didn't believe that. From the moment Bobby had told me that our affair was over, he didn't even come close to giving me any signs that he still wanted me. But for some reason, this heffa wasn't so sure about her husband.

And I'd just scored a point, because the way her eyes darkened let me know that she
was
worried about Bobby. What was going on in their lives?

"All I want to do," Caroline began in that high-brow tone of hers, "is find a way to keep the peace for the rest of this evening."

"Okay, I'm down for that," I said with my arms still crossed. "We'll make it through tonight, and then you won't ever have to worry about me coming back."

She smiled as if I'd just made her very happy. "Well, in a few years, we won't have to worry about any contact. We only have a couple of years of co-parenting."

"You mean, Bobby and I only have a few more years," I corrected her.

Caroline smirked, "If that's the way you see it, then yes."

"And it's more than a few years. But you're right, once Angel graduates from high school, there won't be any reason for any of us to see each other."

Now Caroline's smile got so wide, I had to frown. "What?"

She turned her back on me
…
again, and started to walk away, but I caught her by her arm. Caroline looked down to where I held her, then her eyes slowly rose.